I need your opinion.

[Night Shine 767]

Hai there! :3

 

I recently thought of two really cool fanfic ideas, and then made a first chapter for each. However, since I'm currently working on several other projects, I realized that I probably wouldn't continue either of them unless somepony was really interested. So, I need to know if you think I should keep working on one or neither of these (please note that I'm only putting them in spoiler tags for organization's sake):

 

1) "Garden of Shadows" [Dark] [Adventure]

Summary:

 

 

When Twilight and Applejack explore a mysterious cave on the edge of Sweet Apple Acres and things go awry, they are quite literally swept away into a world of darkness and ancient secrets, in a forest far beyond the reach of the Sun--where a relic of the past lives on and flourishes under the light of the Moon.

 

Deep within the heart of a far-away forest, a colony of nocturnal ponies lives on who left Equestria in disgust after the defeat of the Night Mare at the hooves of Celestia. However, what will they think if they learn that their Princess has returned after a thousand years of waiting?

 

Inspired by DuoCartoonist's "Children of the Night".

 

 

First Chapter: "Silence and Mystery"

 

 

     Drip…

 

     Drip…

 

     “Now tell me again, Twi, why are we explorin’ this creepy cave at night?” Applejack’s voice, usually smooth and confident, shivered with fear as it echoed off of the jagged walls of the cave. The walls glared back through invisible eyes at the two trespassers who had intruded on their land, their home; the noise of the ponies' voices shattered the tranquil peace of the air inside the cave that had sat still for hundreds of years, unperturbed as the surface of a pond lit black by moonlight.

 

     “I thought since you have a lot to do on the farm, I’d do this at a time you weren’t busy. Don’t worry about sleep—I promise we won’t spend any more than an hour down here.” The darkness, a creature of black fog that had been awoken from its slumber, receded further down the freezing stone tunnel as a bright light advanced further and further. Obnoxiously spilling over into the cave, the light bathed the two intruders in violet fire as it shone around Twilight and around the notebook she held in front of her. Another noise dared to break the silence: the unceasing scritching and scratching of her quill.

 

     Drip…

 

     With every tiny splash of water from the moist stone of the ceiling above them, Applejack grew more and more nervous. She had only agreed helping Twilight to explore the cave because it was on Sweet Apple Acres land…and with every wisp of frozen air that emerged from her muzzle she regretted that decision.

 

     “Could we make that a li’l less? ‘Cause…y’know…I do have to get up early, and it’s chillier than an ice cream in winter in here.” Her head darting from side to side, Applejack noticed the faint outline of an icicle behind her, sharp and shiny as a metal blade sticking down from the ceiling, which had hidden itself behind a mask of shadow.

 

     Twilight stopped; the infernal scratching of her quill ceased for a blissful three seconds. “Hm…I don’t think we’ll be able to do very much in that time, but then again, we wouldn’t be able to do much tonight anyway. I just want to take a few more pages of notes…”

 

     The scratching continued.

 

     Drip…

 

     Applejack rolled her eyes, pretending not to notice the shadows sneaking up behind her. “Can’t you use some fancy spell of yours to speed this up a bit?” she asked, wearing a false mask of simple annoyance. Stubborn to the end, the proud farmer would not reveal the presence of fear’s ice-cold talons closing over her heart.

 

     “Actually…I suppose I could use a spell to light up the darkness of the tunnels ahead. I can’t make it too bright, though; we don’t want to wake up anything that might be down here.” She squeezed her eyes shut and concentrated, sending the roaring inferno of violet light even further into the corridor, stabbing it deeper into the broken earth.

 

     Drip…

 

     “I know I’m gonna regret asking this, but what in the world would live down here? There ain’t sunlight, or plants, or…or anything, really.” Sliding further down the tunnel, the darkness gave a quiet snicker of amusement as its prey trotted deeper and deeper into its clutches.

 

     “Well…I don’t know. The Diamond Dogs are only known to live really far away, in the badlands that are filled with gems…but I’m sure there’s something in here that would be cranky if we woke it up, but you would be surprised how few books there are about caves in Equestria. That’s why I want to explore here so badly.” The irritating whine of the scratching quill doubled its speed and its volume, sending the alien noise down the black corridors ahead.

 

     Drip…

 

     Suddenly, from further inside of the stone jaws of the cave, a deep growl resonated with the air. A series of powerful vibrations rushed past the two mares, sending a cold shiver through their hooves and up the back of their spines.

 

     The scratching came to a stop.

 

     “Twilight…? What was that?” A few threads of fear snuck into the thinly woven veil of confidence in Applejack’s voice.

 

     “I don’t know.” Twilight replied, finally shocked out of her oblivious excitement. “…I think I have enough notes; we should probably leave now.”

 

     “Ya think?” Applejack backed away slowly, too infected by curiosity to turn tail and run. Likewise Twilight did not move; rather, she stared deeply into the eyes of the darkness.

 

     With bright yellow eyes, the darkness stared back.

