Regular History Lesson - The Italian Empire 🤌

[Shiny Silvermoon 4,502]

Howdy, dear students! In today's history lesson, we will be speaking of the Italian Empire! 

During the Antiquity, the Italian Empire was ruling over the entirety of Italy, from something like -353 to 121 of our era. Some history teachers will say that there has never been such thing as an Italian Empire. But those are the same haters who claim that Italy was ruled by the Roman Empire! If the Romans are in Italy then who is in Romania? Never thought of that one? Mmh? 

As you see, my claims are based on a solid proof so don't listen to 99% of the historian community! They have no idea what they are talking about! 

Anyway! At it's pinnacle, the Italian Empire was governed by the Emperor Macaronius Maximus the third! He was seen by his people as a good and fair leader who cared about the population's demands. We remember him notably for having a nervous tic. It was a gesture of the hand that the Emperor Macaronius was doing repeatedly. Below, you'll find a reconstitution of his famous gesture :

Spoiler

The economy of the Italian Empire was mostly based on the exchange of goods with other civilizations. The goods were mostly food, such as tomato sauce, pizzas and pastas. 

Regarding their religious beliefs, the majority of the Italian people were following the dogma of the Pastafarianism. Don't laugh, this is an actual religion worshipping a giant flying spaghetti monster who is said to have created the world in five days. I'm really not kidding on this one, it's the absolute truth. It's a legitimate dogma, since those in charge of formalizing religions made a mistake and accidentally gave them the seal of approval. What started as a prank became a real thing. 

I might consider writing a post about the Pastafarianism eventually, since there is so much juice to squeeze out of it. 

Back to our history lesson! 

In the year 98 of our era, the Chinese Empire claimed that noodles were better than pastas, to which the Italians responded with a war declaration. The war lasted for decades and ravaged both empires. The final battle between the Chineses and the Italians took place in front of the Pisa Tower which was loaded with archers. Both the Chinese Emperor, Wong Tong, and Macaronius Maximus III were present on the battlefield to lead their armies. However, they weren't alone! The Chinese Emperor had requested the help of the Orks who arrived with numerous catapults! Fortunately, the Italian Emperor could count on his allies, the Elves! They were riding dinosaurs in armors!

At some point, the Emperor Wong Tong was eaten by a Tyrannosaurus which caused panic in the Chinese troops! Taking advantage of it, the Emperor Macaronius fended them off with his remaining soldiers! Misfortunately, a boiling hot noodle soup thrown at him leaded to his death. Then, both empires eventually collapsed, since war never solves anything and only caused Italy and China to be devastated. 

However, to this day, the Italian people still mimic his hand gesture, in the honor of their beloved fallen emperor. 

This is all for today's history lesson! If you enjoyed it, please leave a reaction on this post! You can even post a comment to let me know about your opinion on this topic! Thanks for reading! 

[Felis Amafeles 2,582]

Mamma Mia! 
Both the Italian emperor and the Chinese emperor were blind to the obvious.
Rice noodles are the best. 
 

[Iridescent Edge 848]

I did a little digging, and I was not able to find any records of an "Emperor Macaronius maximus." The closest thing I could find was an "Emperor Macrinus" and a random Quora user's cat.

Oh wait...this was a joke, wasn't it?

Right, right, of course, social cues.

[VKH17 74]

Wait.. besides the turmoil and devastation, did Italy and China ever recover? Did at some point in the future did Italy or China eventually prove Pasta/Noodles were better? So many questions...   Anyways! Very nice story you've conjured up here, thanks for giving me a history lesson Slivermoon!