Feedback for your OC and Roleplaying 2.0!

[Literally Snails 2,307]

LOL You OC seems really familiar to me! I think I reviewed you OC at one point!

You have? Did you have a different name?

[Inactive01 5,299]

You have? Did you have a different name?

Hehehehe! I used to be Sterling Crimson, and your OC was the 19th one I reviewed! I can see you made some changes to it, so I'll still have a look!

[Courageous Thunder Dash 7,824]

@,

 

Can't quite remember...did you review my OC Melody Breeze in the last thread? 

[Inactive01 5,299]

@,

 

Can't quite remember...did you review my OC Melody Breeze in the last thread? 

Nope! I just added your OC to the queue for reviewing!

[Courageous Thunder Dash 7,824]

@,

 

Okies here's the link: http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/melody-breeze-r3875 

 

Hope she comes out well. 

[Astral Blitzen 469]

I will post my OC here once I finish her profile

http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/astral-blitzen-r6345  Here's the link! I'm still figuring out the backstory.

[Inactive01 5,299]

Merryfeather McCloud

 

Appearance: She certainly looks like a cute and modest OC for starters. And you've even given her an even cuter headband and a scarf to boot! And she has a British accent? Awww... That's sweet. It certainly reflects her modesty well, but... I also love how you add another side of her that ponies don't notice. With the way you give her appearance, ponies wouldn't take note and she can easily show another side her nopony else would want to see! xD Good start.

 

Score: 8.5/10

 

Backstory: First off, does she know why her parents kept working for so long and every day? Did she ever have a concern about that as she grew up? Nevertheless, the most important comment I want to make is that you've given a lot of focus on her cutie mark story, which is a good thing. Nevertheless, your focus on the cutie mark story is so overarching that you forget to include other aspects of her character that stems from her past. A backstory should have a healthy balance between the important events of her life and the other aspects that shape her as a person, like her friends and family. You've started to have that balance, but then you strayed into the cutie mark story. I suggest you continue from that and add more detail as to the events after the cutie mark story, her parents' reactions, and the rest of her school years. 

 

Score: 6.5/10

 

Personality: You have a good start here, but if you can add details to her personality section, it would make it even better! For example, talk about how focused she can be with her work, like what she does to keep herself focused for example. Or perhaps you can talk about her reactions to ponies who disturb her as she's focused on a particular task. I would also like to know how she learned to respect other ponies around her in the backstory so you can link it to her personality. Also consider how she could react if something happened to her scarves. How much does she love her scarves? Just some things to think about.

 

Score: 6.5/10

[Sugar Pea 2,682]

Merryfeather McCloud

 

Appearance: She certainly looks like a cute and modest OC for starters. And you've even given her an even cuter headband and a scarf to boot! And she has a British accent? Awww... That's sweet. It certainly reflects her modesty well, but... I also love how you add another side of her that ponies don't notice. With the way you give her appearance, ponies wouldn't take note and she can easily show another side her nopony else would want to see! xD Good start.

 

Score: 8.5/10

 

Backstory: First off, does she know why her parents kept working for so long and every day? Did she ever have a concern about that as she grew up? Nevertheless, the most important comment I want to make is that you've given a lot of focus on her cutie mark story, which is a good thing. Nevertheless, your focus on the cutie mark story is so overarching that you forget to include other aspects of her character that stems from her past. A backstory should have a healthy balance between the important events of her life and the other aspects that shape her as a person, like her friends and family. You've started to have that balance, but then you strayed into the cutie mark story. I suggest you continue from that and add more detail as to the events after the cutie mark story, her parents' reactions, and the rest of her school years. 

 

Score: 6.5/10

 

Personality: You have a good start here, but if you can add details to her personality section, it would make it even better! For example, talk about how focused she can be with her work, like what she does to keep herself focused for example. Or perhaps you can talk about her reactions to ponies who disturb her as she's focused on a particular task. I would also like to know how she learned to respect other ponies around her in the backstory so you can link it to her personality. Also consider how she could react if something happened to her scarves. How much does she love her scarves? Just some things to think about.

 

Score: 6.5/10

I really liked this review!

I tend to stray a bit from those things because I don't want to make her sound like a depressing character, although, at the time she was too young to understand it at all...so she was quite fine being with her grandmother. Making up a cutie mark story is kind hard. XD So I put as much focus as I can on it. Her personality could use some work, I did kinda lack a bit on that. ^^

Thanks, i'll put much work into it, and see what other critics think of her! :3

 

[Colorful Respawn 399]

Could you have a go at my ponysona? http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/celsius-r6233

[Astral Blitzen 469]

I will post my OC here once I finish her profile

http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/astral-blitzen-r6345  Here's the link! I'm still figuring out the backstory.

You can still review her even though I don't have a full back-story, yet c:.

