MLP pony jokes and puns

[Silverhoof 2,844]

Big Mac was crying.

Apple Jack asked what was the matter.

"My Tractor left me!" sobbed Big Mac.

"Hold on a tic...your tractor left...How do you know your tractor left you?"

"I got a John Deere letter!"

[Dzastur 1,719]

Rainbow Dash was busy one afternoon, pushing clouds around. Suddenly, a blur came up from behind her and sent her tumbling. She righted herself to see a very perturbed Derpy.

 

"Derpy, what the heck is goin' on?"

 

Derpy held worried hooves up to her face. "Oh Rainbow Dash, I messed up big! I wanted to do something nice for Mayor Mare, so she said I could set the clock in the new town hall clock tower." She motioned over to the nearby tower. "So, I adjusted the thing-a-ma-jigs, and some of the whatchamacallits, and a few doohickeys, and then it made funny noises, and..." Derpy dropped her head. "I just don't know what went wrong. I think I broke it."

 

Dash looked at the tower, and put a comforting leg around Derpy's shoulders. "Okay, okay. Calm down. First of all, let's make sure it's actually broken."

 

Derpy nodded, and took off suddenly towards the tower, entering through a window. Rainbow Dash watched as horrible smashing noises came from inside. She bit her hoof as a rumble began, and then with a *crash* the entire tower crumbled to the ground.

 

Derpy flew from the rubble and rejoined Rainbow Dash. "Okay - now what?"

[PonyHag1 591]

What cold drink makes your eyes cross?

A Derpy Slurpee.

What happens when two old donkey sweethearts get together?

Cranky hanky panky.

What kind of athletic wear do baby dragons like?

Spike Nike.

[Rainbow Eclipse 3,927]

Pinkie Pie is driving the Friendship Express, but then a police officer comes along, and asks, "Excuse me ma'am, but why were you doing 60mph in the 30mph zone?". Pinkie replies, "The signs said 60, not 30." The officer responds, "Oh, that's not the speed limit, that's the name of the route you're on!" Blushing, Pinkie says, "Silly me! I'll pay more attention next time." The officer looks inside the carriage to see the passengers shaking, and as white as ghosts. "What's up with with everypony?" asks the officer. Pinkie answers, "Oh... we just got off Route 250..."

Edited September 22, 2013 by Chocolate Pegasus

[PonyHag1 591]

Twilight: My theory is that it was Queen Chrysalis!

Spike: There's a few holes in that theory.

 

What happened when Sombra bought one of Chrysalis' clones for a servant?

He got Changeling for a dollar.

[Dark Horn 430]

Applejack broke her TV one day. "What shall I ever do? I've tried everything, and it won't work?" Nightmare Moon walked by, and said, "The reason why it's not working is that you need to plug in dis cord."

[PonyHag1 591]

Applejack was walking down the street when she saw somepony carrying an advertisement that said "Free Big Mac!"

"Oh, no!" she cried. "Mah brother is in jail?"

[PonyHag1 591]

Twilight: Pinkie, would you make me a pizza?

Pinkie: Okay! *starts dumping cheese, sauce and veggies on her*

 

AJ: Pinkie, could y'all prune mah apple trees?

Pinkie: Sure! *starts pulling the apples off and sticking prunes on the branches*

[GingerJoy 43]

Pinke Pie: Oh no! Someone has kidnapped Mr. and Mrs. Cake!

 

Rainbow Dash: Now that is just taking the cake.

 

*Que Applejack coming out of nowhere and smacking Rainbow for the unnecessary pun*

[fishboyliam 28]

How did the pegisi ground her filly?

No going outside for a week, save for school.

 

...

 

It's an anti joke, like why did the chicken cross the road!

Edited August 11, 2013 by fishboyliam

[PonyHag1 591]

Octavia: Did you hear about the fight in the pottery class?

Miss Cheerilee: What happened?

Octavia: Pinkie Pie threw a bowl.

 

Applebloom: Did you hear about the fight at the picnic?

Sweetie Belle: What happened?

Applebloom: Spike tossed a salad.

 

What do you get when you cross Big Mac and King Sombra?

"Cryssssstalssss....eeeeeyuppppp...."

 

What do you get when you cross Derpy and Photo Finish?

*CRASH* "Oops...mein bad....I go."

[Inactive01 5,299]

Has anyone ever considered the fact that Applejack sees everything as just sugar cubes? That would probably explain why she calls everypony a sugarcube!

[DubWolf 17,269]

I don't get the "horse cents" joke. Here's one I got from askpunpony:

 

Crystal Mare: Welcome to crystal fortunes!

Pun: Oh hi! Do you have crystal balls?

Crystal Mare: Yes I do!

Pun: Are you sure? You look like a mare to me!

*facepalm

[Anneal 2,197]

Too much crude jokes. We need some variety here.

 

What is the strategy most ponies often use in warfare? Flanking maneuvers. 

