Chevette

Yo homies and homettes. How you be chillin' up in dis crib tonight bitchez?! Ahem. I mean... Yes, yes indeed. Quite. Anyways, folks. I bet you have noticed something great happening around the forums lately, you know... It's no ordinary sandwich, a sandwich filled with jellyfish jelly... It's the tastiest sandwich in the sea... Yeah, but all tastefully added Spongebob humor aside, I'm talking about the one, the only.... Buffalo Man! That's right kids, you guessed it! Your favorite childhood hero, the guy we try to save a seat for on the subway, that fellow who is always checking his mailbox, the dude who supposedly never finished highschool but is still smarter than half the country, the best barrel racin', sharp shootin' sumbitch to ever spit beach-nut this side of the Mississippi!... The Big "BM", also known as Buffalo Man! (Based on a avatar by the generous user, @Dark Qiviut who is infact a real team player about this whole thing!) So what is this topic for you ask? Simple my fellow Buffalo Man lovin' forum users! It's to appreciate the ever loving FUCK out of Buffalo Man! Because we all know this guy is the best. Like seriously, look at that avatar. How the snarfin' snap-doodles couldn't ya love such a adorable lil' fella! (I know, I know... Some of you are saying this right now: "Whoa, dude... Dark Qiviut's avatar isn't even a Buffalo...") Well, all I gotta say to negative nancys that say things like that is HOOPLA! It is and forever shall be BUFFALO MAN! So yeah, kids. If you wanna join in the fun, it's easy. All you have to do is worship Buffalo Man every second of your life. I promise it's worth it. I prayed to Buffalo Man for 3 hours straight last night and when I woke up today, I wasn't mauled by a vicious Drop-Bear. (Drop Bears are no laughing matter...) I can see it in your eyes right now... You have questions about our hero, Buffalo Man, doncha? *chuckles* Not a problem fellow user, we all had questions at one point about this mystical being, Buffalo Man. It's nothing to tie your dick in a knot about. But yeah, If you do have the questions, refer to our organized FAQ section on the bottom of this post. It can be rather helpful when you begin to dedicate the rest of your feeble young life to our lord and savior, Buffalo Man. As for now, let me give you my point of view on the character created by the forum's very own Dark Qiviut. This should explain thoroughly where the whole Buffalo Man thing came into play. It was one of those things that just clicked when I saw that magnificent avatar, ya know... Clicked. Like that type of click that a seatbelt in brand-new automobile makes as you fasten it. Or the click them there old timey radio machines made as you turned em' on... Anyways, let's get to it, shall we? It was a dark and stormy night on our very own MLP Forums. A night like no other... A night that would tickle your titties to the third degree if it ever would happen again. I was sitting alone in the depths of one of my many yachts as the lights began to flicker on and off. Next, the the phone rang and there was nobody there... and finally... The Hash-Slinging Slasher arrived in the bus that ran him over! Alright... Fine. I'll tell the fuckin' story... But really guys, who's to say that didn't happen? Bastards... Okay, where was I?... Hmm... *Shuffles papers* Ah yes. Here we are. I was sitting alone in the depths of one of my many yachts as I happened to be browsing the mighty forum in a violent matter. Something caught my screen. Something like no other. It stood out tall, it stood out above all the other users... It was the mighty Buffalo Man avatar hiding in the mist of all the other users with average avatars that did not match up to Buffalo Man's originality. From this point on, anytime I saw Dark Qiviut on the forum, I instantly relate it with that thought of "Buffalo Man". How did it become a thing you ask? Simple, my friends. I happened to be in a Skype call one afternoon with the best everything, @Rockymoo, the best ute driving kangaroo, @QuirkyUsername and we'll just assume the best racecar, was also there... In this call I happened to refer to Dark Qiviut's avatar as "Buffalo Man" and ever since, it became our best inside joke. And what can I say? Buffalo Man became canon that fateful day... As promised, here's our FAQ section... FAQ: Who the flamin' fuck-balls is this "Buffalo Man"?! Answer: It's Dark Qiviut's avatar! Wasn't your dumbass reading this shit?! FAQ: I think I'm in love with Buffalo Man, what is my next step? Answer: Umm... Depending on how far you want to take it, you could have a plushie made and do the sideways