Funny, or terrible jokes?

[Hidey 2,836]

This will probably be my new favorite thread.

 

 

Here's one I came up with today:

 

What did the mold coach tell his soccer team before the game?

 

"Let's play asbestos we can"

 

(as best as)

[Wyzecat 350]

Why cant seahorses walk?

 

...They don't have legs.

[Yoshi89 5,291]

Why did Michael Jackson rush to Sears?

Because children's pants were half-off.

 

What did 0 say to 8?

"Nice belt."

 

What has eighteen wheels and flies?

A garbage truck.

 

What's a mummy's favorite game show?

The $25,000-Pyramid.

 

My friend broke up with his girlfriend because she accused him of being a pedophile. He said that was a pretty big word for a ten-year old.

 

What did the man say when he kicked the bucket?

Nothing.

 

Why is 6 afraid of 7?

Because 7 ate 9.

[Sunny Fox 5,935]

Why are there no aspirins in the jungle?

Because the paracetamol.

 

(Read it out loud )

 

What do you call a man with a spade in his head? Doug.

What do you call a man without a spade in his head? Douglas.

What do you call a man with no shins? Tony.

What do you call a woman with one leg? Ilene.

What do you call a woman with no legs? Noleen.

 

Why did the monkey fall out the tree? He fell asleep.

Why did the second monkey fall out the tree? He was holding the hand of the first monkey.

Why did the third monkey fall out the tree? He thought it was a game.

 

How do you put a giraffe in a fridge? Open the door, put in the giraffe, close the door.

How do you put an elephant in a fridge? Open the door, take out the giraffe, put in the elephant, close the door.

 

What's yellow and dangerous? Shark-infested custard.

[Lyra's Pants 154]

I walked into a car showroom last night.

I said to the salesman, "My wife would like to talk to you about the Volkswagen Golf in the window."

He said, "We don't have a Volkswagen Golf in the window."

I said, "You do now."

[paradoxical 1,735]

Why is 6 afraid of 7?

Because 7 ate 9.

 

I thought that 2 was afraid of 4; 4 ate 16.

 

But two is really tough.  2 ate 256.

 

 

 

If you don't get it, you won't get this either.  There are 10 types of people in the world. 

Those who understand binary

And those who don't

 

[Twi The Totodile 200]

I thought that 2 was afraid of 4; 4 ate 16.

 

But two is really tough.  2 ate 256.

 

 

 

If you don't get it, you won't get this either.  There are 10 types of people in the world. 

Those who understand binary

And those who don't

 

So many math jokes... And yet somehow I get all of them.

[Redeye 399]

Here's a bit of a weird one.

 

Why did the Mexicans ban Star Wars?

 

Because Obi Juan Kenobi said so.

[#1FluttershyFan 206]

I would tell you my science jokes but they're boron (you could also say that they got no reaction).

 

What do you call a plant that's good at science?

A chemis-tree!

 

What's the difference between light and hard?

You can go to bed with the light on.

 

How do you know if a chef is a clown?

The food tastes funny.

 

What do you call a belt of watches?

A waist of time.

 

What's made of brass and sounds like a trombone?

A trombone!

Edited January 26, 2015 by #1FluttershyFan

[Lyra's Pants 154]

How does a ninja pancake complete its missions?

 

"Syrup"titiously!

[sweetolebob18 724]

2 MLP Jokes (found in fan fics, ICR where)

1) An Earth Pony, a Pegasus, & a Unicorn are playing a round of golf with the club Pro.  The foursome ahead of them is playing very slowly & the ponies start complaining.  The Pro says "I'm very sorry.  They are veterans, blinded in the service of the Princesses".  The Pegasus says "I didn't know that.  I'm so sorry.  Of course they can take all the time they need, we'll wait."  The Unicorn complains "It's a scandal the government doesn't provide enough golf courses."  The Earth Pony says "If they're blind, why can't they play at night?"

 

2) An Earth Pony, a Unicorn, & a Pegasus encounter fire for the 1st time.  The Earth pony takes some home so that his family can use it to heat their home, cook their food, etc.  The Unicorn starts smelting metal & making things.  The Pegasus tries to eat it & when it burns him, he brings a raincloud to kill it. 

[Noei 717]

What is the biggest rope ？

 

Europe

 

ha ha ha.

[True Rarity 1,239]

(This one sounds a bit morbid at first:)

 

I still remember the last words my dear grandfather said before he kicked the bucket...

 

"Hey, sonny! How far do you think I can kick that bucket?"