 

 

 

[Inactive01 5,299]

@Delernil

Distance Traveler

 

Appearance: Right from the name I guessed that he's like a Dr. Whooves of sorts. Wait... I guess I was wrong? It's alright. It's a cool name regardless. Well my consolation's that he looks somewhat similar to Dr. Whooves! Ok enough of that. He certainly looks like a handsome stallion who'd be more than willing to go on an adventure or two as suggested by his name and his... backstory (I'll get to that in a bit)? Nevertheless, nice original artwork as you've certainly made him seem the adventurous type.

 

Score: 9/10

 

Backstory: To be honest, I thought this section felt really weak. Right from the start, I was really confused as to what his talent actually was. You have a cutie mark story sure, but it doesn't really relate to the fact he's a traveler. Why was he tracking down a lost map? What did the map contain? The location of something really important? A secret that no one's ever known before? I hope it isn't just the map of the school (it'd be really anticlimactic honestly)! I also want to know his family background, because it was his parents who conceived him and nurtured him from the start! Also, what about his interactions with his friends?! Or if he doesn't have many, just other ponies in general? Anything the other characters want to say about his clumsiness or his love for adventure? Any potential love interests you want to discuss? In short, the section needs a lot of expansion. Start with how other ponies react to the fact he's a terrible flyer, and build from the other stuff I suggested to you.

 

Score: 3/10

 

Personality: This section's better. It will be something you can use to build your backstory towards something stronger. He's certainly somepony I can relate with in this section. Nevertheless, you can expand on it. Anything he likes to do other than adventure? Is there a hobby he likes to have during his adventures? How does he interact with other characters in a roleplay? How loving is he towards his friends and family? Has he ever felt homesick when away from his family? 

 

Score: 6.5/10

[Delernil 952]

@Delernil

Distance Traveler

 

Appearance: Right from the name I guessed that he's like a Dr. Whooves of sorts. Wait... I guess I was wrong? It's alright. It's a cool name regardless. Well my consolation's that he looks somewhat similar to Dr. Whooves! Ok enough of that. He certainly looks like a handsome stallion who'd be more than willing to go on an adventure or two as suggested by his name and his... backstory (I'll get to that in a bit)? Nevertheless, nice original artwork as you've certainly made him seem the adventurous type.

 

Score: 9/10

 

Backstory: To be honest, I thought this section felt really weak. Right from the start, I was really confused as to what his talent actually was. You have a cutie mark story sure, but it doesn't really relate to the fact he's a traveler. Why was he tracking down a lost map? What did the map contain? The location of something really important? A secret that no one's ever known before? I hope it isn't just the map of the school (it'd be really anticlimactic honestly)! I also want to know his family background, because it was his parents who conceived him and nurtured him from the start! Also, what about his interactions with his friends?! Or if he doesn't have many, just other ponies in general? Anything the other characters want to say about his clumsiness or his love for adventure? Any potential love interests you want to discuss? In short, the section needs a lot of expansion. Start with how other ponies react to the fact he's a terrible flyer, and build from the other stuff I suggested to you.

 

Score: 3/10

 

Personality: This section's better. It will be something you can use to build your backstory towards something stronger. He's certainly somepony I can relate with in this section. Nevertheless, you can expand on it. Anything he likes to do other than adventure? Is there a hobby he likes to have during his adventures? How does he interact with other characters in a roleplay? How loving is he towards his friends and family? Has he ever felt homesick when away from his family? 

 

Score: 6.5/10

Thanks!

 

Yeah, the backstory I have been improving (rewritten a backstory 3 times now, sigh). Never thought about the personality part, I'll definitely improve on that. He's an odd character to write for, because his adventures can change. I'll often make references to recent RPs, so that's why his later life was a bit bare (which I'll be improving). Thanks again for this!

[Inactive01 5,299]

 

Mason

 

Appearance: What a shame... I was hoping you'd have a picture of your character by the time I reviewed your OC a second time! . Your OC's appearance certainly matches the personality you've given him. Very uncaring about his looks because he would live forever and because the transformation he experienced changed him for the worse. So good section so far other than the lack of drawing .

 

Score: 8/10

 

Backstory: Doesn't seem like the backstory's changed much from the last time I read it. The backstory makes sense for the most part and the additions you make are certainly improvements from the last time I read it. Nevertheless, I have one major issue I don't think I ever mentioned in my first review. The idea of him being really powerful would make him a good villain for roleplays, but I don't like the potential of him being overpowering you know? That's the one trait that will turn most people off from interacting and liking your OC. Other than that, you've made improvements and things are tying together better.

