What do women look for in a man?

[Champion RD92 8,658]

Well apparently whatever it is it's stuff I don't have, or what the girls at my school look for, they show like no interest in me at all, any of them, and being a man expected to make a move, but also being shy equals the fact I'll probaly never get to dating. 

 

I'm the same way, girls never really show interest in me, plus I'm pretty shy, so I am afraid to talk to girls and ask them out and stuff, so I'm pretty much just screwed I guess :/

[hawkflame 3,310]

(I think this is similar enough to add to this thread and not make it its own...)

 

Okay, I'm just going to put this out there not just for me, but for other guys in this thread too. 

 

Girls, what separates a guy you "friend zone" from a guy you'd date?  I think a lot of guys have been stuck in that situation where they have been permanently branded as "friend" and find it difficult to get out of that. 

[Champion RD92 8,658]

 

 

Girls, what separates a guy you "friend zone" from a guy you'd date?  I think a lot of guys have been stuck in that situation where they have been permanently branded as "friend" and find it difficult to get out of that. 

 

I'm pretty sure that if a girl doesn't find a guy attractive, she's gonna automatically put him in the friend zone and not even consider him as a guy they would date. That's what it seems like to me, to be honest. But I'm a guy, so what the fuck do I know?  

[Lisa 5,553]

I would say personality.

 

Depends on the lady. All women have their different tastes.

I, personally like a man that is absolutely friendly and would never treat me like dirt. That is all I could ever ask for in a man, really. I wouldn't care about his looks or money. I would love someone, for being THEMSELF.

[Adente 1,000]

  

 

I think that it's great that you make that point. People are sarcastic and dumb on the internet.

 

I may not be a girl, but I know that it can be hard. I'm glad that you love yourself enough to stand before everypony and say, "Aw, HELL NO!"

 

Keep it up, sweetheart! You're fabulous!

 

Haha I have no idea why, but just reading your text makes me read it in the voice of one of my best friends! Have you ever had that happen where you read something someone said over the internet and like immediately give 'em a voice?

 

Oh, and to contribute to the discussion too, I guess. Women want a man who is poised and confident, but NOT arrogant or full of himself. He needs to be quietly confident, able to take command but also follow. He needs to be sensitive but not a 'yes' man pushover. Looks and money are gravy, but a charming, sincere personality is much more appealing to a girl than looks and money if there is no substance behind it.

 

Oh, and to all the guys who think that if you are 'nice' enough to a girl, she'll inexplicably give you sex, think again! Being nice to play an angle isn't being nice at all, its conniving and dishonest. Sincerity is always key!

Edited May 24, 2013 by Windy Runner

[Thrashy 2,800]

Well apparently whatever it is it's stuff I don't have, or what the girls at my school look for, they show like no interest in me at all, any of them, and being a man expected to make a move, but also being shy equals the fact I'll probaly never get to dating. Or I haven't yet at 16.

 

I think girls look for different things though, of course generally girls have some things they look for in guys, but it still varies.

 

Then again I'm not a girl, and never dated, so maybe I'm not qualifyed to know or say.

I'm the same way, girls never really show interest in me, plus I'm pretty shy, so I am afraid to talk to girls and ask them out and stuff, so I'm pretty much just screwed I guess :/

I hate to sound clichéd, gents, but with that attitude you never will find your special somepony. It's like Henry Ford said: "Whether you think you can or you can't - you're right."

 

You see, I know firsthand the dangers of putting oneself down - I'm not attractive enough, my personality is too dull, blah-de-blah-de-blah. That's been my own self-assessment throughout most of my life. But let me tell you, the further you sink into that mindset, the more realistic those thoughts will start to become. You'll devolve into such a pessimistic, unsure-of-yourself person that...well, no woman would want to date you. Would you honestly want to hang around such a gloomy person all the time?

 

That said, nipping those negative thoughts in the bud are key to your success, not just for your love lives, but for life in general. I know phrases like "never say never" and "be yourself" seem horribly trite, and probably seem unhelpful to you now, but they really do ring true in the long run. You'd be amazed how far 'faking' optimism and confidence can get you, especially when they eventually transform into genuine optimism and confidence. You've got to learn to be truly happy with who you are, before trying your hand at the love game. After all, how can a girl fall in love with a guy who can't love himself?

