Friendzoning?

[Hidey 2,836]

She was already allowed to do that because, you know, she's not your own personal slave, at your beck and call, and she's allowed to make her own decisions about who she hangs out with and dates.

 

ohoho so if person A gets upset because person B is being terrible to them on purpose, because they know it will get to them, that must mean person A thinks person B is their "personal slave" and shouldn't be allowed to be with other people.

 

Right. 

[Admiral Regulus 2,769]

Finally, incontrovertible proof that the Sasquatch exists! If there wasn't such a thing, then we wouldn't have a word to describe it.

 

And Superman.

 

And unicorns. Yay!

 

I knew someone was going to say that.

 

The friendzone isn't a physical thing, so there is a difference here. We can argue whether or not physical things like Superman or unicorns exist, but this becomes much more difficult when we transfer it to the realm of human experiences and emotions. The friendzone isn't an object, it's an experience. It's not something we can look for and determine, "yes! I found the friendzone!" or "what... it isn't here!"

 

The friendzone is an emotional state that one goes thorough, and as such, you cannot deny its existence by not going through it yourself. It may not exist to you, but it doesn't need to. In order for the friendzone to exist, all one needs to do is consider xirself in it.

 

A better analogy would be to compare it to love itself, or equally abstract things such as happiness, loneliness, or fear. You may not understand or experience any of those things in the same ways that other people do, but that is no grounds to say that anyone else can't be lonely, unhappy, or afraid. Someone is lonely if and only if they say they're lonely, and there's really nothing you can do about that.

[TubeSock2018 325]

The friendzone has changed from what it once was...kinda.

Being "friendzone'd" used to have a justifiable reason to get mad.

When you were friendzone'd, it was because girl you liked rejected you and gave you the friend speech.

That's cool and all.

Where it got really annoying is when you became that friend that she would come to to complain about her boyfriend problems.

When she'd be like "I can't find a nice guy" and you're like "I'm a nice guy. Let's go out" and then she's like "I don't want to mess up our friendship".

That's when the friendzone truly sucked because at that point it's like, she complains to you and yet still won't give you a chance. You're in the friendzone and you wont get out.

 

But being friendzoned, in itself, is not bad.

It sucks, but guys today, the moment they get rejected, get all mad and complain of the friendzone.

But originally, if you were friendzoned, it would be because you were the one who she came to about her boy problems.

That's where the big deal comes from about "I've been friendzoned"

[Admiral Regulus 2,769]

Friendzoning is a way for a girl to cut ties with you without making herself feel bad by not saying she never wants to see you again. Which in my experience, she wouldn't mind. She can also hang out with and date other guys in front of your face because she knows she can mess with your feelings, so that's an added bonus. 

 

This is a very troubling view.

 

If you don't think your friend is being fair to you, you don't have to be her friend at all. Surely, someone with such malicious intentions isn't worth your time, and you'd probably be better off looking elsewhere.

 

Remember, this works both ways. She doesn't have to be your girlfriend, but on that same note, if you're not happy being her friend, you are free to distance yourself from her, too. This is acceptable should you feel that a friendship is not the best thing for you. 

Edited January 19, 2015 by Admiral Regulus

[Discordian 6,020]

I would have said this exact thing a few years ago.

 

The thing is, though, a romantic relationship isn't just friends with benefits. There's a difference. There's a certain emotional connection that separates friends from lovers... unless you've experienced it, it's very difficult to describe or even comprehend. It's not about anything physical, so much as it is about the feelings you get from it all.

 

When you're in love, you think about the person every one or two minutes of your life. You talk to them frequently, you daydream about them when you're bored, and you dream about them at night. It's the first thing you think about in the morning, and the last thing you think about before you go to sleep. You genuinely care for them and their well-being, in many cases more than you care for yourself.

 

In a friends-with-benefits type of situation, it's more like what you described. You're physically attracted to the person, but you don't care about much else. Even though the physical aspects of the relationship are there, there's no strong emotional attachments.

Yeah, I know for other people there is an undeniable difference between the two. Logically speaking I can even reason out why that is.

 

But on a personal level I don't think I can make that emotional connection with someone. I generally feel too detached from people for things to ever get that far.

 

But I'm not gonna be one of those douchehats who thinks because he thinks that way that everyone should too in spite of all evidence to the contrary.

[Invincible 2,092]

It's not exactly fun, being shut down by somebody you're attracted to, finding out they feel no particular feelings for you. There are even some types of people out there that can get you to like them only to exploit your continued friendship, so being friendzoned can be really a depressing experience for some.

