offering critique OC Critique and Advice

[Tealeaf 126]

Hello there! I'm Tealeaf, otherwise known as the artist EnigmaticWisp. I'm not a professional artist by any stretch of the imagination and I don't claim to be, but I have devoted a very large amount of time to character design and the mlp fandom as a whole. While I would love to be able to give just a general guideline for you all to utilize, I feel like sometimes a nice, personal approach can be more helpful. That's what I'm here to offer! You can ask me for advice on general stuff such as color schemes, names, or other aspects of the creating process, or you can feel free to just present your character for analysis. Whichever method is more comfortable for you is completely fine, but I do have a question for you to answer and a form for you to fill out so that I can assist a little bit easier. It's preferable if you have a visual reference, although not necessary.

What specifically are you having difficulty with, or are you here purely out of curiosity? This will help me assess your design a little better, with a critique tailored a bit more to your needs.

Once you've answered that question, please remember to feel out this form about your character to the best of your ability:

Name-

Personality-

Bio-

Appearance-

Cutiemark-

 

Don't worry if you couldn't fill it all out c: It's just basic stuff to get you started and help me with the criticism portion of this thread.

Now that that's out of the way, allow me to help ease any concerns you might have by showing you some of my own old character designs (from oldest to newest), because I definitely wasn't always very good at the character creation process. Therefore, you don't need to be nervous about asking for help or opinions on a design for any reason, even if you aren't entirely comfortable with the artwork yet. This is the fastest, best way to improve c:
Note- I will try to make your criticisms more in-depth and specific than what you see below.

 

Alora and Eris

 

 

 

 

I'm going to start with two of my oldest characters together. As you can see, their designs were both very complicated, but their flaws were more than just in their physical appearance. Alora represented life, and Eris represented death. They were very overpowered, unnecessarily so, and many aspects of their design were downright thoughtless. There cutiemarks were overly complex without having a clear symbolic meaning. In terms of mechanics, they technically weren't alicorns, but I gave them just as much if not more ability than the canon alicorns, which is a huge no-no, not only in terms of show accuracy, but also in terms of character development because it limits them from character growth. In the show, the only characters with genuinely powerful magic are characters who's talents revolve solely around magic, but I made two excessively powerful characters here without putting focus on that ability. They were literally just powerful for the sake of being powerful, and that's never a good thing. I don't think I need to explain in too much detail why their physical designs were poor. When designing, it's important to ask, "why?" It took me a while to let go of the weird horn shapes and unnecessary butt mark details.

 

Stardust

 

 

 

After Alora and Eris, I went through a few other characters such as an immensely powerful shadow alicorn and a half-dog grimdark unicorn thing, but I'm going to skip those and move onto the next prominent stage in my designing. Stardust here was the first really well developed character, although she had some problems as well. Theoretically, I designed her as an apprentice to Luna who painted constellations for the princess to raise. My biggest problem though, again, was that I simply couldn't bring myself to stick to only a single talent. Her cutiemark was too complex, making the meaning very deluded. At this time, I was also still really stuck on neutral tones with blue and green, which honestly needs to be executed with more care when it comes to the plausible mlp universe. In general, though, she was much MUCH better than either Alora or Eris ever were.

 

Picture Print

 

 

 

That second image up there was by Cappydarn on DA, and I'm honestly still proud of it. Picture Print was my first genuine, thought-through character. Now, your character obviously doesn't have to be accurate canonically to be good, but having some semblance of realism is very helpful. Picture Print was also more honest to myself than my previous characters, and her talent was specific. To this day, I still have difficulties shunning her given as to how personal she was to me, and I'm still pretty proud about how I got around the no-magic, no-holding ordeal by turning her tail into a paintbrush. Around this time, I also had a deer character named Ahri that I liked a lot at the time c:

 

M. Tealeaf

 

My current primary character is Misty Tealeaf. For her, I think I've put more thought into than any of my previous characters. I stepped away from the greys because they were a trap for me, and powered her down compared to my other, older MLP unicorns. In the time between this character and my previous ones, I definitely improved my drawing ability a lot, but the ability to draw does not make your character better or worse. This character is technically better to me because I conceptualized her a lot more. I made her realistic, but also interesting. She's a unicorn pony with a special talent in potion-making. She's nomadic, similar to a gypsy, and travels with a mobile potion shop. I even added in a quaint little quirk for her where she likes to drink tea out of potion bottles, much to the shock of other ponies. Even her name was given more thought than my other characters. Her first name, Misty is in reference to her magic being white and her hair being blue like water. Her last name hints at her base coat color while also subtly referencing her talent in combining botanical ingredients to form new substances (potions).

 

 

[Courageous Thunder Dash 7,824]

Do you accept character links? Personally, I feel they're much easier than having to fill everything out again...

 

Anyway, could you take a look at Chelsea, one of my latest OCs?

 

https://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/chelsea-r6915

[Tealeaf 126]

Do you accept character links? Personally, I feel they're much easier than having to fill everything out again...

 

Anyway, could you take a look at Chelsea, one of my latest OCs?

 

https://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/chelsea-r6915

 

Honestly, I really prefer the form over links because they mean I can be a little more thorough and handle more people at once, but links are quite alright as well so long as there's sufficient information.

 

For these critiques, I'm going to separate stuff up into sections for easier navigation. c:

 

Her psychical design.

The first thing I notice is that she ins't a pony, which is great! Exploring different species can really promote creativity and I do enjoy what I see from this character at first glance. One thing that I feel is a little off is that her design doesn't incorporate many pony aspects, despite being half pony. This sort of puts me off a bit, since what you really created here is a hippogriff, the offspring to a horse and a griffin in mythology. It's also a bit odd to me because her backside is entirely griffin, but she has a cutiemark despite this. This aspect can probably be reasoned around, but it would make more sense and have more continuity with actual mythos if at least her backside were pony-based. Otherwise, she really just looks like a normal griffin and I can't see a reason to make her half pony unless you present it more in her design or give it a more prominent role in her backstory (and not just use it as a reason to give her a butt stamp). In terms of her color scheme, I do actually enjoy the combination you used, and she's very cute.

 

Here are some images of classical hippogriffs that I think would be good to reference.

 

Art by Drkav

Art By Emma143

 

 

 

It wouldn't be necessary really to change her tail type, since that exists in depictions of hippogriffs too, but I do really believe that your design would be more sound with a standard pony behind.

 

Her cutiemark.

Honestly, I don't like the premise behind her cutiemark. Not only does it sound kinda of busy in theory, but putting a black and white figure ontop of a colored background isn't always the best thing to do. That being said, there isn't really a logical reason for her to have magical powers over water. She may have a strong like or an affinity for water, but as the offspring of a griffin and a pegasus, she really shouldn't have control over a prominent element like that. Even with ponies, a unicorn only ever has limited power over something that directly influences their unique talent. Only ponies who specifically have a talent in magic ever really get to control high-level magic, so it isn't very realistic for a hippogriff to have magic that powerful, and giving her the ability to breathe underwater inherently is also pretty unrealistic. There are simply too many concepts floating about this design for it to be balanced. If you want to keep her ability to commune with the water ponies intact, then maybe having them cast temporary breathe abilities might be better, but giving her that ability outright is a no-no.

 

Her personality and bio.

Her personality has a good, sound basis, although i'm not seeing many genuine character faults which might make her come off as a little 2-dimensional. My concern here isn't really the personality though, but rather the bio. There aren't many ways to say this very kindly, but your character is suffering from a case of tragic backstory cliche, and you've involved her in so many prominent events that she's just unrealistically overpowered and genuinely too important. This doesn't make your character better. If anything, it takes away her need for mundane problems and makes character growth unnecessary. It really bothers me how little the griffin mentality seems to have affected her in her bio as well. A character is a product of their environment, and for her personality not to have been effected by her environment very much at all is very weird psychologically. It seems like you really did try to incorporate this though, and perhaps a quick bio just can't encompass specific instances like that. Also, having her hair change color solely because of magic is also a very cliched concept. That doesn't necessarily mean it's bad, but with the number of other events in her bio, it becomes a little bit redundant. This last issue is really just a personal preference, but I feel like placing her in ponyville after all of that isn't a good idea whatsoever. Given where the water ponies are in canon literature, and where the griffin's reside, it just feels very random. Despite all of this, I can tell that you did put a lot of thought in it, and some of these things can be probably fixed or forgiven with only a couple of strategic tweaks, but her having an excessively powerful super-form isn't going to work in a well rounded concept. It's good that you put a drawback in this, but given that she's a hippogriff and was literally outright given extreme magic over water by a group of water ponies who rescued her, it's just immensely unnecessary. Like I said in my introduction, it's very important to ask "why", and you obviously did this, but taking a step back is necessary as well sometimes. It's hard to resist making your character too powerful or too special, but I guarantee you that characters are sometimes MORE interesting when they're imperfect. For reference, if you've ever seen the tv series Lost Girl, you might notice that most of the fandom gravitates towards Kenzi, a secondary main character who has no magical ability and a lot of flaws, rather than Bo, the main character who's immensely powerful and seems to be the solution to pretty much every problem.

