Wade Barrett

I'd give you all a massive, crushing, agonising bearhug of pure bone-breaking love to anyone and everyone here. Because you ALL deserve it. From the posters who have just joined, to the old bastards who have been here since the beginning. From the regular posters, to the lurkers. And you guests who are reading this. You all deserve a hug. It's just that if you're one of those arseholes namedropping (as always in these fucking threads, once again reminding me it's all just a popularity contest here..), i'd pull you extra close, and whisper in your ear "Let's see how tight I can squeeze before you start coughing blood.." and then i'd start the squeezing.

My favourite restaurant is The Magpie Cafe in Whitby. It's a bit expensive, but it's the best goddamn seafood you'll ever taste. All fresh, nothing from frozen, and it's quite famous for good reason. The food is just damn good. They've got actual decent beer and cider on the menu, and the Desserts are amazing. Their Hot Seafood Pot is a sheer mouthgasm. Second favourite is The Cross Keys . Good food and a decent price, and actual British pub food. Not the shitty selection of food and pathetic, downright lethargic selection of ales you Yanks have when you open a 'pub', but decent food (Mostly foreign, which is the sign of an actual British pub. If it doesn't have at least two curries on the menu, it's not a British pub. End of.) and a selection of ales and beers on tap. Including Black Sheep Ale. All glory to the Black Sheep.

Mods coming along alright. I'm currently in the process of editing missions for a more 'Equestrian' flavour. This should make it more interesting to actually play as Equestria in the future rather than it just existing as a new, exotic culture for my Britons to completely overrun and crush. Anyway, these are just a handful of pictures I snagged. There'll be a lot more to come later, but i'm focusing on getting shit done rather than showing shit, considering how little attention it gets (We have to give love to episode commentaries, right?) They don't show the major extent of work done, but they show a bit. For some goddamn reason, the pre-named armies I changed appear to have disappeared. While this is slightly good news (There were armies appearing with blank names. Presumably, they were traversing the world, looking to twat someone to get the coveted sword cutie mark.), it's something i'll need to look into further. Looking majestic and completely oblivious to the fact that there's empires forming far quicker than them. Translation: "Please don't kill us. We see you Briton's, expanding across Germania and Gaul, and we're protecting our asses here. Celestia sends some gold." My reaction: Accept? Nah. Feck off. We'll be seeing you later. At your gates. I was worried Equestria would sit on its arse in this campaign, It actually has a decent empire going, spreading love and tolerance across Hellas and into Macedon and further afield. Can't wait til late game when they take over half the goddamn map. (It's happened before) SPECIAL FEATURE: Waifu's. Well, because............... ...You know what? I don't know. it's something I added for the sheer craic. (NOTE: Yes, i'm using pictures snagged from deviantART. If you don't like it, just remember I ain't publically releasing it. And if I do, i'd sure as hell get permission from the artists first. If you still don't like it, i'll remove it and draw stick figures instead. It'd be far easier than getting lawyers involved.) Twilight, if you were smarter, you wouldn't have picked an Admiral who I use about as much as Kanye West uses his brain. I couldn't think of any better description text. So shoot me. Dawwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww. See? Every town would stop rebelling against my violent and lawless rule if we just had Fluttershy. And now I do. For one general. Which basically just means only one less town I have to worry about rebelling and raiding my goddamn provincial capitals. Right now, since this is an entirely hypothetical situation (ie; "What the fuck would happen if you shoved Canterlot into the middle of a world that was completely hostile to anything and everything that moved?"), the idea of Canterlot as a City State is something that has come to me. After all, look at it: All big and grand and the seat of power. I can imagine it being a City State at that point in time. Which got to me thinking: Why not turn Sparta (SCREW YOU SPARTA AND SCREW THE LACONOPHILIA OF EVERY MORON IN THE WORLD TODAY) and Epirus (Bad news: Epirus lasts about five turns in most games I start) into city states? Sparta could be Ponyville (or I could even turn Sparta to Canterlot, with Athens as Cloudsdale.) and Epirus could be....some...bloody random town that barely gets a mention in the series. Hell, I could expand further afield: Knossos could be Manehattan: Although it doesn't do ANYTHING. In eight campaigns i've started, the kingdom of Knossos just sits on its island and does absolutely nothing. Macedon could be the Crystal Empire. Yeah, Alexander's legacy was bringing ponies to the world. What a guy. Right now, there's a lot of work to be done. The moment I can get the aesthetics working, i'll move onto tweaking the world more. Why not? It'll save me from whittling away my weekends on TVTropes, at least.

