Looking for friendship advice

[ToridAkbolto 170]

I really need help with a friendship problem, and this seems like the best place to turn. It's scary how people change over time. Not one, but two of my friends have changed from kind hearted souls to smart-alecky trolls that have a problem with everything I do. I really want to be their friend still but there are some days I just want to give up.

 

Every single argument is the same:

Me: Harmless comment

One of them: Picks out my harmless comment, criticizes it

Me: Asks why criticizing

Them: Says something that makes them sound smart but doesn't actually mean anything. Somehow the blame is put on me.

 

Here is an example of one of our skype logs, name has been censored for privacy (every time we talk its like this, sometimes worse):

 

[10:00:50 PM] Someone: actually gound beef has a lot of sugar, salt, and coloring added to it

[10:01:04 PM] Someone: thats why when you go to mcdonalds and eat a burder

[10:01:07 PM] Someone: burger*

[10:01:48 PM] Someone: you eat an equivalent amount of sugar as a soda

[10:02:08 PM] Someone else: damn lol

[10:04:00 PM] me: did not need to know that

[10:04:18 PM] friend: That was the topic at hand at the time

[10:04:19 PM] friend: so..

[10:04:29 PM] friend: That was... Appropriate.

[10:05:04 PM] me: still did not need to know that.

[10:05:23 PM] friend: Well deal with it.

[10:05:26 PM] friend: You're in a group chat

[10:05:34 PM] friend: the group has interesting factoids to share.

[10:05:39 PM] friend: If it doesn't interest you, let it by.

[10:05:44 PM] friend: If it does, remark on it.

[10:05:46 PM] friend: Simple as that.

[10:06:10 PM] friend: When a teacher digresses to something that's pointless, do you openly say "did not need to know that"?

[10:06:11 PM] me: you really need to calm down and stop overreacting.

[10:06:14 PM] friend: No.

[10:06:23 PM] friend: It's out of common courtesy that you just let it go without a word.

[10:06:24 PM] me: im just stating it was disgusting in a joking manner

[10:06:45 PM] friend: It's hard to tell a joking manner from a serious manner when it's you.

[10:06:57 PM] me: then stop overreacting to everything I say

[10:07:03 PM] friend: I can't.

[10:07:15 PM] friend: The impressions you left me have been those of complete seriousness

[10:07:42 PM] me: so. you tell me to let things go without a word

[10:07:47 PM] me: and yet here you are

[10:07:52 PM] me: unable to let things go without a word.

[10:08:07 PM] friend: So you totally fail to grasp my point.

[10:08:12 PM] friend: You really need to work on grasping points.

[10:08:34 PM] me: you need to convey them better.

[10:08:42 PM] friend: Oh really?

[10:08:51 PM] friend: Since you seem to often fail to grasp both my points and *person*'s

[10:08:57 PM] friend: I ever so highly doubt it's our faults.

[10:09:29 PM] me: look I say one little thing and you argue over it for like 3 paragraphs

[10:09:33 PM] me: why do you do this?

[10:09:48 PM] friend: Actually we've deviated from the main argument since the first two lines.

[10:09:52 PM] friend: maybe more.

[10:10:50 PM] me: then lets stop deviating.

[10:10:53 PM] me: im done.

[10:10:58 PM] friend: k you do that

[10:10:59 PM] friend: :]

And after that post I just felt like crap. What did I do wrong? Should i just stop talking in our group chat, when the smallest little comment can lead to a fight?

 

Would like advice on what to do:

 

Forget them, they're gone? Severely limit contact? Tell them outright that this is incredibly difficult to deal with? Suggestion of word choice?

 

And if you're here to troll me, go ahead and do it... it's pretty much routine for me whenever I log on anyway.

[Slurpy 300]

I'm my mind your doing nothing wrong at all. By the looks of it they are the ones that are over reacting about the little things are are just looking for a fight. What i would do if that happened to me and some of my friends i would just try to talk it out with them and see why they acted the way they did and see maybe if it was something i said that offended them some how so i don't do it again.

[hawkflame 3,310]

I can't speak for other situations with your friend, but in this case it can be harder to pick up on emotions online, especially in a chat.

 

You are in the right in general, though. Not sure what would possess them to go on and on like that.

[SrFrog 927]

From what it seems your friend shouldn't of dragged on about the comment, since that didn't really help the situation at all. Anyways, I'd personally just have a one on one with the person to see what I did wrong, but that's just me.

[Key Gear 6,663]

Hmmm, after reading that chat log, I think that there may be a chance that your friends problem may not be with your personally. Maybe there is something going on with them right now that is just making them irritable?

 

Do they do this to anyone else, or do they just single you out?

 

Forget them, they're gone? Severely limit contact? Tell them outright that this is incredibly difficult to deal with? Suggestion of word choice?

 

Really, I find it ironic that your friend is telling you to "let it by" at the same time as they try to hammer you into ground over something that doesn't even matter. Your friend is a bit of a hypocrite.

 

Right now, based on what I have seen, I think that you should just tell them the truth. Tell them that the constant criticism is really getting hard to deal with. If you are not upfront with them, then things will probably not change, and you will be miserable every time you deal with them. That is no way to have a friendship.

[ToridAkbolto 170]

Hmmm, after reading that chat log, I think that there may be a chance that your friends problem may not be with your personally. Maybe there is something going on with them right now that is just making them irritable?

 

Do they do this to anyone else, or do they just single you out?

 

 

 

Really, I find it ironic that your friend is telling you to "let it by" at the same time as they try to hammer you into ground over something that doesn't even matter. Your friend is a bit of a hypocrite.

 

Right now, based on what I have seen, I think that you should just tell them the truth. Tell them that the constant criticism is really getting hard to deal with. If you are not upfront with them, then things will probably not change, and you will be miserable every time you deal with them. That is no way to have a friendship.

 

As far as I know, my friend does not do it to anyone but me, but I don't talk with a lot of his friends.

[Fire_Fly 499]

A few of my friends have a habit of doing this. Most of the time, they aren't even aware the conversation is shifting. I usually just ask for their reasoning behind what they say and what specifically they have a problem with. It usually clears things up pretty quickly.

[ToridAkbolto 170]

Forgot to say thank you to all of you for hearing me out.

[Croaks 251]

This exact situation happened to me before. You get the feeling that you think that they think they're better (or something similar)?

Just ignore them for a bit, then talk to them a little without getting deep into discussion. Afterwards, when you're used to this more, get more into

discussion. Not really deep, but shallow. If they start doing this again then just ignore it and stop

talking about it. Over time (patience), they'll get use to just shallow, normal convos and when they're comfortable, get into your usual course of conversation.

Remember, not too deep, but not to shallow. After this you can think of them as well-known friends.

Edited March 24, 2012 by Croaks