Pony Royale

[WWAPD 126]

Ever heard of Battle Royale? Well it's like the Hunger Games but older, and better. A couple nights ago I googled up a ponified version of Battle Royale. There were several versions, and it occurred to me that I should have a go a making my own version of such a story. This is my first fan fiction piece so I'm open to criticism.

 

I also added a quote at the beginning from Machiavelli's The Prince which I think helps set the mood.

 

So here it is: The first chapter of Pony Royale...

 

 

Stallions:

Big Macintosh

Carrot Cake

Filthy Rich

Flim

Snips

Flam

Snails

Caramel

 

 

Mares:

Fluttershy

Rarity

Twilight Sparkle

Rainbow Dash

Applejack

Pinkie Pie

Cheerilee

Trixie

 

 

 

“It is best to be both feared and loved; however, if one cannot be both it is better to be feared than loved.”

                -Niccolò Machiavelli, The Prince

 

Chapter 0

 

                There was a series of gasps as the train rushed out of the tunnel, and into a large expansive valley. On the left-hand side of the train, one could see green rolling hills of green stretching out into infinity. On the right-hand side the ground quickly sloped upward into a massive, white, mountain range that towered over the valley floor. It was these sights that were the cause of the ponies’ exclamation. Such grand vistas were rarely seen from such a short distance away.

                “Whatcha lookin’ at Twilight?” said Pinkie Pie (mare #6), snapping Twilight Sparkle (mare #3) out of the trance induced by the looming mountains overhead.

                “Oh, the mountains I guess. I’ve never seen them up close before,” said Twilight.

                “Booooring,” Said Pinkie, “Anyways, where do you suppose we are?”

                “Somewhere in between Ponyville and Canterlot,” Said Twilight.

                They were on their way to the grand galloping gala, an event held in Canterlot once a year. Usually, only VIPs and bigwigs could get in, but Twilight happened to be a personal friend of Princess Celestia.

                Just then, Caramel (stallion #6) trotted over to Twilight and Pinkie’s seat. “What time do you think we’ll get there?” he asked, smiling shyly.

                “I haven’t the slightest idea. This is a different route from what Princess Celestia normally has us take,” said Twilight, realizing all too late that Caramel just wanted an excuse to talk to Pinkie Pie, and had little interest in the estimated arrival time.

                As Caramel engaged Pinkie Pie in a stuttered conversation, Twilight slipped back a daze, this time losing herself in the affairs of the ponies within the train. Up at the very front, Fluttershy (mare #1) sat on the right-hand window seat, next to Rainbow Dash (mare #4), who seemed to be engaged in a heated argument with Applejack (mare #5) across the aisle, most likely sports related. Fluttershy had little interest in the argument. Nature being her passion, she seemed content with gazing up at the snowy mountains.

                A couple rows back, Flim (stallion #4) and Flam (stallion #6) were preforming one of their spectacular sales pitches to Snips (stallion #5) and Snails (stallion #7), who were mindlessly chanting “Cider! Cider! Cider!” even though they had already witnessed the exact same pitch many times before. Behind them, Trixie (mare #8) sat distraught and infuriated at the complete lack in constant praise coming from her ever-shrinking fan base. She was pretending to be completely oblivious to Snip and Snail’s lack of interest, and carried on with her magical illusions without an audience.

                Behind Trixie, Big Macintosh (stallion #1) and Cheerilee (mare #7) were sitting side by side, without a care in the world. They had become recently known as the town’s newest couple, and one of the latest accomplishments of the Cutie Mark Crusaders. Twilight then shifted her gaze to the seats behind her.

                Carrot Cake (stallion #2) and Filthy Rich (stallion #3) were sitting directly behind Twilight. Filthy Rich was consolidating Carrot Cake. Cup Cake (Carrot Cake’s wife) couldn’t make it on this year’s trip to the gala, due to the recent arrival of Pound Cake and Pumpkin Cake. Pound Cake was a pegasus, and Pumpkin Cake was a unicorn, which made them quite the handful, especially for two earth ponies. Despite the massive work load the newborn ponies brought with them, Cup Cake insisted that Carrot Cake go to the gala so he could tell her about it when he came back. As one may guess, Carrot Cake wasn’t the happiest about leaving his wife and children behind for several days.

