Rewriting Episodes Your Way

[Dark Qiviut 22,401]

My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic is a series known for its great characters and ways conflicts are handled. Each episode, a conflict is used to create tension in the story, and it's up to the characters to resolve them.
 
Most of the episodes execute these conflicts in a well-written and plausible fashion, but like all series, some of them have a tendency to be average or suck. Therefore, ideas of drafting a rewrite are displayed in order to take the basic structure of the aired episode and improve it their way. So, the question is how would YOU rewrite the episodes? Name the aforementioned episode(s) by title and weave it your way. Do NOT rewrite specific scenes within the episodes. Rewrite the whole episode from scratch. And it doesn't have to be one concept. You can release multiple episodic concepts of one episode if you wish to.
 
For consistency, I will like you to lay out your episode rewrite concepts via this template:

• Prologue (the first few minutes of the episode before the intro)
• Act 1 (the episode between the first and second rounds of commercials)
• Act 2 (the episode between the second and third rounds of commercials)
• Act 3 (the episode between the third round of commercials and ending credits)

If your idea consists of it being a two-parter (or more), label them as "Part 1," "Part 2," and so on before typing out the concept.

For demonstration, I'll give you my idea of a rewrite of Magical Mystery Cure. Instead of it being self-contained, it'll be two parts.

Part 1:

• Prologue: Celestia and Luna discuss Star Swirl the Bearded's book, and they flip through to seeing an incomplete last page. Celestia told Luna that, if Twilight can complete it, she'll be rewarded to the next level of her studies. Luna asks her about what happens if Twilight writes the spell wrong, but Celestia reassures her that she'll be fine.
• Act 1: Twilight and the rest of the Mane Six discuss the adventures they had together and how much they grown since being conjoined by the Elements of Harmony. Following a quip about how happy Ponyville looks and is, "Life in Ponyville" commences (only without an interruption of Rarity accidentally dumping rainwater on top of her). When they're done, the Mane Six laugh. Suddenly, Spike burps, and a letter plus Star Swirl's book appear before her. Everyone oohs, especially Twilight, who was responsible for finishing the spell. Everyone wonders how to finish it, but one asks who Star Swirl the Bearded is. Twilight Sparkle explains who he is and his legend. Some of the spells (like the aging spell Trixie cast on Snips and Snails from their duel) came from him. He was one of her idols when she was a filly, and it was his greatness as to why she yearns to be the best magician alive today. If she could finish the spell, she evolves to a new level of her studies.
• Act 2: Twilight returns home and begins researching Star Swirled and reads his book of spells, starting from the small ones to the aging spell. Then she came across the incomplete spell again. Forgetting that the Elements of Harmony were behind her, she began to chant the spell, but nothing happened. So she changed it by completing it, not knowing that the Elements of Harmony altered in color (all but her). Next morning, she hums Life in Ponyville again, only to have water dumped on her. Rarity's cutie mark was Rainbow Dash's lightning bolt. Twilight asked what happened, but Rarity doesn't remember anything prior. Cue "What My Cutie Mark Is Telling Me."
• Act 3: Twilight panics and tries to convince her friends to remember what they did, but they couldn't. They didn't even remember what happened yesterday. Twilight races back home and looks at the book again and Star Swirl's past history again. Then she looked at the Elements of Harmony. All of the colors altered. And Twilight realized that what she did resulted in her friends' livelihoods being altered, and harmony quickly turned to despair. And she looked at the results. Carousel Boutique was being boarded. Sweet Apple Acres became desolate. Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy felt hopeless. Rarity slunk into a corner crying for what she did. Twilight's mood saddened and felt even more hopeless. Cue "I've Got to Find a Way." End Part 1.

Part 2:

• Prologue: Recap Part 1.
• Act 1: Twilight researches her books and kept looking at the spell she enacted. She tried to white it out and rewrite it, but each time she attempted, it got blocked. Frustrated, Twilight throws her book down hard on the ground, frustrated. For the first time since her discordance, she felt hopeless. A tear sheds, landing on the book. Celestia appears and consoles Twilight. They disappear into Canterlot, where Celestia brings her into a room where all of Twilight's memories and accomplishments are kept. An altered version of Celestia's Ballad commences, reminding Twilight of all the hardships and triumphs she underwent. She reassures Twilight that she can and will fix the spell and not quit. It's still not too late to make things right. Follow your dream and your heart and put it out in Ponyville. Twilight was inspired and realized that, if she can't rewrite the spell, she can fix it by reminding them of their true talents.
• Act 2: With the Elements of Harmony gathered, Twilight finds Fluttershy and tells her that only she can help Rainbow Dash and make things right again. So they visit the cottage, where the animals held a mutiny against her. Fluttershy was able to successfully communicate with them and, with help from her Element, got her true talent back. Commence "A True, True Friend." The Mane Six group-hugged and was very happy to see them back to themselves again. And here, she was able to think of a way to fix the spell. They looked at Star Swirl's book one final time and noticed a pattern of attempting to live a life and evolve further, but the spells felt negative and cold. Twilight was able to connect the idea of maybe evolving into something more important and greater. And the spell was a method to conclude it. Instead of rewriting the spell from the paper, Twilight rewrote it from scratch, but changed the final lines. Suddenly, the Elements of Harmony charged, engulfing Twilight into a ball of light. When the light fades, everyone gasps.
• Act 3: Twilight wakes up and unfolds her wings, revealing to be an alicorn. Everyone was shocked, but excited. Twilight was surprised, but worried about how all this can happen. Celestia appears and explains Star Swirl's past about not being able to understand friendship. He was a powerful unicorn, but was always alone and worked on his spells solo. His legacy didn't begin until long after he passed away. He wanted to be great, but Twilight did something no one ever did: complete Star Swirl's magic of alicorn evolution, a concept that's never been done before. Furthermore, if needed to, Twilight can and will be promoted into a Princess of Magic, surprising everyone. Twilight wondered how to do her duties, but Celestia reassured er that everything will be okay, and all of her questions will eventually be answered. Twilight reluctantly accepted it, but took a look at her wings with some doubt. Cue "Behold, Princess Twilight Sparkle" and her coronation. In her speech, she thanked all of her friends for helping her grow into the pony she is today. After a group hug, "Life in Equestria" commences. At the end, Twilight asks Celestia if everything will be fine, and Celestia happily winked, and Twilight smiled hopefully. End Part 2 (with Twilight NOT flying towards the screen).