 

On the flip-side, it's a bit of a hypocrisy when you think about it that way... if you lose all interest in someone immediately after being friendzoned, maybe it was just a short crush or what not. Besides, getting Friendzoned shouldn't dissuade anyone from seeing whoever friendzoned them if they're serious imo.

 

A personal experience - i used to hang out with someone who i was good friends with for a while, but i had gained feelings for her. After a while of keeping it bottled away for fear ruining what we had, i felt like a dishonest, spineless coward - so after gathering the nerve to explain myself, i discovered that by then she had developed similar feelings, and that all ended on a positive note.

 

I guess what i'm saying is if you're fine with being friends with someone, why should that bother you? If you wish to take it to the next level, then being friendzoned (while not very encouraging, in fact, it's probably bad for your confidence and self-esteem) isn't necessarily a wall.

[Commander Tangent 861]

I will be perfectly honest, I am bad at this :/ A lot of the gay/bisexual crowd at my school I have become good friends with, but more than once, I have put people into what you may call the friend zone. They ask me out, and when I tell them no, I always feel bad. And sometimes they stop talking to me for awhile.

 

In my experience from what I have seen myself, I guess some people just find it hard to be simply "just friends" with someone they have a heavy attraction too.

[Hidey 2,836]

This is a very troubling view.

 

If you don't think your friend is being fair to you, you don't have to be her friend at all. Surely, someone with such malicious intentions isn't worth your time, and you'd probably be better off looking elsewhere.

 

Remember, this works both ways. She doesn't have to be your girlfriend, but on that same note, if you're not happy being her friend, you are free to distance yourself from her, too. This is acceptable should you feel that a friendship is not the best thing for you. 

 

Water under the bridge. Just thought I'd share my unbiased opinion, I'm not asking for sympathy or anything.

 

Besides, I have you Regulus.  

[Eloquence 2,076]

Well, I could be wrong here, but I think the origin of the word "friendzone" wasn't the icky thing it's become today. The way I interpreted it when I first heard about it (which could be just my own misunderstanding), is that if two people are friends, and one of them likes the other or they both like each other, but they haven't said anything yet about their feelings, then the two are in the "friend zone" until they admit to their feelings. 

 

Nowadays, the term can be said to describe when one person just wants to be friends with someone who's interested in them romantically, and that's, you know, a thing that does in fact happen. But it isn't a bad thing, and it doesn't make you a bad person.

 

And then there's those people. Mostly guys, because they're the ones who are taught to see women as something they're entitled to, but I'm sure women do it too. They get mad when someone rejects them, acting like petulant entitled children. 

 

Let me tell you something about myself. I'm polyamorous, and hypersexual, and I love women. I have been "friendzoned" many times, and worse, I've been lied to, manipulated, and more. It's a hazard that comes with the territory. However, I have never blamed someone or been angry at them for not wanting to be with me or be my friend. That would be a gross, repulsive, abhorrent thing to do, because no one owes me love or friendship.

 

On the flipside, I've had plenty of guys take interest in me. When I reject them, they ask if they can still be friends, and then they continue to hit on me. Why isn't there a term for that, huh? Seems awful one-sided, doesn't it?

 

I propose that if this "friendzone" term continues to exist, then we create the sister-term "datezone", the awkward place people are shoved into when someone refuses to see them as anything but a potential lover. Give those gross guys a taste of their own medicine.

She was already allowed to do that because, you know, she's not your own personal slave, at your beck and call, and she's allowed to make her own decisions about who she hangs out with and dates.

 

Side note: Hell yes to this ^ 

[NotoriousSMALL 1,984]

So I guess the question is this - why do people take friendzoning so seriously? Is it really an absolute must for somebody to be in a relationship? I'd like your insight on this subject.

It's because they wanted to date the person, not be friends with them. If they wanted to be friends with a girl/guy, then they wouldn't be talking about "how they got friendzoned"

[Antidaeophobia 299]

Friendzoning is a way for a girl to cut ties with you without making herself feel bad by not saying she never wants to see you again. Which in my experience, she wouldn't mind. She can also hang out with and date other guys in front of your face because she knows she can mess with your feelings, so that's an added bonus. 

 

Thinking a girl will say lets be friends just so she can date guys in front of you and hurt you on purpose is pretty ridiculous.