                “I’m sure their fine,” said Filthy Rich, “You’re going to worry yourself sick.”

                “But what if something goes wrong?” cried Carrot Cake, “What if she needs me to fix the sink again?”

                “You checked it before you left, didn’t you?” said Filthy Rich, “If you’re so worried she couldn’t handle the task, then why didn’t you just hire a sitter, and then you could both come? I would gladly pay for it if you couldn’t afford such a thing.”

                “And put our babies in the custody of somepony we barely even know?” said Carrot Cake, “I know we let Pinkie Pie baby sit them that one time, but that was for not even one day, and Pinkie is a good friend of ours. But a complete stranger? Cup Cake would have none of it.”

                “Then come now,” said Filthy Rich, “what’s done is done. Try to forget about it and have a good time at the gala.”

                “I suppose you’re right,” said Carrot Cake, dropping the subject, though it was clear he wasn’t any less anxious about the events that were transpiring back home.

                Rarity (mare #2) was also in great distress, taking up two whole seats with her swooning. Surrounding the seats she was actually using to sit on were her many bags, all opened up, with various articles of clothing and “necessities” that almost any other pony would have thought unnecessary. “This is horrible!” she moaned, “One simply doesn’t just forget her eyelash curler!”

                Taking pity on Rarity’s situation, Twilight Sparkle turned around to address her problem. “If it makes you feel any better, we’ll probably be in Canterlot in just a few more hours now, though I can’t know for sure,” said Twilight, “I’m sure you can buy one when we get there.”

                “But I need one now!” Rarity complained.

                “I don’t know what to tell you then. I would suggest borrowing somepony else’s, but everypony else has their luggage in the luggage car,” sighed Twilight, easily agitated by Rarity’s discomfort. This train ride had better end soon, thought Twilight, The gala will do us all good. I just hope it’s better than last year.

                Turning her gaze away from the two worriers in the back of the train, Twilight once again started looking out the window. They were nearing the other side of the valley, were they would enter another tunnel, to be once again shrouded in darkness for whoever knows how long.

 

They were in the tunnel. The train was almost completely dark; except for the small light coming from the conductor’s booth, at the very front of the train. Everypony was quiet. As Twilight shifted her gaze around the train, she saw that ponies that were moments before socializing were completely asleep. They’d been travelling for a long time, but not long enough for anypony to be going to sleep, let alone the entire passenger population of the train. Her eyes shifted back up to the conductor’s booth.  The conductor seemed to be wearing some sort of mask.

Was it, gas that was making us so sleepy? She thought. She was having trouble thinking. Her eyelids became very heavy. She looked over at Pinkie Pie. She was completely zonked out. Twilight had never seen Pinkie so peaceful. Looking past Pinkie, on the other side of the aisle, she saw Caramel, still conscious.

                He was trying to get the window open, but to no avail. It was clear that he was becoming weaker by the second.  I've got to help him, Twilight thought, but she could barely move. “Damn,” She heard Caramel mutter, as he finally gave in and drifted to sleep. Twilight struggled to keep her eyes open, but the temptation to let sleep take her was just too powerful. Her eyes drifted shut and remained closed. The last thing she heard before slipped into oblivion was a phone call the conductor was making. “Yes, we’ve got them all out cold. We should be arriving at the rendezvous point on time, so you can inform the Princess we’ll be starting soon.”

 

16 Ponies Remaining.

 

 

[Vapor Trail 85]

Ever heard of Battle Royale? Well it's like the Hunger Games but older, and better. A couple nights ago I googled up a ponified version of Battle Royale. There were several versions, and it occurred to me that I should have a go a making my own version of such a story. This is my first fan fiction piece so I'm open to criticism.

 

I also added a quote at the beginning from Machiavelli's The Prince which I think helps set the mood.

 

So here it is: The first chapter of Pony Royale...

