searching Welcome to Exile (Two Slots Open)

[Literally Snails 2,307]

Yeah, I don't really see it. I hate to say this, but you have to be descriptive. Dialogue doesn't cut it here. You need to tell us what is going on, what they see, feel, smell, taste, hear (at least one type of sense)

 

Judging on what you're trying to do as well, you want to be the leader of the group. I would have been fine with that, but the way I see it I'm not liking those chances. I need to see some sort of description(That's what the 200 characters were for) and better detail before that happens.

 

Two things, one edit that post. I need to see some damn description. Another thing, this is a warning, if you continue doing this, there going to be some changes and you'll probably won't like them.

 

I did what I could, but not much is needed since they're both standing still. If nothing is written other than a quote, that means they're just talking.

[NinjaCPU 270]

I did what I could, but not much is needed since they're both standing still. If nothing is written other than a quote, that means they're just talking.

 

Y'know you can do more than just dialogue. Look at the conversation between Relámpago and Misty. There isn't much action going on yet, they filled at least a paragraph. Details are important to a story since there is no other visual that is included (sound, music, etc.) Describe what they are feeling, regret, anger. Describe in detail how a plan is ludicrous. Describe the guards starting to run in.

 

There are vast amounts of things you can do to just dialogue my dear friend. Actions and dialogue are the chicken, but details give it seasonings to give it a nice kick. Making it better.

[Literally Snails 2,307]

Y'know you can do more than just dialogue. Look at the conversation between Relámpago and Misty. There isn't much action going on yet, they filled at least a paragraph. Details are important to a story since there is no other visual that is included (sound, music, etc.) Describe what they are feeling, regret, anger. Describe in detail how a plan is ludicrous. Describe the guards starting to run in.

 

There are vast amounts of things you can do to just dialogue my dear friend. Actions and dialogue are the chicken, but details give it seasonings to give it a nice kick. Making it better.

 

Okay, now you're starting to cross the line. I'm okay with constructive criticism, but this is just full on coaching. I did what you asked.

[Cherry Blossom 863]

I'd like to join if you wouldn't mind. Here are my OCs:

 

Solo - http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/octavinyl-r1367

 

Duo - http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/lockon-dynames-r1255 and http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/daybreak-belle-r1254

 

I'd rather you choose which OCs type you'd want me to use that would best fit for the RP.

 

I am at 14 years of age so may want to test my RP skills if I am qualified to join.

[NinjaCPU 270]

@,

 

Really? Really? I'm giving you things that would help. That is constructive criticism, also:

 

Coaching: teaching or training process in which an individual gets support while learning to achieve a specific personal or professional result or goal.

 

I didn't know that was such a terrible thing, I didn't know helping you to improve your skills is such a terrible thing. Unless you want me to just criticize you. Of course, I'd be more then willing. Don't rock the boat, kid. You'll be falling off in the ocean.

[Literally Snails 2,307]

@,

 

Really? Really? I'm giving you things that would help. That is constructive criticism, also:

 

Coaching: teaching or training process in which an individual gets support while learning to achieve a specific personal or professional result or goal.

 

I didn't know that was such a terrible thing, I didn't know helping you to improve your skills is such a terrible thing. Unless you want me to just criticize you. Of course, I'd be more then willing. Don't rock the boat, kid. You'll be falling off in the ocean.

 

I don't think the dictionary is necessary, plus the role play is moving fast, you might want to go monitor it.

[NinjaCPU 270]

I don't think the dictionary is necessary, plus the role play is moving fast, you might want to go monitor it.

 

I think the dictionary example is necessary since you don't seem to understand the term fully. Also, I noticed, that seems to happened in my roleplays.

 

I'd like to join if you wouldn't mind. Here are my OCs:

 

Solo - http://mlpforums.com...octavinyl-r1367

 

Duo - http://mlpforums.com...n-dynames-r1255 and http://mlpforums.com...eak-belle-r1254

 

I'd rather you choose which OCs type you'd want me to use that would best fit for the RP.

 

I am at 14 years of age so may want to test my RP skills if I am qualified to join.

 

Well before I go on and choose an OC, I think an different rule is in order. (Gonna be editing that after this post.)

 

What I want from you is an RP example. I want an example of a post that you would normally do in a roleplay. I'll give you a topic: (The first day of school)

 

This has a lot of potential and could have vast amounts of paragraphs if you are a good writer. However, I'm not asking for something like that. Just make a post, that's all. I'll decide from there.

Edited August 16, 2012 by NinjaCPU

[Literally Snails 2,307]

I think the dictionary example is necessary since you don't seem to understand the term fully. Also, I noticed, that seems to happened in my roleplays.

 

The term coaching was an expression, now can we get to the role-play before this becomes a fight. I really don't want us to become enemies.