Edited February 19, 2013 by Dark Qiviut

[Circadian 1,273]

 

In "A Canterlot Wedding" I would add one small detail to the very end.

 

While everybody is celebrating the defeat of the changelings and the reunion of Shining Armor and Cadance, I would cut to a close up of Celestia. She'd smile at the camera and wink. Then her eyes would flash bluish green.

 

Paint It Black plays in place of the usual song as the credits roll.

 

Edited February 19, 2013 by Circadian

[Dark Qiviut 22,401]

Excuse me for bumping, but there's an episode rewrite I feel can really improve an episode.

 

Owl's Well that Ends Well

 

It'd be much better if it's something like this (copied and pasted from my review for the same episode):

 

 

• Twilight and Spike prepare to gaze at the comets so Twilight can observe in awe and study. Suddenly, Spike sneezes at the book, burning it. Twilight smells the burning and asks Spike if he was okay, only to find the book being burnt. Spike apologizes to Twilight for letting her down, but Twilight lets him know it's okay. A little disappointed, but fine. She can always ask Celestia for a new copy.
• The Mane Six star gaze and Spike watches in delight, but eventually falls asleep.
• Twilight and Spike return off, lets Spike fall asleep. Suddenly, as Twilight writes her report, the wind blows her quill and parchment away. Twilight tries to use her magic to retrieve it, but the spell-binding wind nudges her magic away. Suddenly, an owl picks up the paper and quill and returns it to her desk. They meet and greet, and Twilight gives him the name "Owlowiscious."
• Spike wakes up late and worries if he's behind schedule. Twilight reassures him to not worry and greets him to Owlowiscious, who will be her "junior assistant" to help out Spike whenever he has trouble. Spike doesn't really understand the owl much, but still thanks him for helping.
  
  When Twilight leaves to get food supplies, they get acquainted better and begin doing some chores. Spike takes care of some of the tasks by cleaning up the floor and dusting the books, but suddenly begins to feel like sneezing. Owlowiscious comes by and stops him, and Spike thanks him.
  
  But then tasks become difficult. Spike, who's normally accustomed to working alone, wants to work alone. The owl helps him, anyway, easing up the tasks. Spike begrudgingly thanks him and wonders if Owlowiscious may be helpful, after all.
• He takes a break by reading a book on how to cast a fire-free spell on parchment and paper, when Twilight's friends overly gush on Owlowiscious, giving him the same gifts as Spike during their night picnic. Spike tries to call for attention, but the chatter was too loud for them to hear. Feeling a bit down, he heads back into the Library. Fluttershy, however, sees Spike feeling a bit glum and askd if he was starting to feel a bit left out, which Twilight assures it doesn't feel like it was the case.
  
  However, Spike's feeling a bit upset and begins to mutter about how the others ignor him and focus on Owlowiscious instead. He wonders why everyone gushes over Owlowiscious with the same praise and gifts despite not knowing him so well and not "earning" it all, either. Twilight and Owlowiscious pass by, and as the owl and dragon makes eye contact, Spike's eye twitches.
  
  Twilight asks Spike to find one book. He goes up the ladder, only to find the owl taking it. Then another, only for Owlowiscious taking it from the stack he stood on. The books collapse, but Spike holds onto the shelf so he doesn't fall to the ground. He scowls at the owl. When Twilight writes, her quill brakes and asks Spike if he can fetch new ones. He obliges and heads to the arts and crafts shop to buy them.
• But when he returns, new quills were beside her, and she credited Owlowiscious and also helped with dusting and rearranging one of the shelves. Dejected, Spike mutters and walks to the observatory, leaving a surprised, concerned look on Twilight's face.
  