 

 

Stallions:

Big Macintosh

Carrot Cake

Filthy Rich

Flim

Snips

Flam

Snails

Caramel

 

 

Mares:

Fluttershy

Rarity

Twilight Sparkle

Rainbow Dash

Applejack

Pinkie Pie

Cheerilee

Trixie

 

 

 

“It is best to be both feared and loved; however, if one cannot be both it is better to be feared than loved.”

                -Niccolò Machiavelli, The Prince

 

Chapter 0

 

                There was a series of gasps as the train rushed out of the tunnel, and into a large expansive valley. On the left-hand side of the train, one could see green rolling hills of green stretching out into infinity. On the right-hand side the ground quickly sloped upward into a massive, white, mountain range that towered over the valley floor. It was these sights that were the cause of the ponies’ exclamation. Such grand vistas were rarely seen from such a short distance away.

                “Whatcha lookin’ at Twilight?” said Pinkie Pie (mare #6), snapping Twilight Sparkle (mare #3) out of the trance induced by the looming mountains overhead.

                “Oh, the mountains I guess. I’ve never seen them up close before,” said Twilight.

                “Booooring,” Said Pinkie, “Anyways, where do you suppose we are?”

                “Somewhere in between Ponyville and Canterlot,” Said Twilight.

                They were on their way to the grand galloping gala, an event held in Canterlot once a year. Usually, only VIPs and bigwigs could get in, but Twilight happened to be a personal friend of Princess Celestia.

                Just then, Caramel (stallion #6) trotted over to Twilight and Pinkie’s seat. “What time do you think we’ll get there?” he asked, smiling shyly.

                “I haven’t the slightest idea. This is a different route from what Princess Celestia normally has us take,” said Twilight, realizing all too late that Caramel just wanted an excuse to talk to Pinkie Pie, and had little interest in the estimated arrival time.

                As Caramel engaged Pinkie Pie in a stuttered conversation, Twilight slipped back a daze, this time losing herself in the affairs of the ponies within the train. Up at the very front, Fluttershy (mare #1) sat on the right-hand window seat, next to Rainbow Dash (mare #4), who seemed to be engaged in a heated argument with Applejack (mare #5) across the aisle, most likely sports related. Fluttershy had little interest in the argument. Nature being her passion, she seemed content with gazing up at the snowy mountains.

                A couple rows back, Flim (stallion #4) and Flam (stallion #6) were preforming one of their spectacular sales pitches to Snips (stallion #5) and Snails (stallion #7), who were mindlessly chanting “Cider! Cider! Cider!” even though they had already witnessed the exact same pitch many times before. Behind them, Trixie (mare #8) sat distraught and infuriated at the complete lack in constant praise coming from her ever-shrinking fan base. She was pretending to be completely oblivious to Snip and Snail’s lack of interest, and carried on with her magical illusions without an audience.

                Behind Trixie, Big Macintosh (stallion #1) and Cheerilee (mare #7) were sitting side by side, without a care in the world. They had become recently known as the town’s newest couple, and one of the latest accomplishments of the Cutie Mark Crusaders. Twilight then shifted her gaze to the seats behind her.

                Carrot Cake (stallion #2) and Filthy Rich (stallion #3) were sitting directly behind Twilight. Filthy Rich was consolidating Carrot Cake. Cup Cake (Carrot Cake’s wife) couldn’t make it on this year’s trip to the gala, due to the recent arrival of Pound Cake and Pumpkin Cake. Pound Cake was a pegasus, and Pumpkin Cake was a unicorn, which made them quite the handful, especially for two earth ponies. Despite the massive work load the newborn ponies brought with them, Cup Cake insisted that Carrot Cake go to the gala so he could tell her about it when he came back. As one may guess, Carrot Cake wasn’t the happiest about leaving his wife and children behind for several days.

                “I’m sure their fine,” said Filthy Rich, “You’re going to worry yourself sick.”

                “But what if something goes wrong?” cried Carrot Cake, “What if she needs me to fix the sink again?”

