Ask Princess Trollestia

[Batbrony 16,054]

Muffin Thief will troll you now.

Where do rainbows come from?

Huh? Where. Do. Rainbows. Come. From?!?

 

Oh that's easy!  Everypony knows that rainbows come from Rainbow Dash's ass!!! 

 

 

Silly pony, you cannot troll the queen of trolls!!! 

[duidamasterXD 9,627]

I've noticed you haven't been recieving many letters lately, and decided to write you some to fix that. Here's the first one.

 

Dear Princess Trollestia

This year I've been assigned loads of very depressing things to read in my English class. From harvesting clones' internal organs to being sexually attracted to horses and worshiping them like gods to demonic spirits of babies that haunt the crap out of you, it's been a weird year . Do you have anything to do with this? Also, how do you feel about me writing you letters?

 

Your faithful (and creeped out) subject,

 

DF

[Batbrony 16,054]

I've noticed you haven't been recieving many letters lately, and decided to write you some to fix that. Here's the first one.

 

Dear Princess Trollestia

This year I've been assigned loads of very depressing things to read in my English class. From harvesting clones' internal organs to being sexually attracted to horses and worshiping them like gods to demonic spirits of babies that haunt the crap out of you, it's been a weird year . Do you have anything to do with this? Also, how do you feel about me writing you letters?

 

Your faithful (and creeped out) subject,

 

DF

 

 

What the buck you doing silly filly, I don't see a lesson learned in this letter?!?    Oh who am I kidding, I'm so lonely and bored that at this point, I just don't care.     IN THE NAME OF   ... ME, DON'T STOP WRITING ME LETTERS, PLEASE!!! 

 

Oh, and as for your question, I haven't the faintest idea about what's going on with your English curriculum this year; I guess if you want some answers, you can ask the guy I tasked with putting together this year's Equestrian Public Education Curriculum...

 

 

 What?  We met this summer down at Tijuana and hit it off right away; lemme tell ya, this guy can party like no other!!!   You wouldn't believe how much tequila he can put down!  Anyway, the poor guy's been out of work for awhile, and was just bumming out at his city R'lyeh, so I figured the least I could do was offer him a job.  Told me he'd always wanted to get into education. and had a blast putting together the curriculum!  Seriously considering keeping him on for next year, that is, so long as Princess Killjoy doesn't decide that she just absolutely needs one more thing to do.  <_<

Edited February 21, 2013 by Batbrony

[Pro-Twilicorn 8]

Dear Princess Celestia

Today I learned that the princess is willing to make any old pony an Alicorn with no training.

Your faithful student Pro-Twilicorn

[Harmonic Revelations 8,835]

Dear Princess Celestia,

 

Why did the chicken cross the road?

[Batbrony 16,054]

Dear Princess Celestia

Today I learned that the princess is willing to make any old pony an Alicorn with no training.

Your faithful student Pro-Twilicornimage.jpg

 

Dear Pro-Twilicorn,

 

In my defense, I was hammered drunk at the time...

 

 

 

So remember my faithful subjects, never drink and make state decisions... well, unless you're Winston Churchill.   That guy could've put down 3 keggers in one sitting and still kicked Hitler's scrawny flank! 

 

Your Royal Trollness,

Princess Celestia

 

Dear Princess Celestia,

 

Why did the chicken cross the road?

 

Because I was craving some wings.    What?  Princess needs her protein sometimes!  You think I get any from hay and cupcakes?  Besides, I do love me some Colonel now and then! 

 

 

Mmmmmmm... KFC. 

[Pro-Twilicorn 8]

You'd think a princess would know how to handle her liquor wouldn't you.

[Batbrony 16,054]

You'd think a princess would know how to handle her liquor wouldn't you.

 

After 1,000 years of doing the same job day in and day out, you wouldn't believe what you'd be willing to try!  Heck, you should've seen me in the 80's!  Clubbing in Canterlot 24/7, hopped up on massive sugar rushes half the time, and hooking up with any stallion in sight, it was a blast!!!    There was this one time with Donut Joe where we'd been drinking all night with the rest of my Canterlot posse, and he bet me 10 bits that I couldn't put down the biggest donut I could find in all of Equestria!  Needless to say...  well... it's a little hard to explain exactly what happened next, so I'll let the photographic evidence speak for itself...

 

 

Lemme tell ya, victory was most delicious!    The donut, not so much; turns out it was made of a steel framework, fiberglass, and plaster (you DO NOT want to know how I managed to get that through my system; actually, I'm still not entirely sure myself   ).   But it was worth getting my 10 bits and seeing the look on Joe's face... even if it did take about a week for the growth spell to wear off.  Gosh I miss the 80's! 

[Pro-Twilicorn 8]

But princess if you miss the 80's so much why don't you use your magic and rewind equestria back to 1980 you have the power to dont you and Rember I have the magic to do it for you even if you can't

[Doctor Shuu 797]

But princess if you miss the 80's so much why don't you use your magic and rewind equestria back to 1980 you have the power to dont you and Rember I have the magic to do it for you even if you can't

LOLNO!!! Even TGAPMT can't do that!!!

[Pro-Twilicorn 8]

I'm sorry but last time I checked I ripped Trixie a new one last time we met...

