TBD

No, I do not associate myself with religions or consider myself religious. Despite of being raise in a Catholic, if it weren’t for my family, I would have stopped going to church long time ago. I do have beliefs of some sorts and cool with Jesus. However, as I said this before, times goes by and I forget to tell different between Satan and God. I could have a love/hate relationship with them both if I wanted to. Being raise and going to catholic school did shaped me up, as I was a troubled kid. But not in a way I would expect it to be. From my experience, It didn’t even try to make me a better person. It’s only good for forcing me into a mold to the point it couldn’t fit anymore. So with that, being tried of all the bullshits- I literally drop it. And just do my own thing and believe what I wanted to believe in. Most societies forced people to be who you are not. Religion is one of it. And I don’t like associating myself with a society such as this.

Ashoka. So far two episodes has been nothing original. I was hoping for this series to start off strong with Ashoka and her story, with the plot itself to be original but instead we got “Finding Ezra” plot. The series already started with Ezra as being the key important character which I feel giving the series “title” the plot already started to mislead. I don’t give a fuck about Ezra. He was one of the unbeatable character to be begin with and the show should have killed him off. I want Ashoka. Give me Ashoka as the title says it. The whole relationship between Sabine and Ezra really drag and killed her as the character of being strong and independent. Despite of them being seen as siblings. The whole first two episodes has been me saying “cmon Sabine! You’re not a Jedi! You are not meant to be a Jedi! Stop being chained by this guy and choose your own fucking path! No one is forcing you to be a Jedi! Except for that fucking Ezra who is selfish to give you that stupid idea that you have to be one. cut off whatever about Ezra is holding you back, and be the mandalorian you’re meant to be and because… you’re hella good at! Embrace it!” I really hope they could redeem her character she is like one of my favorite strong female character. The type she doesn’t need to be chained by some guy. I need my badass Sabine back 😭. The villains for this show started off interesting so far. I do like the route of the witchcraft and the night sister rather some old boring repetitive New republic/imperial stuff. But overall nothing over the top original but it’s descent. 5/10 so far.

I can’t believe i actually found a song that literally SPEAKS for I/me/myself Will Wood did an explanation for this song and it was spot on how I feel and wanted to say but couldn’t put into words. Technically in shorts what he’s saying is, screw genders type and just be you. I feel even more better about my identity after this song. https://genius.com/Will-wood-i-me-myself-lyrics

I saw this video and I feel so sorry for this teacher. I’ve been in her shoes before being trouble with the police at school. And that other time when I gotten so drunk at my workplace - that lucky for me, I was able to keep my composure at the least to walk myself out without anyone noticing and able to call someone to pick me up. But this is just very traumatic and heartbreaking to watch. https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZT8FTXjoF/

I would definitely be confident in homeschooling my student(s). Unlike most of my professors who have failed me, due to lack of understanding how to teach, I’ve studied and done actual research on different methods of learning/thinking progress. With that background knowledge I would be able to understand the specific needs my students would require. I would teach History, Organic chemistry/Chemistry(including labs), literature, fiction writing and screenwriting. My teaching methods will varies depending what my students needs in order to learn and comprehend the subject. I want them to enjoy the subject and not attend it for the sake of grades or whatnot.

'Cause she's watchin' wrestling Creamin' over tough guys Listenin' to rap metal Turntables in her eyes It's like a bad movie She's lookin' through me If you were me, then you'd be Screamin', "Someone shoot me!" As I fail miserably Tryna get the girl all the bad guys want 'Cause she's the girl all the bad guys want”🎶🎸

How many years has it been? Almost 7 years. Hm. I could say a lot of reasons on what’s keeping me here, as I was a staff here. Aside from that, I don’t think I ever once thought about leaving since I got here 2016. The main thing I would say was because while I don’t have people irl to turn to or anyone comfortable to be open about myself, so I come here instead. Writing out my thoughts and feelings like a journal. People would keep a notebook or a dairy to write, but for me it’s here. Sure it’s public for a chance everyone will read it but the feeling of not wanting to conceal it was the reason why I come here to write out my thoughts. If I were to write in a private journal- it would still feel that I’m still closing myself in. I want to be open of my thoughts instead of concealing it. At the same time, I’m not asking for attention upon myself about my thoughts and problems. I don’t want or expect any pity. Or counseling advice. You will know that if I were to ask for it, my post(s) will be right under “seeking advice” section. That’s the difference here. The point is, I just want to write out my story. Which is way when I come here to post. It’s like writing a book. Once published and place in public, people either choose if they should pick it up and read it. Or not and continue their own way. Or give choose to give feedback or not. But either ways it is, at the end it will makes no difference for me. I wouldn’t say friends as being a reason why I stayed- since there are other outside resource to keep in touch with me. Plus most of them I talked to are in discord. My discord information in my profile out in the open. So anyone who wish to continue to be my friends are welcome to contact me here if I ever leave.

I don’t watch a lot.. but I like mostly Doctor Who, Sherlock(2010), Wednesday, and mostly from metv but I’m too lazy to list. But I have been into Perry Mason for awhile. I’m trying to watch all the episodes for it on MeTV, and It’s has been 3 years and still going!

I’m currently enjoying Jujitsu Keisen, Demon Slayer, Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure, My Hero Academia, and Chainsaw Man.