[Cherry Blossom 863]

 

It was the first day of school at Ponyville Highschool. Everypony was eagerly excited to meet their classmates and teachers, but one pony in particular was feeling rather nervous. His name was Moon Diver, he was rather a very shy unicorn who would rather spend the day at his home. As he walked inside the school he started to feel unsure about all the ponies around him, they seemed very unforgiving for a colt like him. He kept walking down the hallways until he had reached the principal's office, he would get his locker combination there. "Okay first few minutes have passed and nothing bad has happened, so far so good." He thought to himself as he gulped in nervousness. While he walked inside the room a few ponies had noticed how timid he looked, one pony specifically a mare named Golden Crust waited right in front of the door. A few minutes later after Moon Diver recieved all this information he need he opened the door out of the principal's office, he then jumped surprised seeing a figure infront of him.

 

This enough for you?

 

My first RP post ever if I can remember:

 

Just then, 3 Lunar Footsoldiers crashed through the windows of the building. "Hold it!" said Private Snow Flake, his hands trembling while holding a short sword. "Let him go! Or else!" shouted Private Snow Flake.

Edited August 16, 2012 by Octavinyl

[NinjaCPU 270]

It was the first day of school at Ponyville Highschool. Everypony was eagerly excited to meet their classmates and teachers, but one pony in particular was feeling rather nervous. His name was Moon Diver, he was rather a very shy unicorn who would rather spend the day at his home. As he walked inside the school he started to feel unsure about all the ponies around him, they seemed very unforgiving for a colt like him. He kept walking down the hallways until he had reached the principal's office, he would get his locker combination there. "Okay first few minutes have passed and nothing bad has happened, so far so good." He thought to himself as he gulped in nervousness. While he walked inside the room a few ponies had noticed how timid he looked, one pony specifically a mare named Golden Crust waited right in front of the door. A few minutes later after Moon Diver recieved all this information he need he opened the door out of the principal's office, he then jumped surprised seeing a figure infront of him.

 

This enough for you?

 

My first RP post ever if I can remember:

 

Just then, 3 Lunar Footsoldiers crashed through the windows of the building. "Hold it!" said Private Snow Flake, his hands trembling while holding a short sword. "Let him go! Or else!" shouted Private Snow Flake.

 

What I was looking for were details. Not the amount you created. Anybody can make a long paragraph about the first day of a school, but a strong writer can talk about the first few minutes of school with amazing details in several paragraphs.

 

However, you do have some good details. A few grammar problems, but overall a good quality post. You're approved. (Let me see your OC for a second, than I'll decide from there.)

 

@, Well, I think Octavinyl would be fine for this roleplay.

 

@, I rather not start off another Ponyborn situation. I agreed, I rather not start making more enemies.

 

Though, you might want to specify on where you are running. Not sure if guards will be chasing you inside or outside.

[Octavia's Bow 2,035]

http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/scout-r157 This is Scout, his picture doesn't match the one I drew of him, but it's the best I can do. If you'll have me, that is... Anyway, here's the role-play segment of the joinning. If you need a secondary, The Other Ponies is my reference.

 

Scout was sitting up straight in class. It was biology, the one class he was good at. The one class that didn't make him feel like an outcast. He looked over and saw his one friend, Starbolt, struggling to keep her project from totally deteriorating. He walked over, opened one of the vents, placed the turtle in the cage, set the lamp, and drop some food into the tank quickly, hoping the teacher wouldn't notice. Starbolt was a great student, but when it came to living creatures from the forest, nopony new better than Scout. He returned to his seat while the Biology teacher turned around. He noticed that his spider was drooping, so he poped a fly into the tank. Hopefully that would be enough, Everfree Dagarmouths needed a lot of food early, so they could grow big. The teacher, Ms. Goldeen, called him to the front of the class. He looked mortified, every step torturous as he went to the front of the room.

 

"Everypony, quiet down now, Scout is going to share his progress on taming an Everfree Dagarmouth. Good luck kiddo," she added in an aside to Scout.

 

He heard muttering in the background, ponies calling him weird, acting like he was some dangerous barbarian. They murmured about how incapable he was, about how he seemed to be more silent then a broom closet, and they murmured about how he always seemed to be stalking Starbolt. They know nothing, nothing about my life, about how much I care about my friends, my family, my schoolwork. Sometimes, I wish the assignment was how much Dagarmouth Venom a jock can take. but Starbolt wouldn't like that, and I wouldn't be able to protect her very well from a prison cell. he thought, sighing. He cleared his throat nervously and opened the cage on his project, which Starbolt had teleported next to him while the teacher was talking. She winked at him, nodding at him to continue. He flushed, and began, "The Everfree Dagarmouth is a highly poisonous spider from the Everfree. A fully grown Dagarmouth is as big as you're hoof, but it is not unknown for them to get bigger, in some cases, as big as a pony. A fully grown colt bitten by a Dagarmouth, if untreated, will die in 10 minutes," he says, reaching a hoof in and whistling. The spider crawled up his hoof and nestled comforting in his hair. Scout knew one thing, the spawof Mother Eliath, the Dagarmouth Queen he had spoke of being as large as a pony, would never harm him. He had, after all, saved their cavern from the Gelizards, lizard wi a poisonous, jelly like substance on their skin. They tended to be a bit blundering, and the poison on caused hallucination in ponies, but most of them were blinded young by their own poison. It caused them to be a bit clumsy at times. He started up again when one of the jocks piped up.