 

In the end, the most important thing about a character is how happy you are with it, but taking this type of stuff into consideration is still a positive thing to do c:

Edited May 22, 2016 by Tealeaf

[Courageous Thunder Dash 7,824]

Honestly, I really prefer the form over links because they mean I can be a little more thorough and handle more people at once, but links are quite alright as well so long as there's sufficient information.

 

For these critiques, I'm going to separate stuff up into sections for easier navigation. c:

 

Her psychical design.

The first thing I notice is that she ins't a pony, which is great! Exploring different species can really promote creativity and I do enjoy what I see from this character at first glance. One thing that I feel is a little off is that her design doesn't incorporate many pony aspects, despite being half pony. This sort of puts me off a bit, since what you really created here is a hippogriff, the offspring to a horse and a griffin in mythology. It's also a bit odd to me because her backside is entirely griffin, but she has a cutiemark despite this. This aspect can probably be reasoned around, but it would make more sense and have more continuity with actual mythos if at least her backside were pony-based. Otherwise, she really just looks like a normal griffin and I can't see a reason to make her half pony unless you present it more in her design or give it a more prominent role in her backstory (and not just use it as a reason to give her a butt stamp). In terms of her color scheme, I do actually enjoy the combination you used, and she's very cute.

 

Here are some images of classical hippogriffs that I think would be good to reference.

 

Art by Drkav

Art By Emma143

 

 

 

It wouldn't be necessary really to change her tail type, since that exists in depictions of hippogriffs too, but I do really believe that your design would be more sound with a standard pony behind.

 

Her cutiemark.

Honestly, I don't like the premise behind her cutiemark. Not only does it sound kinda of busy in theory, but putting a black and white figure ontop of a colored background isn't always the best thing to do. That being said, there isn't really a logical reason for her to have magical powers over water. She may have a strong like or an affinity for water, but as the offspring of a griffin and a pegasus, she really shouldn't have control over a prominent element like that. Even with ponies, a unicorn only ever has limited power over something that directly influences their unique talent. Only ponies who specifically have a talent in magic ever really get to control high-level magic, so it isn't very realistic for a hippogriff to have magic that powerful, and giving her the ability to breathe underwater inherently is also pretty unrealistic. There are simply too many concepts floating about this design for it to be balanced. If you want to keep her ability to commune with the water ponies intact, then maybe having them cast temporary breathe abilities might be better, but giving her that ability outright is a no-no.

 

Her personality and bio.

Her personality has a good, sound basis, although i'm not seeing many genuine character faults which might make her come off as a little 2-dimensional. My concern here isn't really the personality though, but rather the bio. There aren't many ways to say this very kindly, but your character is suffering from a case of tragic backstory cliche, and you've involved her in so many prominent events that she's just unrealistically overpowered and genuinely too important. This doesn't make your character better. If anything, it takes away her need for mundane problems and makes character growth unnecessary. It really bothers me how little the griffin mentality seems to have affected her in her bio as well. A character is a product of their environment, and for her personality not to have been effected by her environment very much at all is very weird psychologically. It seems like you really did try to incorporate this though, and perhaps a quick bio just can't encompass specific instances like that. Also, having her hair change color solely because of magic is also a very cliched concept. That doesn't necessarily mean it's bad, but with the number of other events in her bio, it becomes a little bit redundant. This last issue is really just a personal preference, but I feel like placing her in ponyville after all of that isn't a good idea whatsoever. Given where the water ponies are in canon literature, and where the griffin's reside, it just feels very random. Despite all of this, I can tell that you did put a lot of thought in it, and some of these things can be probably fixed or forgiven with only a couple of strategic tweaks, but her having an excessively powerful super-form isn't going to work in a well rounded concept. It's good that you put a drawback in this, but given that she's a hippogriff and was literally outright given extreme magic over water by a group of water ponies who rescued her, it's just immensely unnecessary. Like I said in my introduction, it's very important to ask "why", and you obviously did this, but taking a step back is necessary as well sometimes. It's hard to resist making your character too powerful or too special, but I guarantee you that characters are sometimes MORE interesting when they're imperfect. For reference, if you've ever seen the tv series Lost Girl, you might notice that most of the fandom gravitates towards Kenzi, a secondary main character who has no magical ability and a lot of flaws, rather than Bo, the main character who's immensely powerful and seems to be the solution to pretty much every problem.

 

In the end, the most important thing about a character is how happy you are with it, but taking this type of stuff into consideration is still a positive thing to do c:

Hey thanks for the critique. The last time I changed up her backstory was when I realized I put Celestia in an enemy state. That's when I changed it. In roleplays, I don't make Chelsea's water abilities a complete priority. I only use them when I have to. But anyways, thanks for the critique. I'll be sure to come back when I have another character I need you to look over!

[Tealeaf 126]

Hey thanks for the critique. The last time I changed up her backstory was when I realized I put Celestia in an enemy state. That's when I changed it. In roleplays, I don't make Chelsea's water abilities a complete priority. I only use them when I have to. But anyways, thanks for the critique. I'll be sure to come back when I have another character I need you to look over!

 

Sure thing! Thank you very much for your time c:

Edited May 22, 2016 by Tealeaf

[95% Chance 78]

Hello there! I suppose I'd say that I'm simply here out of curiosity. I've seen your posts in other threads around the OC Help area and they're very well informed and insightful!

I'm a firm believer in the fact that a character still has more room to grow after creation, so if you don't mind me submitting a two pack of double trouble OCs, I'd be delighted to hear some commentary and critique on them. I'll also pop the link to their character sheets after the form, because there's far too much to put on that form, sadly!

 

Name- Anchors Aweigh

 

Personality- Overall, Anchors Aweigh is a nice, helpful stallion that, while a bit on the quiet side, is not without a big warm heart and care for his fellow ponies. Even though his inherent helpful and slightly oblivious nature can get him into some sticky situations, he is never without a plan (even if that plan may not be the best course of action). He holds a deep respect and love for his mother, and almost the polar opposite for his brother. This seafaring stallion is a quiet giant that makes a firm, lifelong friend once you get past his somewhat off-putting silence.

 

Bio- One of two brothers born in a small hamlet in Horseshoe Bay, this brother devoted his life to his passion of sailing after given a bit of "sea fever" by his father. After his father passed away at sea he decided to carry on the same legacy, constructing a hybrid ship made from salvaged parts of his father's boat and his own materials. None too fond of his brother who doesn't share the same attitude on what's best for their family.

 

Appearance- Anchors Aweigh is a large, workhorse-esque Earth Pony stallion. For a height reference I'd picture him roughly slightly taller than Big Macintosh, but not by much. His coat is a sort of light sea green, with his mane and tail being a more dodger blue color. His eyes are more of a dull golden hue. He sports a rather messy, unkempt mane and tail, it being given its usual windswept look by being out at sea. He can also be seen 90% of the time with a short beard along his jaw and chin. Like most workhorse type stallions, he also has fetlocks upon his hooves. (Also going to pop down a link to an image of him. Not gonna embed it because I work on massive canvases in GIMP and it'd mess with the format! http://i.imgur.com/1Cd0OXF.png )

 

Cutiemark- A dark gray anchor, with a light brown rope threaded through and draped around it.

 

https://mlpforums.com/page/eqw-characters/_/approved/anchors-aweigh-r385

 

 

Name- Steel Vaults

 

Personality- Hedonistic and flirtatious, while at the same time a shrewd businesspony and manipulator. Abrasive, but not indefinitely so, and host to a surprisingly softer side that many rarely see.

 

Bio: The other of the two brothers born on the coast in Horseshoe Bay, Steel Vaults preferred to stay at home and help his mother around the house while his brother and father were out at sea. He believed that education was a much more important aspect of life, but understood his brother's love for the open ocean. At least up until their father's untimely death. Their disagreement caused a rift between the two and Steel eventually went off to pursue higher education instead, where he would begin to take on the traits that made him who he is today.