  She goes upstairs and asks what's the matter. Spike said now when he tries to do his chores, the owl's doing them better and quicker than him, and he's wondering now if he is just not up to some tasks anymore. Twilight is confused, because the two got along fine earlier. Spike admitted it, but Owlowiscious got the groveling treatment while he was left out and was upset by it. And what happened after (the quills, dusting) upset him more. Twilight felt bad and apologized to Spike for accidentally starting it and reassured that, no matter what happens, the dragon will always be her little brother and number-one assistant. Owlowiscious flew up and hooted reassuringly.
• Commence the new friendship report, detailing about other friends' feelings are important, and sometimes it's important to be careful how to act and behave. Also, friendship is about being able to communicate to one another and reassure them when they're feeling down and upset. Spike and Twilight each co-signed.
  
  End of the episode.

 

 

It's improved this way:

1. You get the moment where Twilight confronts Spike for lying earlier out of the way.
2. The introduction between Owlowiscious and Spike builds. It doesn't just drop on the lap.
3. Spike wouldn't be villainized for having his jealousy over him nor would his jealousy make him a constantly incompetent punching bag.
4. Spike's ability to think beyond his age is taken advantage of by initially trust Twilight's instincts, while also eventually wondering if Owlowiscious would be the better assistant.
5. The unnecessary "adventure" part that pads the episode is cut, streamlining the episode better.
6. You eliminate that mixed message of Twilight yelling at Spike, shunning his feelings midway, and making him feel like he's unwanted. The second it's there, that impression gets shredded down.
7. You get—to—the—point. Quality over quantity. Owl's Well's sluggish pace would be much better with the second half chopped off and the ending scene before Spike falls asleep a second time heavily revised.

There's a bit more to be done, hence why I wrote "if it's something like this." It's still rough in the pace, particularly the moment where Spike's feelings of doubtless and perception of worthlessness is confronted and how to resolve it more fluently. Plus, it still doesn't solve this question: If Spike's still Twilight's #1 assistant, why did the writer not prove it to the audience in the ending? Show, don't tell. However, the rest of the baggage, from the concept stage, is observed, reviewed, and revised to cut the issues to a minimum. If the episode should be padded, characters like Pinkie Pie can appear to try to cheer him up and reassure that Owlowiscious was just being anxious and how Twilight still views him as her #1 assistant. What she says may or may not work, depending on the delivery of the lines, in-character reaction of Spike, and sequences of scenes.    
    
Once it's cleaned up more, then there can be a moment when Spike has to help Twilight and Owlowiscious and/or some other character, as Owlowiscious may be incapable of doing the task. Or Owlowiscious can ask Spike for help. If done right, Owl's Well can be pushed to the twenty-minute deadline and still allow the pace to flow like thin oil paint from a liner brush onto a canvas. Owl's Well showed how he was Twilight's #1 assistant in the beginning, but the official ending didn't. A moment where Spike can still demonstrate why he is #1 assistant in Act 3 puts it full circle.

Edited October 13, 2013 by ~Nightmare Qiviut~

[Scootalove 10,689]

If I wanted to rewrite Show Stoppers, I would want the Cutie Mark Crusaders to actually focus on talents that they would actually be more familiar with not talents that they would not be able to be good at.

[Orablanco Account 3,707]

I also would have rewritten/altered "Magical Mystery Cure", but in order to do so, I would have to rewrite reality itself.

 

1. Make it a two-parter. Obviously. And give us more time in the prologue to establish a sense of normalcy and peace before everything goes bad.

 

2. Bump Sunset Shimmer up from the villain of Equestria Girls to the villain of the S3 finale. Maybe a bad guy ruins the themes or whatever, but it's my rewrite, and I'll do what I want to. Not only would we get a more realized version of that character (no high school nonsense, closer connection to the mythology), but she would provide a living breathing example, both to Twilight and to us, of somebody who would never realize their full potential because they never understood the importance of friendship in life. Plus it removes the whole "all Twiight did was fix a problem she created" thing. This works in tangent with the next suggestion.

 

3. Make the magical mystery a bigger problem. Again, I get what they are going for. Seeing the Mane Six so unhappy should be motivation enough enough. But keeping the episode's conflict on such a personal scale makes the alicornification seem kind of disproportionate. My rewrite would be to have Sunset be the one to somehow cause the problem; maybe she's trying to recklessly recreate Starswirl's experiments and causes everyone's cutie mark to switch. And I mean everyone. Like, maybe all of Equestria. Increasing the scale of the mystery from a incident to a full blown epidemic would not only make the episode much more exciting and "epic", but it make Twilight's ascension feel like a more appropriate conclusion to the story.

 

4. Remove Twilight's sad song (whatever it's called). It's a nice song, but it doesn't really add anything or help us understand character emotions and motivations we already understood.

 

5. Stress that this was NOT Celestia's test. In fact, have her be affected by the epidemic, too.

 

6. Also stress how key her friends are in her journey. Sure, Twilight says they were important, but we never "felt it".

 

*reads @'s suggestions*

 

Oh man, his is much better. Anyway, along with Qiviut, 7. I would also place a song similar to "Celestia's Ballad" earlier in the show, but change the tone of the song to one of encouragement. Though seeing as Celestia is legitimately unable to help in my version, somebody else would have to sing that song. You're up, Spike.

