working on a fanfic :)

[Bbplsloveme 42]

hello, i have expanded to my fanfiction and i want to know if you want me to write more. please don't leave comments that tell me to fix my spelling or grammar or punctuation please.

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Here i am, just a normal kid at a normal middle school, jerks will tease me for being a brony

"Hey dude! dude! seen rainbowdash around?"

They would say in my face in their most retarted mimication of me. "I wish i could vocalise the things im thinking"

i would utter under my breath. why are bronies put down? why are there so many people who hate me?

If only they could see past thier ignorance for a second and see that we all liked shows like that when we were young,

just some idiot said it was "uncool" one day.

i wish i could just go into the world of equestria, where i wouldnt have to deal with all those... i cant even say what they are!

where everyone loves and tolerates, where pinkie pie is everyones friend, no matter what they like, where i would have no

care in the world. but no. i have to deal with total dumb butts for over seven hours, hoping that that bell would ring,

but for what? for me to go to my next class and get picked on by another group of jerks, or get a small releife from them for

but 4 minutes? its like the time either goes my too slow, or runs by too fast, why cant the time stay at my pace of my slow mind?

the next day i was walking to school and i saw the usual stuff there was on the ground, food, bottles, but there was one

thing that stood out of place, there was a perfectly good sheet of glass, just lying there in the street. i dont know how it survived this long,

but it did. when i got to class i lived through first period and second period, but then came third period, oh god, why?

this was my P.E. period whitch ment that people would not be noticed if they picked on me, the teacher had 48 more students to attend to,

so they couldnt get on to one student being a bully. when i got in the locer room, i changed into my gym clothes. then there, were of corse,

there were the jerks picking on me. "Hey, little girl, your in the wrong changing room, maaaaan thats an uguly girl." well, of corse, im NOT a

girl, but they frieking tease me because i like my little pony. since when did flying at super high speeds by wing, and being nice, and hilarious

fight scences become girly? its actully pretty funny, their stupidity and everything, it makes be laugh. *hehe*

on the way walking back to school that glass kept on bothering me. why was it not destroyed yet. glass lying there and it hasent been

killed by someone? wow. i saw the glass there on the road. i dont know why but i just couldnt stop staring at it. now im going CRAZY.

why is this frieking bothering me? Aw, what the heck? ill listen to by retarted gut. i went into the street (wich is proberbly s stupid thig to do)

and picked up the glass, it was very small, no biger that a netbook computer screen, but it was much heavier than it should have been

i got home and brought the glass in with me. I went into my room to check my email. i went into my inbox and nearly fainted. everyeher,

my inbox was filled with "comment posted on your youtube video" and "blahblahblah liked your video" i read the most recent one posted on

my minecraft lets play: "hey crazycoolcreeper, very nice vid, how do u have so many talents in the gaming field? i think u r amazing, man."

i read the next email: "awesome vid, crazy, your really good at this. wanna do a lets play with me?" then the next: "bro, you are just magnificent

at this game. how did it just come out and your already pro?" i just sat there, i closed my email window and stared at my desktop. "people think

i have talent? i really think that i suck at this stuff. wow." a couple days later i was in my room, making tons of new videos for my channel when

my mom came in. "Hey! is that all you do? play video games all day and talk to yourself? go do something productive!" i did sort of feel bad

about not keeping variety, but its the only thing im really good at. why cant i be good at other stuff? "mom, im not good at anything else." i said.

"sure you are, you have a beautiful voice and a creative mind." she said in a nice, sweet tone.

later, my dad was showing me how to use digital DJ software to distort sound and make my own music. i was auful at it. i couldnt make something

sound good it it was to save my life. my dad said i was doing it fine, so i tried some more and i thought i learned it alright. i made some really good

sounds with it and my dad thought i made a pretty good beat.

when i woke up in the morning, for some reason, i was completely bored of the DJ software. i just felt like ive been doing it forever and it wasnt

fun anymore. i looked down at my glass on the floor. "im insane" i mumbled and carried the glass to the table to eat some breakfast. on the way i

tripped and down came me, with the glass. the last thing i remember was me falling down face first, twards the glass.

[Mirad 217]

Nice work so far, although, fanfics are normally full of pony-atmosphere. Like, a setting IN Equestria.

Anyways, if you need a place to publish it,click that little link below:

 

http://www.fimfiction.net/

 

Happy Fan... Fic-ing!

 

Quick lil' edit: as Pink mentioned,you will want to have comments like that. it helps you to build a better fic that we will enjoy. you can look at one of my old fanfic posts (little miss rarity) and see why I scrapped it.

 

Good luck.

Edited September 27, 2012 by Mirad

[Pinkazoid 3,493]

Gotta work on that Capitalization, try to separate the chapters a bit, otherwise it looks like a big blob of words, and it seems a bit rushed :3

 

hello, i have expanded to my fanfiction and i want to know if you want me to write more. please don't leave comments that tell me to fix my spelling or grammar or punctuation please

 

Well constructive criticism is what will help you in your fanfic, if you don't improve the quality of it, it'll look kinda bad :

 

just try to work on it some more

[Willowmist 12]

Gotta work on that Capitalization, try to separate the chapters a bit, otherwise it looks like a big blob of words, and it seems a bit rushed :3

 

 

Well constructive criticism is what will help you in your fanfic, if you don't improve the quality of it, it'll look kinda bad :

 

just try to work on it some more

 

I agree totally, constructive criticism and suggestions from readers is the best way to improve your skills in writing, so you know what to do and what not to do.

 

And, since I do place constructive criticism, I'll place it in a spoiler this time.

 

 

Needs some grammatical and punctuational work, including periods, correct capitalizations, and certain homonyms and synonyms. When speaking about himself, "i" should be "I". You should also split it up better, as I'm seeing a sentence, a small part of that sentence under it, and then the end of that sentence under that. Also, there are quite a few spelling errors. For the plot, possibly an Equestrian setting in the next chapter, because so far this is just a human's everyday life of being a brony.

 

 

But I can see this story getting somewhere. Can't wait for the next chapter.

I must see where the cliffhanger leads to!

Edited September 29, 2012 by Willowmist