Wade Barrett

> Comes into thread, excited at the prospect of haemorraging money because MY GOD STEAM SALE. > Title was misleading and there's no actual sale on. That being said, I did pick up Dust: An Elysian Tail for under 3 quid. What a great game. Definite bargain. If you haven't bought it, DO SO RIGHT NOW. It's still on sale. You have no excuse. If you already own it, buy it again.

I loathe driving because everyone in this stinking country (England) absolutely cannot drive for toffee. I'd be safer driving in a goddamn wartorn African country being shot at by child soldiers than driving on the average motorway here. It's even worse in the towns and cities where you need to have the alertness and eyes of a goddamn eagle to avoid running over any stupid little imbecilic goddamn children, because they run out from behind cars and stuff. Same with the pedestrians who slowly lumber out onto the road and don't even speed up when your car, which could turn their bodies into twitching piles of broken bones, approaches. Not to mention people who cut across lanes at the last moment, almost wiping you out, and don't get me started on the goddamn lorry, truck and van drivers who think they own the road. I'm thinking of going through all the necessary loopholes to purchase a hunting rifle and stow it in my car for the sole purpose of cracking off a shot at the average lorry driver. I'd rather have a horse. That way I can carry a saber and re-enact the Charge of the Light Brigade whenever a goddamn pedestrian decides they won't move their fragile carcasses out of my way when i'm heading towards them.

I AM MY OWN GUILTY PLEASURE. But seriously, George Formby is a guilty pleasure of mine. Screw the high-octane Michael Bay Explosions: The Movie or the latest garbage sci-fi crapfest to be tossed out of Hollywood: Give me George, his banjolele (or ukelele, depending on how he feels at the time) and some shenanigans any day of the week. Sad thing, his movies are better than the bile that has been churned out by Hollywood the past few years.

Twilight. It is genuinely dire and a bane upon culture. I did actually pick up the first book, sat down and read it. Whenever the masses criticise something, I take it upon myself to go against the complaints because people tend to hate some goddamn entertaining things (WE WANT EVERYTHING VANILLA DAMMIT) but Twilight was just......poor, poor writing. Poor. I think if you're the stereotypical teenage girl who worries about boys (and shit like that) and you're desperately suffering from an identity crisis and can suspend your disbelief to such a degree where your brain melts out of your ears, it MIGHT be entertaining. But the writing is poor, character development is practically non-existent and there were so many cliches that I would have killed myself if I had a drinking game based around finding them and taking a shot. I WILL go on record and say that Meyer is a goddamn genius for tapping into that market and making money from it, though. Hate her or despise her, she did well in cashing on it. Honourable Mentions: - The Hunger Games - Admittedly, the only book of the trilogy I bothered to read. It was just so cliche ridden and so.........meh. It's a brilliant premise, but it just didn't hook me at all and I couldn't bring myself to care about the characters. Even after the film came it and I watched it, returning to the book (Yeah, I read it first), I STILL didn't care. I love the idea. I hate the execution. - Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte is considered one of the greats of literature. I consider her writing to be so generally tedious that you're in genuine danger of falling into a coma just by opening one of her books. Jane Eyre is the epitomy of that. It's tedious, dragging and she tries to cram so many messages into her writing that the entire thing isn't so much complex as completely and utterly muddled. - Silas Marner - It's a book that seems to jolt and jerk between torturing it's eponymous character and throwing in a plotline for the sake of it. HERE'S SILAS WAIT A GODDAMN MINUTE HE'S A THIEF WAIT A MINUTE HE'S BEEN WRONGLY ACCUSED OH GOD HIS FIANCE HAS LEFT HIM NOW HE'S ALL LONELY NOW HE'S BEEN STOLEN FROM THERE'S A MASSIVE CONSPIRACY NOW A CHILD IS AT HIS DOOR HE TAKES CARE OF HER etc; etc; And the ending sucked, too. One of those endings where its happy but it's swamped in confusion, as if it's rushed out quickly. It's a lot more tolerable than anything Bronte written, but for a classic, it's plodding and jerky.

