Social anxiety/phobia

[VictiniStar101 214]

I wouldn't say I'm afraid of social interaction.  I am a little shy though and have difficulty with communication skills, I can only engage in small talk, I talk fast and screw up sentences a lot, and I sometimes don't know what to type on the internet.  Part of it may be that I'm not that outgoing

[Wahya 71]

I personally have always had anxiety attacks, although it was dismissed as growing pains growing up... Unfortunately along with that I also have a skin condition that is correlated with it so.... yay... 

[Kyoshi Frost Wolf 40,467]

Count me into this group. I have always had severe anxiety and as a result social interactions were difficult for me. On top of this I am autistic which explains a lot of things on this topic. Public situations terrify and even just being in a public place with a lot of people alone, that sends my anxiety into frenzy mode. Needless to say I don't get out much anymore. Surprisingly my anxiety problems are actually getting worse over the years and that's not good.

[Steve Piranha 29,089]

Currently, I used to have a more severe sociophobia, but it's now lessened, but not gone, I still uncomfortable being with many people. Well, I don't see how I'll overcome it if I'm still living in a getto slum 

[Alto 437]

i have no problem socializing with other people online or offline,i have an easy time making friends with people i just met.

 

i do have a problem with intimacy

an online friend which i have known for a longtime just asked me if i could meet her next month as she will be visiting my city

and im like nooooppee busy errr i'll be doing something

Edited June 19, 2015 by Alto

[Vertigo_95 572]

Oh I have a huge problem with that, but i'm trying to fix that. I actually made a blog post about my speaking back in May. https://mlpforums.com/blog/2179/entry-16359-my-insecurity-on-speaking/

 

Everything in this blog post pretty much applies for this thread/topic or whatever.

[Arylett Charnoa 4,919]

I've talked to people about this on another forum and the main thing they always stress is challenging your 'comfort zone.' Probably would be helpful, but it's easier said than done.

 

 

 

I'm pretty bad at remembering names too, but I think I'm pretty good at remembering faces, I remember most of the people I see.

 

There's challenging your comfort zone and then there's doing way too much all at once. That seems to be what a lot of people mean when they say that. That's not how you solve problems like that. It's okay that you can't work a job like that. I worked two jobs for a combined amount of a year and it still was extremely stressful and grating. Even if I got used to people a little better, it didn't stop my stress from building up to the point where I'm just not really going to work in any job like that again. I'm taking it little by little - each step is an accomplishment. Even talking to someone for five seconds on occasion means something. I am told by my therapist to take it one step at a time, and not to be too hard on myself for what I can't do right now. It doesn't mean that everything is lost.

 

---

 

I have social anxiety, in case you couldn't tell. In addition to seeing a therapist, I take medication for it. Generally, I can talk to people sometimes, but it's very irregular. I can even learn to somewhat tolerate the presence of strangers. It all depends on my mood. I can talk long enough to communicate necessities. A few short sentences. My mind just can't keep up with real time to communicate with people and I can barely think. Things happen too quickly in reality for me to respond to them. It's parts chemical imbalances and parts upbringing. Most of my life, I've been secluded in my house and have learned how to communicate much more efficiently on the internet. I'm a native to it, and have become used to the slow pace it allows me to think with, but I pretty much feel like I'm out of my element in real life.

 

Doesn't really help that I pretty much find real life human interaction, and honestly, even most internet interaction, to be alien and confusing. I feel like someone from another planet that just observes these strange creatures. People don't make sense to me and I don't have the ability to be casual. So that really racks up the anxiety. I'm always worried about what unwritten social rules I'm breaking because of how complex human interaction is. What weird awkward things my body is doing and what facial expressions I'm making that I can't control. I have to hide myself, my lack of understanding, and naivety about real life so I can appear acceptable. Because everyone just assumes that I know things when I don't - I don't know very much about the outer world. It's very stressful since I'm just used to being myself and am very bad at lying.

 

Here's the funny part though. I actually do public speaking better than other people given time to rehearse a bit. It's still scary as balls, but I used to have speech classes, and read things aloud in classes on occasion, and I've been told that I have major balls with some of the topics I choose to talk about and how I conduct myself. Sometimes I can surprise myself with what I can do. If something has to be done and is extremely necessary (and there's no one else around to do it), I will do it even if it hurts. It just tells me I have the capability to get out, but I'm not quite there yet.