line dance with it... FAQ: What if I think this whole "Buffalo Man" thing is stupid. Answer: Buffalo Man doesn't care what you think. FAQ: I really love this whole "Buffalo Man" meme and want to help support it! Answer: Good, good. We like you. You are a team player. You can help by embracing Buffalo Man each and every day and spreading Buffalo Man's love like a fat man spreads butter! FAQ: I have a prior criminal record and am currently under probation, can I still take part in supporting Buffalo Man? Answer: Yes? FAQ: Do you guys consider "Buffalo Man" a club? Answer: Not really. It's more of a way of life, not a actual sign up thing. FAQ: I really want to donate to Buffalo Man, how and can I do so? Answer: If you want to donate, I'll give you my P.O. box address so you can mail me money that you think is going toward the cause. FAQ: I am gonna be a real debbie downer and report this whole "Buffalo Man" thing for indirect harassment! Answer: Go fuck yourself. FAQ: Why is Buffalo Man all powerful? Answer: Because he is Buffalo Man and he can see and do whatever he likes. He is more powerful than any OC or character from anything ever made. He fucks shit up with his mind, bitch. FAQ: What does Buffalo Man sound like? Answer: Buffalo Man does not talk whatsoever. Buffalo Man communicates through telepathy. FAQ: I'm a big fan of Buffalo Man, but I don't really understand what it's all about. Is there anything I can reference to learn more? Answer: This topic aids in user confusion, if you have any questions, search this topic. If you still can't find a answer, feel free to ask personally (as long as you aren't stupid) FAQ: I just bought the "Buffalo Man" alarm clock online. What is the average shipping time I should expect? Answer: Umm... I think you got scammed, there isn't a "Buffalo Man" alarm clock, yet... So yeah, the estimated shipping time is probably never. FAQ: I have some kind of odd bulge on my back, do you think this could be a infected cyst? Answer: Sex. FAQ: How much time should I take out of my day to pray to Buffalo Man? Answer: As much as you feel necessary. He will listen. I recommend a minimum of 45 minutes to a hour. FAQ: Is there a "Anti-Buffalo Man" group? Answer: Probably, usually anytime there is something awesome, there are always fuckfaces out there trying to be non-playful peteys about it. FAQ: Can I be Buffalo Man's friend? Answer: If you are referring to Dark Qiviut, possibly... But if you are referring to the character "Buffalo Man" then, no. He works alone. FAQ: I really want a Buffalo Man T-Shirt! Where can I get one? Answer: They don't exist as of now, but we plan to have one made up. FAQ: Who made this whole "Buffalo Man" thing what it is today? Answer: @Chevette, @Rockymoo, , & @QuirkyUsername FAQ: Does Buffalo Man like Pokemon? Answer: Hell to the Naw, bitch. FAQ: What is under Buffalo Man's mighty patch of fur? Answer: The answer to salvation. Oh yeah, and drugs. Mostly drugs though. FAQ: Who makes the Buffalo Man images and .gifs? Answer: @Chevette FAQ: Why do people hate Buffalo Man? Answer: Because they are non-creative, evil-spirited, Buffalo Man faithless, heathens. FAQ: What does "The Big BM" mean? Answer: ?Just another way to reference Buffalo Man. (BM being short for "Buffalo Man") FAQ: I think there should be a show based on Buffalo Man! Answer: Good, we do too. FAQ: I need a cigarette. Answer: If you have enough faith in Buffalo Man, he'll give one to you. If you have any other questions about our savior Buffalo Man, feel free to ask. We are always happy to direct fellow Buffalites in the right direction. Have a Buff-tastic day and remember to pray to Buffalo Man!

It's funny because it's bigger than a regular hat. I don't know if anyone will get the reference here, but if you do, awesome for you. Take a moment out of you're day to pat yourself on the back. If you didn't catch the reference, here's what I'm going for: or look at this picture: It's a skit from Saturday Night Live where Burt Reynolds was on Jeopardy. Pretty much it. He's got a giant cowboy hat on at one point which is how I thought of this. How to interpret the situation from Applejack's point of view in the form of a country song by George Strait: Applejack: And I said, well I got a hat, she said, there's something at least it's a start, I said, it's better than nothing. I ain't in no hurry but I'm ready when you are, and she said, where do you think all this is going, I said, there ain't no way of knowing. I guess I hadn't thought it through that far. But I got a hat. Any questions? Shoot me a post card, or don't because the maniac is in the mailbox.