 

8. No flying at the end. Just no.

[Shanks 10,816]

Griffon The Brush Off: This episode started out pretty good, Pinkie Pie was going into psycho stalker mode but Twilight suggested that maybe part of the reason Pinkie Pie didn't like Gilda was due to jealousy. Twilight would continue being the voice of reason (until the scene where she calls Gilda a "false friend") and Gilda would still be a bit of a jerk but the main differences in my rewrite would be the ending and the "moral". In the end Gilda would still get yelled at and storm off angrily but Rainbow Dash would go after her and Pinkie Pie and the others would follow saying something like "it is not worth it she won't change" or something like that. After talking to Gilda, Gilda would confess that the reason she wanted it to be just the two of them was because she had something very personal to tell her (I haven't figured out what yet) and apologize for her actions. Pinkie Pie would then realize just how much of a crazy stalker she had been and also apologize and then Twilight would also apologize for jumping to conclusions and saying that Gilda was a "false friend" when she dosen't even know her. The moral would be instead of about "false friends" which albeit is a good one dosen't work very well in this situation be about how sometimes when ponies (or in this case a griffon) are going through hard times they need some space to work things out and can in some cases lash out against others.

 

Magical Mystery Cure: First off the amount of songs would be cut down by at least half maybe even more than that, the cutie mark switching idea would be its own episode leading up into a two parter which would be the season 3 finale (yes I know that MMC is leading into a two parter but the its a very crappy lead up if you ask me). In part 1 Celestia would explain why she turned Twilight into an alicorn out of nowhere without telling her, the reason would be an emergency due to the rise of a villain. Part 2 would be Twilight adjusting to her power boost and new wings and will lead up into the season 4 premier where the mane 6 confront the new villain.

[SomariFeyWright 776]

Just take all of the Crusader episodes and remove Diamond Tiara (and Silverspoon, if applicable).

 

I know this is a simple thing barely touched on, but I think I've expressed well enough my hatred for the two-dimensional, unlikeable Diamond Tiara. Every episode where she has ever been an issue could have worked out perfectly well without her around. Literally every single one can be properly re-written without them with little effort.

 

... Oh,  and *insert everyone's complaints about the season 3 finale here*

[FNGRpony 658]

Just take all of the Crusader episodes and remove Diamond Tiara (and Silverspoon, if applicable).

 

I know this is a simple thing barely touched on, but I think I've expressed well enough my hatred for the two-dimensional, unlikeable Diamond Tiara. Every episode where she has ever been an issue could have worked out perfectly well without her around. Literally every single one can be properly re-written without them with little effort.

 

... Oh,  and *insert everyone's complaints about the season 3 finale here*

 

who the hell is gonna troll the cutie mark crusaders?

 

I mean besides life?  we need diamond tiara and silver spoons their the only God damn re occuring villian on the whole show.

Hell they get more air time than Luna.

 

and that's why i value Tiara, with out her people will be like "bah the show isn't the kinda show to have regular villains!"

Oh yes it is LOL.  D.T.

[SomariFeyWright 776]

 

 

I mean besides life?  we need diamond tiara and silver spoons their the only God damn re occuring villian on the whole show. Hell they get more air time than Luna.   and that's why i value Tiara, with out her people will be like "bah the show isn't the kinda show to have regular villains!" Oh yes it is LOL.  D.T.

 

Who says they NEED a troll? Their arcs could just as easily center around the Crusaders dealing with their own worry and fear of ridicule for lacking a Cutie Mark, rather than a couple of flank holes putting in effort to give them hell. The characters are bland and two-dimensional and don't even need to be there.

 

... Besides... who would ridicule a show for not having regular villains? That'd just be stupid.

[The Alpha Team 51]

Strike Mysterious Mare Do Well and Spike at Your Service from the record. Those episodes were.... . Just strike them from the record.

[pinkiefan1287 610]

The episode I would re-wright would be, Sleepless in Ponyville.

 

My problem with that episode is, it did a poor job at showing that Scootaloo needed a sister. To what is shown, she is perfectly happy the way she is now and does not need a sister in her life. Show that she is alone at home because her parents are working hard and wanting someone to be there for her, when she has a problem.

 

Also the fear thing Scootaloo went threw was just weak if you ask me. I would change it to she is afraid of high places and want's Rainbow Dash's help to order to concur it, but is afraid to ask her.

Edited October 14, 2013 by pinkiefan1287

[Dark Qiviut 22,401]