 

Roseluck wasn't particularly happy when she found out that her garden equipment were soiled.

 

The only shipping I see everypony doing is cargo transportation.

 

I was playing a game of poker with a stallion, but he forfeited after he found out I was "straight".

 

Luna's restaurant failed because it had no atmosphere.

 

I expected a rimshot, by the way, but Photo Finish gave me a snapshot instead.

Edited August 12, 2013 by Cartophile

[PonyHag1 591]

Twilight: Did you hear about the fight at Wonderbolts Academy?

AJ: What happened?

Twilight: Rainbow Dash smashed some Academy records.

[~Silver Essence~ 2,625]

Jokes and puns all around.

 

I don't have any, but one recurring joke I keep hearing about MLP FIM is how they call it "the horse show".

 

I find that really funny and odd in a bizarre way. 

[Rainbow Eclipse 3,927]

Worried about Pinkie Pie's ridiculously low attention span, Twilight sits her down at an arcade cabinet, and tells Pinkie, "I want you to do nothing but play 'Super Ponio Brothers' for the next hour."

An hour passes, and Twilight returns, surprised to see Pinkie still playing. "Wow, Pinkie, you managed to focus on that for a whole hour! What level have you reached?" Twilight asks. Pinkie replies, "One."

Edited September 22, 2013 by Chocolate Pegasus

[techno915 408]

why did Luna stay on the moon?

 

---she preferred the new atmosphere.

 

how does Fluttershy treat her animals like she does her mane?

 

---she always takes care of her hares

[DaReaper 1,945]

I posted this one a while ago on a thread that got buried so heres a revival for a bad old joke of mine

 

A Pony and a Zebra get into a cart accident and it's a bad one. Both carts are totally demolished, but amazingly, neither are hurt. They crawl out of their carts and the Pony sees the Zebra's mane and says, "So you're a zebra. I'm a pony. Just look at our carts. There's nothing left but we are unhurt. This must be a sign from Celestia. Celestia must have meant that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace the rest of our days." And the Zebra said, "I agree with you completely. This must be a sign from Celestia."

And the pony said, "and look at this. Here's another miracle. My cart is completely demolished but this bottle of hard cider didn't break, surely Celestia wants us to drink this hard cider and celebrate our good fortune. And so he handed the bottle to the Zebra. The zebra said he agreed, took a few big swigs, and handed the bottle back to the Pony. The pony took the bottle, didn't drink at all, put the cap on, and handed it back to the zebra. The zebra asked, "aren't you going to have any?" And the pony replied, "No . . . I think I'll just wait for the police."

[Rainbow Eclipse 3,927]

Scootaloo sees a wishing well. She throws a Bit in, and makes her wish. Soon after, Diamond Tiara promptly shoves her out the way, but leans too far over the well, and ends up falling up in. Having witnessed the whole incident, Scootaloo remarks, "Whoa, it really works!"

Edited September 22, 2013 by Chocolate Pegasus

[Swebro 29]

Now that twilight is an alicorn, it seems like unicorns have become *puts on sunglasses* a Rarity

Ah google you are such a good place

[CornBreadGang 514]

What is everypony's favorite irrational number?

 

Pinkie Pi!

 

Ever since Twilight became an alicorn, unicorns have become a Rarity.

[Rainbow Eclipse 3,927]

Q. What is the difference between Diamond Tiara and a jellyfish?
A. One is slimy and poisonous. The other is an underwater creature.

Edited February 22, 2014 by Red Pegasus

[Sunny Fox 5,952]

What do mommy ponies says to their foals in winter? "Winter? Wrap up!"

Would Luna gobbling Pipsqueak on the backside be "scary butt fun"?

Hydra like to have four heads?

Twilight escaped Sombra's staircase because she understood the gravity of the situation.

What did Shining Armour say to Sombra? "Take my wife... please!"

Even though Sombra had a "light" breakfast, it didn't agree with him.

Edited September 8, 2013 by Full Spectrum

[Rainbow Eclipse 3,927]

Diamond Tiara is leaving Sugarcube Corner when Mr. Cake reminds her that she owes eight Bits. "I already paid, remember?" lies Diamond. "Well, if you say you paid, I believe you." replies Mr. Cake. Having witnessed the whole incident, Silver Spoon enters and orders lots of cupcakes. As she is leaving, Mr. Cake reminds her that she owes ten Bits. "Don't you remember? I already paid," she lies. "If you say you paid, I'll take your word for it." responds Mr. Cake. Having witnessed the whole incident, Gilda enters. While she is munching on her eleventh cupcake, Mr. Cake leans up to her and tells her, "Do you know, two fillies were in here. Neither of them paid, and they both said they did. Whoever tries that next is going to get kicked right in the-"
"Don't bother me with your troubles," interrupts Gilda. "Just give me my change and I'll be on my way."

Edited September 22, 2013 by Chocolate Pegasus