 

Score: 7.5/10

 

Personality: This section's better too. Like I said, everything flows better from what you've done at your first attempt at Mason. The fact you also added quotes is also a good sign that you've put a lot of thought into the OC after I gave you my first review! . I don't have much else to say. Just consider the types of RPs you're making Mason involved, for he could very well either be a great tragic hero or the final villain. Add a fatal flaw despite his "immortality". I think that would certainly make him less OP and make people want to interact with Mason.

 

Score: 7/10

[Courageous Thunder Dash 7,824]

I'm back!

 

Could you review my newest OC Addie?

 

http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/addie-r6349

[Dsanders 5,747]

Well man, here it is!

 

http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/orion-skies-r3776

 

Orion Skies after one year. He has since gone through some change as new and recent events have occurred. There is also a lot of additional detail to his past.

 

There still may be some things to tweak here and there but overall, I am very proud with the work I did on my updated OC.

Edited November 29, 2014 by Dsanders

[Flamestreak1990 1,172]

well here it what do you think http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/flamestreak-r6656

[DormantAccount 308]

http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/dexterous-wings-aka-dexxy-r7337

 

Have fun.

 

I haven't heard back from anypony on my OC yet.

[Inactive01 5,299]

Oh gosh... It's been so long since I've done any OC reviews... I've been so swamped with all my graduate work...

[AmberDust 1,118]

Boop. May as well post her here since Silverwisp hasn't been active. I'd love your opinion.

 

http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/amber-dust-r7518

 

Her colour scheme is still in the works. I hope you like her.

Btw, have you ever had your OC reviewed?

 

 

Also...

http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/dexterous-wings-aka-dexxy-r7337

 

Have fun.

 

I haven't heard back from anypony on my OC yet.

I don't mean to advertise, but I'm also offering help with OCs (check my signature) and I can "review" yours if you'd like. I may be a little tough though. Edited December 1, 2014 by AmberDust

[Shadowking58 1,137]

Okay, I'm down for a spot in this shindig. 

Just let me go get some artwork.

(Artist: http://mlpforums.com/user/27790-captain-crow/)

(Artist: http://mlpforums.com/user/26117-the-snowy-odyssey/)

He's in my signature as well. 

 

I'm particularly fond of the colors. I like em myself.

 

P.S. No disrespect to the original poster of this thread. But it's your OC, if you like your OC, then that's fine, don't let anyone convince you that YOUR OC is bad if YOU personally like it, once you do that you'll never view him/her in the same way again. On the same token, critique is nice, and can help you overall.

 

That is something I can agree with.

Edited December 1, 2014 by Shadowking58

[AmberDust 1,118]

Okay, I'm down for a spot in this shindig.

Just let me go get some artwork.

Moonlit Ace OC drawing.png

(Artist: http://mlpforums.com/user/27790-captain-crow/)

Moonlit Ace OC.png

(Artist: http://mlpforums.com/user/26117-the-snowy-odyssey/)

He's in my signature as well.

 

I'm particularly fond of the colors. I like em myself.

 

P.S. No disrespect to the original poster of this thread. But it's your OC, if you like your OC, then that's fine, don't let anyone convince you that YOUR OC is bad if YOU personally like it, once you do that you'll never view him/her in the same way again. On the same token, critique is nice, and can help you overall.

 

That is something I can agree with.

I agree that some people can be too harsh, but that doesn't mean that every OC is a good OC. There are such things as bad authors and bad characters.

There are plent of tropes that a lot of amateurs fall into, and it's important to be honest with yourself and be able to recognize when an OC is bad (not talking about you btw). Be open to criticism and don't expect a character you threw together in an hour to get 10/10.

I just wanted to say this because so many people say "don't let anyone tell you your OC is bad" and THAT'S why they never improve. Your OC can be bad, and that's okay. You need to fail before you can improve. If you get a bad rating on an OC you're proud of, or many bad ratings, consider for a moment that the reviewer might be right, instead of lashing out at them and trying to explain your reasons.

 

And to reviewers--don't just review. If you really ARE and OC aficionado, give the person some advice. Explain to them why people aren't taking a liking to their character and don't be rude or condescending, because we've all been there. Keep in mind context and such things, and be prepared to explain why "Mary Sues" and "OPs" are bad.

 

Sorry about the rant. We now return to our regularly scheduled programming.

[Astral Blitzen 469]

I will post my OC here once I finish her profile

http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/astral-blitzen-r6345 Here's the link! I'm still figuring out the backstory.

I updated her profile SOME xD, but I still don't have too much about her, yet. Edited December 1, 2014 by Astral Blitzen

[Inactive01 5,299]

I don't mind you guys going to someone else for your OC reviews. The earliest I can review OCs is next week because of all the graduate work I have on my plate this week.

[A goat 323]

Here is mine,

http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/kozel-r7110

I apologize if the picture of him is sideways, I have no idea why it does that.

Edited December 1, 2014 by A goat