Many girls will say lets be friends because they don't want to hurt a guys feelings, or they think he might get aggressive. Last time I told a guy I didn't want to go out with him (not mentioning friendship) and I had simply said I didn't think we were a right match, he screamed at me in the middle of a book store about how I was a horrible bitch. The people at the next table were stunned and felt really bad for me. It was really embarrassing and made me feel like shit. Other girls I've known have experienced some sort of aggression (although not usually so blatant and loud as mine), but they will tell a guy lets be friends as a way to let him down gently and defuse a situation. That, or she thinks he really is a nice guy and she truly doesn't want to hurt his feelings.

[Hidey 2,836]

Thinking a girl will say lets be friends just so she can date guys in front of you and hurt you on purpose is pretty ridiculous.

 

Well it happened. And you weren't there. But thanks for your input. 

[Antidaeophobia 299]

Well it happened. And you weren't there. But thanks for your input. 

My point is, to believe that someone is just out to hurt you on purpose sounds very paranoid. The majority of people are not out to do something like that, but if someone did do that to you on purpose, it was good you didn't end up in a relationship with them, because obviously they are an ass.

Edited January 19, 2015 by Antidaeophobia

[Guest]

I think it would help a lot when you meet a girl you like, ask her out for a date instead of trying to become her friend first.

 

As a girl I find it really hard to make guy friends and those are the best If I show interest, they think there's more to it. If I don't, I'm just another girl.

[Overdrive 5,366]

The friendzone has changed from what it once was...kinda.

Being "friendzone'd" used to have a justifiable reason to get mad.

When you were friendzone'd, it was because girl you liked rejected you and gave you the friend speech.

That's cool and all.

Where it got really annoying is when you became that friend that she would come to to complain about her boyfriend problems.

When she'd be like "I can't find a nice guy" and you're like "I'm a nice guy. Let's go out" and then she's like "I don't want to mess up our friendship".

That's when the friendzone truly sucked because at that point it's like, she complains to you and yet still won't give you a chance. You're in the friendzone and you wont get out.

 

But being friendzoned, in itself, is not bad.

It sucks, but guys today, the moment they get rejected, get all mad and complain of the friendzone.

But originally, if you were friendzoned, it would be because you were the one who she came to about her boy problems.

That's where the big deal comes from about "I've been friendzoned"

Yeah, that right there really sucks. I've always been that person, and it irritates the hell out of me when it happens.

 

I think when it comes to the "friendzone," there's a huge gray area around it, and as a result, because we don't understand it, we tend to get angry and lash out. I don't mean to sound sexist, if I do, when I say this, but I think that's where the gender boundary doesn't really help the situation. You know, how there are times where guys can't understand girls and vice versa?

 

As negative as being "friendzoned" can be, things can always change. It could be a sign that someone is interested, but needs time to think things over, or they're unsure, and don't want to lose you as at least a friend.

 

There's a lot of speculation, and there's a lot of different explanations. The typical thing seen is to get down, and to get irritated. There's still always a chance things could change.

[legionbrony 107]

I think it would help a lot when you meet a girl you like, ask her out for a date instead of trying to become her friend first.

 

As a girl I find it really hard to make guy friends and those are the best If I show interest, they think there's more to it. If I don't, I'm just another girl.

 

Well...I suppose one could do that.  But the reason we might want to make friends first is this:  it's safer.  If you go on a date with a girl who seems nice, but she's really a psycho manipulator bad-word, then you're trapped.  If you dump her she might make your life hell or stalk you or something like that.  Same reason I would recommend girls don't accept dates from guys they've known for two days.

 

But once you've spent enough time with her to truly know what she's like, you're most likely already friends.  Do you see what I'm sayin'?

[Admiral Regulus 2,769]

I think it would help a lot when you meet a girl you like, ask her out for a date instead of trying to become her friend first.

 

As a girl I find it really hard to make guy friends and those are the best If I show interest, they think there's more to it. If I don't, I'm just another girl.

 

Try looking for guys who are either gay, asexual, or already in stable relationships. The truth of the matter is, most young, single, and straight guys are going to want a relationship with a girl (duh), and when a female friend enters the scene, it's only natural for those complications to come into play.

 

Whatever you do, do not look for guys who are lonely, depressed, and lack self-confidence... especially in the areas of dating, relationships, and women. Those are the types who, if straight, will become very attached to a friend of the opposite sex, and it won't end well if you just want to remain friends. Those types of guys are likely to fall in love with any girl who comes near them, and they'll also be hit the hardest by rejection.

 

Really, you just have to be smart about these things. Check for compatibility, and choose your friends wisely.