 

     “RUN!!!” shouted Applejack, startling the pair into action along with the roof of the cave. A deafening noise shouted like thunder in their ears, vibrating through their whole bodies as they sprinted back towards the brilliant light ahead. Ear-splitting explosions rocked the cave as the ceiling began to collapse, finally exerting its revenge on the meddlesome intruders. Spears of stone and ice crashed down from the cave ceiling, bursting into thousands of projectiles that pelted the two as they raced to the exit.

 

     Roaring with fury, the beast gave chase; the ground shook as it stomped ever-closer to them. Its claws scraped against the bare stone as it barreled forward like a train off its tracks, plowing through the rough stone ground beneath it.

 

     Twilight began to pant and lag behind Applejack as they sprinted still further towards the exit, desperate to escape the jaws of the monsters they had woken from slumber—the fangs of the beast and the stone jaws of the cave. “Applejack…” she wheezed, her legs on fire from exertion. The light of freedom shone brightly ahead of them, growing, growing...so close…!

 

     Applejack raced towards the exit. She could see the brilliant light of the cave entrance growing larger ahead of them, first a pinprick, then a window, then a house-!

 

     All of a sudden…the entrance began to shrink. Triggered by the cacophony of noise that had rumbled up out of the tunnel, an avalanche of boulders broke loose from the ceiling above and blocked off the entrance, sealing the exit.

 

    All of a sudden…all was darkness. The jaws of the cave snapped shut.

 

     Darkness and noise surrounded them as the roaring of beast and of boulders came closer, charging towards them as they sat paralyzed in the darkness. Twilight turned slowly around, watching the black silhouette grow rapidly larger in her vision…only to be cut off as she was grabbed and dragged to the side. Whirling around, she had just enough time to see a crazy glint in Applejack’s eyes before she was in free-fall, with the farmpony not far behind, falling, falling, falling…

 

     Two screams broke the air, and were suddenly cut off, replaced with a low groan as two ponies fell into the black void of unconsciousness.

 

     And then…quiet was restored. The blanket of serenity that had fit snugly around the cave descended much more, as the last boulder fell and rolled to a stop on the jagged floor. The only sound now that dared to disturb the cool, still air of the cave was the tranquil murmuring of an unperturbed river as it washed quietly over the two sleeping mares that lied silent and asleep on its bank.

 

     Slowly, patiently, the river drew the two into its murmuring waters, carefully flipping the two onto their backs as they floated down on a nameless river, headed into the tranquil coolness of the night.

 

 

 

 

 

2) "Under the Bleeding Sky" [Dark] [Adventure]

Summary:

 

 

Twilight and her friends become entangled in a web of danger and mystery when they are sent to resolve a boiling conflict deep within the heart of the Northern Dragon Kingdom.

 

 

First Chapter: "Beneath the Shadows"

 

 

     A deafening crash of thunder and a blinding flash of lightning split the sky, illuminating the jet-black silhouette of a creature staring down at its prey below.

 

     Watching, waiting.

 

     Far below the noiseless stalker lay the slumbering bodies of six helpless ponies; the sound of their quiet breaths echoed into the night. Sitting beside them, his hopeless goal of sleep long abandoned, sat a dragon. A baby dragon. Their only protector was a baby dragon.

 

     Staring down from a high cliff, the creature licked its lips.

 

     All of a sudden it froze; every muscle in its body went rigid. It sniffed the air, once, twice. That can't be right. How could he know about-

 

     The creature's train of thought was interrupted by a claw seizing its neck from behind. Grabbing at its neck, its back paws flailing helplessly in the air, the creature gagged and squirmed in the iron grip of its captor.

 

     "Stop struggling. Your pathetic noises are going to wake the ponies below...and if you disturb their rest, I shall become very angry."

 

     Admitting defeat, the creature let its body go limp. Before it could stop itself, it cast a forlorn glance at the unperturbed prey below. The grip closed tighter around its throat.

 

     "Were you going to...eat them?"

 

     The creature squeezed its eyes shut, afraid to make another sound lest its captor find it displeasing. A sharp, scaly palm slapped him across the face.

 

     "Answer me, you sick-minded beast!"

 

     Slowly the creature nodded its head; its entire body tensed in fear. The merciless captor suddenly hurled it to the ground; as it rolled to a stop on the jagged surface of the rock, its paws massaged the bruised surface of its neck.

 

     "These ponies are my domain. If I catch you hunting them again, I shall show you no mercy."

 

     The creature scampered off into the night, its tail dragging between its legs. As its ashen-gray body slipped away in the darkness, the captor spoke a few parting words, no louder than a whisper: "And remember...the trees have eyes and the rocks have ears. There is nowhere you can run beneath the shadows where I cannot find you."

 

Two Days Before

 

     "Princes-er, um, Celestia? You wanted to see me?"