                “You checked it before you left, didn’t you?” said Filthy Rich, “If you’re so worried she couldn’t handle the task, then why didn’t you just hire a sitter, and then you could both come? I would gladly pay for it if you couldn’t afford such a thing.”

                “And put our babies in the custody of somepony we barely even know?” said Carrot Cake, “I know we let Pinkie Pie baby sit them that one time, but that was for not even one day, and Pinkie is a good friend of ours. But a complete stranger? Cup Cake would have none of it.”

                “Then come now,” said Filthy Rich, “what’s done is done. Try to forget about it and have a good time at the gala.”

                “I suppose you’re right,” said Carrot Cake, dropping the subject, though it was clear he wasn’t any less anxious about the events that were transpiring back home.

                Rarity (mare #2) was also in great distress, taking up two whole seats with her swooning. Surrounding the seats she was actually using to sit on were her many bags, all opened up, with various articles of clothing and “necessities” that almost any other pony would have thought unnecessary. “This is horrible!” she moaned, “One simply doesn’t just forget her eyelash curler!”

                Taking pity on Rarity’s situation, Twilight Sparkle turned around to address her problem. “If it makes you feel any better, we’ll probably be in Canterlot in just a few more hours now, though I can’t know for sure,” said Twilight, “I’m sure you can buy one when we get there.”

                “But I need one now!” Rarity complained.

                “I don’t know what to tell you then. I would suggest borrowing somepony else’s, but everypony else has their luggage in the luggage car,” sighed Twilight, easily agitated by Rarity’s discomfort. This train ride had better end soon, thought Twilight, The gala will do us all good. I just hope it’s better than last year.

                Turning her gaze away from the two worriers in the back of the train, Twilight once again started looking out the window. They were nearing the other side of the valley, were they would enter another tunnel, to be once again shrouded in darkness for whoever knows how long.

 

They were in the tunnel. The train was almost completely dark; except for the small light coming from the conductor’s booth, at the very front of the train. Everypony was quiet. As Twilight shifted her gaze around the train, she saw that ponies that were moments before socializing were completely asleep. They’d been travelling for a long time, but not long enough for anypony to be going to sleep, let alone the entire passenger population of the train. Her eyes shifted back up to the conductor’s booth.  The conductor seemed to be wearing some sort of mask.

Was it, gas that was making us so sleepy? She thought. She was having trouble thinking. Her eyelids became very heavy. She looked over at Pinkie Pie. She was completely zonked out. Twilight had never seen Pinkie so peaceful. Looking past Pinkie, on the other side of the aisle, she saw Caramel, still conscious.

                He was trying to get the window open, but to no avail. It was clear that he was becoming weaker by the second.  I've got to help him, Twilight thought, but she could barely move. “Damn,” She heard Caramel mutter, as he finally gave in and drifted to sleep. Twilight struggled to keep her eyes open, but the temptation to let sleep take her was just too powerful. Her eyes drifted shut and remained closed. The last thing she heard before slipped into oblivion was a phone call the conductor was making. “Yes, we’ve got them all out cold. We should be arriving at the rendezvous point on time, so you can inform the Princess we’ll be starting soon.”

 

16 Ponies Remaining.

 

 

you are doing fine except for the curse word near the end i strongly suggest you change or remove it. if i were you  i would heed my advice for i have read many, many books in my life. and have become quite adept at critiqueing them, i am glad to help when i can.

[WWAPD 126]

I appreciate your feedback, but the curse word near the end is there for a reason. I didn't mean offend anyone, but where I live swearing is kind of accepted as a part of life. To tell the truth, I'm planning on increasing the amount of profane language as the story proceeds, as a symbol of the wearing away of each pony's moral compass.

 

Also, that was kind of the language used in the original book, so I feel that I'm setting my limits appropriately.

[Firelord Derpy 310]

A story about ponies murdering each other and people are concerned about foul language? That's something that always makes me laugh, the hero can kill twenty people and still get a PG rating, but one F-bomb and boom PG-13. Why is swearing such an issue in modern media when killing isn't? Oh well.