Choros Isorropai

"Man lives in the sun lit world, of what he believes to be reality. but, there is unseen by most an under world. a place that is just as real, but not as brightly lit... A dark side." I have seen glimpses into, and do not regret. yet I say this with pause, for I do not know how I feel... yet the quoted line is appropriate as a response to "how I feel".

just have to clarify to begin with... i am legally "crazy"... that said. my truck may not be my "dream vehicle", but i do talk to my ranger, feel for it, and at times i think it knows what i need... (once i "had to" go do some things for some leaches of life, known as family, and my truck at that time desided to literaly stop working. few days later, i needed to go to town for reasons... truck worked without a problem.) sometimes (he/she/ i dont know) will comunicate with me, by use of engine sounds and random anomalies, as if to throw a fit. and other times, seems to know the direness of a situation, and thus works just fine... almost like an attempt to prevent my paranoid mind from freaking out about not haveing a working vehicle... even though i know my ford ranger is not sentient (at least in the biological sence) i still feel as though it has a life, an existance, and we shair a bond, to almost know what the other needs/wants... crazy i know, but some peoples believe that all things in reality have the equivelence of a "soul". liveing or not. me personaly, i hear her/him complain about an issue that is unknown to me, and after some time i figure out what the problem is. sounds almost like a kid now, doesnt it...lol

i have been playing games for a long time. i started on the atari, with space invaders among many others... i have played almost all consoles, main stream that is. i will try to list one game per console that i have played; with atari out of the way i guess i will start with nes... nentendo entertainment system, super mario brothers. super nentendo entertainment system, super mario world/all stars nentendo 64, 007 series sega, sonic sega saturn, enimey zero sega dreamcast, unreal tournament 3 playstation, parasite eve playstation 2, killzone xbox, halo xbox 360, dark souls and of corse on PC, diablo 2 lord of distruction. i have also played hand held games as well, such as game boy original, gbc, ds, ds lite, psp, and other "crappy" hand helds that you could remember from being a kid (simple movement, one background) i do consider myself a "true gamer" as i can also list many non electronic games that i have played too. to answer the question presented in this topic, each era of gaming has is good and its bad. but the part that bothers me is how people tend to think that gamers are waisting life, and gain no advantage from playing games... but "games" in general, are the prefered way of learning, for any bioligical being... and if you dont like that answer, then... i dont like how the game developers are effectivly ignoreing the "priceless works of art" that are the classic games (such as castlevainia sotn/ playstation, or even legends of mana/nes) these games are great, and many old games have more substance than newer ones... yes i know they have better graphics and more to do... but if you played final fantacy 6 (or as i played for the first time, ff3 on snes) and you have played "destiny", then you may come to the same conclusion. (ff6 each character is richly designed and brought to life, given substance. but in destiny... almost no story, and all shooting, no solveing. btw i did play destiny a lot, so i know i can make this comparison)

i must say, yes i want to get married... but thats where this sentence ends. never got lucky enough to find someone... dont know if i will... i do hope so... but at the same time, i do see it as more of a personification of the metaphoric agreement of menogomy. so i would not have to get married, but the concept of it is appealing to me.

ummm, i guess im doing good... not too sure. last night as i was almost asleep, i had a conversation with myself, describing myself internaly... but now its gone. all i have left is... -- "Me/ I/ the one talking" is like the NPC of a game, "not chosen, but the chooser". with my subconscious mind as the..."Deus Ex Machina" of my existence. and my body as the self contained/ controlled vessel that I traverse, and experience this world.-- the original conversation was much more that this, and contained many examples and metaphors, and though this may seem complex... just like Giuseppe Tartini's "devils trill", the masterpiece of thought that was, is no more... but its influence lives on.

as usual... contemplation of existance, metaphorical explination of self, all leading to a place unknown to me... but loving every moment of this pointless jurney, that is me... but still sad at all the "problems" that i see...(im a puzzzle solver personality, aka gamer, so its hard to see a solution, and be unable to shaire it succesfuly, or solve...)

just saying, im a little odd.... so this may sound off, but its about right, if i think about it... jason would come after me, ok... well fredie would follow... as they are in competition... i live near a national forest, so i would flee to there... now it gets interesting...(mythology!!!) this would also include big foot, aliens, stick indians, and possibly some other "hidden" things (scp's)... so i guess i would flee to the forest, and hide, paranoid of all of this.... but then after a while, we would all be hanging out in a grizly cave, commenting on all the campers we have been messing with over the years... seriously though, if jason did come after me (and he does kill V's) then i would fight him, with some of my swords/machettes. may not survive long, but i would take a limb or two(if im lucky) but he would have to take on the stick indians before he came after me... i dont think they would take kindly to some thing messing around in their territory (like freddie vs jason), just saying....lol

i would love (and prefer) to talk to people in real life... but the simple answer is... this is more convenient, more accesable. also easyer to find people who WANT to talk to me, about the things i want to talk...

"im... Im gona soak up the sun. Im gona tell everyone to lighten up..." i may not be the in the best of moods, but i will give myself what i can to stay as i wish to be. so how do i feel right now? Unstable. how do i want to feel? Complacient.

this may not scare you, or it may be the thing that makes you fear any "slip of the mind".... i may not be very old...(31) but i have had lots of time to think. and with an inquisitive mind, many questions are asked... one day i wonderd what it would be like to have..."lack of concousness/existance"... so i began to prep my brain for sleep (meditation for this, but with the intent on not sleeping, almost like lucid dreaming) and when i had "all but one light on", i looked at the clock, using the "last thought" in my head to note the time... then i turned off the light (in my head). when i felt like time had passed, i opend my eyes, and restarted my brain... for me, an instant had accured... but for time, and reality, over 8 hours had gone by (effectivly in a blink of an eye)... i had felt, thought, and now know..."Non-existance", or atleast the equivalent of, that is capable of being percieved... i have been "around", and i have done my fair share of substences... but i have never "blacked out" or even "lost time"... i do believe my mind is so terrified of that...."lack of thought/perception"... that now i will always have some thought, essence, or perception... some ​THING​, in my head... awake, asleep, drunk, or drugged.... doesn't matter. though I do fear other things, they do not compare to the fear I have of that lacking. (the world could end, and something could come down and shatter our reality, and yet I would be at peace... for ANYTHING is better than NOTHING)

just to clarify, this is a beliefe i have held sence i was a little kid, starting to learn the "pledge of allegiance"... if you think about it... America is a continent, so everyone from Alaska through Canada, including the most southern tip of "South" America, up to Mexico... all American... but the US, always says "USA, USA..." when its technically "US of A"... in my opinion we should call ourselfs "us" not U S, or the prior (usa)... but the WORD Us, or if that seems too odd, why not "staters"...lol if I had to say what I am, (nationality) I would say "great north west" as that sounds cool. if I had to be more specific...I am an Olympian (born and raised in Olympia, Washington) but if you don't know the capital of Wa, you may think me a madly obsessed historian...