 

But yeah, my lecturing aside...don't put yourselves down, fellas. You seen the 'Cutest girl brony' thread? Seen all the lovely ladies there completely putting themselves down - "I'm sooo hideous!" - and you just shake your head and think "What are you talking about? You're awesome!" Aren't you guys doing the same thing with all this self-deprecation? Have some faith in yourselves!

 

I would love someone, for being THEMSELF.

^ You see? I rest my case.

Edited May 23, 2013 by Lowline

[Dark Moon 965]

I'm probably not the best person for advice on this since I'm a guy, never had a "real" girlfriend (don't ask, it's a very sad and painful story), and am socially awkward to the extreme(Aspergers Syndrome), but from what I've seen I would have that women look for:

 

-Confidence/Social not Cockiness

-Humor

-Loyalty (obviously)

-Honesty

-Respectful

-Nice

 

All these really tie into the idea of having a good personality and making her feel comfortable around you. But these are just the basics as a relationship is far more complicated.

 

That being said, I'm probably completely screwed. I have basically  have all these traits except confidence which kills my social skills.

If you can't even start a conversation, then none of these other traits even matter. *sigh* I'm going to have to get really lucky and come across someone who gets the ball initially rolling or I'm going to be alone forever. I'm hopeful about college though so I guess I haven't lost all hope yet. Be confident.

 

Also can't believe I forgot this, Women are not a prize to be won. They are your equal and the relationship is two sided. 

Edited May 23, 2013 by Conbon

[Fluttershyfan94 5,742]

A lot of good advices on this topic, I can clearly see that people like me need more self confidence and probably change my way of thinking. I need to stop putting myself down all the time and probably focus on what makes me, well me. Because I think, or know I can't, it seems like I just can't, well, time to change that right here, I can, starting that I can attitude. I'm already optimistic because ponies, so all I need is that attitude. I can get a GF, even with all my nerdyness and bad social skills! I can do this.

Although I never really think about this stuff, I don't know maybe me being myself is the problem, humm.. Nah, I'm awesome. Personally, if we would go vice versa, what would I be looking for in a girl. I would say that I'm actually just looking for a friend. Like someone to talk to, just to have fun with. I'm sure many girls are that way too, well otherwise the relationship would never last, which is probably why most of them never last for long.

 

Yay, spoiler!

 

Doesn't matter to me though, I never think about this. Besides I don't have the time for a GF, I need that time for ponies and cars.. *looks at the clock* Yeah, I have no time at all. *the clock ticks slowly* *I look at my iPad, seeing that I'm writing this* Humm, well turns out I have the time, at least an hour maybe. I guess I can use that hour to watch random muscle car burnouts.

Just the fact I wrote that extra proves I have the time, yeah I guess it's time for me to start doing something about this, starting with following some of these advices. I guess the worst that can happen is that I'll return to my cozy dark corner. Which I think is calling me.

 

 

Edited May 23, 2013 by Fluttershyfan94

[Snowdream 221]

BRITISH ACCENTS!! I LOVE THEM!! THEY ARE SOOO GOOD!

 

um... apart from that, personality, that is probably one of the main ones (looks is also nice )

[The Dandy 73]

What's that I hear you think? Love, kindness, generosity, honesty, holding the door open for them and all of that stuff well, get that out of your head, (where the hell did you come up with that?) girls would like nothing more than a good looking guy, no matter what the personality. What's that? You're not goo looking well, don't be conserved perhaps, you could just try being a dick (girls respond to that).

[Lord Bloodpool 3]

BRITISH ACCENTS!! I LOVE THEM!! THEY ARE SOOO GOOD!

 

Huh. You won't believe how many times I've heard that exact thing, and it tends to irritate me.

 

Yes, before you ask, I do live in England. Anyway, that's not the point I'm trying to make here.

 

Think about where you live. Specifically, the country you live in. Does everyone else who lives in your country speak with the same accent? I'm pretty sure that they don't.

 

The same applies for the UK. The "British Accent" isn't an accent at all. The only people who speak like that in the UK are Newsreaders, and the people who have been taught to speak like that in fancy private schools like Eton; The accent itself doesn't belong to a particular area of the United Kingdom.