 

Appearance- Steel Vaults is workhorse-esque in stature, sharing the same muscular, Earth Pony build as his brother. He sports an Indigo coat and wine red mane/tail, both of which he keeps groomed to the best of his ability, though it's not without some errant messiness that runs in his family. His eyes are a piercing green color, complementing his coat perfectly. Like most stallions of his stature, he sports fetlocks along his hooves. He is never seen without wearing any formal attire, his favorite of which is a white dress shirt and black vest, with a red tie to accentuate the outfit. ( http://i.imgur.com/FG8Drzo.png )

 

Cutiemark- A grey vault door bearing lighter grey accents.

 

https://mlpforums.com/page/eqw-characters/_/approved/steel-vaults-r405

Edited May 22, 2016 by 95% Chance

[Dust and Memories 557]

I would like critique on this character, please.

 

https://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/wilhelm-de-winter-r8025

 

(And also on the sketch, if you'd like. )

[Tealeaf 126]

Hello there! I suppose I'd say that I'm simply here out of curiosity. I've seen your posts in other threads around the OC Help area and they're very well informed and insightful!

I'm a firm believer in the fact that a character still has more room to grow after creation, so if you don't mind me submitting a two pack of double trouble OCs, I'd be delighted to hear some commentary and critique on them. I'll also pop the link to their character sheets after the form, because there's far too much to put on that form, sadly!

 

Name- Anchors Aweigh

 

Personality- Overall, Anchors Aweigh is a nice, helpful stallion that, while a bit on the quiet side, is not without a big warm heart and care for his fellow ponies. Even though his inherent helpful and slightly oblivious nature can get him into some sticky situations, he is never without a plan (even if that plan may not be the best course of action). He holds a deep respect and love for his mother, and almost the polar opposite for his brother. This seafaring stallion is a quiet giant that makes a firm, lifelong friend once you get past his somewhat off-putting silence.

 

Bio- One of two brothers born in a small hamlet in Horseshoe Bay, this brother devoted his life to his passion of sailing after given a bit of "sea fever" by his father. After his father passed away at sea he decided to carry on the same legacy, constructing a hybrid ship made from salvaged parts of his father's boat and his own materials. None too fond of his brother who doesn't share the same attitude on what's best for their family.

 

Appearance- Anchors Aweigh is a large, workhorse-esque Earth Pony stallion. For a height reference I'd picture him roughly slightly taller than Big Macintosh, but not by much. His coat is a sort of light sea green, with his mane and tail being a more dodger blue color. His eyes are more of a dull golden hue. He sports a rather messy, unkempt mane and tail, it being given its usual windswept look by being out at sea. He can also be seen 90% of the time with a short beard along his jaw and chin. Like most workhorse type stallions, he also has fetlocks upon his hooves. (Also going to pop down a link to an image of him. Not gonna embed it because I work on massive canvases in GIMP and it'd mess with the format! http://i.imgur.com/1Cd0OXF.png )

 

Cutiemark- A dark gray anchor, with a light brown rope threaded through and draped around it.

 

https://mlpforums.com/page/eqw-characters/_/approved/anchors-aweigh-r385

 

 

Name- Steel Vaults

 

Personality- Hedonistic and flirtatious, while at the same time a shrewd businesspony and manipulator. Abrasive, but not indefinitely so, and host to a surprisingly softer side that many rarely see.

 

Bio: The other of the two brothers born on the coast in Horseshoe Bay, Steel Vaults preferred to stay at home and help his mother around the house while his brother and father were out at sea. He believed that education was a much more important aspect of life, but understood his brother's love for the open ocean. At least up until their father's untimely death. Their disagreement caused a rift between the two and Steel eventually went off to pursue higher education instead, where he would begin to take on the traits that made him who he is today.

 

Appearance- Steel Vaults is workhorse-esque in stature, sharing the same muscular, Earth Pony build as his brother. He sports an Indigo coat and wine red mane/tail, both of which he keeps groomed to the best of his ability, though it's not without some errant messiness that runs in his family. His eyes are a piercing green color, complementing his coat perfectly. Like most stallions of his stature, he sports fetlocks along his hooves. He is never seen without wearing any formal attire, his favorite of which is a white dress shirt and black vest, with a red tie to accentuate the outfit. ( http://i.imgur.com/FG8Drzo.png )

 

Cutiemark- A grey vault door bearing lighter grey accents.

 

https://mlpforums.com/page/eqw-characters/_/approved/steel-vaults-r405

 

I would love to review these characters for you c: Just from glancing at them, my initial impression is very positive. I'll start with Anchors Aweigh first, and then move onto Steel Vaults. The good thing about well developed characters is that I often don't have to say quite as much in order to express my meaning. I will mention that I find it sort of odd that they're siblings, given how completely different their color schemes are.

 

His physical design.

This is definitely a design that, at first glance, is very appealing. The coat color and mane color are both cold tones, while the eyes are a warm tone. This really helps draw the eye towards his face, and the reuse of yellow, although it isn't the same shade and is more of a brown, in his cutiemark is a really nice touch that helps to tie the design together. I really enjoy the facial hair that you gave him as well, because it's a detail I very rarely see in mlp fandom characters that really added to his overall theme, and the messy hair also translates this concept effortlessly.

 

His cutiemark.

Anchor's cutiemark is especially nice. The concept portrayed here is very clear and clean, with only a select number of colors that doesn't distract from the rest of his design as a whole. This is really just a fantastic example of a well done cutiemark design.

 

His personality and bio.

I absolutely adore his biography and personality. His response to the trauma of his father's loss is logical, and he hasn't been overloaded with an excess of major events that delude his overarching concept. Psychologically, his desire to continue his father's legacy through his work not only correlates with the general personality traits he has been given, but also makes sense when considering his feud with his brother. Since that's been mentioned as well, I feel it should be explained that I also greatly adore that conflict he has. It leaves a lot of room for further development and character growth, which is vital for a good backstory.

 

His physical design.

Like Anchor, I do generally really enjoy Steel's general design. It very well conveys his personality, although I do believe that it could benefit from an adjustment in his base coat color. As is purple and green are complementary colors, which doesn't just make them stand out against eachother, but also makes them appear even more saturated than they are. Reducing the saturation, and perhaps lightening the overall tone of his base coat will help prevent these colors from clashing and straining the viewer's eyes. That being said, the red in his suit is also far too saturated. Using the same color from his hair would suit the design better and keep the eye moving towards his face, rather than his tie. Changing the white to a soft grey would also be a good idea, although this is much less necessary. I do have to say, as a side note, that I enjoy how you've managed to make this very same body shape work for two completely different characters.

 

His cutiemark.

His cutiemark symbolism is a little bit vague. I suppose a vault might symbolize locking himself away emotionally, but i don't know how that could possibly correlate with his talent as a student or a businessman and it's stated specifically that he enjoys deep friendships. Not even as a flirt really, necessarily, because it's a bit of a stretch to reach that conclusion.

 

His personality and bio.

Again, I do really enjoy this character's personality and bio, for damn near all the same reasons as I enjoyed Anchor's. His resentment towards his brother isn't unfounded in the slightest. Something I found really amusing about his personality is how much the bit about him being competitive towards ponies equal to him and friendly towards ponies he deems lesser reminded me of Gregory House. Of course, House is far more extreme in nature and not hardly as smooth as Steel, but it was a fun little thought that really appealed to me. I also really enjoy that he's a genuinely intelligent character, and not just a party pony for the sake of being a party pony.

[95% Chance 78]

Aha! Thank you very much!

 

I'm loathe to admit it, but while I had the concept for two brothers in my head for a awhile, Steel was not as well done as I'd hoped he could be, to say he was an afterthought isn't the right word, and it was more or less the fact that I was more focused on fleshing out Anchors, so Steel didn't get my full attention.

 

I'll keep your recommendations in mind moving forward!

[Tealeaf 126]

I would like critique on this character, please.

 

https://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/wilhelm-de-winter-r8025

 

(And also on the sketch, if you'd like. )

 

I would love to try and help you with your artwork c:

 

The first thing I notice with the artwork itself is that you might need to work on fleshing out a skeleton while you're drawing. The image is obviously somewhat muddled because of the tilt of your camera, but I can definitely discern some issues with the character's neck, stifle (the thigh, of sorts) and hocks. Remembering how the muscles would theoretically function could help you avoid this issue in the future, and the best thing any artist can do is OBSERVE ALL THE TIME. Watch your subject in motion, and don't just learn a specific style. Look at how the horse body moves AND how the mlp pony moves. Once you have a comprehension of the anatomy, you'll be able to draw in a much wider range of positions.