 

     As Twilight walked onto the highest balcony of Canterlot Castle, her eyes shot open in amazement. Standing next the Princess, its huge body seeming to fill up her vision, stood the proud form of a dragon.

 

     Standing on its hind legs, the dragon radiated a grandiose aura that took her breath away. His scales were brilliant white, glimmering in the crimson sunlight of the dusk. A pair of golden spikes tipped the ends of the wings that were folded against his back. Two horns sprung from his forehead, polished and gleaming. He wore a series of heavy gold rings along the length of his arms, and several smaller ones on his claws.

 

     "Twilight! So good to see you. Allow me to introduce Prince Dawnfire of the Northern Dragon Kingdom."

 

     The pearly-white dragon spun around to face her, a wide grin across his muzzle. "Princess Twilight Sparkle! I am very pleased to meet you." His tall body bent down low in a courteous bow.

 

     Twilight blushed. "Um...hello! Nice to meet you too, sir."

 

     Sensing Twilight's confusion, Celestia explained the presence of her visitor: "The Prince has sought an audience with me to discuss a problem in his kingdom."

 

     He nodded. "My father, the ruling King, died not three days ago. Now everyone is arguing about who should replace him. As his oldest son, I am his rightful heir, but my brother and several other leaders are threatening war if I take the crown." He paused for a second, shifting uncomfortably on the marble floor. "I was hoping that you could help resolve the dispute, as the way that we usually...ah...resolve disputes like this is quite chaotic and might cause problems for your peaceful kingdom."

 

     He turned back to Princess Celestia with a quizzical expression. "So...would you be able to assist us with this conflict?"

 

     Celestia's voice turned firm as she replied: "Not personally. I am needed to oversee my own kingdom. But Princess Twilight and her friends could help."

 

     Dawnfire's eyes narrowed. "With all due respect, Princess Celestia, we need someone who is both resolute and charismatic to take lead of the situation, such as yourself or your sister. The Northern Dragon Kingdom is a dangerous place..."

 

     "Which is why I am sending all six of the bearers of the Elements of Harmony to help you, the very same ponies who defeated Nightmare Moon and Discord and King Sombra."

 

     Dawnfire suddenly looked back at Twilight; his eyes shot to her crown and widened. "I sincerely apologize, Princess Twilight; I didn't realize-"

 

     "It's fine." Twilight cut him off. "So...will my friends and I be travelling with you to your kingdom tonight?"

 

     "Well..." He cleared his throat, sending a wisp of smoke into the empty air. "I need to return as soon as possible to make sure that no crises have occured, as well as prepare for your arrival. Since I'm guessing that you need to prepare for the journey, I will not insist you leave immediately."

 

     Celestia nodded. "We understand. You may return to your kingdom now, Prince Dawnfire. Princess Sparkle, stay here so we may discuss the matter further."

 

     The dragon nodded and leapt into the air, his huge wings slicing through the the dying rays of sunlight as he faded into the distance.

 

 

 

     So...yeah. Currently, I'm not planning to continue either of these, even though I do have both stories fully planned out. Do you think I should publish/continue one or both of these?

[RrVPfX9cPtw59FpC 1,296]

Those are awesome! They're both interesting, but I have a taste for mystery, so I'd vote for the first one, if there's a vote. Feel free to do what you want, but it'd be neat to see the first one as a final project!

[Zygen 6,065]

The garden of shadows one seems more interesting to me personally, judging from my skimming glances, but that's just me. The other one also doesn't have the most detailed summary.

[Ihei 711]

Hey, pretty good ideas, and I like the direction both stories are going in! I like adventure better, so I'd have to say the second one. Hope you can continue it!

[Batbrony 15,994]

First one sounds very intriguing, especially in light of the recent release of "Children of the Night".  Plus, if thestrals get involved at any point, it most definitely has my vote; I'm a sucker for thestrals!

 

 

Awwww, it's so cute!!! 

[Night Shine 767]

Those are awesome! They're both interesting, but I have a taste for mystery, so I'd vote for the first one, if there's a vote. Feel free to do what you want, but it'd be neat to see the first one as a final project!

 

The garden of shadows one seems more interesting to me personally, judging from my skimming glances

 

Hey, thanks for teh opinionz! :3 I've decided to publish/continue the story "Garden of Shadows". "Under the Bleeding Sky" will be shelved for now with all the other dozen story ideas I have.

 

I've just posted it on FiMFiction, which you can find here: Garden of Shadows

 

 

Plus, if thestrals get involved at any point, it most definitely has my vote; I'm a sucker for thestrals!

 

Hey, good idea! I wasn't really thinking about them too much while formulating teh story idea, but now that I've thought it over sum moar, they will play a huge role in the story.

 

...and yes, they are freaking adorable, such as in the image below :3

 

 

 

SHE'S SO CYUTE /)o3o(\

 

 

Edited August 2, 2013 by Night Shine

[night12 0]

Batbrony honestly i love that picture after one-thosand years i wouldnt be surprised if they looked like that i hate this 100 character thing