Have a plan to kill everyone you meet. Save your money strictly. If you have to eat ramen to survive, you're going to have to eat ramen to survive. Live within your means. Always go to the doctors if you feel ill or something. Don't live it out or walk it off. You can't press reset if something goes wrong, nor do you get any points for struggling on while feeling bad. Learn to cook on a budget. Try and cook a large amount on a budget, that way you can eat leftovers at a later date. THE BIG FELLAH makes a large pot of curry or pasta and it's enough for two days. Do homework and pay attention. Don't be late to classes. Be social and make friends and acquaintances. They'll cushion the blow and provide emotional support. Be prepared to lie and hide your true feelings. Bullshit all the time, every time. You can't stab your classmates, no matter how much they annoy you. Also, be aware that every single other human being does this. When I said make friends and acquaintances, I should add "But do so with a wary eye and sharpened knife". If necessary, use someone as a stepping block (Be prepared to kiss some ass to get places), don't become one yourself. Nothing is what it seems. If you thought childhood was a prison, get ready to be introduced to just how much life sucks.

Fashion? Pff. You bunch of womenfolk. You all talk about fashion and want to look unique but when THE BIG FELLAH walks down the street in his singlet, you all stare in awe. You tiny little skinny womenfolk in your emo jeans so tight I can see your nutsack and your popped-collar polo shirts, stop and look at me. You laugh, but that's when I (A REAL MAN) powerbomb you onto the concrete and watch your spine snap like a twig. Then I sling your laydeez over my shoulders and carry them off to show them exactly why they call me THE BIG FELLAH (hurrhurrhurrhurrwinkwinknudge) ....Yeah, anyway, to be serious, I prefer my clothes baggy. Generally speaking, if i'm lounging around it's a baggy t-shirt and baggy jeans. If i'm going out, I generally swear by Emperor Eternity. I never go overtly baggy if I'm going out. If I go formal, I have suits that fit, but I pair them with a waistcoat (If it's summer and the jackets coming off) or a woollen trenchcoat and a black brimmed hat (if it's cold). Anyway, my thoughts on male fashion: > I wear kilts casually. It's comfortable. Always wear underwear, though. It's good hygiene. Some people laugh at me, some people look in shock, i've had a few tourists even take pictures once (No. Seriously. This was in Fort William though so they probably thought I was a piper on his way to play or something.) In warm weather, your gonads will thank you for giving them proper air. If you've got good legs (Not you skinny men with tiny little chicken legs, but those of you with calves that are STRONK and toned thighs) then they're a good alternative to shorts. Try it. > 3/4 sleeved shirts - Yeah, I get the same effect by rolling up the sleeves on my bloody long-sleeved shirts. And the laydeez love that "Oh look at his forearms and his sleeves are rolled up so he's hard at work" look instead of the "Did he really pay money for sleeves that look like they don't fit?" look. Also, checked/plaid shirts with sleeves rolled up makes you look like a hick. A plain white shirt with sleeves rolled up makes you look like an actual worker. Also, if you've got a garish tattoo sleeve done by Drunken Goth Lucifer, just don't roll your sleeves up at all. Nobody wants to see tacky tattoos. > Polo shirts are fine, especially for Summer. JUST DON'T POP THE COLLARS AND HAVE THE BUTTONS UNDONE. It makes you look like a tool of the highest order. Only do it if you have some definition on your chest and your mighty pectorals genuinely cannot stand the strain of having buttons done. For you flat-chested skinny boys out there, leave it out. Nobody wants to see your Ken-like chest with no definition. - Deep V-necks are strictly no-go, even if you do have definition. But you rarely see BIG FELLAH'S wearing them, just these skinny guys who have Ken-like chests with no definition or hair. > Tracksuits. Only wear them if you're: i) Going to the gym ii) Running drugs for your local peddler iii) Running from the police > Jeans. Good look perfect for any occasion. NO SKINNY JEANS. Slim jeans? Fine. Bootcut? Fine. Straight cut? Fine. Ultra skinny ladies jeans? NOT IN THIS LIFETIME. In the church of THE BIG FELLAH, no worshipper likes seeing jeans so tight that we can see the outline of your scrotum. Wear fitting jeans or baggy jeans. Skinny jeans are for skinny little things with no muscles. Not to mention they harm your fertility by squishing your gonads and heating your testicles, reducing sperm count. Laydeez and hot guyz (For those of you who are homosexual or bisexual. You can't spell THE BIG FELLAH without Bi.) will appreciate it if you haven't reduced your testes to smoking lumps of coal. > Shoes. No preference. If you're going formal, please give your shoes a polish and a blacken (if they're black, obviously). Don't go out in scruffy shoes. > Formal wear. No baggy shirts. Get a suit that fits. It doesn't matter if you're big, small, muscular or obese, get a good suit. My rule is never spend over £100 on items of clothing (If you're spending over £100 on a single pair of jeans, you cannot be trusted with currency.) UNLESS it's a good pair of shoes, a good jacket or a suit. Seriously. A few extra quid on a tailored suit will turn heads and make you look less scruffy. > No makeup unless you're hiding scars or tattoos. > Colour-wise? Black is great. It's a neutral colour that suits everyone and anyone. But if it's sunny, try and put on a brighter colour. THE BIG FELLAH wears pink. Don't be afraid to wear pink. ..There we go, I think i've alienated everyone with my views. I'll leave you all to your discussion regarding males and fashion.