 

Here are some references for you:

 

 

 

 

Art By Eartsong9405

 

 

His physical design.

I don't have exact color examples to base this on, but I must admit that I have some concerns about your description. With a dark, navy colored coat and blue eyes, the only source of warm color is coming from his hooves. Against the blue and grey, since grey is neutral, the viewer's eyes are going to be draw towards his feet instead of his face. In short, the colors sound woefully unbalanced, which is going to negatively effect the motion of his design. In order to remedy this, I would suggest switching out his hoof color for a darker or lighter blue than his coat, and then changing his eye color to something warm, such as a soft yellow or purple. I also suggest making sure to incorporate this color, or something similar, somehow into his cutiemark for further balance. It's a simple trick, but it works. Since navy blue is such a dark color, you'll want to balance this so changing his mane color for something lighter might also be advisable.

 

His cutiemark.

I feel as though his cutiemark may be too complex to portray the theme you want simplistically. Typically, it's suggested to only use 3 colors in your cutiemarks, possible 4 in very, very rare cases. Think about the dress that twilight ordered from Rarity in the episode, "Suited for Success". What she wanted was very specific, very accurate, and very complicated, but it didn't do the design any good and ended up making it too cluttered in the end.

 

Let me show you her design vs Rarity's simplified design:

 

 

 

His personality and bio.

Originally, glancing over his sheet, I was a little bit worried that his backstory might end up being a bit cliched, but it was much better than anticipated! The possible reasons for him leaving to attend military training are genuinely plausible, and the sentimentality behind his locket is a very endearing addition. I do feel as though making him such a skilled ranged combatant was a poor choice, however, since it isn't related to his talent whatsoever. Being okay or even pretty damn good at something other than your talent is perfectly alright, but when it get's to such a point where you're calling him "almost unequaled" is simply not a good idea for a mlp based character concept. Advanced tactical battle training also seems somewhat unrealistic, given the circumstance of his training, although basic training or even just a general understand is enough to go by. It simply doesn't need to be made into something extraordinary. That being said, you executed his rise to his position pretty well, without giving too much power or forcing him into personal relationships with major characters. I do have to say that the means of his sister's death was very peculiar to me though, as an opera singer. Perhaps that can be readjusted to make more sense with her behaviors and line of work. A lighting tool or prop could have fallen on her, or perhaps some dangling rope on set caught one of her wings, causing her to lose control and plummet in much the same way as you already had it set up.

[Dust and Memories 557]

-snip-

 

Thank you so much! I wrote this character when I first began watching MLP and participating in the fandom, and as such, I didn't have much writing ability. This critique is massively helpful to me, and clearly points out issues I hadn't even realized. (His sister's death can be chalked up to a mess-up with backstory revision, though. She was originally a speed-flyer training for the Wonderbolts and acting as a counterpoint to Wilhelm, but I realized that not only was she almost a Rainbow Dash design-swap, but the tragedy's affect on Wilhelm could be accentuated more if they had commonality of interests and spent time together.)

 

Your critique on my art is also helpful, as I have just begun with pony art, and the artists I know IRL don't exactly know the ins and outs of our beloved technicolor equines. (I'd like to say I'm better with humans.

)

 

Again, thank you!

 

(Also, color example for Wilhelm by an artist who I cannot remember the current forum name of. Over time here at MLPF, I purposefully brightened the eyes and changed the glasses from silver to gold, but I never thought of changing the hooves.)

[Tealeaf 126]

Thank you so much! I wrote this character when I first began watching MLP and participating in the fandom, and as such, I didn't have much writing ability. This critique is massively helpful to me, and clearly points out issues I hadn't even realized. (His sister's death can be chalked up to a mess-up with backstory revision, though. She was originally a speed-flyer training for the Wonderbolts and acting as a counterpoint to Wilhelm, but I realized that not only was she almost a Rainbow Dash design-swap, but the tragedy's affect on Wilhelm could be accentuated more if they had commonality of interests and spent time together.)

 

Your critique on my art is also helpful, as I have just begun with pony art, and the artists I know IRL don't exactly know the ins and outs of our beloved technicolor equines. (I'd like to say I'm better with humans.

image.jpeg

)

 

Again, thank you!

 

(Also, color example for Wilhelm by an artist who I cannot remember the current forum name of. Over time here at MLPF, I purposefully brightened the eyes and changed the glasses from silver to gold, but I never thought of changing the hooves.)

image.jpeg

 

I'm so glad I could be of assistance! You've definitely got a start and I can see some real potential in your human work especially. I don't really draw humans too frequently, opting for anthro characters or ponies more frequently, but I do draw them on occasion and intend to do so more often for my DnD group in the future.

 

Using brighter eyes and a gold frame on the glasses really does help the design quite a lot. It helps pull the eyes back up towards the face, which is fantastic. I still believe he is, overall, a bit too dark, but I tend to think of things in a "before and after" mindset, where I want to consider how the shading might effect the colors, specially given that shading doesn't just get darker in comparison to the base color, but also cooler, and lighting does the exact opposite. This is the primary reason that I'm so against "pitch black" and "pure white" in most cases.

[Randimaxis 8,652]

Hmmmmmm... okay, I'll bite.

 

What specifically are you having difficulty with, or are you here purely out of curiosity?

 

Curiosity, mostly; I've been roleplaying for quite some time, so I think it would be a good measure of what I can do and what I still need work on - I admit that I don't know everything, and I realize that sometimes a fresh source of perspective is needed to properly assess how my characters come across to others.

 

https://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/smooth-groove-r9019

Name - Smooth Groove ('Groovi')

Personality - 

Groovi is a beat poet. She also prefers to see herself as the coolest customer in the room. She is hip and trendy to a point, but she doesn't like to follow the crowd too much - she swings to the beat of her own bass, so to speak. She believes that the soul can manifest in many different ways; hers was a cool blue manifestation, so that's what she tries to be.

She has a sensitive and emotional side, but she tries to hide it beneath a frosty exterior; not that she's emotionally cold or distant... but more like she comes across sometimes as having a "too hip for the room" attitude, which can be misunderstood as uncaring or pompous.

She's always looking for influences for her poetry - and literally ANYTHING can be an inspiration. From rocks to jars of jelly to ponies to... well, whatever works. Her beat poetry is usually made up on the spot, and she approves of the single-hoof clap in appreciation.

Groovi likes having fans of her poems, but she likes actual friends even more. She'll hang out with anypony, but as they show what kind of pony they truly are, she'll act accordingly: fake friends are treated coldly, while real friends are the ones who get the smiles and the giggles. She can be a shrewd judge of character, and she won't put up with falseness for long.

 

Bio - 

Groovi is the foal of Bass Cello and Swingin' Medallion. Groovi grew up in a kind household, loved and supported by both parents and encouraged to express herself however she saw fit. At first, she tried to find herself in many ways: her black clothing period, her screaming phase, her health-nut days, her abstract artwork, her strange (yet provocative) sculptures... yet none of these seemed to feel right to her.

One day, during a visit to Ponyville, she found herself sitting at the fountain in the center of town and just started observing the activity all around her. Inspired, she began to write down a string of words that wouldn't stop flowing from her - even if she wanted to stop (which she didn't), the words were insistent on being used.

When she finished, she had her first beat poetry - and started speaking it, right there in public. Maintaining her coolness, her recital began attracting attention, and before long she was surrounded by other ponies, all listening to her words. When she finished, she got an enormous round of applause... and her cutie mark, as well.

Since then, she frequents the coffee shops and hazy taverns of Canterlot and the surrounding areas, always showing up for open mic nights and pouring her creativity like honey across the words in her mind, then serving them to any and all comers wiling to listen.

 

Appearance - 

"Groovi" has a light blue coat with a darker blue patch over her muzzle, and on each hoof. Her mane and tail are both a darker blue, with lighter blue lines rolling across each. She usually wears a dark blue jumpsuit and a pair of silver bracelets on one hoof. Sometimes she sports a dark blue beret, but not always.

 

Cutiemark - Her cutie mark is a quill pen with it's tip frozen in an ice cube.

 

Thank you for your time.  *bows*

[WhisperingDreams 16]

Could you review my OC Night Frost?

 

Night Frost is a female bat pony with a talent for taming mythical creatures, she is also the very first my little pony oc I made. Im also here cause I was curious ^^. Before you read the info I am so so sorry for how long it is D:

 

(Base was used for the body but everything else was by me)

 

 

Name-

Night Frost

 

Personality-

Likes making people laugh but becomes withdrawn with people she doesn't know, Night loves thrill rides but refuses to do anything that will risk her life for things that are 'just because it's fun'.