[Zygen 6,066]

I hate to sound clichéd, gents, but with that attitude you never will find your special somepony. It's like Henry Ford said: "Whether you think you can or you can't - you're right."

 

You see, I know firsthand the dangers of putting oneself down - I'm not attractive enough, my personality is too dull, blah-de-blah-de-blah. That's been my own self-assessment throughout most of my life. But let me tell you, the further you sink into that mindset, the more realistic those thoughts will start to become. You'll devolve into such a pessimistic, unsure-of-yourself person that...well, no woman would want to date you. Would you honestly want to hang around such a gloomy person all the time?

 

That said, nipping those negative thoughts in the bud are key to your success, not just for your love lives, but for life in general. I know phrases like "never say never" and "be yourself" seem horribly trite, and probably seem unhelpful to you now, but they really do ring true in the long run. You'd be amazed how far 'faking' optimism and confidence can get you, especially when they eventually transform into genuine optimism and confidence. You've got to learn to be truly happy with who you are, before trying your hand at the love game. After all, how can a girl fall in love with a guy who can't love himself?

 

But yeah, my lecturing aside...don't put yourselves down, fellas. You seen the 'Cutest girl brony' thread? Seen all the lovely ladies there completely putting themselves down - "I'm sooo hideous!" - and you just shake your head and think "What are you talking about? You're awesome!" Aren't you guys doing the same thing with all this self-deprecation? Have some faith in yourselves!

 

^ You see? I rest my case.

I guess your right. Although I don't really find myself being that negative to push anyone away, just no one seems interested in me.

 

Then again maybe I'm just bad at reading the signals idk.

 

I suppose regardless negativity doesn't help. That said I still don't think i consider myself awesome and don't really want to because I'll end up really stuck up then. But yeah.

 

Thanks I guess though.

[Dark Moon 965]

 

 

What's that I hear you think? Love, kindness, generosity, honesty, holding the door open for them and all of that stuff well, get that out of your head, (where the hell did you come up with that?) girls would like nothing more than a good looking guy, no matter what the personality. What's that? You're not goo looking well, don't be conserved perhaps, you could just try being a dick (girls respond to that).

 

I can definitely see where your coming from because I have also seen that a lot as well. Except were not talking about a fake relationship or an abusive one. Were talking about a real relationship here, one that takes time and effort. I don't know what has made you so pessimistic, but I feel bad for you.

 

 

 

Well apparently whatever it is it's stuff I don't have, or what the girls at my school look for, they show like no interest in me at all, any of them, and being a man expected to make a move, but also being shy equals the fact I'll probable never get to dating. Or I haven't yet at 16.

 

Ouch! Was the same when I was in high school, I think. (Yeah just graduated!) Yeah unless you take the first step, your probably never going to date in High school (Which is what happened to me). 

[Zygen 6,066]

I can definitely see where your coming from because I have also seen that a lot as well. Except were not talking about a fake relationship or an abusive one. Were talking about a real relationship here, one that takes time and effort. I don't know what has made you so pessimistic, but I feel bad for you.

 

 

Ouch! Was the same when I was in high school, I think. (Yeah just graduated!) Yeah unless you take the first step, your probably never going to date in High school (Which is what happened to me).

Yeah it sucks, I hate how I more or less have to make the first move all the time since its a guy thing or something.

 

So I guess chances are unless I suddenly become highly outgoing and not a nervous wreck im probaly not dating in highschool.

 

Oh well, I guess it's not a huge deal, I don't have to have a girl. I'm fine alone I guess.

[Thrashy 2,800]

I guess your right. Although I don't really find myself being that negative to push anyone away, just no one seems interested in me.

 

Then again maybe I'm just bad at reading the signals idk.

 

I suppose regardless negativity doesn't help. That said I still don't think i consider myself awesome and don't really want to because I'll end up really stuck up then. But yeah.

 

Thanks I guess though.

Well, there is a fine line between thinking yourself as awesome (general cockiness), and thinking yourself as being better than everyone else (arrogance). As long as you don't cross the line into arrogance, it's alright to have a moderately high opinion of yourself...provided you show humility where it's due. It's widely (but not universally) considered an attractive personality trait, regardless of gender, which is personally why I find RD's personality so attractive.