I'm not so arrogant as to say that I am a good judge of character. Humans are complex, and being able to completely judge the character of a human, especially online, is incredibly rare. First impressions are rarely, contrary to what popular belief might tell you, a good way of judging a character. A person who might be shy at first could be a social butterfly. A person who seems like an asshole could, in fact, be quite well-mannered. Although I would say that I am an awful judge of character as I always judge the negatives of a person, no matter how slight they are, over the positives. Not to mention my fleeting misanthropic urges lead to me being naturally biased against a persons character.

Britain should rid itself of the Monarchy and become a Republic. Just because the only time we tried it was when we were helmed by a crazy overtly-Christian asshole, doesn't mean we shouldn't try again. Northern, Central and South-Western England should enter into a civil war against the South-East of England, for the sole purpose of burning London down and finally destroying the corrupting, money-sucking, life-draining reach of the bourgeois capital. People over 75 shouldn't be allowed to drive. Religion has zero place in modern society. The Walking Dead and Game of Thrones are utter, utter, utter shite. Oh, and so is The Hunger Games. In fact, i'd even say that the Hunger Games Trilogy is to literature what Pol Pot was to world peace. I believe IN THE SHIELD.

I'd love to, but considering the distinct lack of attention this work generally gets (While a stupid, self-absorbed blog post gets, like, 10 comments, because of the cliques who run this place.), it's on the bottom of my list. Maybe when I get, say, five units for each faction created and customised.