She enjoys reading every now and then and at times can be a couch potato. Night can be very cautious and sometimes wimps out of things if they scare her.

She cares deeply for her friends and hates to betray them.

Night almost never cries from pain, just an odd little thing about her.

Night can also be very forceful without realising and gets irritated easily if someone constantly pushes her into doing something.

She sometimes gets bouts of depression but Night pushes those thoughts and feelings down as quickly as they come up. Night usually only gets 'it' when she has nothing to do or is alone. She knows she should get help but she can't, she's afraid to.

 

Bio (I'm guessing this is backstory?)-

Born in Manehatten to two bat pony parents (one pure, one half pegasus), she was bullied for being 'different and a blank flank'. So Night Frost's parents decided to move to Ponyville after hearing how friendly it was, however the only house available was near the everfree forest. They at first chose to wait for a new house to be built but in the end moved in when informed that monsters usually don't go near the edge, it was also cheap and they could move in straight away.

 

One night, Night heard cries for help coming from the everfree, curious, fearful but drawn to the sound she wandered into the forest searching for the source. A manticore with a damaged wing stuck at the bottom of a crevice was what met her, she spent much time pacing the edge of the crevice, trying to but failing to think of a plan to get it out. By accident her hoof broke away a part of the cliff causing a chain reaction ending in a land slide, Night was horrified believing she killed the Manticore. By pure luck the landslide missed the Manticore and created a way out. The beast then leapt out and roared at Night before starting an attack, but she suddenly realised she could understand the Manticore's roars fuelled by adrenaline Night bucked the manticore in the face and scolded it. She then strictly but gently ordered the manticore to take her to Ponyville, it did and Night took it to the vet, ignoring the horror of everypony. After having its wing fixed the Manticore, with a slimy lick to the face it returned to the Everfree Forest, that was when she earned her cutie mark and found her talent, taming mythical creatures.

 

When she was 14 she was awarded with the job and title of monster controller, Night's parents moved out of the house and gave it to her for job convenience.

 

 

Appearance-

Dark grey coat with messy black hair with ice blue streaks, just reaching her shoulders. Bright golden eyes, wings, the same color as her streaks with blue-grey membrane. Often wears a red silk scarf given by her mother.

 

Cutiemark-

Two dusty green snakes with bright red eyes curled up to resemble a heart shape, their heads and tails touching. Blue eye (similar to the eye in the night guard armour) in the middle of the snake heart with two dark purple wings protruding from the sides of the eye.

[Tealeaf 126]

Hmmmmmm... okay, I'll bite.

 

What specifically are you having difficulty with, or are you here purely out of curiosity?

 

Curiosity, mostly; I've been roleplaying for quite some time, so I think it would be a good measure of what I can do and what I still need work on - I admit that I don't know everything, and I realize that sometimes a fresh source of perspective is needed to properly assess how my characters come across to others.

 

https://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/smooth-groove-r9019

Name - Smooth Groove ('Groovi')

Personality - 

Groovi is a beat poet. She also prefers to see herself as the coolest customer in the room. She is hip and trendy to a point, but she doesn't like to follow the crowd too much - she swings to the beat of her own bass, so to speak. She believes that the soul can manifest in many different ways; hers was a cool blue manifestation, so that's what she tries to be.

She has a sensitive and emotional side, but she tries to hide it beneath a frosty exterior; not that she's emotionally cold or distant... but more like she comes across sometimes as having a "too hip for the room" attitude, which can be misunderstood as uncaring or pompous.

 

She's always looking for influences for her poetry - and literally ANYTHING can be an inspiration. From rocks to jars of jelly to ponies to... well, whatever works. Her beat poetry is usually made up on the spot, and she approves of the single-hoof clap in appreciation.

 

Groovi likes having fans of her poems, but she likes actual friends even more. She'll hang out with anypony, but as they show what kind of pony they truly are, she'll act accordingly: fake friends are treated coldly, while real friends are the ones who get the smiles and the giggles. She can be a shrewd judge of character, and she won't put up with falseness for long.

 

Bio - 

Groovi is the foal of Bass Cello and Swingin' Medallion. Groovi grew up in a kind household, loved and supported by both parents and encouraged to express herself however she saw fit. At first, she tried to find herself in many ways: her black clothing period, her screaming phase, her health-nut days, her abstract artwork, her strange (yet provocative) sculptures... yet none of these seemed to feel right to her.

One day, during a visit to Ponyville, she found herself sitting at the fountain in the center of town and just started observing the activity all around her. Inspired, she began to write down a string of words that wouldn't stop flowing from her - even if she wanted to stop (which she didn't), the words were insistent on being used.

 

When she finished, she had her first beat poetry - and started speaking it, right there in public. Maintaining her coolness, her recital began attracting attention, and before long she was surrounded by other ponies, all listening to her words. When she finished, she got an enormous round of applause... and her cutie mark, as well.

 

Since then, she frequents the coffee shops and hazy taverns of Canterlot and the surrounding areas, always showing up for open mic nights and pouring her creativity like honey across the words in her mind, then serving them to any and all comers wiling to listen.

 

Appearance - 

"Groovi" has a light blue coat with a darker blue patch over her muzzle, and on each hoof. Her mane and tail are both a darker blue, with lighter blue lines rolling across each. She usually wears a dark blue jumpsuit and a pair of silver bracelets on one hoof. Sometimes she sports a dark blue beret, but not always.

 

Cutiemark - Her cutie mark is a quill pen with it's tip frozen in an ice cube.

 

Thank you for your time.  *bows*

 

I'm going to start by saying that this character is very cute c: I'm a sucker for cold colors because my eyes process colors in a lot of detail. Basically, whereas some people are color blind, I am hypersensitive to color, and too much warmth in a design can irritate my eyes.

 

Her physical appearance.

As I stated above, I do think your character is very cute. The variation in blues, with a darker tone as an accent, really helps to establish a nice consistency throughout the entire design as a whole. I do feel like there might be a little too much blue, but it's all very harmonious and doesn't distract from the overall appeal of the concept. I do feel as though her attitude doesn't really show through her design, however, which is a pretty major thing to take into account when coming up with a design like this. Fixing this doesn't have to be difficult, though. A slight adjustment with her eyes alone could drastically alter the attitude that she portrays, which her bio describes as perhaps a little "too hip for the room". Something a bit more angular can help you obtain a healthy medium between pompous and down to earth. That being said, I do think the direct of her hair and the streaks in them is very nice, although I feel like the top streak in her tail is a little bit off putting since it makes that one area seem very box-like, but the rest of the design isn't at all like that. Likewise, I'm personally not a fan of clothing designs that only contain one color. Variation can be a really good thing because it can promote more movement. As someone who draws anthro characters, I get to experiment with clothing styles quite a bit because one of my characters is more built for that type of thing. Since so much of her design is cool, maybe using a slightly warmer color somewhere in her clothing would be beneficial, like a purple/pink flower or something similar. It'll help her stand out just a little bit more, but this advice isn't terribly important so there's nothing to worry about there. It's just something I feel would be good to play around with. The colored hooves also sort of put me off from the design, mostly because they remind me of toenails, but horses have hooves which are a vastly different shape. It might make more sense to have that color be along where her hooves would theoretically be, rather than just at the front of her feet.

 

Most ponies in the MLP universe have a very standard, oval eye shape that portrays a very bright, cheerful demeanor when they're not emoting specifically. Your pony already has a slightly angular eye shape, which is really great and you probably don't need to make any adjustments if you truly don't want to. Different artists also tend to have different methods for drawing eyes, such as myself. My character does have a specific eye shape though, with an extended top line similar to that of one of my favorite mlp ocs, Spearemint. Her magic is also white, but that was mostly just a coincidence. On a side note, I also really like Luna's eye shape because it's very angular and a bit almond shape, but also has some harsher edges that convey a less pristine attitude than her sister.

Here are some examples on how eye shape can effect a design's attitude:

 

 

 

 

 

Art By 8BitArmy

 

 

Her cutiemark.

The concept you have for her cutiemark is really nice, and I can imagine it complimenting her design a lot. I really like your used of ice to further portray her "too cool for you" aura/attitude.

 

Her personality and bio.