Mmkay. Rookwood and Harlow from Hogwarts Legacy. The most easiest boss I have ever done. All you have to do is avada kedavra these motherfuckers and ‘boom’ intense death.

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I do just to substitute my bad habit of indulgence. Although having coffee everyday is not good either but better than what I have been drinking and smoking.

It’s almost five years since I posted here. I suppose nothing much change except I think I have gotten worse. At the same time despite of all the bs- it continues to make me who I am today and I wouldn’t have it in any other way.

Don’t worry about it, you will do fine! I remember when I first started too and took me awhile to get out my shell. But with great people around you to work with and support you, I’m positive you’ll eventually get the hang of it through growth and experiences. Just be yourself and enjoy what you do and have the passion for!

Congratulations @Samurai Equine!!! Oh my god, I can’t believe yet so excited that you made into the Mod staff!!! I believe with your optimistic personality and good sense of integrity with others, you have definitely proven yourself to earn the honest and title behind it! You’re a reflective person and I know the forum will definitely need another mod who can work around with both reasons and kindness toward others and among your colleagues. Keep it up the great work Samurai!!

The Flash. Definitely enjoy watching this one! They actually did the time jump- multi-universe conflicts a better justice than the Marvel movies garbage aside from Wanda of course. First few movie to see where the heroes actually didn’t win at the end. Quite surprising to see! When instead the idea of a “villain” itself more of a self-reflection. Ezra miller did a wonderful job on both their role as the serious and the fun side for their character. I don’t care what things being said in the media about them, but they did a great job as flash and I’m so glad WB didn’t recast the character. Seeing George Clooney as Batman hit so different and nostalgic compared when seeing all the Spider-Man cast in the latest spider man movie. Not to mention showing the old casts from DC as the Easter egg! What a treat!! My only disappointment was how not enough Super girl. She so coool and I hope they will bring her back somehow! 10/10

Loving this song and can’t stop listening to it.

And I didn’t know that a person doesn’t really need a kneecap .

FiNALLY IM OUT. Man I hate it when my craving starts and I wanted to go out, but the workers kept asking me to do something for them. Look, I need like two minutes out for a smoke mmkay?

I’m…. 5’3. But I have been going to the gym doing plenty of body work out since god knows how long. And…did I also mention I have a nasty temper? So.. come at me giants.

Hm. I hated school in all my entire school life. I suppose one good thing I could say is having a connection between a teacher and a student. Teachers who goes the extra mile to help the “more troubled” student like myself. Giving them a chance to learn, grow and get good result from it. Rather just teaching just for paycheck or having favoritism towards top students. I actually have some good teachers that I was connected too. And because of them, it at least made me enjoyed the learning and feel motivated to get good grade and more. If more teachers put the effort to reach out and help students who struggled the same as me, I think school and college wouldn’t be so bad. If anyone remembers the movie “Freedom Writer”. Damn I love that movie. And god, education will be so well off if we have more like Mrs. Gruwell. And it would have save me from my college downfall. We don’t need fancy books or technology.

Basically anyone who just don’t judge me. I used to look for kindness and honesty in others, but that’s too far fetched for most of us to accomplish most of the time even for myself. Nah. Forget these fluff. If you can either ride or die with me, then hop in this crazy cruise.

My temperament changes over time depending my mood but most of the time, my temperament is choleric-phlegmatic. As if I would literally feel nothing or indifferent in most things while running things in my life just to get shit done. Basically like a robot.

Making decisions. I’m a caution person who tend to overthink things. At the same, it got to do with being a perfectionist so I tend to think of 4-7 different scenarios/steps ahead before making a decision. Even if that decision is the best and I’m confident about it, I would still be nervous executing it. But that’s when I just need to risk it, gamble, and take a leap of faith. Except if it’s common sense then I tend to go by my gut feeling. Social Interaction. I may sound very confrontational, confident, and sociable around people with ease, to the point people would think I’m an extrovert but in reality talking to people makes me really nervous. I do have social anxiety and stress since I don’t work well around people. That extrovert part of me is just a defense mechanism to cope in dealing with people. That’s why I prefer dealing with people in a more professional manner or work related only. It’s like a “on and off” switch where I need my extrovert part ‘on’ to socialize. But I will admit, it’s really mentally exhausting.

Last dream, I dreamed about being at my old house again. Specifically facing towards my 2nd older sister old room. Which She moved out long ago from. Inside that room I can see my favorite aunt and she was excited about something. With her was my grandma in her younger version of herself and another woman I don’t recognize. But I assumed she must be some old passed relative I never met. All the sudden my aunt wanted me to stay with her in that room like a sleep over but I refused idk why. I think it was because her odd behavior scared me a little. She then want over and tried to take my puppy away with her. I got mad at her for trying to take my puppy away and took it away from her. She was crying and said something to me and want back to the room. My favorite aunt is still alive but I can’t help it to feel uneasy about this dream. Despite of my favorite aunt living in different state she was one family I could feel like a ‘normal’ kid without any of those dysfunctional things happening in back. Despite of it being normalized in my term. My puppy, Willy was the only comfort I have with me. I feel that room with my passed grandma and that other relative who also passed might have mean something as my Aunt was trying to tell me something. Overall I feel a great sense of “loss” from this dream. Idk why I was so reluctant towards her.. it’s probably because at the moment I was just upset that things can’t the same as it used to be anymore between her and me along with her husband who was also my favorite uncle. It’s not her but me.