 

Basically though, I'd rather direct communication with people if possible. There are too many variables I don't understand, and I can't process. It's awkward, clunky, and horrible trying to talk to a majority of people, because most of it is filled with meaningless small talk and casualness that I have absolutely little ability to comply with. Sadly though, because I am a human, I have instincts to socialize. And I wish I could remove that, because it just becomes this stressful dance of my desire to stay away from others and my desire to make more friends. I hate that.

[Guest]

I used to have social anxiety, but I guess I grew out of it. It's not hard to break the ice guys, just start with small talk and proceed from there. Say hi when you make eye contact, it's not difficult, people.

[TailsIsNotAlone 3,694]

if you have a job, you will learn how to comunicate with people and work with others. 

I't not that simple for all of us, unfortunately. I've been working for 14 years (I'm 29) and I still haven't learned.

 

I have had social anxiety for a long time, and it has gotten worse, not better. It was hard enough in school where nothing I said ever seemed to be the right thing, unless I was telling a joke. That usually worked, so I became a class clown for a while but then I got tired of it and just tried not to speak much at all. Now it drains the life out of me just to make small talk, and a negative encounter with someone else ruins my entire day. I hate talking to people in person, especially strangers. When I lived alone, a phone call or a knock on the door would actually frighten me.

 

Other people can communicate on a much higher level than me; they can "recognize social cues" and "anticipate needs" and all this other unspoken stuff that I've never understood in the least. I just don't have those abilities. All of my talents manifest themselves inward. Most of who I really am is hidden from the rest of the world, and that's how I like it. I don't trust the rest of the world much anyway.

I used to have social anxiety, but I guess I grew out of it. It's not hard to break the ice guys, just start with small talk and proceed from there. Say hi when you make eye contact, it's not difficult, people.

People do not just grow out of social anxiety, and anyone who has had a serious case would know better than to say that. Breaking the ice, making small talk, and maintaining eye contact are all very difficult things.

 

Real social anxiety is not simply being nervous. It's about having no idea what to say, no idea how to say it, no real desire to say it--and even if you're lucky and your meaning gets across, you take little pleasure in it.

 

I can communicate online and sometimes do all right at public speaking, because those are structured events, things I can prepare for. If I make a mistake or am unsatisfied with my original message, I can go back and change it. Interpersonal, face-to-face encounters are a totally different story.

[CandyStrike 603]

Anyone with social anxiety/phobia has my sympathies.  I don't think I have social anxiety or social phobia.  I'm just autistic and have a general anxiety disorder so interacting with people isn't easy for me and stresses me out.

[Guest]

 

People do not just grow out of social anxiety, and anyone who has had a serious case would know better than to say that. Breaking the ice, making small talk, and maintaining eye contact are all very difficult things.

 

Real social anxiety is not simply being nervous. It's about having no idea what to say, no idea how to say it, no real desire to say it--and even if you're lucky and your meaning gets across, you take little pleasure in it.

 

I can communicate online and sometimes do all right at public speaking, because those are structured events, things I can prepare for. If I don't like your original message, I can go back and change it. Interpersonal, face-to-face encounters are a totally different story.

Making eye contact and making small talk are not difficult. If you really can't do these basic things, you need therapy. Or at least some psychiatric medicine. I could make small talk in my sleep. *Someone walks up to me* "Hey" "hey" "how's it going?" "good". You'd be surprised how just that brief exchange of words can break the silent tension. Force yourself to make small talk and your social skills will develop naturally.

Edited June 20, 2015 by Guest

[TailsIsNotAlone 3,694]

Making eye contact and making small talk are not difficult. If you really can't do these basic things, you need therapy. Or at least some psychiatric medicine.

I don't think you understand what it is to have serious social anxiety, and you don't seem interested in reading about it either. Never mind.

[CandyStrike 603]

Making eye contact and making small talk are not difficult. If you really can't do these basic things, you need therapy. Or at least some psychiatric medicine. I could make small talk in my sleep. *Someone walks up to me* "Hey" "hey" "how's it going?" "good". You'd be surprised how just that brief exchange of words can break the silent tension. Force yourself to make small talk and your social skills will develop naturally.