Here we get to the nitty-gritty important stuff, because a good OC isn't really good unless their backstory is good as well. The little favorites list you have going is actually really great, because it helps the reader get an idea of how she behaves, how she speaks, and even how she thinks. The interest in children comes a little bit out of nowhere, but not really in a bad way. I think it's a very endearing little quirk that further brings her down to a relatable place. The story of how she earned her cutiemark is also really appealing to me, because it feels plausible in this type of universe while also being very interesting. I feel like it might be a bit odd that she was in ponyville, and explaining why she was there could help you really set your character into the setting. I always feel like places of origin are really important, because they dramatically effect what type of environment the character will develop in. The household she was raised in helps to express this, but there's something about a good location that just sets it all in stone. I also really adore the names you came up with for her parentage. 

Could you review my OC Night Frost?

 

Night Frost is a female bat pony with a talent for taming mythical creatures, she is also the very first my little pony oc I made. Im also here cause I was curious ^^. Before you read the info I am so so sorry for how long it is D:

 

(Base was used for the body but everything else was by me)

image.png

 

 

Name-

Night Frost

 

Personality-

Likes making people laugh but becomes withdrawn with people she doesn't know, Night loves thrill rides but refuses to do anything that will risk her life for things that are 'just because it's fun'.

She enjoys reading every now and then and at times can be a couch potato. Night can be very cautious and sometimes wimps out of things if they scare her.

She cares deeply for her friends and hates to betray them.

Night almost never cries from pain, just an odd little thing about her.

Night can also be very forceful without realising and gets irritated easily if someone constantly pushes her into doing something.

She sometimes gets bouts of depression but Night pushes those thoughts and feelings down as quickly as they come up. Night usually only gets 'it' when she has nothing to do or is alone. She knows she should get help but she can't, she's afraid to.

 

Bio (I'm guessing this is backstory?)-

Born in Manehatten to two bat pony parents (one pure, one half pegasus), she was bullied for being 'different and a blank flank'. So Night Frost's parents decided to move to Ponyville after hearing how friendly it was, however the only house available was near the everfree forest. They at first chose to wait for a new house to be built but in the end moved in when informed that monsters usually don't go near the edge, it was also cheap and they could move in straight away.

 

One night, Night heard cries for help coming from the everfree, curious, fearful but drawn to the sound she wandered into the forest searching for the source. A manticore with a damaged wing stuck at the bottom of a crevice was what met her, she spent much time pacing the edge of the crevice, trying to but failing to think of a plan to get it out. By accident her hoof broke away a part of the cliff causing a chain reaction ending in a land slide, Night was horrified believing she killed the Manticore. By pure luck the landslide missed the Manticore and created a way out. The beast then leapt out and roared at Night before starting an attack, but she suddenly realised she could understand the Manticore's roars fuelled by adrenaline Night bucked the manticore in the face and scolded it. She then strictly but gently ordered the manticore to take her to Ponyville, it did and Night took it to the vet, ignoring the horror of everypony. After having its wing fixed the Manticore, with a slimy lick to the face it returned to the Everfree Forest, that was when she earned her cutie mark and found her talent, taming mythical creatures.

 

When she was 14 she was awarded with the job and title of monster controller, Night's parents moved out of the house and gave it to her for job convenience.

 

 

Appearance-

Dark grey coat with messy black hair with ice blue streaks, just reaching her shoulders. Bright golden eyes, wings, the same color as her streaks with blue-grey membrane. Often wears a red silk scarf given by her mother.

 

Cutiemark-

Two dusty green snakes with bright red eyes curled up to resemble a heart shape, their heads and tails touching. Blue eye (similar to the eye in the night guard armour) in the middle of the snake heart with two dark purple wings protruding from the sides of the eye.

image.png

 

This is a very nice OC for your first attempt, for sure c:

 

Her physical appearance.

The first thing I actually notice while looking at your reference image is her scarf, which isn't necessarily a good thing because you want the focal point to be the character herself. The fact that the scarf is so saturated and there's shading present really draws my attention towards it, and it doesn't really match the rest of the design, which is flat colored. All you really need to do is reduce the saturation and make sure it's in the same style as the rest of the artwork. I also noticed that her base coat outline is very, very light. Making that just a tad bit darker could really help ease your design a bit. In fact, giving it a bit of color might not be such a terrible idea either given how brightly colored her wings are, and how much they stand out as a result, almost as though they aren't attached to the body. Aside from that though, her design is pretty nice. I don't ever suggest using pitch black in a design, so adjusting her hair color would do you some good and experimenting with outlines wouldn't hurt at all either. Outline colors can be pretty tricky, so I completely understand. The pattern you have going on in her hair is odd, and it reminds me of something, but I can't quite place what. It isn't bad though, and it's consistent with her tail which is always a good thing. My biggest genuine problem with this design is actually that there are just too many colors. In color theory, there are a couple different types of relationships between colors that you want to consider. A color set with all the same hue value is monochromatic, colors in a set that are across from one another on the color wheel are complimentary, a set with two colors equally spaced away from a color on the opposite end of the wheel are split-complementary, two complementary color sets spaced at the same distance from one another forms a double complimentary relationship (otherwise known as a triangle or tetradic), colors right next to one another on a wheel are analogous, and a set with three colors equally spaced between one another makes a triad relationship.  Knowing the difference between tints, shades and tones is also important. Tinting a color means to add white, while adding a shade means to add black and toning is to add grey. Personally, I prefer analogous color schemes with an accenting color of the opposite heat (warm or cold), which I'll typically use in accessories or the character's eyes in order to draw attention to a specific area. With your character though, there are too many colors and the relationships between them are really blurred. Having green, blue, yellow and red, especially with different tones of the same general color family, really makes the design feel vague and a little too busy. This can be fixed pretty easily by just changing the eye color to match the color in her cutiemark (or vise versa) and changing the accessory you used to a midtone that will compliment her overall theme a little better. I also have to complain about her expression a little bit in her reference as well, because it doesn't really reflect her personality as you described it. For a reference, you really want your character to be able to speak for themselves through their appearance. Just changing the eye expression could remedy this immediately. 

 

Her cutiemark.

Unfortunately, her cutiemark is really just too busy. There are way, way, way too many colors. Typically speaking, you should use no more than 3 or 4 at the very most, but this design has 6 different colors, and the concept is too complex for a cutiemark. There are very few exceptions to this rule on the number of colors you should use in a cutiemark design. Cutiemarks really need to be clear and simplistic, and sometimes certain additions just aren't necessary. The red eyes are far too saturated and insanely distracting, and the eye in the center doesn't hold a significance to your character's talent. The wings ontop of the whole design really just don't compliment your character's concept either, and I think your cutiemark may need an entire redesign. Changing it to something simple, with no more than 3 or 4 colors, will really help express your character a lot more, even if you might not expect it to at first.

 

Here are some examples of various canon cutiemarks:

 

 

 

Her personality and bio.

Overall, I really enjoy her backstory. However, I do have one significant complaint, and that's simply that, well, she's a batpony. Batponies can be fun and they can be executed well, but chances are that she would have dealt with much more than teasing and bullying. That being said, moving to ponyville isn't exactly the wisest decision either, given how utterly terrified the characters behaved with Zecora around, and how they responded to fluttershy as a batpony. Simply put, their experience with batponies wasn't positive, and it would take a lot of work for them to just outright accept such a sudden change in ideology. It's very unrealistic psychologically. I also have some minor issues with how you presented her personality, because it feels like you just have too many specific details you wanted to present. People are very complex, and characters are just as complex, so I know how difficult it can be to condense a character into an overall personality with a matching set of values, but your character is simply too mixed in terms of personality. Giving your character depression in any way, shape, or form needs to be done with very, very specific accuracy. In the show, depression does occur in characters, just as it does in real life, but it occurs pretty rarely. When pinkie pie is depressed, she has a reason for it to arise, making it a healthy reaction. To give your character the clinical disorder where it's legitimately a part of her personality may not be the wisest decision, given the universe you have built her for. That being said, you also seem to have used too many themes. In fact, it's almost as though you took a piece of several of the mane six. She likes to make people laugh like Pinkie, but is withdrawn like Fluttershy. She likes to read like Twilight and is insanely loyal like Rainbow. I really just suggest narrowing it down a little bit. It's alright for a character to show these traits without it being a significant part of their personality.

 

Overall, you have a fantastic start to a character with a lot of potential. 

Edited May 22, 2016 by Tealeaf

[Randimaxis 8,652]

@Tealeaf

 

 

I thoroughly appreciate the critique on the artwork; however, the art isn't my own, so as much as I actually agree with your assessment, I will sadly be unable to change it.  But thanks for enjoying the color scheme and general design (which was my own).