[Batbrony 16,054]

But princess if you miss the 80's so much why don't you use your magic and rewind equestria back to 1980 you have the power to dont you and Rember I have the magic to do it for you even if you can't

 

Oh buck no, time travel ALWAYS results in time paradoxes of some sort, which inevitably leads to embarrassing, absolutely humiliating self-trolling from which one's reputation can never recover.  Don't think I haven't forgotten what a mess you made last time you experimented with time travel; gave me the best laugh I'd had in weeks!     Besides, I much prefer coming up with new and exciting ways to troll my subjects rather than relive my past achievements; sorta my way of personally challenging myself  (if you haven't figured out by now, I rarely have that much to do  ).

Edited February 22, 2013 by Batbrony

[Pro-Twilicorn 8]

Now Princess dont you think it would be a better use of your time to not troll your subjects but to maybe do something like I don't know like clean up the ever free forest? You seem like you really need something to do ya know cause your eating little Phillys and all.

[Batbrony 16,054]

Now Princess dont you think it would be a better use of your time to not troll your subjects but to maybe do something like I don't know like clean up the ever free forest? You seem like you really need something to do ya know cause your eating little Phillys and all.

 

Tried doing that about 200 years back and the bucking tree-huggers wouldn't stop giving me $@#! about it, even after I sent a couple of them to the moon!   I mean, yeah, I might've accidentally wiped out an endangered species or two, but c'mon, Princess ain't got time to watch out for every Tom, Dick, and Harry slug or rare flower that gets in the way when I'm cleaning up an entire forest!  By the time I'd gotten a tenth of the way through the forest, the protests had gotten so incessant and annoying that I realized, "Ya know what, buck this, it's way more trouble than it's worth!"  and just went on home back to my carefree, trolling ways.  And ya know something, I like trolling, I really do, and if that's my lot in life, then that's just fine by me... well, that and the infinite power I've been bestowed, but ya know, life really comes down to the little things that make it matter. 

 

 Ya know, now that we're on the subject, I wonder what ever happened to those ponies I sent to the moon?  Oh wait, that's right, I don't care! 

 

Edited February 22, 2013 by Batbrony

[duidamasterXD 9,627]

Someone made this cool song about you if you were evil and it seems like a shame to waste it.

 

 

How do you feel about the song and would you mind turning evil if you aren't already?

[Pro-Twilicorn 8]

Now princess I think that we should keep that a secret from fluttershy she may lose respect and become furious and we can't have fluttershy give you the stare now can we

[Batbrony 16,054]

Someone made this cool song about you if you were evil and it seems like a shame to waste it.

 

 

How do you feel about the song and would you mind turning evil if you aren't already?

 

Dear faithful subjects,

 

By royal decree, the above song is to be performed whenever your almighty sun princess enters and leaves an area, during which every subject in the area will repeat, "HAIL CELESTIA" three times, no more, no less.  Also, everypony is to be issued the following poster, which they will promptly nail to the front of their house, lest they wish to suffer a most dreadful penalty:

 

 

The following is an acceptable alternative:

 

 

Your Benevolent, Almighty, Totally Radical, Sunlicious Overlord,

Princess Celestia

 

Does that answer your questions? 

 

Now princess I think that we should keep that a secret from fluttershy she may lose respect and become furious and we can't have fluttershy give you the stare now can we

 

Pffft, you think I give a crap what Fluttershy thinks?!?!   She's the perfect doormat!!!  Any other pony would've left Equestria by now if they'd been trolled as hard by me (or my pet phoenix) as she has, but she just keeps taking it and taking it!

 

 

Mmmmmmm... Flutter-tears, they are so delicious!!!  ? 

 

Edited February 22, 2013 by Batbrony

[Doctor Shuu 797]

CELESTIA!!! MT DEMANDS THAT YOU TRANSFER SOME SUBJECTS TO EVERFREE!!! MT killed all of his so... GIVE HIM SOME PONIES!!!

[Batbrony 16,054]

CELESTIA!!! MT DEMANDS THAT YOU TRANSFER SOME SUBJECTS TO EVERFREE!!! MT killed all of his so... GIVE HIM SOME PONIES!!!

 

 

I'm gonna say... no.

 

 

[Doctor Shuu 797]

Do it filly!!! It's a GREAT way to troll your subjects!

[Batbrony 16,054]

Do it filly!!! It's a GREAT way to troll your subjects!

 

I think I know a great trolling opportunity when I see one, and I gotta say, not really feeling the troll potential on this one.  I mean, just how exactly does giving you more subjects qualify as trolling?  So nah, I think I'll pass and go back to eating this delicious piece of cake instead. 

 

 

Oh cake, why you so delicious? 

[Doctor Shuu 797]

It's trolling because... Imagine their faces...

They wake up... shaved and naked... IN THE MIDDLE OF EVERFRE!!!

[Batbrony 16,054]

It's trolling because... Imagine their faces...

They wake up... shaved and naked... IN THE MIDDLE OF EVERFRE!!!

 

 

...

 

...

 

...

 

 

GOT IT?!?!  GOOD!!! 

[I used to be a stranger 7,993]

What is an ideal specific impulse:thrust ratio compound ratio for transporting things to a lunar escape velocity from 1 bar atmospheric pressure and sea level?

[Concord 1,982]

Hello!

 

I've got you a present!