Making eye contact and small talk is difficult for plenty of people!  Myself included.  I go to therapy and take psychiatric meds but I still have trouble with it.  Some of us are born with a brain that does not naturally know how to do these things and forcing it to do them is stressful.  There is no magical cure for it!

[Guest]

I don't think you understand what it is to have serious social anxiety, and you don't seem interested in reading about it either. Never mind.

I understand fully, I also know that it's something that is not impossible to overcome, and can be overcome with practice. I take medication for anxiety and depression and it helps a lot.

Making eye contact and small talk is difficult for plenty of people!  Myself included.  I go to therapy and take psychiatric meds but I still have trouble with it.  Some of us are born with a brain that does not naturally know how to do these things and forcing it to do them is stressful.  There is no magical cure for it!

People naturally feel tension when they're in close proximity to someone else, the easiest way to break that tension is to say hi once you make eye contact, just try it, and don't force it, just be yourself, talk about shit that doesn't matter, talk about the weather, or just how are things going, general things like that if you can't think of anything to say. If you're too far to say hi and you make eye contact, try waving.

Edited June 20, 2015 by Guest

[Arylett Charnoa 4,919]

I understand fully, I also know that it's something that is not impossible to overcome, and can be overcome with practice. I take medication for anxiety and depression and it helps a lot.

People naturally feel tension when they're in close proximity to someone else, the easiest way to break that tension is to say hi once you make eye contact, just try it, and don't force it, just be yourself, talk about shit that doesn't matter, talk about the weather, or just how are things going, general things like that if you can't think of anything to say. If you're too far to say hi and you make eye contact, try waving.

I know this is likely pointless as you do not seem to understand as fully as you believe you do (and I don't mean to insult you when I say this - it's extremely difficult for others to grasp the emotions of others), but if it were that easy, then many of us would have done it by now. I too take medication and it doesn't help completely. It's not supposed to. I see a therapist and have been seeing one for several years. Things are gradually getting better. Very gradually. However, It doesn't just end by me trying hard enough. With that attitude, I've made myself feel responsible for all of my troubles and gone into spirals of depression and self-hatred.

 

The mere effort of attempting is an effort in and of itself. It involves constant battling with negative forces in your mind that you can't control. First, you have to beat yourself into submission before you can go out there into the world. And even once you get past that, you're exhausted when you get to actual people. I understand you've said "don't force it," but for people like me, any attempt IS forcing it. Because I literally cannot think of any small talk or just "general shit" that would interest anyone. All I care about talking about are things that are too intense for other people, or that I know I wouldn't care about. Trust me when I say that. I know how they react when I try. My brain doesn't process things as quickly in real time either, so I just end up sputtering like an idiot in short sentences. I have to fight my emotions and a slow brain that literally does not understand how to interact with other humans.

 

And yes, I know. I know with enough practice, I could be passable. I'll admit I haven't practiced as much as I should. But that is because it takes years and years of continuous effort and extremely hard work. Because we're human, and we live in the real world constantly being bombarded by this issue, sometimes we're just tired. We're tired and all we want is just to sit alone in our rooms and experience peace rather than the madness and chaos triggered in our minds by the presence of other human beings. Most of the time, that's all I want. 

 

True understanding doesn't mean dismissing something with simple advice and calling it easy just because you could overcome it. It's good that you overcame your own problems! I really don't mean any of this with any intent of sarcasm or spite. But everyone is different, has different degrees of their problems, different ways of coping, and so on and so forth. A solution like that isn't always clearcut and simple. Whilst things can become better with practice, for a lot of people who have it as bad or worse than I do, it can never be overcome. And it is a constant, endless struggle for the rest of your life.

[ChoroChii 284]

My social anxiety seems to be decreasing after my public speaking class in college.

I've never had a phobia. I'm not really afraid of anything.

Edited June 21, 2015 by Princess Sapphire

[James 302]

@@Arylett Charnoa, You're so incredibly good at describing this. I've never seen someone explain it in such clear and comprehensible words. It's always been something I've struggled with, describing what it is and how it feels.