Backstory (aka Hold On I'll Try And Explain This Crap) The year is 250 BC (Before Celestia. Don't let those Christians tell you otherwise.) Three tribes of ponies remain at odds: Earth ponies, Unicorns and Pegasi. Equestria does not exist: Instead, the three tribes are (presumably) too busy being discriminatory bastards to learn that pooling their resources could be an actual good idea. One day, a mighty blizzard strikes, famine befalls the land, and tensions boil over. Then, by the power of Deus Ex Machina (We can only presume it's THAT GODDAMN DISCORD.), the three tribes find themselves on a strange new planet, inhabited by ugly, two-legged creatures. The three tribes look around: The land is strange, and so are the people. "Humans" so they call themselves. Gaia or "Earth" is in a state of complete and total war. Unlike the three tribes of ponies, these "humans" have taken hostility to a whole new level. Forging strange items such as "swords", "spears", "shields", "slings" and a variety of other pointy or blunt implements, humans resolve their tensions by simply clubbing or stabbing eachother to death. Later finding themselves in different parts of a country called "Greece", the three tribes wonder what to do. They hate eachother, the climate is odd, and the humans are too busy killing or being killed to notice that in the streets of what were Epirus, Sparta and Athens, strange, large pastel-coloured ponies are wandering around. Athens calls them "GIFTS FROM ATHENA!", Sparta calls them "WARRIOR STALLIONS FROM ARES!", Epirus calls them nothing as they're too busy being oppressed by Macedon to say anything. This is good news for the tribes: No lengthy building of empires or cities. All they need is the right application of subversion and cunning, and they can and will take them for themselves. Not only that, but now they can kill eachother without actually killing eachother. Just persuade the humans to do it. Earth in 250BC isn't swayed by the arrival of magical fighting ponies. They're too busy with important shit like conquering, killing, raping and conquer-raping. The Roman Republic is making the slow march to being a Roman Empire by destroying anything that yells at them. Gaul is busy rampaging everywhere and burning shit down. Germania is busy rampaging into Gaul and burning shit down. In the far East, Nomadic tribes are running around firing arrows at everything that move, while Eastern empires such as the Seleucids, Baktria, Parthia, Pontus and others are running actual horses that aren't cartoon ponies over people and trampling them to death. To the South lies Egypt, now less Egyptian and more "Macedonia Two: We're Going To Kidnap Alexander's Body For The Lulz", Carthage is in the south-west, hording elephants and infantry to begin the almighty task of kicking the shit out of Rome, and Britannia is sitting around, doing nothing and instead scratching its balls while making human sacrifices. In Greece, they are now looking around and wondering what to do with pastel-coloured ponies that clearly don't make good food ("GODDAMMIT HEPHAESTION IT'S TALKING TO ME I CAN'T EAT THIS") and can't be ridden (That would open up some very grey areas, despite what clopfics may tell you.) All this while Macedonia and several Illyrian, Thracian and Dacian tribes hover nearby, ready to take advantage of cartoon pony-related weakness and take Greece. So why not go to war? The world is growing and changing. Seas and rivers no longer form boundaries, but just entities to step over while punching people in the face. Empires grow and swallow tribes. And now, stuck in the middle of it, are our beloved ponies. Do you spread love and tolerance? Or will you take the reins and create your own empire, an Equestria that spans another world? Wherever you go, everything wants to, can, and will kill you. Or maybe even sacrifice you. Or eat you. Or all three. This is Total War. How far would you go for Equestria? ** Alright, so I took the next logical step with the mod. Most things are working right. There are a few grammatical hiccups from modding the text data, but otherwise? It's workable. When I start working on units, i'll probably think the bloody opposite, but it works. So, I decided to take the Greek States, and replace them with three different locations from the games, resembling the three tribes. Ponyville (As it was founded by Earth Ponies), Cloudsdale (Exclusively inhabited by pegasi) and Canterlot (Massive city of wealth, culture, and all kind of rich things. Like Unicorns. Fecking Unicorns). ** Meet The Tribes Cloudsville (replaceS Sparta HAHAHAHAHAHAHA GOOD GODDAMN RIDDANCE) A tribe of mighty Pegasi and Human Warriors, there are few tougher, few meaner, and few more dedicated. Though they'd eventually form part of the Royal Guard, they were a terrifying tribe in their own right. Note 1: During a Civil War, Cloudsville has to fight Spartan Human Rebels. Note 2: Planning on giving a slight boost to infantry recruitable by Spartans, and plan to give slight trade boost to Sparta to hopefully stimulate them forming an empire and creating a more dynamic balance of power in Greece. Canterlot (replaces Athens) What would become the central city of Equestria, Canterlot is a city of culture, wisdom and wealth. Home of the Unicorns, and preferring love and harmony to warfare, Canterlot could very well form the beating heart of an empire should she decide to fight.. Note 1: If Canterlot forms an empire (So far, it's only possible if you play as them. I assume that, if you play long enough, Athens may be enough of a world power if it survives to form an empire following a civil war), it forms an Equestrian Empire. Note 2: The major building it can construct for culture (ie; it's top faction building) is Canterlot Castle. Ponyville (replaces Epirus) A tribe of hard-workers, Earth Ponies have taken residence in Epirus, driving an agrarian revolution. They are still a tribe through and through, and will fight to the death to protect their fellow ponies and human hosts. The work and toil in the fields could easily forge a warlord capable of forging a new Equestria... Note: Will be getting a heavy tweak to ensure survival, especially in terms of soldier power and trade. ** A Few Notes 1) I'm going to have test out some mods on how they affect the factions. The reason for this is simple: Though i've shown that Canterlot/Athens can survive and grow, it's always grim for Ponyville/Epirus. It rarely survives, if at all. Sparta/Cloudsville varies: In some campaigns, it can rival Athens/Canterlot and make an empire of its own. In other campaigns, it sits there and does nothing. 