Yar mateys! *cough* Well, now that the pirate introduction is out of the way, let's begin this. Have you ever been like: "Dude, like, what if, we had a DAY to appreciate the HELL outta minivans?!" and you're buddy looks back and says something like this: "Well, dude, we like, totally appreciate them each and EVERY day!" Being the materialistic bastard you are, you slap your friend upside the head and say this: "Well, dude... We need a day to appreciate them anyways. The normal citizens won't know to appreciate them ALL the time!" If that situation has ever occurred in your lifetime, then don't worry, you are among friends. We the people of the famous "Minivan Impelled Lifestyle & Folklore" club (MILF for short, subscribe to our magazine for only $75.99 a month!) believe if there is a specialized appreciation day for *shutters*... Derpy.... the minivans don't only deserve but demand a either equal or grater appreciation. So to get down to it, if you are interested in taking a short time out of your life on January 30th 2014 to just look at a minivan (either in real-life or on the internet) please do so. We don't ask a lot, man. Like, pretty much, if the minivan is appreciated it's been a good day. And even if it's not, we got another 335 days left in the year to appreciate them. If you have any questions about this sacred holiday, refer to our FAQ section below. Minivan Appreciation Day Frequently Asked Questions: FAQ: Like dude, how can you compare minivans to derpy? Answer: I don't compare them to Derpy, they are and always will be better than Derpy. FAQ: Like, dude... Why the fuck does this day take place on January 30th? Answer: January 30th was the production date for generation III (1995-2000) of the Dodge Grand Caravan, which is one of our greatest fore-fathers. FAQ: What if I think this event is stupid. Answer: Don't worry, I'm sure more people than just you feel this way. There is a name for users like this, but we'll just call em' "Squidward". FAQ: Yo, dawg. What if me and the otha homies be wantin' to take this shit to a whole nutha level? What we do next? Answer: If you feel so much inclined to participate, you can leave a comment showing your enthusiasm over minivans by posting a picture of you're favorite minivan or whatever the fuck you want to do, really. FAQ: Like, dude.... Like what if myself or a close family member, relative or friend owns a minivan? Or even had a minivan in the past? Answer: Like, good for you, brah. FAQ: What is a minivan? Answer: I don't know. FAQ: What if I have to work on January 30th and cannot take part in the appreciation of minivans? Answer: The true minivan enthusiast would take off work and spend all day appreciatin' the mighty minivan. Just sayin', yo. FAQ: What if I have a severe medical issue that may slightly prevent or fully prevent my love of minivans to come out of the closet? Answer: Sounds like a personal problem. FAQ: What transmissions were offered with the turbocharged 2.5 liter I4 for the 1989 Dodge Grand Caravan? Answer: Both a three-speed TorqueFlite automatic transmission and a five-speed manual were available for this van. FAQ: Holy fuck, they had a turbocharged minivan with a manual transmission!? Answer: Yes. If ya'll folks have any other questions about this glorious holiday I definitely recommend taking part in, please don't hesitate to ask. I'll leave you with this: This topic was originally intended to be a calender event, but after further review, I figured out from a helpful source it belongs here instead.