 

"Hey Scooter," he said, using the pet name, "Survive this then!" he said as he threw his project at me. Buck, those are Dartheads. come on Feather, you can resist. he thought, murmuring to the spider, "Your mother and I agree, the Dartheads candy is not for thee." Feather, the Dagarmouth, began shaking on his head. "I believe in you Feather, and I promise as soon as we get you home, you can have some of that glowworm your mom got from the caverns last year," Feather immediately stopped shaking, crawled down his hand and jumped int her habitat. Scout smiled kindly at her and closed the lid.

 

A mare ithe back stood, "Look at him, the freak loves his Spid more than anypony!"

 

"That's not true!" he said, angered. The mare grinned devilishly.

 

"Oh yah? Then who do you love? Starbolt? Or were we talking about your mother? Oh, I've got it! You're crushing on Ms. Goldeen! I knew you were a freak!" she scored, giving a nearby pal a hoofclap and sitting. Scout stood there, shaking. He picked up his habitat and set it on his back. He didn't need flight school to teach him how to fly. He snapped out his wings, and, tears streaming, flew out of the class. Why me, he thought angrily, crashing through the doors and flying to the Everfree. He landed on his treehouse deck and set the habitat down, taking of the lid. Feather jumped out and went off in search of a glowworm.

[NinjaCPU 270]

Um, I wasn't excepting you to create something like that. Not complaining mind you, but I already knew how well you roleplay. Regardless, you're accepted.

 

Now the slots will be closed and only a selected few might be able to join up. Only time will tell.

[Glaceon 793]

Hey Ninja. So can I join? Starbolt and Fae, you probably know them from last roleplay.

So how does the magic drain work. I can see Starbolt having a huge problem, also Fae.

 

Edit: (Sorry I forgot.)

Starbolt walked through the hallway of the school. The school was for unicorns and taught mainly magic.

She walked into the classroom studying her classmates. She sat on her seat. The teacher entered the room a few minutes later.

"Good morning Class, for your first lesson today is levitation." The teacher said.

'Oh that's so basic.' Starbolt thought to herself disappointed at the first lesson.

"Okay I want each of you to take turns levitating this ball." The teacher instructed pointing to a metal ball that looked rather heavy.

Starbolt watched as several of the students levitated it. Most had difficulty. When it came to Starbolt's turn she levitated it without even leaving her desk. She made it move around the classroom.

"Impressive, what is your name?" She asked Starbolt.

"Starbolt Ma'am." "Well done. I challenge any other student to do what Starbolt just did." None of the students were able to perform as well as Starbolt. "Starbolt will be exempted from the next test." She announced to the class.

They other students glared at Starbolt thinking she was a show off. She ignored them she was here for magic not to make a good impression. The day continued with lessons in barriers, basic healing, freezing and chilling water and other magic.

(OOC Good enough?)

 

Edit 2:

"Oh yah? Then who do you love? Starbolt? Or were we talking about your mother? Oh, I've got it! You're crushing on Ms. Goldeen! I knew you were a freak!" she scored, giving a nearby pal a hoofclap and sitting. Scout stood there, shaking. He picked up his habitat and set it on his back. He didn't need flight school to teach him how to fly. He snapped out his wings, and, tears streaming, flew out of the class. Why me, he thought angrily, crashing through the doors and flying to the Everfree. He landed on his treehouse deck and set the habitat down, taking of the lid. Feather jumped out and went off in search of a glowworm.

 

(Starbolt would of done something here. Probably freeze the pony solid, or maybe burn her mane off.)

"Why don't you shut up?" Starbolt said to the pony that made Scout leave. She concentrated and the inside of the mouth of the mare froze solid. "I think that was better, don't you?" She said to the mare who was unable to speak. Starbolt turned to the colt who threw the Darthheads at Scout. "Maybe you would like if I threw YOU out!" She said angrily, tossing the colt out the window with a telekinesis spell. Starbolt looked around, her other classmates surprised at what she had just done, and the mare she froze staring at her angrily. She froze the hooves of the mare and teleported out of the window. She arrived a few feet in the air and fell to the ground, she picked herself up. 'I still have difficulty with these teleportations.' She thought to herself. She walked home knowing that she would be in huge trouble, but she didn't care. She summoned two magical lights and spun them around as she walked smiling.

