NOX33

I don't usually swear, but when I do I'm usually alone and just somewhat talking to myself. And a little with my friends too for fun. But if can I try to avoid it. 0-0

Lay on top of the stacks of cash for a day then give it back just a feel of the dream. D:

Woooww!!! This is really nice and cute!!!! x3

Either : "Thanks Obama" or: "Be Yourself"

Maybe because its like sorta cooked longer and when by the time you reheat your food its like marinated I guess.

Finding things to sketch for the past 10mins and probably starting to sketch now

If you gave me a Burger King burger and a Pizza hut pizza I'd go for the burger everytime

So I can't fit in, I can't fit in anywhere I go. I try to talk to people I try to help with favors to get to know them I try to even change myself to just be in a group of friends to hang out with but I just can't. Even my cousins won't talk to me, at every occasion I try to bring up anything to just start a conversation they reply with short answers and just leave me to talk to other people and especially during times where we would have family gatherings I would normally eat alone as my sisters would go hang out with them meanwhile I'm just here eating alone in the corner with my phone just minding my own business. Then that's not the worst part they invited my brother in-laws out many a times to go and play soccer or watch movie or just simply hang out. Meanwhile they don't even bother to try and invite me once at all, I know this because my bro in-laws would ask me why didn't I follow a lot of times then I would just say I don't know and that's all. Then there's also my brother in-laws (3 of them), every time they would meet up as in like showing up to my mom's house (currently where I am staying) just for dinner or just hang out there to watch soccer they would talk and talk and talk to each other for long like non-stop then when they are left with me alone they would not even try to talk to me. I even tried to start a conversation with them but same again they would either ignore me or just reply with short answers and be on their way. It's not that I'm trying to shame my siblings and my in-laws but it just really hurts when you see they have a gathering and you're there like seeing this on Instagram and such and just cant help but feel like haha you're having fun its nice but deep down inside you're just broken like yeah probably I won't go there anyway. And even more when I see me in-laws there happy and cheering. But I don't blame them, it's just that some people aren't supposed to be close I guess so I would just feel down but I wouldn't blame them. Its like just why can't I just have people to have fun with, to just feel happy with and just be myself and stop hiding my true self. Every time I meet people I would make new layers of secrecy to just hide myself to stop people from knowing who I really am inside because they won't understand how I feel. Feel like being sad/crying all the time just feel down, hate myself and all that and just utterly disgusted with myself often too. Because I don't like hurting other people's feelings because of myself because of my stupidity to not being able to control this feelings and just wanna end my life so bad like I just keep thinking about ending all this to stop the pain to stop feeling like a ghost, because you're not a part of this world. But that was until I found this forums. Thanks for reading my little story of who I am.