- Was chased by a guy with a knife once. It was midnight, Middlesbrough is a shithole, and he was drunk or high. I was lucky he was out of it, because he was stumbling towards me telling me to give him my wallet. I saw he was high/drunk/fucking insane/whateverm saw the knife (Which was more like a goddamn machete) in his hand as he got real close to me and jabbed it at me, and I didn't think for a second: The moment he got close to me, I just punched him with the force of a goddamn freight train, and was absolutely lucky that he hit the floor like a sack of shit. Then I just ran. Trust me: This is a town where people can call for help and literally have passers-by run over AND START STOMPING ON THEM. (Seriously, it was in the news a while ago.) I didn't bother thinking. I walloped that cunt and got out of there. I've never been back to Grangetown (The scummiest part of Middlesbrough, filled with run-down houses and smack addicts.) since. It's fucking terrifying. - Saw a kid walk straight into the side of a moving vehicle. That scream and thud turned my goddamn stomach to ice. I was with my best mate and we turned around, and it was lucky the kid started crying and wasn't badly hurt, but that fucking scream isn't something i'll forget soon. - A fox followed me home once. Foxes aren't exactly social creatures, but this fucker followed me an entire block, and every time I stopped, it stopped, sat and looked me in the eyes. Every single time I walked, it walked. I went into home, locked the door, checked by five minutes later, it was still fucking there, looking at the door. Given that my bin had been rummaged through later on, though, and the fox was gone, I can only assume it was a fox where humans had given it food and it was hungry. It wasn't exactly scary, but it was memorable and it was fucking eerie. Then I found it the next day, pointed at it, yelled "GO BIG OR GO HOME", and punched it right in the face. Note: That latter part is a dramatization and may not have happened. - Obligatory "Shit That Can't Be Explained": I was in the shower once and saw a shampoo bottle move across the windowsill. Like, not just a bit, but was dragged across the windowsill. Then I washed my hair. No ghosts stop me from my watching my hair. One time, I was home alone and groped on the rear by an invisible force. Look, don't you fucking dare laugh and shut up, I know it sounds hilarious, but when you're home alone and something does that, you stop thinking "Oooo baby" and start thinking "GET ME MY SALT AND MY IRON POKER". I honestly wish I was joking, and I just hope I was imagining shit. I once heard a noise that sounded like quiet singing outside my door. There was nothing there. And it wasn't a human voice, I can tell you that much. We've had pictures "fall" from high on a wall and land picture-side up, without a mark on them, in the middle of the floor, a fair few feet from where they were. To be fair, they weren't scary, but really unnerving. Strange shit has been happening in this house for a while, so we've gotten used to it.

Just my boxer shorts. That oughta give you all nightmares for a few days.

Either this forum, or TVTropes. TVTropes is probably worse: "Hey, this is an interesting article.." *4 hours later* "GOOD GOD SOMEBODY HELP ME I'M TRAPPED I CAN'T STOP READING."

I'm not sure if this counts as a monologue, but I cannot listen to this without breaking out in goosebumps.

