You wouldn't want dementia! Not only would you lose your memories of people, you'd lose your memories of basic bodily functions as well! It's an awful disease that really does take away everything! Forgive me, I'm just a bit sensitive to the topic since I had to watch a couple of family members suffer with it.
I know what it's like to want the dark thoughts to just go away, so I do understand that. Depression is horrible too, I still live in fear of it even though I haven't had any issues with it in a long time. It's just scary to live with that numbness. I'm sorry it's taking longer than you'd like for the right treatment option to come about, but I wish you luck on this healing journey! I hope you're able to find therapies and/or meds that work or at least some good coping strategies to make the symptoms less severe.
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I'm looking at the forums before heading into work.