 

And as for reading the signals, that is a fine art of its own. Hell, it's even a science of sorts, when you get right down to it. If you're anything like me, you don't pay much attention to how girls behave around you, so you may very well be getting some interested glances - more times than you probably think, in fact - but are completely oblivious to them. I can't tell you how many times I've been out with friends and had them say to me, "Dude, that one chick was totally scoping you out," only for me to get pissed off at myself for not opening my eyes.

 

By nature, shy people tend to focus on themselves when placed public settings, constantly worrying about how others are perceiving them. Instead of focusing on what you think others are thinking of you, focus on your surroundings; observe what the people around you are doing. If somepony makes eye contact with you, don't just look away. Smile. Say something, even if it's as generic as "Hi, how's it going?" By doing so, you'll likely make their day, not to mention you might even spark up a conversation, or even a friendship if you're lucky.

 

If you really want to get in the game, you've got to learn to build your confidence so that you can be active in said game; rarely will a girl just fall into a passive guy's lap. Above all, study both men's and women's body language. Recognizing the various signals from the people you interact with - as well as knowing what signals you're throwing off, so that you can learn to regulate them - will not only help you find your special somepony, but will make you a more well-rounded individual in your general interactions with others. (Take the tips in these links with a grain of salt, if you please. Most of it is good info, but some of it kind of traipses into "how to be a player" territory, where you do not want to go.)

 

Don't just write yourself off like "Eh, I guess I'm better off on my own anyway." You deserve better than that (that goes for you too, @Dark Moon and @Champion RD92), and the first step is realizing you deserve more. Only then can you begin your quest of confidence building and improving your interactions with others.

 

Anyway, I think I've just about exhausted everything I have to say on this whole thing, so lest I further cement myself as a complete know-it-all in everypony's mind, I think I'm done here. Good luck, gents, and don't worry - there is somepony for everypony. To be as outrageously cliché as I possibly can, of course.

[Zygen 6,066]

Well, there is a fine line between thinking yourself as awesome (general cockiness), and thinking yourself as being better than everyone else (arrogance). As long as you don't cross the line into arrogance, it's alright to have a moderately high opinion of yourself...provided you show humility where it's due. It's widely (but not universally) considered an attractive personality trait, regardless of gender, which is personally why I find RD's personality so attractive.

 

And as for reading the signals, that is a fine art of its own. Hell, it's even a science of sorts, when you get right down to it. If you're anything like me, you don't pay much attention to how girls behave around you, so you may very well be getting some interested glances - more times than you probably think, in fact - but are completely oblivious to them. I can't tell you how many times I've been out with friends and had them say to me, "Dude, that one chick was totally scoping you out," only for me to get pissed off at myself for not opening my eyes.

 

By nature, shy people tend to focus on themselves when placed public settings, constantly worrying about how others are perceiving them. Instead of focusing on what you think others are thinking of you, focus on your surroundings; observe what the people around you are doing. If somepony makes eye contact with you, don't just look away. Smile. Say something, even if it's as generic as "Hi, how's it going?" By doing so, you'll likely make their day, not to mention you might even spark up a conversation, or even a friendship if you're lucky.

 

If you really want to get in the game, you've got to learn to build your confidence so that you can be active in said game; rarely will a girl just fall into a passive guy's lap. Above all, study both men's and women's body language. Recognizing the various signals from the people you interact with - as well as knowing what signals you're throwing off, so that you can learn to regulate them - will not only help you find your special somepony, but will make you a more well-rounded individual in your general interactions with others. (Take the tips in these links with a grain of salt, if you please. Most of it is good info, but some of it kind of traipses into "how to be a player" territory, where you do not want to go.)

 

Don't just write yourself off like "Eh, I guess I'm better off on my own anyway." You deserve better than that (that goes for you too, @Dark Moon and @Champion RD92), and the first step is realizing you deserve more. Only then can you begin your quest of confidence building and improving your interactions with others.

 

Anyway, I think I've just about exhausted everything I have to say on this whole thing, so lest I further cement myself as a complete know-it-all in everypony's mind, I think I'm done here. Good luck, gents, and don't worry - there is somepony for everypony. To be as outrageously cliché as I possibly can, of course.

