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mega thread How are you feeling?


Rift enchanted

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Like sh*t, really. I was struggling, again. Because I was trying to be from this world, like this world. And it was causing me pain, like being stretched and pulled apart from the inside. You know that feeling? I was having a mental breakdown, I believe. And I would try to find a connection for the soul, but cannot where everything is finite. So, there is no choice left but to reject this place, and retreat to a place of rest inside of me where I can breathe again. When I reject, because I am not forcing myself to get into the mud of this living filth anymore. I just cannot become like this place. Too many compromises, yet I am forced to face consequences of mistakes I didn't make. Because they would not understand. Fear is their language. And unfortunately, I've been forced to use this kind of language before. Otherwise they look at you with those furtive eyes, and lie to your face.
What is inside there, if anything at all? Why does it have to be this way? You can teach them so many things, except to be a human being. And they are supposed to be that to begin with. I've tried to put all the responsability on me... but it is not possible. Too much. And they wont take carry their own burden. And I cannot do this alone.

I've lost a family I never had. There is no ground, no foundation, no values, no morals, no virtues, no clear direction. And everything feels wrong because of it. I've lost my people... somewhere. Where is home supposed to be anymore? I don't know. But they know where I am. And playing with the lights in the sky wont solve a damn thing. I need real answers for real problems.

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Better than I have for a long while, honestly. 

I've been going through some rough time, leading to me completely abandoning myself, my friends, people that I hold dear to my heart as well as my passions. I can't even describe what exactly happen, but if there's something I learned from this is to always trust myself and to seek help when I feel like I feel simply, objectively wrong. Now I am still regaining my sense of self, my self esteem (as well as fixing what I messed up by being awfully careless, wailing in my depression), but I am... simply better and motivated to get the results.

I am happier than I was for quite some time and I still can't believe I really have this in me. It simply feels good to be alive and I wish everyone struggling with life the same outcome that I am facing. Sincerely. 

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20 hours ago, They call me Loyalty said:

Like sh*t, really. I was struggling, again. Because I was trying to be from this world, like this world. And it was causing me pain, like being stretched and pulled apart from the inside. You know that feeling? I was having a mental breakdown, I believe. And I would try to find a connection for the soul, but cannot where everything is finite. So, there is no choice left but to reject this place, and retreat to a place of rest inside of me where I can breathe again. When I reject, because I am not forcing myself to get into the mud of this living filth anymore. I just cannot become like this place. Too many compromises, yet I am forced to face consequences of mistakes I didn't make. Because they would not understand. Fear is their language. And unfortunately, I've been forced to use this kind of language before. Otherwise they look at you with those furtive eyes, and lie to your face.
What is inside there, if anything at all? Why does it have to be this way? You can teach them so many things, except to be a human being. And they are supposed to be that to begin with. I've tried to put all the responsability on me... but it is not possible. Too much. And they wont take carry their own burden. And I cannot do this alone.

I've lost a family I never had. There is no ground, no foundation, no values, no morals, no virtues, no clear direction. And everything feels wrong because of it. I've lost my people... somewhere. Where is home supposed to be anymore? I don't know. But they know where I am. And playing with the lights in the sky wont solve a damn thing. I need real answers for real problems.

Whoa, this is very profound and intense. I wish you the absolute best and do relate to some degree. Ultimately, it's best to follow what feels true to you in your heart. I know the world may seem chaotic and without structure but you'll find that it's more like a canvas where people are adding their piece and their colors. Sometimes you're placed in a family that uses loud colors that are noisy and irritating to the eyes whereas the ones your soul communicates is in soft pastels. 

Finding those who "speak" or at least understand your own colors in order to effectively create in harmony your own inner beauty together proves to be absolutely breathtaking. But if you can't do that right now, retreating is a logical option, just please seek a wholesome outlet so that your core isn't forgotten by yourself...  the language of fear can be so painful to even see. Let alone experience. I'm sorry you've had to deal with that. Wishing you the best.:rarity:

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