Rambling About my Fanfic(WALL OF TEXT)

[AmbientBeat 27]

I made a fanfic back in 2012 as a response to My Little Dashie. It took place in mid 2013 and is about Twilight and her friends getting an assignment from Celestia to travel to Earth to verify its safety for colonization, figuring the planet wasnt populated, but when they make it to Earth it turns out Princess Celestia scanned the Earth before people were around asa result of time running differently onEarth. They eventually run into a bunch of kids that are basically the ponies personalities, but more cynical: Nick, a bookworm but also a non social sarcasm master took Twilight, Phoenix, a tough guy with a soft side took Rainbow Dash, Jennifer, a fashion girl, took Rarity, Amy, a shy weakling, took Fluttershy, Harry, a country kid with an alleged allergy for apples, took Applejack, Mr. White, their teacher, took Twilight too, while Lucy, a depressed for no reason girl, took Pinkie Pie. In the course of 24 days, their lives change course as they learn that even on Earth there is good, while protecting the ponies from two mad scientists with dumb names, and a bully named Buck. The fic was rated M, but not NSFW. In 2014, 2013 came and went, and I started watching Life on Mars, Skins, and Ashes to Ashes, which is around the time I started writing a script for a web series based on my fic. However, the version I made was changed in many ways. First off, the adult content was amplified through the roof, while the original fic only implied the adult content, the script didnt hold anything back. Secondly, the fic was updated to be more cultured and rich in background. Instead, it's about Twilight getting murdered and waking up in Seattle, finding her way to Whidbey Island and into the arms of Nick, a cynical and rude sarcasm master, Phoenix, a hormonal macho type guy, Jennifer, an attention seeker, giving her body to any guy she meets, her friend, Amy, an extreme feminist, Harry, a homosexual conservative working for the Tea Party extremist Buck, who wants to take the ponies and use them for military purposes and kill the ones that refuse. Mr. White is a police officer. A new character is Teresa, an attractive journalist that wants to get in on the whole thing. Lucy is no longer depressed for no reason, she is abused by her father. They all get involved with Twilight's stay(and eventually the other ponies).

The characters all go through their own troubles. For example, Harry is ordered to take the ponies, but while he's one of the story's bad guys, he's the one with the most heart out of all the characters, and he struggles with that. Meanwhile, the ponies go through some highly embarrassing situations as Equestrian and human cultures clash, but the ponies arent the main plotpoint: it's the humans. The whole series focuses on the tests and changes the humans go through as the ponies change their views on the world, and while its a comedy, it also calls humanity out for many faults. I changed the story from a script to a written fic and added a sideplot about why Twilight was murdered, which was an old conspiracy going on about causing the end of the world to end overpopulation and a bunch of paranoia inducing plots about the Fourth Wall and what happens when you look away from the television. But the character development still remains.

The fic is my remake of My Little Dashie, basically what would happen if the ponies were found by rambunctious, sexually driven teenagers, and why having ponies breaking the fourth wall to meet us is NOT as cool as it seems.

[SFyr 1,982]

((First off, since you're posting in creative resources, I'm assuming you want thoughts or interpretations on all that.))

 

I'm honestly a little confused. My first impression was that there is a LOT going on, and I can't really pin down much of central skeleton or approach for the story to be focused on. Including the mane six (yes, five come on later, but still), it sounds like you have at least 13 central characters to balance, along with dramatically shifting world views and culture clash. On top of that, There seems be a bit of a theme of two worlds colliding, and earth potentially gearing up to protect itself. Meanwhile, it's meant as a comedy story, while being heavily mature, involves death/murderers, political biases, conspiracies, and includes a character who's depressed due to being abused by her father?

That just feels... all over the place. Maybe it's how it's presented, but the sheer volume of all that, and how it all seems to compete with other parts of it for importance, well, I'm just left feeling confused and left in the dark on what I should take away from it. It's too much to fully take in really.

Is there a more central theme to the story, or core viewpoint? To my knowledge, the majority of stories focus on only a few characters out of service to making the message clearer; you can see a lot through a single set of eyes, but those eyes will color what they see, which may itself be an integral part of the story. I'm not saying including many characters is a bad thing, but you have to understand that not only is making each voice distinct and interesting progressively harder as you add in more of em, but you're also asking the reader to take in and keep track of quite a bit in order for them to make sense of it all if they all show up in the same timeframe. With this many characters and plot points, you may need to be careful about how quickly you introduce a reader to new information, especially if there's so much going on in the story as a whole. 