2) I highly, highly, highly, highly, HIGHLY doubt there'll be actual pony models in the game. The reason for this is twofold: i) I can't stress how shit I am at modding. I can make textures in Photoshop and create new units, but 3D modelling ain't my forte. ii) With how the game operates, and its files, I'm not sure if it'd take nicely to ponies. I know it sucks, but bugger off. 3) The mods remaining private for now. Though this mod in itself is entirely made by me (This is a separate mod from the units i've added), there's still a crapload of work to do. It's not actually interested anyone, which is good, but on the off-chance that you're insane enough to: Sorry, but not now. ** Pictures It's that time again. Time to show off what little work i've done! WOOHOO! As you can see, I need to create an emblem for Ponyville. As you can see, they have the trait "Love and Tolerance" that enables the brutal assimilation of enemy tribes under the guise of caring. You can also see a wee bit of description for the City State of Canterlot Same for Cloudsdale. The three cities. As you can see, Cloudsdale starts hostile with Ponyville, because it's weak as shit and can be beaten if you throw stones at it long enough. Only a fine warlord will be able to take Ponyville and mould it into something that isn't a punching bag. Cloudsdale emblem, based on Pegasi Tribe banner. Too faint, needs re-doing. Cloudsdale Hoplites looking ashamed in their shields. Thanks to the way the game works in terms of edited data (ie; Not very goddamn well), I've had to edit certain units with their own colour scheme. This is the only one completed so far, with Spartan Royal Guard replaced with Cloudsdale Guard. Notice their proud beards, good posture, fancy cloaks and pointy killing implements. There is a shit-load of re-texturing that needs to be done which will severely slow down the mod. Red crest? Pah, it won't work! Although the soldier next to the Captain clearly wants that awesome helmet. Case in point: I've edited the Faction Uniform Colours but for some goddamn reason (ie; It's Creative bloody Assembly) the changes aren't showing. Also notice how, because the Spartan emblem was uniform for every single hoplon, it's replaced with the Pegasi symbol in every instance. Unless I create entirely new shields, it's a horde of Pegasi coming at you. But notice how the oval shield of the standard bearer has the Spartan lambda still on it. Goddammit, this is gonna take a while. SPECIAL: TWO IN-GAME LOADING SCREENS (NOTE: Resized them for display or else my blog would explode.) The Pegasi were a fierce tribe who enjoyed killing, maiming, and yelling at people of a lower caste than them. This is why they won't expect the SUEBI TO WIPE THEM OUT FOR WODAN SHUT UP SHUT UP AND BOW TO FLUTTERSHY BEST PONY GODDAMMIT ...Rhodarein made this wallpaper, and it is fucking excellent. *** Parting Thoughts (aka Going Back To Work Dammit) This is going to take a while, and it's going to involve a lot of hardship, pain and punched screens. I'm enjoying it, at least. There's just something about seeing those poor humans, fighting in the name of factions related to a childrens show involving talking pastel ponies, getting completely minced by a horde of roaring Germanic berserkers. I also get giddy, watching as every little crap thing I do is somehow replicated on the screen without royally cocking up and causing my laptop to explode and cause red shot shards of glass to pierce my face and turn me into Colonel Volgin. Nobody cares about it, but I do. Mostly because this is a practice for improving the goddamn Brigantes faction AND LEADING MY ANCESTORS IMMORTAL GLORY, but, hey, its pretty neat being able to eradicate the Greek States and replace them with Equestrian States. I'm also interested in just placing spies in Greece/Equestria for a single campaign, and ending each turn without doing anything, just to see how the AI handles it. It tickles me to see Canterlot, in my current campaign, running riot across the land while Ponyville lies in tatters and Cloudsdale sits there, arms folded, waiting for either the moment to strike or the sweet release of a Roman Gladius to the throat. We'll see. But at the end of it all, I guess we'll be able to answer the question: "How far will you go to Equestria?" And if you answer doesn't include "Enslave half of the free world", then you're going to be in for a tough time. Crap To Do 1) Edit units. 2) Create at least 2 new units for each major Pony faction. 3) Edit texts for Campaigns. 4) Possibly edit texts and pictures for research tree. 5) Lay down and cry. 6) Drink. 7) Create new emblem for Ponyville. 8) Modify Mercenary units. 9) Create "Legio Equestria" for Rome faction. 10) Drink some more. 11) Attempt to add Equestrian units to auxiliary pool if possible. 12) Include sound files to have Equestrian factions yell out that goddamn spine-chilling ferocious war cry of "Winter Wrap Up". 13) Possibly modify sound files for introduction of factions which, to me, a complete idiot, is going to be like re-programming the Ark of the Covenant while blindfolded and with hands stuck in buckets covered in piranhas with Velociraptors for teeth. 14) Drink, cry, then drink tears.

