request Nerever made A persona before need help.

[Blazebolt 122]

My persona might be named in the namesake of my forum name  not  sure   

[ShadOBabe 19,011]

What do you need help with specifically?

He looks pretty good. You stayed away from ugly, garish super-saturated colors.

[Derplight Sperkle 1,013]

Is it the backstory you need assistance with? or is it something else?

[Blazebolt 122]

The color  is do to something in his back story I was thinking some kinda damage or something. As for the backstory because my character starts off as a divine being who gave up everything to come to Eqestria. 

 

not sure from where to go from there. can this work if I am very carful ?

Edited January 12, 2015 by Blazebolt

[SFyr 1,982]

@@Blazebolt, the level of carefulness is gonna have to be pretty high, sorry to say. However, whatever rules of creation there are also can be bent if used correctly. A formula that normally results in bad/cliche things can be used to make something great, just as a formula that starts out great can be misused to create something horrible.

 

I will state however, that my first impression had a few red marks ("decent, but with concerns"). I don't mean this offensively, but more as my first impression. Usually, this is kinda overall summed up by my impression that your OC was possibly 'made to be cool'.

* Red and black are actually often beautiful together, but that seems to be the regular choice of 'cool' OCs that are awesome and powerful and etc etc--red and gray is a small distance from that. It can work... but you have to be mindful that it's a common path for half-demon alicorns and all that manner of OCs lurking about.

* Fire, lighting, storms, darkness, and all those themes seem to be in the camp of what 'cool' OCs strive for. They're flashy, quite simply, and meant to be so. But, that can come off a little strong sometimes.

* Personal damage and being a divine being... ideally be REALLY careful of that. It can be a fun idea to play with, and explain an OC that stands outside the norm--and maybe cover the other things that would normally be out of place on a normal pony, but you can easily drift over into the overly important/powerful category of OCs.

 

So... as for the being careful bit, here's some things that I find help. Characters need flaws, things they fall short in and make them less awesome for it.  Likewise, they can't be universally liked, or have everything always go their way. Those simple things can make a character a lot better rounded, and more likable/relatable. However, their tragedies can't be all consuming, nor should they be a pool of self-pity/hate/etc for having it. Their actions should be realistic, and how the world receives them for it should be likewise.

The spotlight will almost always shine brighter on someone else in the end. But, don't we often like the underdog anyways?