 

As for the character, I'm very pleased that I've done such a good job; as for improvements, I'm sure if I think it over enough, I could certainly add in a bit more detail about her reason for being in Ponyville, add perhaps a touch of warmer colors in her wardrobe couldn't hurt.

 

As for her parent's names, I'm a music buff; Bass cellos are awesome, and I grew up on oldies like "Double Shot Of My Baby's Love", so I thought it would make a fine basis for a beat poet to be the offspring of a musician and a hippie... though I still haven't decided, for the life of me, which is her Father and which is her Mother - BOTH ways are appealing to me!

 

I humbly bow before your exquisite skills of observation, and should there be time in your future agenda, I wouldn't mind gathering your opinion on some of my other OCs.

 

Thank you for your time; excelsior!

[Tealeaf 126]

@Tealeaf

 

 

I thoroughly appreciate the critique on the artwork; however, the art isn't my own, so as much as I actually agree with your assessment, I will sadly be unable to change it.  But thanks for enjoying the color scheme and general design (which was my own).

 

As for the character, I'm very pleased that I've done such a good job; as for improvements, I'm sure if I think it over enough, I could certainly add in a bit more detail about her reason for being in Ponyville, add perhaps a touch of warmer colors in her wardrobe couldn't hurt.

 

As for her parent's names, I'm a music buff; Bass cellos are awesome, and I grew up on oldies like "Double Shot Of My Baby's Love", so I thought it would make a fine basis for a beat poet to be the offspring of a musician and a hippie... though I still haven't decided, for the life of me, which is her Father and which is her Mother - BOTH ways are appealing to me!

 

I humbly bow before your exquisite skills of observation, and should there be time in your future agenda, I wouldn't mind gathering your opinion on some of my other OCs.

 

Thank you for your time; excelsior!

 

Feel free to present any of your OCs to me whenever you would like c: I do have a trip coming up at the end of this week, but when I get back I will be responding to each and every request so it doesn't bother me at all if they pile up in my absence. Give props to the artist for me. Although there were certain details I felt could be adjusted, the vector itself was very smooth and well done.

[Memory Lane 131]

Hello @@Tealeaf. If I could be so privileged, I would like to apply for a review of my own character, Memory Lane. From someone as experienced as yourself, I'm sure to receive an insightful analysis. I've provided everything within the spoiler below. Please excuse my poor writing, it's only a rough draft really. Among everything else, I'm especially interested in your thoughts regarding her story. Depending on your input, I'll know how to proceed from here. No need to spare my feelings, I can endure what need be known. Thank you.

 

 Name 

Memory Lane

 

Personality 

Memory Lane in a very sentimental pony. You will often find her reminiscing about days gone by, completely distracted from everything else. To her, every single experience in life is a treasure to be cherished and appreciated. As a result of her philosophy, she does everything slowly and with patience. When she isn't swimming in a sea of nostalgia; however, Memory will prove to be very sociable and courteous with everyone. She does her best to please as many ponies as possible. 

 

Biography 

Memory Lane is a 25 year old Earth Pony mare born and raised in Vanhoover, Equestria. From an early age, Memory was really encouraged by her parents to pursue academic excellence, for they were very accomplished ponies themselves and would accept nothing less. So naturally, Memory was made to follow their lead. Her daily routine would include reading and studying. Nothing else. Time would pass and Memory began attending elementary school. She would easily maintain her good grades in everything except physical education. Her parents pondered why she was lagging behind in this regard, until it suddenly became obvious. They never allowed her to play. They had previously considered such aimless activity a waste of time. Now however, they began to feel it may have been a worthy endeavor after all. So with their conclusion reached, they scheduled an exercise time into her routine. Unfortunately, Memory had a difficult time adapting to the change. Unlike with recess, she wasn't simply allowed to hide away in a library. This assignment was an extension of gym class, she reasoned. And try as she did, Memory failed to make any friends to specifically exercise or "play" with on a regular basis. Frustrated, she asked her parents for help. She asked, "Specifically, how does one make a friend?" Such a question was disturbing to them. They figured making a friend was effortless, yet here their daughter was needing help? Only then was it painfully obvious how badly they deprived her of a social life. In an attempt to make up for lost time, they disregarded her schedule, and told her to socialize with ponies her own age doing anything she wanted. Regrettably, Memory was already accelerated into maturity. All ponies her age were still interested in silly games and imaginary adventures. She was conditioned to spend her time being productive. To her parents dismay, Memory complained this task was vexing, but they were understanding and encouraged her to keep trying new things. After all, she still hadn't earned her cutie mark. That was surely proof her passion was still waiting to be discovered. And so more time would pass, uneventful, until a new foal transferred into Memory's classroom. She was a Unicorn filly known as Serendipity. As the most knowledgeable, Memory was asked to be her guide and familiarize her with the school. Serendipity took a particular interest in Memory, so she insisted they become friends. Memory couldn't match her enthusiasm however, feeling they were surely incompatible. And yet, she reasoned even if only temporary, agreeing was the polite thing to do for a new classmate. By the end of the week, Serendipity was fully familiarized, and even made a few more friends, but no matter how much time would pass from then, Serendipity never drifted from "Memory". They were always together, initially one sided, but eventually even Memory couldn't deny how fond she had grown of her new friend. Serendipity finally managed to wear her down. The pressure to be professional was gone. Memory allowed herself to finally act like the foal she always was. Throughout the year they had become an inseparable pair, sharing laughter and tears, anger and fright. Verily, Memory was reborn a happier pony. Then one fateful night, she and Serendipity decided to go stargazing. It was a magical experience for them both, bested only by it's conclusion when Memory and Serendipity lied upon a hilltop, pondering what they plan on doing with their lives. Memory reflected upon this question especially deeply. Then with a shooting star crossing her gaze, she knew exactly what she wanted. To make memories like she had with Serendipity. To fill her life like an album with snapshots of intangible treasure. And as quickly as her revelation came, so too did a flash upon her side. In it's place, remained destinies blessing and her cutie mark. It was a single sepia tone photograph of a shooting star. And so several years later, Memory would become a librarian for the Vanhoover Public Library, where she is fondly known by many as a helpful librarian who never forgets a pony she meets. 

 

Appearance 

 

Cutie Mark 

A single sepia tone photograph of a shooting star, capturing her most cherished memory.

[Tealeaf 126]

 

Hello @@Tealeaf. If I could be so privileged, I would like to apply for a review of my own character, Memory Lane. From someone as experienced as yourself, I'm sure to receive an insightful analysis. I've provided everything within the spoiler below. Please excuse my poor writing, it's only a rough draft really. Among everything else, I'm especially interested in your thoughts regarding her story. Depending on your input, I'll know how to proceed from here. No need to spare my feelings, I can endure what need be known. Thank you.

 

 Name 

Memory Lane

 

Personality 

Memory Lane in a very sentimental pony. You will often find her reminiscing about days gone by, completely distracted from everything else. To her, every single experience in life is a treasure to be cherished and appreciated. As a result of her philosophy, she does everything slowly and with patience. When she isn't swimming in a sea of nostalgia; however, Memory will prove to be very sociable and courteous with everyone. She does her best to please as many ponies as possible. 

 