Web Content Writer at a local firm. Basically on-site and off-site blog entries for companies and using SEO and keywords to get them to the top of Google. Pay ain't stellar, but I don't care: Love the job. The office is amazing. Very laid back. Sure, there's superiors and bosses, but we're a small firm, so we've got eachothers backs. Then we go out on the piss every so often.

Spanked and slapped quite a few times. I was a right arsehole growing up. I remember one time by Dad tackled me to the ground and slapped the bejesus out of me because I slapped my sister for watching me play football. I don't know why I did it and, looking back, I realise that I was quite a cunt to deal with. Those slaps changed me, made me more collected and carefully considerate of those around me. Taught me to be respectful. I imagine if Dad just yelled at me, i'd like the majority of the youth in England today: Feral, ignorant and worthy of being shot. At least in real life. Online, I don't have to worry about being slapped, so I can be an arsehole all I want!

As you can tell, I like facial hair. I've been growing facial hair since 12 (I DIDN'T HIT PUBERTY I BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF IT) and mostly had sideburns and a little wispy tache. It was around 16/17 that I graduated into full man-dom and started growing out a beard. Right now, though, I can't be arsed growing out the full mountain man beard. I prefer to keep mine trimmed down into a slight goatee or, as my colleagues call it, "the thinking beard" (I like to sit there and stroke it while pondering my next article.) or, as a brony friend of mine calls it, "the discord beard" (Because I dyed it pure white once to see what it'd look like. And this was long before MLP was even a thing.) Mostly because i'm a lazy bastard and I hate having to trim it and clean a full beard. I respect the hell out of any man that grows the full beard, though. You keep rocking those beards, men.