*tokes doob* Yo mah homies, let me lay a fo-shizzle rap on ya'll. Dis shit be happenin' like a few racial stereotype years ago... (Racial Stereotype Years are way different than you're average year. They consist of 420 days instead of the 365 that we get in a regular year.) So yeah, 'bout halfway through the racial stereotype year (RSY for short) I was going on my yearly road trip adventure with my cat named Cedric. I'd always take his lazy ass with me on these things just in case I ran across some bitches on my journey. (Bitches be lovin' kittens, dawg) So me and my lil' Cedric be tarin' up the open roads in our wondrous 1974 Mercury Colony Park station wagon mindin' our own business with ol' Waylon playin' on the radio and a cold one tucked away in my hand as maintain a stead speed of a mere 110 mph. Cedric was had to take a piss, so I pulled over into the nearest rest-stop I could find. Cedric was one of those lovable cats who featured a mighty handlebar mustache, a Snap-On trucker cap and a mild addiction to Wintergreen Scoal. You wouldn't guess it by looking at his fluffy lil' face, but his stupid ass did some hard drugs in his younger days. I pulled the ol' boat of a wagon into a parking spot at the rest-stop and Cedric opened the passenger door and exited the vehicle. At this point, I bet you are asking "Yo, bitch. Is all this shit even on topic or true for that matter?!" And what kind of MLP Forums law obeying poster would I be if I said "No"? Yeah, probably one on the most wanted list. Anyways, our friend Cedric left to go take a massive piss which left me sitting in the mighty road machine of a wagon awaiting his return. Time passed as I sat in the omnipotent wagon gazing upon the stereotypical hula girl sitting on the dashboard. I really would have thought ol' Cedric would have emptied his tank in all of this time, so I jumped out of the indomitable wagon and went to search for Cedric. The rest-stop wasn't very large, so finding him should be as easy as finding a Mexican mowing a lawn, a hipster sitting in a Starbucks or even more common, a terrible fanmade OC in a MLP forum... Anyways, I went toward the only restrooms in the whole rest-stop to see if ol' Ceddy was in there. Usually he'd keep it politically correct and use a toilet instead of pissin' by a tree or something. Before I got my happy ass to the restroom door, Cedric ran out like a teenage girl who had just been felt up in a dark closet. Cedric ran out screaming which led me to believe something odd was going on in these parts considering he isn't just scared by anyone. I stuck my dumbass head into the restroom to see nothing but a rather large, hairy, muscular, obese, fat, overweight, massive, pudgy, gross, nasty, hefty, oversize, fat, bulky, and most importantly FAT woman (or what appeared to be a woman) slappin' on some lipstick as she/he? said "Mhmmm boy, that lil' kitty sure can meow if you know what I mean, nudge, nudge, wink, wink". I had one of those Earl Hickey expressions on my face at this point in time (One eyebrow higher than the other with a confused glare just stuck on your face) This man-lady pulled out a weapon and said with a filthy tone as she ripped her shirt off "You're next fella, give me what I like!" I was like "Holy FUCK! Is that a live ANIMAL?!" All I could do at this point was slam the restroom door and run like hell back to the road machine. I did just that, slammed the door, made a break for it, but the walking tank-wagon was not amused and attempting to follow me. Luckily for me, Cedric got the wagon wand swung in just in time before the man-lady fired a shot right at me. I jumped in with ol' Ceddy and he threw it in gear and barreled out of the rest area like no other. From what we knew, we thought we were safe now, come to find out later... that was not the case. Meanwhile, Cedric told me what happened in a little more detail than I wanted. It was pretty fucked up to say the least... Poor lil' fella... Let me just share with you nice internet people what ol' Ceddy went through. Cedric: I was drunk, the day my mom got out of prison, I went to pick her up in the ra... Okay, okay fine. I left the mighty road machine in search for a place to take the piss of the century so I stumbled into the restroom like any law-abiding cat would do. Upon my entrance to the restroom, I came across this really ugly bitch who was trying to seduce me while I took mah pee. I mean seriously, when I'm takin' a piss, you don't try to get in my pants... Especially if you look like a nuclear experiment... Anyways, this fuckin' crazy ass bitch pulled a gun on my ass when I ignored her requests to take part in how you say the "butt fuckin'". Maybe if she actually was hot, I woulda... but this bitch was huge and looked like a waste disposal bin from a Chinese restaurant. This bitch stuck the gun to my head and demanded that I gave her the sex. I did not want to give her the sex. At all. But you know, with a .38 revolver pointed at your head, you don't got much