 

I've had panic disorder since 1980.  And I have to say, being brought up in a dysfunctional alcoholic family, I don't much like people.  I know that there are likeable people out there - lots of them here - but because of my weird upbringing I have poor facial recognition and social skills.  I don't go out much, don't drive and don't like crowds.  Panic attacks on buses, etc.

 

Do you like animals?  Dogs?  Cats?  A good job for you might be dog-walker.  Very little interaction between you and the owners - after all, they need you because they can't be there.  Maybe it's too soon for you.

 

How are you on the phone?  Can you call for take-away?  Do you have phone conversations of any kind?  The phone is good because you can always hang up.  If you let the people you talk to know that you may have to hang up without notice, and that it's not about them, you may feel less stressed - you can stop the interaction in a heartbeat, no hard feelings.

 

I'd offer to talk to you on the phone, but I'm afraid it would be too expensive for you.  I'm in California.  Any other Bronies in Northern Ireland? 

 

Once you establish some degree of trust on the phone, you might try a meetup.  Someplace close to home so you can bail if you need to.  What cities are you close to?  Belfast?  Dublin?  Bound to be some Bronies there.

 

Are your parents/family sympathetic, or do they give you a bad time about it? 

 

Feel free to PM me if you want to talk.  I'm willing to try to help if I can.

 

Cheers!

 

Heh, that's a lot of questions all at once. Thanks for being supportive though.

I did actually do some volunteering at a shelter for cats and dogs last year. It was good actually, but I had to unfortunately leave that because communication was an issue for me, and I'm kinda clumsy. I think I remember them saying that I probably wouldn't be able to handle any issues that arose, which would have been true.

I'm not so good on the phone, it is one thing I have trouble with, and I try to avoid it. I suppose it could help though, if I had someone to talk to. Speaking is a bit of an issue for me.

There is actually a Facebook group for bronies who meet up in Belfast occasionally. Belfast is quite far though, and I've never gone there before. If I could do it though, it would provide a few options for meeting people.

My family are not in any way helpful in this. I don't really get along with my family, and I certainly couldn't imagine talking to them about this.

 

Really, what I want to do right now is talk to my doctor about medication. I've been really depressed, and motivation is very hard to come by at this point. I think it's worth trying anyway. I'm on a waiting list for counselling too, and I need to chase that up.

[The Leafeon Pinkeh 3,602]

I suffer with social anxiety. 

It's a horrible feeling being called up to speak in class, or anything of that nature. Social events are stressful for me, even though it should be fun to go to a party or on a camp >-<

It's also bad that I don't really have any friends... so when I go to places I freak out until I see someone I can talk to, which is an event i go through every week at church (not saying people aren't nice there or won't talk to me, i just don't feel comfortable around them) 

 

That's why I like having friends on here and being able to communicate with pms to internet buddies.. avoiding eye contact and being able to think about what i say before i do, i dont have to worry so much ^^; 

[Guest]

I know this is likely pointless as you do not seem to understand as fully as you believe you do (and I don't mean to insult you when I say this - it's extremely difficult for others to grasp the emotions of others), but if it were that easy, then many of us would have done it by now. I too take medication and it doesn't help completely. It's not supposed to. I see a therapist and have been seeing one for several years. Things are gradually getting better. Very gradually. However, It doesn't just end by me trying hard enough. With that attitude, I've made myself feel responsible for all of my troubles and gone into spirals of depression and self-hatred.

 

The mere effort of attempting is an effort in and of itself. It involves constant battling with negative forces in your mind that you can't control. First, you have to beat yourself into submission before you can go out there into the world. And even once you get past that, you're exhausted when you get to actual people. I understand you've said "don't force it," but for people like me, any attempt IS forcing it. Because I literally cannot think of any small talk or just "general shit" that would interest anyone. All I care about talking about are things that are too intense for other people, or that I know I wouldn't care about. Trust me when I say that. I know how they react when I try. My brain doesn't process things as quickly in real time either, so I just end up sputtering like an idiot in short sentences. I have to fight my emotions and a slow brain that literally does not understand how to interact with other humans.