Another one: The Mysterious Mare-Do-Well

1. The "Mare-Do-Well"/superhero idea would be scrapped entirely in favor of another approach. Also, expand the moral into not just being humble in what you do, but also to not let fame get into your head.
2. Scootaloo decide to take some time off Cutie Mark Crusading and create the Rainbow Dash Fanclub.
3. Scootaloo would begin throwing around mail throughout Ponyville. Dash flies on by, greeting Scootaloo and asking what's up. Scootaloo hands her the invitation and zooms away.
4. The Mane Six discuss this new club with interest. Twilight asks her what she thinks about it, and Dash is confident and happy, although she's reminded about the Young Fliers Competition. "Yeah. But not Ponyville," Dash replies. Pinkie asks her if it's fine for everyone to come, who says, "Yes."
5. They meet up at the Cutie Mark Crusaders clubhouse where Dash was greeted by a barrage of young fans. Dash is given interviews about her adventures and achievements. Spike writes the report in a detective costume. Her friends are pleased and hopeful her talents at home will finally get a little more respect.
6. Next day, Dash and friends jog around Ponyville, and Dash can't stop thinking about the fanclub and attention. They're pleased, but also advise Dash to be a little careful. Dash reassures them when hordes of adult pony reporters show up and pull her aside, and Dash says she'll catch up with Rarity later. They ask her about her acrobatic abilities, and she explains and talks about them semi-vainly. They ask to see it, and Dash shows off her wild cloud-clearing, looping, and fast flying abilities. All but a Sonic Rainboom. The citizens watch with delight, and Dash asks if that was what they were looking for. Everyone cheers wildly, and Dash is very giddy.
7. Dash takes a little break to meet with Rarity, who finished developing some kind of superhero costume, and was continuing to self-talk about her abilities and awesomeness. Rarity, however, is still busy. Dash hovers above, getting her attention, and asks if she could try it. Rarity thinks about saying no, but Dash puppy-pleads, and Rarity gives her the okay. Dash comes out with the costume, looking cool and elegant. But… "The mask is dumb and ugly!" Rarity is offended by it, but before she answers, a knock on the door, and ponies show up with cameras and the fanclub in tow. They see Dash in the costume and race to her. Dash brags about not just her abilities, but how interesting she looked in the costume. All without crediting Rarity. Fillies come over and ask Dash for her autograph, which she accepts and takes pictures with them.
8. The interviews end, and Dash puts the costume (and mask) back and flies away till she sees Scootaloo, who was looking impressed. Then she decided to ask a question: Can Dash do a Rainboom tomorrow morning at 8 AM? Dash said, "No problem!"
9. Dash flies to the Library, where Twilight, Rarity, and Applejack were there. They talked to her and scolded her for what she did in the Carousel Boutique, taking credit for the costume and bragging about her abilities. Dash questions why she shouldn't. She's proud of her talent, and she tells them they should be proud that she's finally being viewed as someone other than a lazy, hardworking pegasus who controls the weather, too. They acknowledge that and tells her she should be proud, but warn her to be careful of how she acts upon it. Dash said she's always careful, but Rarity quickly reminded her of what she said about the mask and then actions after and before. Dash reassures that she'll be fine, but nonetheless apologizes to Rarity for going off like that. But before Rarity answers, Dash interrupts and says she has to prepare the Rainboom.
10. She returns home to greet a happy Tank. She hands him some plants and fruit to chew. As she sits on her bed, her mind races. Did her actions go too far? Did she exploit her pride in such a manner that how her words and complacency with the paparazzi really did go into her head and hurt her friends? Sure, she apologized, but did she mean it? Tank consoles her with a nuzzle, and Dash gazes up at the ceiling.
11. It's near 8 AM. On the ground, the ponies wait beside a makeshift runway for Dash to fly above and land. The Mane Six are there, too, and talk about the events. They wonder what Dash was thinking. Twilight witnessed Dash prepare for the dive. Applejack and Rarity ponder about the conversation aloud to each other. Spike and Fluttershy are sure she'll be all right.
12. Dash lightly bounces off a light cloud, which floats high up in the sky. She sees the crowd below and is growing more and more giddy. She felt better after a good night's sleep, but still thinks about Rarity's conversation, although not so extensively. Deciding she is ready, she teeters at the edge and dives off the cloud, approaches the ground at high speed like a swimmer plunging off the diving board. The barrier separating sound and the Rainboom becomes visible about 30% of the way down, and she looks ahead with joy and confidence.
13. Suddenly, she glances around and sees her friends and the RD FC looking up, the club feeling excited, her friends worried. The words ring in her mind loudly. On one hand, showing the Sonic Rainboom demonstrates her abilities to everypony, and she can finally be seen as a really talented pegasus permanently. On the other hand, does she want to do it for the ponies in Ponyville, Scootaloo, and her friends…or herself? Finally, she decides, "No."
14. She slows down her descent and lands softly on the ground. Cameras and paparazzi catch up to her, but she walks by. She looks at the Mane Six and tells them that she thought about the conversation, and she regrets her actions. She not just embarrassed herself, but her friends, too. She let her newfound fame get into her head, and she wanted more of it. She felt relieved by the attention, but all that did was cause tension in her close friendship. She apologizes to Rarity again, and this time meaning it, who forgives her back.
15. Then she looks at the dejected fanclub, walks to them, and apologizes to them. She should've said no, but she did so to fuel her own ego, not for Scootaloo, and apologizes to Scootaloo for not admitting it and deceiving her.
16. The fanclub and Mane Six forgive her. For the fanclub, they not only forgive her, but are proud of her for admitting it. Scootaloo feels guilty, but Dash tells her not to. She has very good intentions and wants her to continue running the club.
17. With everyone around her, Dash requests Spike to take a letter. In it, she describes her joy for having ponies admiring her for who she is and what she can really do. While she appreciates the effort, little did she know that the newfound fame eventually got into her head. She wasn't just showing her talents. She was showing them off in a way that caused tension between her and the others. The next time she's going to show off her talents, she's going to do it with grace and humility and not at the cost of her friendship. At the same time, she also begins to understand that, when there's fame, you have to keep your ego under control and not let it change who you are nor her relationship with those she loves the most. Does this mean she should shun fame and the media for good nor should she stop feeling proud of her abilities, strengths, and achievements? No. She embraces it and is proud of what she has done, but also realizes to watch what she does and says more and how not to let the attention and accomplishments cloud her judgment and get into her head.
18. Spike sends the letter and is in the mood for a little snack. She invites the fanclub and friends to join, but asks the paparazzi for a little time alone. They oblige and let them on their merry way.

