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I decided to write a fanfiction after I read a post by Trent. It is called "Queen Chrysalis' Plan" and I have wrote the prologue so far. Tell me what you think of it so far. 

 

Inspiration by Trent

http://mlpforums.com/user/7797-trent/

 

Here is the link to the story:

http://www.fimfiction.net/story/93915/queen-chrysaliss-plan

Edited by Blue_Moon
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You know rereading this I'm really starting to see the charm of it even if it isn't 100% of what I imagined in my head.Thanks for doing this.

  • Brohoof 1
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Hmm, began reading and I love it. There are the odd place here and there where you've add a word you shouldn't have or misspelt some words. But other than that I like it. I like the idea that Sombra's horn had transported to Chrysalis, something I may use in my Fiction (if you wanna read its in my Sig (The good, bad and discord)) 

  • Brohoof 1
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Needs a little bit of technical editing, but certainly a unique idea in my opinion.  I've heard of Chrysalis and Sombra teaming up, but his horn as a source of power is new.  BTW: Chrysalis'.  Not Chrysalis's, but Chrysalis'.

  • Brohoof 2
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Quick thing in the first sentence you for got to put a s on she so you say that "...he (chrysalis) studied him...", about midway you say "He walked down some stairs he found and found himself..." just two minor details I found, but I actually said "D'aaaw" a few times young innocent Sombra is adorable!

  • Brohoof 1
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Quick thing in the first sentence you for got to put a s on she so you say that "...he (chrysalis) studied him...", about midway you say "He walked down some stairs he found and found himself..." just two minor details I found, but I actually said "D'aaaw" a few times young innocent Sombra is adorable!

Ok fixed them. Thanks for noticing them. And thanks for finding the young and innocent Sombra adorable. I guess that means I succeeded in making him cute.

 

Ok, Chapter 2 is finished and up. Here is the link:

 

http://www.fimfiction.net/story/93915/queen-chrysalis-plan

 

Please tell me what you think and if you find any grammatical errors or spelling errors.

  • Brohoof 1
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