 

And yes, I know. I know with enough practice, I could be passable. I'll admit I haven't practiced as much as I should. But that is because it takes years and years of continuous effort and extremely hard work. Because we're human, and we live in the real world constantly being bombarded by this issue, sometimes we're just tired. We're tired and all we want is just to sit alone in our rooms and experience peace rather than the madness and chaos triggered in our minds by the presence of other human beings. Most of the time, that's all I want. 

 

True understanding doesn't mean dismissing something with simple advice and calling it easy just because you could overcome it. It's good that you overcame your own problems! I really don't mean any of this with any intent of sarcasm or spite. But everyone is different, has different degrees of their problems, different ways of coping, and so on and so forth. A solution like that isn't always clearcut and simple. Whilst things can become better with practice, for a lot of people who have it as bad or worse than I do, it can never be overcome. And it is a constant, endless struggle for the rest of your life.

Well I"m glad you're seeing a therapist, I guess social interaction comes so naturally to me I just don't understand how it could be a challenge. I mean sure, i'm awkward at times, but nothing like what you described. I guess I don't really understand, I mean I can sympathize, but I guess I just can't grasp the thought process of someone having trouble interacting socially.

[Foliha 395]

@@Arylett Charnoa, You're so incredibly good at describing this. I've never seen someone explain it in such clear and comprehensible words. It's always been something I've struggled with, describing what it is and how it feels.

 

 

Heh, that's a lot of questions all at once. Thanks for being supportive though.

'snip'

Really, what I want to do right now is talk to my doctor about medication. I've been really depressed, and motivation is very hard to come by at this point. I think it's worth trying anyway. I'm on a waiting list for counselling too, and I need to chase that up.

Here is a webpage that has some good info and links. 

 

http://www.webmd.com/anxiety-panic/guide/mental-health-social-anxiety-disorder

 

I think it's important to understand that it's not your fault that you have this difficulty, and there are many other people in the same boat.  I came down with severe panic disorder in 1980, and it's still a problem for me, but not on a scale that it was for the first ten years or so.  The first 5 years I was housebound. 

 

The bad news is, you will always experience anxiety in some situations, the good news is, this is normal.  Everybody does.  And you can learn coping skills that will enable you to deal with these situations, so you can have contact with others and not be miserable the whole time. 

 

One thing - avoid people who tell you things that begin with, "You just need to..."  There are plenty of people out there who just need to "pull up their socks" and get on with it.  From what you've described you aren't one of them.  You will need help and maybe meds.  But you can begin working toward feeling more comfortable and confident. 

 

The next time you see you regular doctor, ask him if there is a support group that you could get into until you are able to get one on one counseling/therapy. 

 

Exercise helps.  If going out is hard because of the anxiety of running into people, walk in areas that are pretty empty.  Perhaps at night.  I find that taking a camera helps too.  When I get involved in taking pictures, it takes my mind out of that self-perpetuating anxiety loop.  Some days it works better than others...  But it always helps.  I also take my dog.  She doesn't care how or even if I talk.  =)

 

One more thing... I know this will sound new-agey and silly, but it really isn't.  Smile.  As much as you can.  There has been research that shows that the act of smiling actually causes chemical changes in your brain that improve your state of mind.  Even if you don't feel happy about smiling. 

 

Hang in there.  You can feel better and more in control. 

[Stary Dreams 87]

I've had social anxiety for almost my entire life, younger I was a bit more social than I am now but that changed after I moved countries and grew older (of course). I've always had few friends and never really liked talking to people in public, especially people like cashiers, waiters, etc. It takes you on a whole new level of self-consciousness and you start you feel afraid of the world. While you and the others on this forum with the same case might already know this fact, and I'm sure you do -- you are not alone and will never be. The silent ones, the outcasts, and the rebels will always be somewhere in the world always there in our souls. ~

[EpicEnergy 22,447]

I'm not sure if I struggle with social anxiety, and I would rather refrain from self-diagnosing. However, I do have problems with socializing with people and it makes me stressed and anxious to talk with most people.

[Clawdeen 12,120]

I mean just existing gives me anxiety tbh 

[Cash Ins Toaster 21,658]

I struggled with it for a while, but luckily I don't have too many issues with it anymore. Still, it can be very large obstacle.