The purpose for this is as followed:

• It eliminates usage of the Idiot Ball that did nothing but push the official episode and make Rainbow Dash look worse. One of TMMDW's biggest weaknesses in objective quality is how the foreshadowing is shoved in, only to artificially prolong it. Dash may not be the sharpest tool in the shed, but she's capable of thinking and performing more than basic math. The real RD would've identified the Mysterious Mare-Do-Well as more than one character the second the Mane Six spilled those clues in front of her, as they were right there to see.
• It eliminates the double message of her friends being passive-aggressive assholes who wanted to teach her a lesson in humility, but performed it hypocritically by bragging in her face (spilling the MDW identity in front of her) and inadvertently shaming Dash. If Dash was a child, what her friends did would be borderline criminal.
• The contrived part of the episode (the dam, constant life-saving) is cut. Keep the worldbuilding in character of Ponyville.
• Dash would hear and listen to their words, which were discussed privately. If Dash was truly in character, she would think about those words and then question whether they were right or not. She has an ego and may be headstrong, but she won't inwardly shoo criticism right away. Criticism eats her because of her pride, especially if it's sharp and honest.
• Despite her ego, she would also show her loyalty. The beginning would have her conflict between her loyalty with her friends and loyalty with her ego and fame. Show her loyalty as not just a strength, but also a flaw. She keeps her inflamed ego and jerkiness, but balances with consequences of tension and realization of how poor her behavior becomes.
• It gives Dash an opportunity to prove her talent to Ponyville in a way that isn't exclusive to her helping with the weather, nor confined in smaller chunks. Dash shows off the Sonic Rainboom in Cloudesdale in a desperate attempt to rescue Rarity and the Wonderbolts, which is a completely different environment compared to those who live in Ponyville. It spreads her worth in her other home.
• An extra message/moral is given to the audience, bending, yet not breaking, the repetitive friendship report pattern up to that point. Her lesson wouldn't be just to be humble in your talents, but also learn not to let fame infiltrate and blow up your ego. In an interview another MLP Forums user gave me earlier this year, I explained how fame can be really bad for the mind if not careful.
  
  

  Quote

  One thing about fame is that you receive more recognition from the media — for the brony fandom, it's DeviantArt, the fanfic Websites (Fanfiction.net, FIMFiction, Mediaminer, etc.), Tumblr, YouTube, and maybe even an interview from a news site such as CNN if you're lucky. When you get famous, you have to be way more careful with what you say or do in comparison to someone who isn't famous. If you say something daft, and you're not famous, then perhaps you can get away with it, and your history will bury itself in the background. But if you do something stupid, and you're famous, then the people who follow you and see you as inspiration latch onto it more. Chances are, the people who follow you will feel betrayed or extremely disappointed in your actions. Even if it's one person, that response will sting, especially if the disappointment is justified. Actions have consequences, so whether you're famous or not, think before you submit.
  
  Another issue with fame or infamy is the ego. The more famous you become, the bigger your ego can be, and the more invincible you tend to feel. If I ever do become famous in the brony fandom for the right reasons, then keeping my ego in check is one of my biggest responsibilities.

• It allows three things to continue: the Rainbow Dash Fanclub to prosper, the paparazzi to flourish, and the relationship with Scootaloo to develop. (For the latter, I would think of weaving it in some way to foreshadow it into Sleepless in Ponyville.)
  
  For the former, there'll finally be an origin to the Rainbow Dash Fanclub. IIRC, that was never explained in the official episode.
• Instead of being told and suddenly realizing she's in over her head, the realization is woven in. She'll be confronted about her ego, ponder about it, and show the character development via her own actions, thoughts, realizations, and decisions. She was told to be humble, but the episode never showed it at any point, because the script never gave her ample time to act upon it. Show, don't tell.
• The Mysterious Mare-Do-Well is confined to a cameo, and no more. It's an idea for Dash's ego to boost instead of tearing it down idiotically.
• The episode's resolved by her failing to do the Sonic Rainboom. Many of the episodes (and official movies outside FIM) tend to have an achievement/accomplishment and then wrapped up nicely. Here, unlike Sonic Rainboom, she won't do the Rainboom because she realizes the damage she caused, eating her up in the process, and realizes how bad an idea this would be. The failed assignment confronts her head on and subconsciously gives her that opportunity to either really show off or prove to her friends how loyal and trustworthy her conscience really is. You don't need to succeed an achievement to wrap up an episode well.

More would be necessary to fix the pace and fit it in the twenty-minute frame. At this point, it'll take way too long to explain it in detail. How long? Longer than Double Rainboom, roughly thirty-five minutes. Extra details are needed to be chopped off and new material must replace it so the idea can flow in a twenty-minute frame. But the concept is there, one where, personally, it would tell a much better story of Dash getting an ego, being scolded for letting fame and ego get into her head, and eventually realize the dangers of fame and reward for humility. Plus, she realizes that being proud and confident in what she does doesn't have to interfere with her true self and relationship with her friends and fans.