1) Are you prone to psychotic breaks? Would you take it out on me when in said psychotic breaks? My ex used to do this constantly and it fucked me off to no end. I don't care if you need medication or what, i'd love you all the same, just don't bite my head off. 2) Are you overtly-religious? Bugger off. I don't care what religion you are. It's fine with me. Hindu? Muslim? Christian? Shinto? Buddhist? Jewish?..Jedi? It's fine. I don't care, but if you preach it incessantly to me, I will let you know that it pisses me off a lot. 3) Are you going to get at my throat for enjoying a few drinks? Yes? Bugger off. I never drink to the point where i'm drunk. But I enjoy a few beers and a few drams. If you're going to get at me for it, I'm taking my ball and going home. 4) Betray me once and I will become your worst fucking nightmare. I am loyal to family, friends and loved ones, and I would never betray that loyalty. I've been betrayed so many times that I would walk across water to find those people and cut their rotten heads off. If you want to break it off, fine. If you're in love with someone else and want to end the relationship, fine. Just tell me. I'm human. I can understand it. I won't hold anything against you if you have the guts to tell me straight up it isn't working and you want out. But the moment you go behind my back and cheat on me, and try to hide it, and I find out? Well, your new squeeze better have life insurance handy. 5) (For virtual/long-distance relationships) I'm English. So if you read that and you expect my accent to be of the Southern "Shine yeh shoes, guvna?" or "hahaha, tally-ho, old chap" varieties, then fuck-fuck-fuck-fuck-fuck right off. That's like me seeing someonefrom the United States and thinking your accent is just "Well howdy pardner, you fancy ridin' on mah horse? Yeehaw!" I'm sure a few of you cringed: Well, it's THE SAME FUCKING THING FOR US ENGLISH. 6) Can you be in a conversation for at least five minutes without trailing off? I like to have an intellectual sparring partner or someone I can shoot the shit with. I don't like essentially talking to myself. I can do that to my right hand. (Oh, shut up, you all knew that joke was coming.) 7) If you like skinny emo/scene boys with that stupid fringe, metrosexual guys without a single hair or big, hulking steroid abuses with eight-packs, then you're better off not talking to me. I'm not skinny, i'm not hairy, i'm not ripped: I train for strength and bulk (Like WSM contenders) and i'm a gigantic bear. I may have lost the fight with the ugly tree, but if you want someone who can do all the chores, cook and have enough energy to chop wood on an evening, i'm your guy. 8) I'm outgoing and I love travelling. I don't mind quiet nights in, but I need to get out and explore. I need to travel the world. I can't be with anyone not willing to expand their horizons. It just wouldn't work at all. I can't stay cooped in the same place forever.

"Hitler? I'll completely batter that Nazi cunt." - Winston Churchill. [Citation Needed] So? I imagine he said it! But in all seriousness.... "Never give in — never, never, never, never, in nothing great or small, large or petty, never give in except to convictions of honour and good sense." - Winston ChurchilL

Coffee? Bugger off. It's mud. Iced tea? Sweet tea? Tea is meant to be served hot. Bloody Southern states of Murrka have butchered tea to the point where Britain should invade them just on the premise of them insulting tea. Serving it cold, watered down, and riddled with sugar is not tea. It's sweet pisswater. Not tea. Sweet pisswater. Call it that from now on. I take my tea as a builders brew: Strong, the tiniest splash of milk, with two sugars. Although usually none if it's a morning and I need a better pick-me-up. I'll drink any tea, generally, but my favourites are good old Yorkshire Tea (MANLY TEA), Scottish Breakfast Tea or Chai Tea.

When it comes to swearing, I don't even need to debate it. There's just one quote that pretty much sums up my entire attitude towards swearing: "Swearing is a really important part of one's life. It would be impossible to imagine going through life without swearing and without enjoying swearing... There used to be mad, silly, prissy people who used to say swearing was a sign of a poor vocabulary -such utter nonsense. The people I know who swear the most tend to have the widest vocabularies and the kind of person who says swearing is a sign of a poor vocabulary usually have a pretty poor vocabulary themselves... The sort of twee person who thinks swearing is in any way a sign of a lack of education or a lack of verbal interest or -is just a fucking lunatic... I haven't met anybody who's truly shocked at swearing, really, they're only shocked on behalf of other people. Well, you know, that's preposterous... or they say 'it's not necessary'. As if that should stop one doing it! It's not necessary to have coloured socks, it's not necessary for this cushion to be here, but is anyone going to write in and say 'I was shocked to see that cushion there, it really wasn't necessary'? No, things not being necessary is what makes life interesting -the little extras in life." - Stephen Fry

