Lines you'll never catch FIM characters saying.

[Singe 2,111]

Starlight Glimmer: *Sigh.* All this friendship problem business has put us over budget. We're completely broke.

Twilight Sparkle: How is that possible?

Starlight Glimmer: It's not the travel expenses but the others buy a lot of things. Expensive things.

Twilight Sparkle: What? They should be using their money if they want to buy things.

Rarity: Darling, I can't believe I was able to get the materials for making this dress. I just needed to get them on the spot so I bill it as an expense.

Rainbow Dash: I needed to get this limited edition gold plate covers of Daring Do.

Applejack: I'm very interested in these genetically modified seeds I bought.

Pinkie Pie: I gorged out on all the expensive restaurants.

Fluttershy: I donated money to the zoo and got to take home an elephant.

Twilight Sparkle: This is bad, the map just signaled we need to travel and we're out of money.

Starlight Glimmer: You could ask Celestia for a loan.

Twilight Sparkle: I can't. If she finds out how I can't even manage a simple operation budget, I'll be.....

Starlight Glimmer: Laughed at.

Twilight Sparkle: Well yes, but her opinion of me will dip.

 

[Ruddboy Olaf 10,628]

Gordon Ramsay pony: What are you?

Pinkie Pie: An idiot sandwich.

Spoiler

 

[RDDash 19,184]

Twilight Sparkle: "EEA, why I never heard of such a thing that's been part of our government?"

Princess Celestia:"That's because I just made it up specifically for this episode alone. We will never mention about them again until perhaps the end of the season where the Chancellor Neighsay is going to throw a hissy hoof."

Twilight: "Wait, did you said Chancellor Neighsay? Is there a chance he was ever a Chancellor Yeahsay?"

Princess Celestia: "No not really he was always a stubborn kind of pony, good luck."

In the next few days.

Pinkie Pie and Chancellor Neighsay both quit their jobs and then went on the quest to take over the world.

Twilight Sparkle: "What the hey just happened?"

 

[Singe 2,111]

Sunset Shimmer: So it seems that by exposing you all who aren't naturally built to handle magic. It has been causing unforeseen mutations to your bodies.

Rainbow Dash: You mean like the transformations.

Twilight Sparkle: That was the start. Our bodies will be undergoing further changes the longer we continue to use Equestrian magic.

Rarity: How bad is it?

Sunset Shimmer: You could wake up one day with a horse face.

Rarity: AHHHHHHH!

Applejack: You're saying we'll turn into ponies.

Twilight Sparkle: More like half-person half-pony.

Fluttershy: Like a centaur?

Sunset Shimmer: It's unknown how the mutation will advance.

Twilight Sparkle: I can say this...we're no longer scientifically human anymore.

 

Edited March 31, 2018 by Singe

[KH7672 1,604]

Fluttershy: I'm not shy, and I hate animals!

Rarity: Fashion?! Not for me, darling!

Applejack: An apple a day is downright disgusting!

Rainbow Dash: Slow and steady wins the race!

Twilight Sparkle: I never learned to read!

Pinkie Pie: I don't like cupcakes!

 

 

 

 

 

 

I mean I know we'd NEVER hear those lines in those characters' voices but it seems kinda familiar for some reason... 

Spoiler

April Fools! 

 

[Nyactis Mewcis Catlum 672]

 

i think my whole time on mlp forums has come to a head from this
like this could be it. this is the legacy

[smk.png 181]

Any non-reformed villain saying "Friendship is Magic" and actually meaning it.

[Singe 2,111]

Critic: I have read the journal about Twilight and her friends. They over-inflate minor achievements. In addition their whole focus is on friendship which is generally easy for most but they see themselves as the exception to make a big deal about it. In the end, I find them to be very prideful. Any pony who can make a friend that reads this will be, if I can make friends then I should be able to save Equestria while wielding an element of harmony to be awarded with a royal title. If it was me, I would be more focused on providing a self-help book instead of accounts of smug ponies.

 

Edited April 3, 2018 by Singe

[RDDash 19,184]

Pinkie Pie pulls out a big hammer, "Say 'technically' one more time. I dare you, I double dare you marebucker, say 'technically' one more Celestia damned time."

... 

Fluttershy: "Oh I am sorry. Did I break your concentration. I didn't mean to do that. Please, continue."

...

Applejack: "Three apples are walking down the street. A papa apple, a mama apple and a  little baby apple. A baby apple starts lagging behind. Papa apple gets really angry, goes over to the baby apple, smooches him and says, applesauce."

Edited April 3, 2018 by R.D.Dash

[Singe 2,111]

Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon: Blank flank!

Apple Bloom: I may be a blank flank but that's better than being a pair of.britches.

Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon:

Applejack: Come on Apple Bloom time to go home.

Silver Spoon: I can't believe it.

Diamond Tiara: She called us pants! Common folk clothes, how dare she!