Edited January 5, 2014 by Dark Qiviut

[FNGRpony 658]

 

Who says they NEED a troll? Their arcs could just as easily center around the Crusaders dealing with their own worry and fear of ridicule for lacking a Cutie Mark, rather than a couple of flank holes putting in effort to give them hell. The characters are bland and two-dimensional and don't even need to be there.

 

... Besides... who would ridicule a show for not having regular villains? That'd just be stupid.

 

I would,  To the top and bottom statement.

I think your trying to shame me because I did find a a case for a regular villain in the show D.T. and S.S.  (you know i think I'm gonna stop abbreviating silver spoons lol).

 

The cutie mark crusaders are kids.  Part of growing up is dealing with non stop flank holes.  Even apparently in equistra.  This is held up in the shows canon during and after ms Faust's time with the show.

 

So i guess that makes me, Faust and the current writers all morons.

[SomariFeyWright 776]

I would,  To the top and bottom statement.

I think your trying to shame me because I did find a a case for a regular villain in the show D.T. and S.S.  (you know i think I'm gonna stop abbreviating silver spoons lol).

 

The cutie mark crusaders are kids.  Part of growing up is dealing with non stop flank holes.  Even apparently in equistra.  This is held up in the shows canon during and after ms Faust's time with the show.

 

So i guess that makes me, Faust and the current writers all morons.

Okay, for starters, you're trying to make me look like the bad guy here. I am not trying to "shame you" as you so choose to put it. I am stating my opinion and engaging in a legitimate debate with you and I would appreciate it if you would be a little more neutral on the matter. And I never implied that any side was a moron. Stop viewing me like DT herself. <<;

 

Yes, kids grow up with bullies quite a bit. Wonderful. But in any show... any show at all... the best villains, even "regular" villains, have SOME redeeming qualities to themselves. It doesn't matter whether or not it is reminiscent of actually growing up and portray bullies, fact is, it leads to very bland, uninteresting characters that really make an episode much less interesting.

[FNGRpony 658]

Okay, for starters, you're trying to make me look like the bad guy here. I am not trying to "shame you" as you so choose to put it. I am stating my opinion and engaging in a legitimate debate with you and I would appreciate it if you would be a little more neutral on the matter. And I never implied that any side was a moron. Stop viewing me like DT herself. <<;

 

Yes, kids grow up with bullies quite a bit. Wonderful. But in any show... any show at all... the best villains, even "regular" villains, have SOME redeeming qualities to themselves. It doesn't matter whether or not it is reminiscent of actually growing up and portray bullies, fact is, it leads to very bland, uninteresting characters that really make an episode much less interesting.

 

Well no i generally wear the black hat and wear it with Pride ^^. Being the nice guy means you have to shy away from unpopular view points.

 

As for DT

http://fc09.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2013/285/2/5/i_would_by_digoraccoon-d6q8zzt.jpg

Just like most the things on the show what your looking for is in the fan base.

 

you said "wanting that was just stupid."  when i requested a regular villain which DT is.

I didn't make you impose yourself, you did that.

DT is literally the only regular villain we got,

so for my needs,

Philosophy wise I'm stuck backing her.

Edited October 15, 2013 by FNGRpony

[SomariFeyWright 776]

Well no i generally wear the black hat and wear it with Pride ^^. Being the nice guy means you have to shy away from unpopular view points.   As for DT http://fc09.devianta...oon-d6q8zzt.jpg

 Just like most the things on the show what your looking for is in the fan base.   you said "wanting that was just stupid."  when i requested a regular villain which DT is. I didn't make you impose yourself, you did that. DT is literally the only regular villain we got, so for my needs, Philosophy wise I'm stuck backing her.

 

... Okay? Just because you're a nice guy doesn't mean you can't share popular opinions with others.

 

That theory doesn't really hold. She acts far too harsh to be a tsundere as that comic makes her out to be, and in the end, it clearly isn't what the story writers had in mind.

 

I never said "wanting a normal villain is stupid." I said complaining about it in a show with magical talking unicorns and ponies would be stupid, seeing as it's full of threats far outside of normality, and doesn't NEED "regular" villains. Perhaps calling it "stupid" is harsh, but fact is, it's not worth complaining about.

 

It's fine if you stand up for the character and want her to stay as she is, but you reap what you sow. You chose to respond to my comment so I can't very well leave this untouched.

Edited October 15, 2013 by SomariFeyWright

[FNGRpony 658]

Of course it doesn't.
I like flutter shy.  ^^

I don't hate popular for being popular LOL.

 

 

... Okay? Just because you're a nice guy doesn't mean you can't share popular opinions with others.

 

That theory doesn't really hold. She acts far too harsh to be a tsundere as that comic makes her out to be, and in the end, it clearly isn't what the story writers had in mind.

 

I never said "wanting a normal villain is stupid." I said complaining about it in a show with magical talking unicorns and ponies would be stupid, seeing as it's full of threats far outside of normality, and doesn't NEED "regular" villains. Perhaps calling it "stupid" is harsh, but fact is, it's not worth complaining about.

 

It's fine if you stand up for the character and want her to stay as she is, but you reap what you sow. You chose to respond to my comment so I can't very well leave this untouched.