Hehe, you make some good points I guess, I just typically stay at low self confidence because otherwise I can get quite cocky, but I guess you just have to control it.

 

Maybe I don't pay enough attention to others, idk it certainly Is complex though, I kinda think I pay a good bit of attention, but maybe I don't.

 

Guess I'll work on that a bit and learn to read body language. I'm not exactly the most socially experienced person since I was homeschooled till I went into 8th grade, I'm just now going to be a sophomore next year, so maybe I'm missing some stuff on that .

 

I guess there probaly is someone out there, although I really don't know if the risks are worth it sometimes, I don't like to be hated, and if I breakup with someone them and their friends might start to hate me.

 

I guess overall I just have a lot of confidence to work on.

 

Anyways, thanks , you made some great points and info.

[Unpredictable Ranger 696]

As somepony already mentioned before: respect, kindness, honesty, compassion, understanding....

 

We want to be living in a safe and comfortable situation -- for example, having males ogling at us or giving off unwanted gestures (wolf whistles or several other suggestive body languages) are examples of what turn us away because we feel that males only see us as some kind of "prized item" instead of humans like men/boys themselves. Some even go as far as groping us whenever they have the chance, they might think feel they have the upperhand to do so just because many women/girls are ashamed of acknowledging the public that they're groped/molested but it doesn't mean that we like that to be happening. Guys, that's just mean, y'know.

 

If you males can restrain yourselves from all these - even the subtle suggestive things you do are making us upset, even if some ladies/girls squealed when you do those things BUT usually it's not delight, but rather, is because most would be shocked and don't know what to say or do to oppose the unwanted behaviour coming from the perpetrator(s). It makes us feel threatened, unsafe and of course HUMILIATED by your "cunning advances".

 

All in all, women/girls hope that the men/boys are able to protect us from harm, not cause harm or uneasiness to us. Pardon me if I can't deliver the message clearly (I think?) in this post but I do hope y'all know, can accept and integrate this into your everyday lives, guys~

Edited May 24, 2013 by Fluffle Puff

[rioichi 22]

Hmm... this is an interesting topic.

 

I could also need some help with these problems. Okay, here's the deal. I have lots of girl friends (just friends) and all of them like me (like in a non-romantic meaning). Everybody constantly says that they enjoy my company and I'm the only guy in our group. Every once in a while, I see myself in a situation, helping one of them in boyfriend issues and that sort of thing. I have been told many times that it so easy to talk with me.

 

I'm pretty sensitive guy. I cry easily on things and get emotional even from smallest of things. I'm the kind of guy that everybody can trust. Hell, some of my girl friends have said that they fell much better talking to me about touchy subjects than they fell talking with other girls.

 

I consider myself as a funny person. I always come up with new jokes. If my friend (girl or guy) feel down, I'm always there to cheer them up. I'm very optimistic person and I try to live my life without worries and stress. I'm also a social person. I like to go out,meet new people and love to talk with people. But I also like to spend time in home and if I would have the "very special somebody" I'd like to stay home with her, watch movies or something. The main thing is that I want to be close and alone with her and have a good time.

 

I don't consider myself handsom. I'm bit overweight and have little bit of acne. But what I think it is isn't that bad so it would instantly turn away girls.

 

So reading through this thread "annoys" me. For the lists and criterias posted here... It instantly seems that I would be the "dream guy" for most girls. I know that's not the fact but still... Why don't I have girlfriend? I have asked out couple of girls and it has always came to that they just want to be friends. What am I doing wrong? Why it seems, that I have no chance in a romantic relationship with a girl?

[SCS 7,537]

I'm the same way, girls never really show interest in me, plus I'm pretty shy, so I am afraid to talk to girls and ask them out and stuff, so I'm pretty much just screwed I guess :/

 

@Zygen and @Champion RD92, I know that feel, I'm exactly the same way. I'm 16, shy, and never really had a girlfriend. (I had ones online like twice when I was younger, but that doesn't really count lol....)

 

I don't feel like I'm screwed, though. In fact, as I get older I (slowly) get more confident. And, sometimes I find myself yearning for a female partner who would be like my other half, but when I think about it logically there's just no point in worrying about it. If you focus on being happy and doing what you love to do in life you'll naturally run into other people who are similar to yourself, and it's likely that you'd find a girl who loved you for who you are at some point. 