more than two choices, three choices if you are a lose cannon cop who doesn't play by the rules, and a unlimited amount of options if you are Chuck Norris or Buffalo Man. So, I went along with what she wanted, and luckily for me, you came in about halfway through what she was going to do to me. I ran my ass to the road machine and fired it up as quick as possible hoping you were right behind me, when I saw you weren't, I had to swing in and rescue you. That is what happened to poor Cedric. Rape. Who the fuck rapes a cat?! Sick... Just sick. Anyways, you thought we were in the clear? Fuck no. We slowed the mighty wagon down to 60mph (cruising speed) and attempted to carry on with our trip after we found Cedric a hotel where he could shower many, many times. Ol' Ceddy had the wheel as we leisurely rolled down the ol' highway trying to forget what just happened when I saw a large obstruction in the passenger sideview mirror... It was this fat bitch on a rascal scooter chasing us at highway speeds... My mind was blown at this point, shit, even Cedric was tweakin' out. This fuckin' rascal scooter shot up behind our wagon and she began to ram it. I couldn't believe that fuckin' thing could even go that fast, especially with more weight than a Chevy 3500 pickup should haul driving it! Cedric began to swerve around attempting to shake her off of the rear bumper. We really didn't have a weapon on us except for double-barrel sawed off shotgun, a smith and wesson 500, a .357 magnum signed by a Clint Eastwood, and a canon powershot 330 hs (Just in case we needed to take pictures)... Cedric sped the wagon down as I picked one of our various weapons and began shooting out the rear window trying to get this big ol' bitch to go away. I mean, JEEZUS, she was the size of a large pickup truck, you'd think I'd be able to shoot her ass, but she kept that rascal scooter as nimble as can be. Luckily for us, Cedric was driving and Cedric was a boss at driving. He was the first cat driver to win the Daytona 500 5 times in a row, he was also the first cat to reach 344 miles per hour in a shopping cart. (Brave soul)... A idea popped into Cedric's smart lil' head that I wouldn't have thought of. He told me to get back up in the passenger seat and buckle up. He slammed the clutch in and threw the ol' 74' Mercury Colony Park in 3rd gear as we began to accelerate away from the fat bitch. (I know, I know stock Mercury Colony Park Wagons did not have a manual transmission, luckily for ours, Cedric installed one. Bitch.) We were really flyin' now, the Merc's ol' 460 cubic inch 7.5 liter was really balls to the wall as we raced down the highway with this scooter hot on our tail, The scooter was a decent distance away from the wagon now as I thought we were just going to escape this bitch, but no. Cedric had a better idea. This wagon weighs over 4,000 pounds stock, luckily for ours, it weighs a mere 8,532 pounds. Did some modifications over the weekend. I looked at Cedric funny after he said that, but I trusted him. Alright Cedric, do what you gotta do! Cedric yelled "Hold on!" as he pushed in the clutch and stood on the brake pedal. The four-wheel disc brakes powered by 8-piston Brembo brake calipers on each wheel really kicked in as the wagon basically slowed down in no time at all. We went from 122 mph to 50 mph in seconds. And you know what happened when we did? That fat ass bitch drivin' that rascal scooter at 70+ miles per hour slammed into the back of our station wagon and pretty much exploded. It was a sight I tell ya. Like fireworks on the 4th of July, or the skies of Hiroshima on August 6th and 9th of 1945, or the afterfire of a Honda Civic after a intense downshift from 4th to 2nd. You get the picture, it was massive. Anyways, yeah, that's basically how that all went down. Luckily for our 74' Mercury Wagon, it was built like a tank and did not receive any damage whatsoever that day. The only issue was the parts of a exploded fat bitch basically covered the whole highway (Those highway cleanup guys will need some big shovels...) Other than that, Cedric got a shower later that night and felt a little more clean than he did before hand... I still felt bad for him so I bought him a new pair of sneakers... That is what went down when me and Cedric encountered the creepiest person to ever dare flirt with us. Hope you enjoyed our tale, and if you didn't... Fine. Here's a picture of what our station wagon looked like:

Yo fellow home dawg, how you be DOIN' up in dis shit, yo?! I'm, like da coolist gangsta on the block and all da bitches be in my grill showin' off their pussies... I mean high school diplomas. Shit, my home-dawg. I be sellin' propane in this bitch all day long and I'd be obliged to give you a free wiff, if you know what I mean (wink wink nudge nudge). And by propane, I mean drugs. It's drug flavor. It's a drug. Anyways. This is to show you how lax this place is. It's as lax as you make it my friend, take advantage of what you can. Rock on fellow rocker.