 

Well...I suppose one could do that.  But the reason we might want to make friends first is this:  it's safer.  If you go on a date with a girl who seems nice, but she's really a psycho manipulator bad-word, then you're trapped.  If you dump her she might make your life hell or stalk you or something like that.  Same reason I would recommend girls don't accept dates from guys they've known for two days.

 

But once you've spent enough time with her to truly know what she's like, you're most likely already friends.  Do you see what I'm sayin'?

 

This is true. Very true, especially for guys who fit the Fluttershy archetype.

Edited January 19, 2015 by Admiral Regulus

[Windseeker 546]

A friend zone is a ridiculous compromise sugar coated with a subtle "piss off I'm sorry" in attempt to prevent someone who loves you from getting angry, a short cut out of dealing with someone you have no desire to endure. I felt so strange and selfish to be the one putting people in it.

[legionbrony 107]

Whatever you do, do not look for guys who are lonely, depressed, and lack self-confidence... especially in the areas of dating, relationships, and women. Those are the types who, if straight, will become very attached to a friend of the opposite sex, and it won't end well if you just want to remain friends. Those types of guys are likely to fall in love with any girl who comes near them, and they'll also be hit the hardest by rejection.

Yup...the same is also true the other way around. Happened to me a bunch of times because all my friends were nerdy girls (I am nerdy too, nerds are cool) who weren't that popular with the guys, so after being friends for two-four years they thought I like-liked them (I didn't) and asked me.

 

So yeah, I've had to friend zone girls before.

[SCS 7,537]

So I guess the question is this - why do people take friendzoning so seriously? Is it really an absolute must for somebody to be in a relationship? I'd like your insight on this subject.

 

 

I can't speak for anyone else, but for me I'm emotionally sensitive enough that if someone friendzones me I feel like something's wrong with me, which is probably the case. So I need time away from that person to get over it before I can be friends with them.

 

This hasn't happened many times since I don't develop serious feelings for anyone very often. It has happened, though. Sometimes it works out fine and sometimes it doesn't.

[SparklingSwirls 21,584]

For me, it's important to be friends with someone before dating them. It may be because I'm a bit shy in relationships but I feel much more comfortable if I can get to know someone as friends first, and then take the relationship further when we know we'd be compatible (of course I could still crush on them before then...)

I don't think it's a problem for a guy and a girl to just be friends, but the issue with being friendzoned is that it can be very difficult to be just friends with someone you're attracted to. These types of friendships don't tend to work out because they're not "equal" and the person who wants a relationship will keep feeling the desire to be more than friends, or they'll feel jealous if the friend starts dating someone else.

[Splashee 28,599]

First, let's get the legal stuff out if the way...

Copyright © 2015-2020 MLPFriendzone. All Rights Reserved.

 

A lot of TV series are glorifying how relationship should be, how the first kiss should be, etc. Then there is the "friendzone" where you have been denied the love of your life, because you took the risk if asking. I think it is all made up. Real life don't really work like on TV, even if people are growing up to learn it that way 

[DubWolf 18,579]

I pretty much avoid the friend zone if I know it can’t happen and just try to distance myself from them. That is, if my feelings are too much. Sometimes if I can accept it for whatever reason then it works out. That usually can’t happen until I’ve distanced myself enough.

Haven't really met anyone in a while to come even close to that point. I don’t bother too much if it’s just not mutual or feels like I’m the only one trying.

Edited August 17, 2020 by WWolf

[Treeglow Flicker 14,226]

Romantic interest and the development of a relationship is a two way street.

If a romantic attraction for another is one-sided, it is going to naturally end in rejection if those they are attracted to possess no romantic feelings in return. It's a situation that exists regardless if they are friends or not. Those who are being rejected are not being categorized, they are simply having their confession of love turned down. It doesn't matter if it's a girl rejecting a guy. Or a guy rejecting a girl. Or a guy rejecting another guy. Or a girl rejecting another girl. It's an awkward, but honest situation.

The whole "friend zoning" label is nothing more than a mere attempt at wit to describe the situation of a rejected one-sided romantic attraction between friends. It's not some great advanced social science. How the friendship continues, depends on the individuals involved. But the rejected aren't just plonked down into some magical zone and labeled.

 

 

[Lucky Bolt 35,238]

The OP knows what's up. I have had people straight up start behaving like jerks when I "friendzone" them. I hate even using that term really. I have a friend, they start catching feelings for me, they tell me, I don't feel the same towards them, I tell them, and then they hate me for life and either never speak to me again or treat me like dirt. It's really petty and as the OP states shouldn't be a reason to hate someone just because they don't like you back.  I've been dealing with this a lot as of recently...it gets old.