[Unpredictable Ranger 696]

Depending on where you're living, @rioichi. Some girls in certain parts of the world might see your type of personality as something that make them feel insecure of their safety (you can't defend them because of your "cry easily and get emotional from smallest of things").

 

Man-up a bit more, because the signs you're giving off to people are saying that you can't stand up for them if anything dangerous happens, even if you know that you're stronger than what people may perceive you as. And I am sorry for saying this because it's the cold, hard truth. Don't cry, okay?

Hmm... this is an interesting topic.

 

I could also need some help with these problems. Okay, here's the deal. I have lots of girl friends (just friends) and all of them like me (like in a non-romantic meaning). Everybody constantly says that they enjoy my company and I'm the only guy in our group. Every once in a while, I see myself in a situation, helping one of them in boyfriend issues and that sort of thing. I have been told many times that it so easy to talk with me.

 

I'm pretty sensitive guy. I cry easily on things and get emotional even from smallest of things. I'm the kind of guy that everybody can trust. Hell, some of my girl friends have said that they fell much better talking to me about touchy subjects than they fell talking with other girls.

 

I consider myself as a funny person. I always come up with new jokes. If my friend (girl or guy) feel down, I'm always there to cheer them up. I'm very optimistic person and I try to live my life without worries and stress. I'm also a social person. I like to go out,meet new people and love to talk with people. But I also like to spend time in home and if I would have the "very special somebody" I'd like to stay home with her, watch movies or something. The main thing is that I want to be close and alone with her and have a good time.

 

I don't consider myself handsom. I'm bit overweight and have little bit of acne. But what I think it is isn't that bad so it would instantly turn away girls.

 

So reading through this thread "annoys" me. For the lists and criterias posted here... It instantly seems that I would be the "dream guy" for most girls. I know that's not the fact but still... Why don't I have girlfriend? I have asked out couple of girls and it has always came to that they just want to be friends. What am I doing wrong? Why it seems, that I have no chance in a romantic relationship with a girl?

Edited May 24, 2013 by Fluffle Puff

[Lucky Bolt 35,085]

I dunno about other women but I can certainly speak for myself here. What do I look for in a man? Well....he's gotta be able to put up with me...that's a big one ...gotta be funny, have a good sense of humor, strong yet sensitive, caring, good with kids, knows his stuff with cars and working under the hood  (yea idk why but that just gets me), and above all....loyal. 

As far as physical appearance goes...he's gotta be taller than me but not TOO tall...around 5'11" is perfect. Brown eyes, dark red hair....  And the more country boy he is, the better. 

Oh look I just described @Cyclone1066  

 

Edited June 26, 2019 by Lucky Bolt

[Here No Longer 5,277]

Well, I'm not a girl, but I am a connosieur of the male specimen...  I suppose I'll say what I look for.

 

He has to be nice, smart and kind of goofy. He has to share some interests, but also be able to introduce me to new things. He has to put up with my antics and he has to put up with my anxiety. He has to be sensitive enough to be able to talk about feelings but tough enough to protect me. Above all, he must be an understanding man that gets me.

 

Appearance-wise it doesn't matter so much, though I'd prefer a guy that's just a few inches taller than me, and big and buff enough to pick me up, though I don't like excessive muscles or bulky giants.

 

Oh wait, that man's my boyfriend.

Edited June 26, 2019 by ~Angel Dust~

[Early Sunsets 2,107]

Probably stuff like loyalty, honesty, respect, selflessness, humor, etc. I'm male, so obviously I can only really say what I've heard.

I guess a personality at least slightly more engaging than a sack of potatoes is essential, too. Maybe that's why I'm still single

[Dreambiscuit 10,167]

I think the best kind of man is one who is dedicated to his interests while still honoring the interests of others, thinks inwardly about the bigger picture rather than constantly obsessing over trivial matters or showing off for others, and is committed to his principles. I don’t gravitate much to ‘cool’ guys because cool is just code for fashionably foolish. As far as appearances are concerned, it doesn’t really matter because I respond well to a wide variety. It’s all about the personality, sense of humor, confidence and the personality he projects from who he is, and not who he thinks others want him to be. No malleable crowd-followers for me, please.