 

Princess Celestia: You both raised a promising daughter. Which is why I'm going to take Twilight as my new pet. You have no objections.

Twilight's parents: *Agree to give her Twilight.*

 

Spike: You may not have made up with Moon Dancer but at least you were able to clear up your extensive fines with the library.

Twilight Sparkle: That's only because my number one failure of an assistant waited an entire year to tell me!

Edited April 3, 2018 by Singe

[Will Guide 21,360]

Chancellor Neighsay: I love all the non-pony races like Changelings and Dragons, but hate all ponies from Earth Ponies to Unicorn.

[Luigi 7,870]

Princess Cadance at a much younger age comes across the Queen of Hearts.

Queen of Hearts: So, my dear Mi Amore Cadenza, do you play Croquet?

Princess Cadance: I'm sorry, ma'am. I don't.

Queen of Hearts: OOOOOOOOOOOOOFFFFFFFFFFF WITH HER HEAD! 

(The queen and the cards chase Princess Cadance through wonderland with the Queen constantly shouting "OFF WITH HER HEAD.")

(Cadance comes upon a talking door, trying to get through)

Door: OHHHH, Still locked, you know.

Cadance: But the queen is after me. I simply must get out.

Queen of Hearts: DON'T LET HER GET AWAY!!! OFF WITH HER HEAD!!!!!!!

(Cadance wakes up next to a tree, it was all a dream)

Shinng Armor: Cadance, are you all right?

Cadance: Oh, how does the little crocodile improve his shining tail. And with the....

Shining Armor: Okay, I'm a bit confused here. 

Cadance: Oh, well you see the caterpillar said it.

Shining Armor: Caterpillar?

Cadance: I had a horrible nightmare.

Shining Armor: Oh for goodness sake. Cadance, I.....

(A tear falls from Cadance's eye)

Shining Armor: It was only a dream. None of it really happened.

Cadance: (Smiles and hugs Shining Armor) You're right. I can't lose myself over this.

Shining Armor: Would you like to come see my baby sister?

Cadance: You have a baby sister now? What's the little one's name?

Shining Armor: She doesn't have a name yet. She was only born two days ago. 

Cadance: Poor little foal. Maybe I could help name her.

(The two walk off together)

Edited April 5, 2018 by Northern Light Flyer

[Olly 1,011]

Rarity: 

The foundation of irreligious criticism is: Man makes religion, religion does not make man. Religion is, indeed, the self-consciousness and self-esteem of man who has either not yet won through to himself, or has already lost himself again. But man is no abstract being squatting outside the world. Man is the world of man – state, society. This state and this society produce religion, which is an inverted consciousness of the world, because they are an inverted world. Religion is the general theory of this world, its encyclopaedic compendium, its logic in popular form, its spiritual point d’honneur, its enthusiasm, its moral sanction, its solemn complement, and its universal basis of consolation and justification. It is the fantastic realization of the human essence since the human essence has not acquired any true reality. The struggle against religion is, therefore, indirectly the struggle against that world whose spiritual aroma is religion.

Religious suffering is, at one and the same time, the expression of real suffering and a protest against real suffering. Religion is the sigh of the oppressed creature, the heart of a heartless world, and the soul of soulless conditions. It is the opium of the people.

The abolition of religion as the illusory happiness of the people is the demand for their real happiness. To call on them to give up their illusions about their condition is to call on them to give up a condition that requires illusions. The criticism of religion is, therefore, in embryo, the criticism of that vale of tears of which religion is the halo.

[Jackie Snack 1,498]

Spike:

"I'm so glad I could contribute and be a credit to this team of ours!"

[RDDash 19,184]

Chancellor Neighsay: And can we trust you to follow through with this plan? Will you leave the school unattended to gallop off on your... "adventures"?

Twilight: "Sure"

About an hour later.

Twilight: "Shining, please help me out, I accidentally proposed a military training program for ponies to defend our way of life."

Shining: "And what did you wanted instead?"

"The School of Friendship that will teach every creature to be nice with each other."

Shining facehooved: "alright alright, I think we can salvage this disaster"

One hour later.

Twilight looks around at her new school, "I am still not sure about this new plan."

Shining: "It's going to be just fine. See every creature is bonding with each other, and on second hoof we also providing an eveeycreature self defense classes. "

[Luigi 7,870]

This is an EG imagination.

Professor Celestia: When I call your name, you will come forth, I shall place the Sorting Hat on your head, and you will be sorted into your houses. Starting off with Shining Armor!

Sorting Hat: GRYFFINDOR!!!!

Celestia: Fleur Dee Lis!

Sorting Hat: RAVENCLAW!!!!!

Celestia: Blueblood!

Sorting Hat: SLYTHERIN!

Celestia: Soarin!

Sorting Hat: GRYFFINDOR!!!

Celestia: Cody Jones!