(OOC More RP material for you to judge my application on, Ninja.)

Edited August 16, 2012 by Mal (Starbolt)

[NinjaCPU 270]

Hai~ Hai~, the magic drain, well drains your magic. You'll have magic, but less than half of it. Take note of that. Accepted.

 

I won't be posting very much today, I'll have my phone, but post will be slower to write. Hopefully, I'll be back around the afternoon.

[Literally Snails 2,307]

 

Ninja, could you control those Royal Guards chasing Rocky? You seem to be ignoring that, and I kind of need someone to do it.

 

BTW Rocky is running outside in the city

~thanks

 

If any of you have ever seen the fight between Yusuke and Chu in Yu Yu Hakasho, you're about to be reminded of it.

Edited August 16, 2012 by Snails

[Bari 7,021]

Okay, I'm back after a very long day of work. It's so good to be back. I just hope I didn't miss too much.

[Literally Snails 2,307]

Okay, I'm back after a very long day of work. It's so good to be back. I just hope I didn't miss too much.

 

You didn't miss a gosh dern thing (I'm being serious)! I can't wait for Ninja to start posting again!

 

Ninja, as far as rocky is concerned, he can't possibly get away. You might as well arrest him. Then ronald can show you what the ogre killer is for

[Opalicious 799]

Sorry for not posting much, I've been gone the whole day and just got back, so I'll try to post more. But it will be night time in a few hours, so I'll be gone once more for a while.

[Octavia's Bow 2,035]

Scout's now open to somepony, I'm back. So, I'll post with whomever's on. •Pokes Berry Hint hint xP

[Literally Snails 2,307]

Ninja, can we get on with rocky's arrest? I was planning on Ronald saving him the day before yester day, and I'm starting to think that you're ignoring that half of the rp...

[NinjaCPU 270]

Dude, I'm on the road, going to Orlando. When I post on cell phone it takes WAY longer. With also the fact that I post low-class as well via phone

Edited August 18, 2012 by NinjaCPU

[Literally Snails 2,307]

Dude, I'm on the road, going to Orlando. When I post on cell phone it takes WAY longer. With also the fact that I post low-class as well via phone

 

i'm on a phone too, it sucks, right? Anyway, have you ever heared of yu yu hakasho? I assure you that was a relivent question.

[NinjaCPU 270]

(( This is copied for my other roleplay: The Other Ponies. It doesn't mean I see this roleplay as lower, It's just I've been on that one longer. This has also been slightly edited))

 

Speech time. I think it's been a over a month since I've joined the forums. It was over two month since I went into orientation at UCF. When I went to orientation, I got into a huge depression and though this forums were a helpful medicine however, they aren't exactly since I was on for literally days doing nothing, but staying on. I still had those fits of depression just raging on. They get worst and worst and worst when it became closer to yesterday(as we speak, I feel like crap, but I digress). It also didn't help that I let it stay inside me, all of it just building up and up and up and up. Which made me feel less and less to roleplay. It does help, but never fully.

 

It doesn't help that I've been packed with stressed since the summer of 2011. I haven't ever had some sort of long break when it came to school. It didn't help that the stress made my grades diminish which made me obtain more stress. It was endless cycle. One that felt never-ending.

 

A combination of stress of school (and financials) with the combination of depression, also the fact that all of that made completely unprepared to what I was doing. All of this of this made me crack. All I'm about to do something I've haven't done ever in my life. Take a break. Though I still will have to get some sort of part-time/full-time job (which will be hard even when you have AA), I know it won't be stressful...it'd be boring, but not stressful. I can deal with boring. Though that's just one major point, the other one will be to see a therapist, ASAP. I think I needed one for too long, but I've felt that I can push it away to a later date. However, that won't happen. Right when I get back home. I'll be making a appointment for a therapist.

 

The break will be at least semester, maybe a year tops. I'll still be going on here, though it'll probably be around your schedules (I'm hoping to keep the forums seeking to at least a 1-3 hours. Probably higher on the weekends.) Since, I'm pretty sure I'll be the only one that's taking some sort of school break.

 

I'll be out of commission for today. So take notice of that. You can still roleplay if you haven't slept for the next day. (excluding the three ponies that are in Celestia's quarters/garden)

 

Thank you and have a wonderful, morning, afternoon, and evening.

Edited August 20, 2012 by NinjaCPU

[Bari 7,021]

I just want you to know that I'm going to be working from 7:00 AM to 4:00 PM EST. I hope this won't interfere too much with my roleplaying.

[Opalicious 799]

I won't be online for the next two days, so just pretend Fire Opal is there and doing what he is supposed to be doing. And don't let him die.