Biography 

Memory Lane is a 25 year old Earth Pony mare born and raised in Vanhoover, Equestria. From an early age, Memory was really encouraged by her parents to pursue academic excellence, for they were very accomplished ponies themselves and would accept nothing less. So naturally, Memory was made to follow their lead. Her daily routine would include reading and studying. Nothing else. Time would pass and Memory began attending elementary school. She would easily maintain her good grades in everything except physical education. Her parents pondered why she was lagging behind in this regard, until it suddenly became obvious. They never allowed her to play. They had previously considered such aimless activity a waste of time. Now however, they began to feel it may have been a worthy endeavor after all. So with their conclusion reached, they scheduled an exercise time into her routine. Unfortunately, Memory had a difficult time adapting to the change. Unlike with recess, she wasn't simply allowed to hide away in a library. This assignment was an extension of gym class, she reasoned. And try as she did, Memory failed to make any friends to specifically exercise or "play" with on a regular basis. Frustrated, she asked her parents for help. She asked, "Specifically, how does one make a friend?" Such a question was disturbing to them. They figured making a friend was effortless, yet here their daughter was needing help? Only then was it painfully obvious how badly they deprived her of a social life. In an attempt to make up for lost time, they disregarded her schedule, and told her to socialize with ponies her own age doing anything she wanted. Regrettably, Memory was already accelerated into maturity. All ponies her age were still interested in silly games and imaginary adventures. She was conditioned to spend her time being productive. To her parents dismay, Memory complained this task was vexing, but they were understanding and encouraged her to keep trying new things. After all, she still hadn't earned her cutie mark. That was surely proof her passion was still waiting to be discovered. And so more time would pass, uneventful, until a new foal transferred into Memory's classroom. She was a Unicorn filly known as Serendipity. As the most knowledgeable, Memory was asked to be her guide and familiarize her with the school. Serendipity took a particular interest in Memory, so she insisted they become friends. Memory couldn't match her enthusiasm however, feeling they were surely incompatible. And yet, she reasoned even if only temporary, agreeing was the polite thing to do for a new classmate. By the end of the week, Serendipity was fully familiarized, and even made a few more friends, but no matter how much time would pass from then, Serendipity never drifted from "Memory". They were always together, initially one sided, but eventually even Memory couldn't deny how fond she had grown of her new friend. Serendipity finally managed to wear her down. The pressure to be professional was gone. Memory allowed herself to finally act like the foal she always was. Throughout the year they had become an inseparable pair, sharing laughter and tears, anger and fright. Verily, Memory was reborn a happier pony. Then one fateful night, she and Serendipity decided to go stargazing. It was a magical experience for them both, bested only by it's conclusion when Memory and Serendipity lied upon a hilltop, pondering what they plan on doing with their lives. Memory reflected upon this question especially deeply. Then with a shooting star crossing her gaze, she knew exactly what she wanted. To make memories like she had with Serendipity. To fill her life like an album with snapshots of intangible treasure. And as quickly as her revelation came, so too did a flash upon her side. In it's place, remained destinies blessing and her cutie mark. It was a single sepia tone photograph of a shooting star. And so several years later, Memory would become a librarian for the Vanhoover Public Library, where she is fondly known by many as a helpful librarian who never forgets a pony she meets. 

 

Appearance 

Memory Lane (FimfictionV2).png

 

Cutie Mark 

A single sepia tone photograph of a shooting star, capturing her most cherished memory.

 

 

I actually really do enjoy this character. You have done a fantastic job with her.

 

Her physical appearance.

You went with a lot of earthy tones in your design, which is always a pretty safe route to take. I can tell that you know what you're doing, for sure, with a slightly warmer hue in her hair and very nice, vibrant eyes that don't distract from the appeal of the design. It makes her look very down to earth and genuine, and the art style itself really compliments her overall personality.

 

Her cutiemark.

I do have to admit that her cutiemark may be a bit too complicated and might be difficult to translate into a vector, but the concept behind it is really nice and makes plenty of sense for your character's personality and talent. That type of theme is difficult to capture, so I definitely commend you for the work that you've done here with this character.

 

Her personality and bio.

Again, I do really enjoy your character. Her biography was very appealing and easy to read, without becoming redundant or tedious. I, personally, don't understand the appeal behind specific numbered ages, but it doesn't distract from the story even though it's something I personally dislike. I also really like that you were able to explore some of the effects of such a particular household dynamic and I actually really admire that you didn't make her talent also her job. It seems realistic to me, even though my own primary character has a talent that corresponds directly with her occupation. I've seen it done a couple of times with other ocs, and it's always lovely when it's executed well. Overall, this is a nice, rounded character with a really clear theme.

[Memory Lane 131]

@@Tealeaf Thank you for helping me. I appreciate you taking the time.

 

Regarding her appearance, I tried giving her a sepia-esque color scheme. It's reassuring to know I balanced everything. I enlisted the expertise of @@Sonatica for this particular illustration. Her style is most fitting, isn't it?

 

Regarding her cutie mark, I agree with your concern. I need to have it's design refined... or simplified? Either way, I'm glad to hear you feel it's an appropriate representation of her theme.

 

Regarding her personality and bio, I'm pleasantly surprised. I was so sure I would have gone wrong somewhere. I only provided a condensed version of her early life. Is this ideal pacing and formatting? Ah... and her age. It's only an estimate for those who find such information helpful. Perhaps I'll discard that detail.

 

At any rate... thank you again. The feedback you've given me has proven useful.

[Tealeaf 126]

@@Tealeaf Thank you for helping me. I appreciate you taking the time.

 

Regarding her appearance, I tried giving her a sepia-esque color scheme. It's reassuring to know I balanced everything. I enlisted the expertise of @@Sonatica for this particular illustration. Her style is most fitting, isn't it?

 

Regarding her cutie mark, I agree with your concern. I need to have it's design refined... or simplified? Either way, I'm glad to hear you feel it's an appropriate representation of her theme.

 

Regarding her personality and bio, I'm pleasantly surprised. I was so sure I would have gone wrong somewhere. I only provided a condensed version of her early life. Is this ideal pacing and formatting? Ah... and her age. It's only an estimate for those who find such information helpful. Perhaps I'll discard that detail.

 

At any rate... thank you again. The feedback you've given me has proven useful.

 

I'm really glad I could be helpful c: It's difficult to give much criticism to a character who's pretty much good as they are, so I tried to be pretty specific with my suggestions. Your story was very nice, I believe. Starting with just a simple background leaves room for you to reveal smaller details later on, which is good for character progression.

Just wanted to stop by and remind everybody that this IS still open and will remain open even in my absence after this coming Friday. I will be addressing every critique request I receive. 

[reader8363 1,281]

um, could ya do my twins, if not, one would be fine

https://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/starry-days-r9522

https://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/dark-days-r9523

[Tealeaf 126]

um, could ya do my twins, if not, one would be fine

https://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/starry-days-r9522

https://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/dark-days-r9523

 

Hey there! c: I wouldn't at all mind critiquing both of your characters.

 

Her physical appearance.

There isn't too much information on your character's appearance aside from a pretty brief description. From what I can visualize, she doesn't sound theoretically bad, but might be too basic and simple because of that. There's no hue variation. Grey is a neutral color, but most shades of green and all blues are cold colors. This is gonna make it a little difficult for her to stand out, but it can be done. Keep in mind, though, that very few characters in Equestria have grey fur. It's a little difficult to believe she somehow managed to make it very long without being found given such a large difference in appearance to most other ponies.

 

Her cutiemark.

The colors you chose for her cutiemark stick out a lot against the rest of her design, which sounds like it would be mostly cool tones. It also sounds like it might be a bit too complicated when drawn out, because having several books and a gemstone is going to be very difficult to render in a simple way that only uses about 3 or 4 colors. If you want to keep the theme, I would suggest changing the crystal color and changing it to only one open book, rather than the concept you have now with one open book and two closed books. It's just too complicated and will be too difficult to execute well.

 

Her personality and bio.

Her personality and backstory aren't bad in the slightest, although I do think that they could use some further development. I feel like, the way you've built her condition, she really shouldn't be able to see perfectly in the dark. Maybe powering that down a bit by limiting it to just an advantage would be more rounded than what you have currently. I also don't understand what sort of supposed temptation overcame her? You specifically mention that she was ashamed of her cutiemark, and her having such a strong desire to return to something she views so negatively is unusual.

 

His physical appearance.

Admittedly, your second character sounds more appealing than your other one. Again, he has a very cold color scheme ontop of a very neutral color (white), but this is more plausible because white is actually a relatively common color in the setting you built the characters for. White tends to function better than grey because, although they're both neutral, white tends to have less of a "muddied" feel.

 

His cutiemark.

Once again, your cutiemark concept is far too complicated in order to be executed well. It also doesn't make much sense as a talent if it's entire focus is simply trying to locate his sister. Rather, give him something that represents naviation, with a simplified map or a compass star. It'll still hold a similar meaning, but will look better than what you currently have marked down.

 

His personality and bio.

His condition seems a bit unnecessary if your ultimate goal is just to give him a quirk involving the petting of his ears. Nerfing that entirely might make just as much sense, if not more, and the quirk wouldn't have to be changed at all because it holds a sentimental connotation. Otherwise, giving him an ultimate goal of finding his runaway sister makes more than perfect sense and I actually like that.

 

Overall, you've got a really good start on these characters. I think you should rethink their names, because they just don't make sense whatsoever in the setting. Starry has nothing to do with stars, and dark has nothing to do with anything dark. In fact, he's white, which makes it a little peculiar in the mlp setting. 

[reader8363 1,281]

thanks for taking a look at them

[Tealeaf 126]

thanks for taking a look at them

 

No problem c: You've got a lot of really good concepts and a great start to some really memorable characters.