Idiocy? Really? I scrolled down a few times and I saw no idiocy. I didn't even see any real arrogance. I saw that atypical hipster Tumblr bullshit of spewing random quotes, wishing for things, spewing random facts, saying random shit and posting random pictures pretending to be "intelligent" and "deep" (When, mentally, you're about as deep as the kiddy pool.) but nothing truly idiotic. In fact, i'm actually impressed. I thought it would be stupid, inbred bollocks that's extraordinarily offensive...like, I don't know, anything Justin Bieber says, but he just seems to be your average teenager. (Including being introverted and moody). If you think THIS is idiotic, then for the love of all that is holy, don't go to Reddit or Tumblr. I mean, come on, has Jaden actually done anything really, truly, controversially stupid? I don't mean "Hurp he posts random shit so he idiot lololol." I mean Justin Bieber take drugs and wank in jail stupid.

You want to be popular? Kiss ass. Namedrop popular members. Flock to their status updates. Kiss the ass of admins and moderators. Flock to THEIR status updates. Jam yourself into a clique. Laugh at unfunny jokes. If their posts are contentious or downright offensive, brohoof and agree anyway. When a "nicest members" thread springs up, namedrop popular members even if they're actually arseholes. Think not for yourself, only the popular herd ....But it doesn't matter because, trust me, I’ve been the best since day one when I walked into this forum. And I’ve been vilified and hated since that day because the less popular members saw something in me that nobody else wanted to admit. That’s right, I’m a less popular forum members guy. You know who else is a less forum popular members guy?...Well, most of those who posted only a few times. And they split just like I’m splitting. But the biggest difference between me and them is I’m going to leave with the Brohoof Championship. I’ve grabbed so many of this forums imaginary brass rings that it’s finally dawned on me that they're just that, they’re completely imaginary. The only thing that’s real is me and the fact that day in and day out, for almost six months, I have proved to everybody in the world that I am the best at posting, at status updates, even in the blogs! Nobody can touch me! If your account isn't a certain age, or you haven't kissed a certain ass, no matter how many times you prove it, you won't be on the lovely little collector cups. you won't be on the cover of the program. You'll be barely mentioned. You won't get to be in movies. You won't get to be on any crappy show on the USA Network. You won't on the banner of the forum. You won't be in the signature that’s produced by any member here. You won't be on Conan O’Brian. You won't be on Jimmy Fallon. But the fact of the matter is, we should be. Oh hey, let me get something straight. Those of you who are thinking of brohoofing me right now, you are just as big a part of me leaving as anything else. Because you’re the ones who are brohoofing those popular members right now. You’re the ones that take their signatures that my face isn’t on the cover of. And then at five in the morning when i'm checking this forum before work, you try to shove it in my face and get me to brohoof it because you’re too lazy to go get a real job. I’m leaving with the Brohoof Championship on March 17th. And hell, who knows, maybe I’ll go defend it on Gaia Online. Maybe…I’ll go back to GameFAQ's. *waves at screen* Hey, Hulkster92, how ya doing? The reason I’m leaving is you people. Because after I’m gone, you’re still going to pour brohoofs into this forum and onto those members. I’m just a spoke on the wheel. The wheel is going to keep turning and I understand that. Those members are going to grow in popularity despite themselves. They are famous members who should be super famous. You know why they're not super famous? Because they surround themselves with glad-handed, nonsensical, douchebag yes men, who’s going to tell them everything they want to hear, and I’d like to think that maybe this forum will better after those popular members are gone. But the fact is, it’s going to be taken over by more idiotic veteran posters and their doofus friends and the rest of their stupid fans. By the way, i'm not actually serious. Except for the top line and third paragraphs. Those are deadly serious.