Sorting Hat: HUFFLEPUFF!!!!!

Celestia: Big McIntosh

Sorting Hat: AH HA!!!! ANOTHER APPLE. I KNOW JUST WHAT TO DO WITH YOU!!!! GRYFFINDOR!!!!!

Celestia: Mi Amore Cadenza

Sorting Hat: (The hat yells out just a tenth of a second before the hat even touches Princess Cadance's head) GRYFFINDOR!!!!

[King of Canterlot 9,603]

Rainbow Dash: I'm the slowest flyer in all of Equestria!

Twilight Sparkle: Books? Who needs books?!

Fluttershy: Ew! Animals are gross and dirty, get them away from me! 

Rarity: Fashion is so not "in"

Pinkie Pie: I'm a vegetarian, I don't eat sugar

Applejack: I'd rather eat a Strawberry than bite into an Apple

[Singe 2,111]

Chancellor Neighsay: This was suppose to be a school to teach ponies to defend themselves from those creatures. That's because we can't count on an ineffective royal guard and near useless princesses.

Princess Celestia: Oh, that is it. *Charges up horn.* I'm legalizing.....

Twilight Sparkle: Wait. I will open this school as a school of friendship. We will have our own rules and do it our way.

Chancellor Neighsay: Fine. If you want to run this school into the dirt in a week entertaining these creatures, be my guest.

Twilight Sparkle: Alright.

Chancellor Neighsay: Be warn, without our approval you can't be funded by the state. You'll have to find other sources to fund your school.

Twilight Sparkle: What? *Looks at Celestia.*

Princess Celestia: Oh, I knew I forgot that part.

Chancellor Neighsay: You've brought this on yourselves. *Evil laugh*.

 

New Student: Is this the new school I've heard so much about.

Twilight Sparkle: Yes, it's the school of friendship.

Leaving Student: Friendship. I thought this school was going to teach us to shoot down griffons and splat changelings.

 

Starlight Glimmer: You failed because you tried to run the school their way and you gave up easily.

Twilight Sparkle: You're right. Which means I need to....

Starlight Glimmer: Write our own rules?

Twilight Sparkle: What? No. I'll just give Sunset Shimmer a call and have her bring over their own guides to running schools over there. They're way more advanced than our ways.

Edited April 14, 2018 by Singe

[cuteycindyhoney 13,307]

"Spike, add it to my list. The book burning has been moved up to tonight."

- Twilight Sparkle

 

"Off the rack is good enough."

- Rarity

 

"I'm right partial to bananas."

- Applejack

 

"You ponies better be quiet and EAT YOUR VEGETABLES! "

- Pinkie Pie

 

"I don't know how I'll decide who get's one. I only have four lucky rabbit's feet to give out."

- Fluttershy

 

"Slow and steady wins the race."

- Rainbow Dash

 

 

 

[RDDash 19,184]

Pinkie Pie: "What? Are you nuts? My family does not farm rocks. We are coal miners. What's next, are you doing to say that Princess Celestia does raise the Sun? Are you coco in the loco? The Sun is giant sphere of hot plasma!"

[Flutterstep 47,088]

Twilight: Now before we decide to do anything, let's be good friends and actually listen to what Fluttershy has to say instead of ignoring her all the time.

Rainbow: Yeah and instead of insulting someone for having a different view or lack of confidence, I'm going to be open minded and address the situation.

Fluttershy: FINALLY!

[Luigi 7,870]

Shining Armor: If fighting is sure to result in victory, then you must FIGHT! Since who said that. And I'd say he knows a little more about fighting than YOU do, pal because he invented it, and then he perfected it so that no living man could best him in the ring of honor. And then he used his money to buy two of every animal in our world. Then he hearded them onto a boat, then he beat up every single one. And from that day forward anytime a bunch of animals are all in one place it's called a ZOO! Unless it's a farm! 

Director: CUT! That's perfect. Good job, your majesty.

Shining Armor: Thanks. 

[BlackPony 77]

(During Every Little Thing She Does)

 

Starlight Glimmer: I’ll never use magic on you 5 again....everyone else is fair game though, including the Royal Sisters and myself.

[Singe 2,111]

Starlight Glimmer: I can't believe Maud has a boy friend that goes on about wood and sticks.

Pinkie Pie: I know, he so annoying.

Starlight Glimmer: I'm going to have fun making innuendo jokes about him.

Pinkie Pie: You have peaked my interest, go on.

Edited April 16, 2018 by Singe

[Singe 2,111]

Sunset Shimmer: I'm going to tell you a little truth about Princess Celestia. You're just her new pet after I escaped.

Twilight Sparkle: Pet? I'm her apprentice.

Sunset Shimmer: Don't you find it odd that a 1000 year old princess has not once mentioned having a husband or children. She prefers to pick children off of others and turn them into pet projects as her pastime.