 

 

Oh i didn't say i didn't want her to be some non evolving dullard.  That would imply she's perfect.

and the only characters who even come close to perfect at the CMC.  I love them just the way they are.

 

Hell discord is bucking amazing and even he has room to grow.

[duidamasterXD 9,627]

@SomariFeyWright and @FNGRpony, while I understand that this all started off on topic, ultimately this thread is for sharing how we'd change episodes and it wasn't necessarily intended to be a place for extensive debate on characters or even on the changes others would make to the show. If you want to continue your argument please find or make an appropriate thread, or use personal messages.

[Ianpiersonjdavis 512]

Pinkie's care package scenes from Wonderbolt Academy would be cut to make room for the original/good ending where Lightning ISN'T kicked out, because she realizes she was out of control, admits her mistake, and accepts her punishment as being demoted to Wing Pony.

 

Additionally, I would have it that upon Dash's sticks up for her (showing her loyalty), insisting that things never would have escalated if Spitfire had never encouraged Lightning to push herself so hard and become increasingly reckless as a result.

[Rainbow Eclipse 3,927]

Two changes. One episode. Magic Duel.

 

First of all, Pinkie's mouth would be restored at the same time everypony else's magic-induced problems were reversed. Dash's enlarged wing, for example. Or better yet, perhaps Pinkie would never have lost her mouth in the first place.

 

Secondly, some serious flank-kicking would happen to Trixie in the second duel.

[Jangocoolguy 433]

Mysterious Mare-Do-Well;

chuck the new hero angle altogether. Have Dash actually get big-headed and becoming more fame hungry and reckless, going out looking for trouble until she gets in over her head, the others have to save her, and the episode's moral would actually stick.

 

Dragon Quest:

Go into more about the Dragon culture and have Spike find out he's happier being the ponies other than hanging out with a group of 1-dimensional punks.

 

One Bad Apple:

If you're gonna have an episode about bullying, give Tiara and Spoon the role and not a random, distant (both ways) Apple relative. Celestia knows those two could've used some extra depth... 

 

MMC:

Take out about half the songs or make it a two parter to show more impact of the cutie mark switch. Also, when Twilight says "Everything's going to be just fine!", cut a shadowy figure saying something ominous and making an evil smile... 

Edited December 27, 2013 by Jangobadass

[Pripyat Pony 2,608]

The "One Bad Apple" episode. I thought that it could have been done a little differently; Babs should have been painted a little more sympathetically earlier on. For example, show her on her own after waving goodbye to Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon, and once on her own looking miserable. Perhaps beating herself up over what she's doing to the Crusaders and wishing she could start again, but fearing it's too late.

 

I thought that her redemption at the end was a little too pat and that she was painted as a nasty bully literally going straight into "maybe she just needs help and understanding" territory, and it could have been done so much better. And it wouldn't look so weird her being friends with the Crusaders at the end, either.

[Megas 27,629]

I'd love to see Mare Do Well redone the way CR said it should've went

 

I'd also like to see how MMMystery of the Friendship express would have went if AJ and/or Twilight ate/also ate the cake

[Mywas 687]

I would rewrite the The Last Roundup and delete the Derpy scene. Then the storm would not have happened, AJ would keep the spotlight, and Derpy would stay a waldo character

[duidamasterXD 9,627]

Got the idea for this from Littlest Pet Shop, oddly enough. More specifically from this song, which cracks me up because it's Shannon Chan-Kent (Pinkie Pie's singing voice) singing a song about (accidentally) corrupting a character voiced by Ashleigh Ball.

 

 

Also just found this. Pitching it up definitely makes it a little easier to hear Pinkie Pie in their voices.

 

Their comment also made me think of a longer version of Too Many Pinkie Pies with a section about Dash trying to get to know some of the clones in order to determine which is the real Pinkie. In the process she gets kind of attached to them though, and they end up teaming up to be some kind of hellish pranking team. The Pinkies' indifference to what they do to others is a bad influence on Dash, who is kind of overwhelmed but going along with their craziness. Over time she begins to get more and more uncomfortable with all of this and eventually lashes out, and is able to eliminate all the clones as suspects because they have none of Pinkie's restraint or love or anything like that.

 

Throughout the Friend Forever song you'd see Pinkie desperately trying to get Dash's attention, but being drowned out by a mob of clones and whatever shenanigans they're whisking her off to do and everything. Sounds like it'd be pretty creepy . Also ties into an idea someone on FimFiction had about Pinkie being afraid people only pay attention to her because of her hyper happiness and bubbliness.

 

Kinda fun to think about at least. I've been wanting another episode involving Pinkie and Dash friendshipping.

 

Unusual for this thread in that the episode I'm talking about altering is one of my favorites, and a top tier episode in its own right. Guess I'm just intrigued at the idea of a million Pinkie Pies singing a villain song about corrupting Rainbow Dash Pros of this version are that it drives home the point it's trying to make about Pinkie's character more explicitly, it includes a catchy, creepy Ingram pop song and montage, and there's some concentrated Pinkie Pie/Rainbow Dash friendshipping. Doubt they'd be able to pack all of this into an episode very well though.

 

Not an episode that needs to be rewritten at all, but still one that was fun for me to think about.

Edited April 23, 2014 by DashForever