 

Also, again, I'm kinda curious of the tone? You mentioned it being a comedy story, but it includes so many elements that seems like they would give it a darker and humorless tone. How are you planning on going about the 'feel' of the story? Is it supposed to feel fun, or reflective of a more problematic sides of humanity? Or something else entirely?

 

No discourage meant of course. It might just be the way all of it was represented, but I wanted to share my impression and ask questions I feel are important to know the answers to.  :grin2: Overall it seems like it could be interesting, and you put some solid work into thinking up something with a lot going on and has a good deal of material to use. --Relatedly, I wish you luck with moving forward on it regardless of what you do with it.

[Sunny Shimmer 259]

Wow that is a lot of words....

[AmbientBeat 27]

((First off, since you're posting in creative resources, I'm assuming you want thoughts or interpretations on all that.))

 

I'm honestly a little confused. My first impression was that there is a LOT going on, and I can't really pin down much of central skeleton or approach for the story to be focused on. Including the mane six (yes, five come on later, but still), it sounds like you have at least 13 central characters to balance, along with dramatically shifting world views and culture clash. On top of that, There seems be a bit of a theme of two worlds colliding, and earth potentially gearing up to protect itself. Meanwhile, it's meant as a comedy story, while being heavily mature, involves death/murderers, political biases, conspiracies, and includes a character who's depressed due to being abused by her father?

That just feels... all over the place. Maybe it's how it's presented, but the sheer volume of all that, and how it all seems to compete with other parts of it for importance, well, I'm just left feeling confused and left in the dark on what I should take away from it. It's too much to fully take in really.

Is there a more central theme to the story, or core viewpoint? To my knowledge, the majority of stories focus on only a few characters out of service to making the message clearer; you can see a lot through a single set of eyes, but those eyes will color what they see, which may itself be an integral part of the story. I'm not saying including many characters is a bad thing, but you have to understand that not only is making each voice distinct and interesting progressively harder as you add in more of em, but you're also asking the reader to take in and keep track of quite a bit in order for them to make sense of it all if they all show up in the same timeframe. With this many characters and plot points, you may need to be careful about how quickly you introduce a reader to new information, especially if there's so much going on in the story as a whole.

 

Also, again, I'm kinda curious of the tone? You mentioned it being a comedy story, but it includes so many elements that seems like they would give it a darker and humorless tone. How are you planning on going about the 'feel' of the story? Is it supposed to feel fun, or reflective of a more problematic sides of humanity? Or something else entirely?

 

No discourage meant of course. It might just be the way all of it was represented, but I wanted to share my impression and ask questions I feel are important to know the answers to. :grin2: Overall it seems like it could be interesting, and you put some solid work into thinking up something with a lot going on and has a good deal of material to use. --Relatedly, I wish you luck with moving forward on it regardless of what you do with it.

Thanks for the feedback.

The plotpoints mentioned above are introduced in separate times, not at once, and usually after another plots already been resolved.

The whole world isnt involved, its the small group of characters, each one representing some trait we see a lot in today's society. It's only that group that can even see the ponies. It's about their character development when something from a kids showgoes into the care of a bunch of teens.

The whole conspiracy and Fourth Wall plot is a sidestory that Teresa is going to take on when I'm not focusing on Twilight. There are only a few occasions where the End of the World subplot is brought up in the main story. The main story is the culture clash and protecting ponies from getting kidnapped.

The story focuses on the characters in different times. They all have varying views on each other so usually there isnt any focus on more than 4 characters in a chapter.

The tone of the story is a bit complicated. I rebooted the original version after getting into shows like Life on Mars, Skins, and Ashes to Ashes, because after watching them I felt I could do better with my fanstory. The tone of the story is heavily influenced off those shows. The mood of the whole thing leans more towards a Comedy-Drama than a straight out Comedy. The story does have mature themes, but overall it is lighthearted and funny in a somewhat dark way(which makes the humor look a bit dry), while having room for serious threats and drama. However, it is probably the most optimistic story I've written thus far.

There is a central theme, which is perception on the world and the different ways people see it. The Fouth Wall thing has asmall part in that theme, but it's also there because I want to creep people out

Edited August 23, 2015 by AmbientBeat

[Ashen Pathfinder 16,164]

@@AmbientBeat

 

As this topic isn't suited for a natural discussion it will be locked. In the future please consider this as a blog post instead.

 

Thanks.