 

 

What's green, loud, and horrifying?

 

A thundering herd of pickles.

 

 

What's Snow White's brother named?

 

Egg white

 

 

What do you call a fish with no eye?

 

Fsh

 

 

(Here's a biased "blonde joke" that I don't particularly care for. No offense meant. I put it here because it is a terrible joke.)

 

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are walking on the beach when suddenly they find a lamp. Upon rubbing it, a genie appears and says that he will grant them each one wish.

The brunette, after thinking a little bit, says that everyone thinks she's sort of dumb, and she would like to be smarter. The genie turns her into a redhead, and she leaves happy.

The redhead, after thinking for an equal amount of time, says that everyone knows she's really smart, and she is uncomfortable with it and wants to be a little dumber. The genie turns her into a brunette, and she leaves happy.

The blonde is now the only one left. She thinks and thinks for a long time. Finally she says that everyone thinks she's dumb, and she would like to know what it's like to be really, truly dumb.

 

So the genie turns her into a man.

 

And now I apologize again.

 

 

(This last one is one my pastor is particularly fond of. Again, I apologize.)

 

Three women were sitting in a bar minding their own business.

 

[sweetolebob18 724]

Another MLP joke

A Unicorn, a Dragon, & a Diamond Dog walk into a bar.  There are some flies buzzing around.  Suddenly, the Diamond Dog grabs one & eats it.  The Unicorn freaks & runs outside screaming "Vile! Horrible! The! Worst! Bar! EVER!"  The Dragon finishes the Unicorn's drink, grabs a fly & turns to the Diamond Dog & says "Hey, Buddy, Want to buy a fly?"

[True Rarity 1,239]

Another MLP joke

A Unicorn, a Dragon, & a Diamond Dog walk into a bar.  There are some flies buzzing around.  Suddenly, the Diamond Dog grabs one & eats it.  The Unicorn freaks & runs outside screaming "Vile! Horrible! The! Worst! Bar! EVER!"  The Dragon finishes the Unicorn's drink, grabs a fly & turns to the Diamond Dog & says "Hey, Buddy, Want to buy a fly?"

 

I'm afraid I don't get it... Might I get an explanation?

[pakicetus 312]

Here's a bit of a weird one.

 

Why did the Mexicans ban Star Wars?

 

Because Obi Juan Kenobi said so.

 

That was juan of the worst jokes I've ever heard.

[Lucky Star 971]

Why did the chicken cross the road?

 

Because K.F.C wasn't on the other side.

(This one sounds a bit morbid at first:)

 

I still remember the last words my dear grandfather said before he kicked the bucket...

 

"Hey, sonny! How far do you think I can kick that bucket?"

 

 

What's green, loud, and horrifying?

 

A thundering herd of pickles.

 

 

What's Snow White's brother named?

 

Egg white

 

 

What do you call a fish with no eye?

 

Fsh

 

 

(Here's a biased "blonde joke" that I don't particularly care for. No offense meant. I put it here because it is a terrible joke.)

 

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are walking on the beach when suddenly they find a lamp. Upon rubbing it, a genie appears and says that he will grant them each one wish.

The brunette, after thinking a little bit, says that everyone thinks she's sort of dumb, and she would like to be smarter. The genie turns her into a redhead, and she leaves happy.

The redhead, after thinking for an equal amount of time, says that everyone knows she's really smart, and she is uncomfortable with it and wants to be a little dumber. The genie turns her into a brunette, and she leaves happy.

The blonde is now the only one left. She thinks and thinks for a long time. Finally she says that everyone thinks she's dumb, and she would like to know what it's like to be really, truly dumb.

 

So the genie turns her into a man.

 

And now I apologize again.

 

 

(This last one is one my pastor is particularly fond of. Again, I apologize.)

 

Three women were sitting in a bar minding their own business.

 

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAH AH HA HE HEHEHE....... those were pretty good.

 

or I have a bad sense of humor.

Edited February 3, 2015 by Lucky Star

[Twi The Totodile 200]

Okay, okay... I've got a really good one.

What do you do when there's a sink standing outside your door?

 

 

You let that sink in

 

[Kawaii Besu 28,010]

A lot of jokes in this vid...

 

[sweetolebob18 724]

Girls like that are a dime a dozen?  OK, here's a nickel.  Give me 6.

[Vocaloid_IA 95]

Why did the tuna cross the street?

...

Oh, he didn't cross. Tunas can't walk, duh.

[Scream Lucid Dream 103]

I went to a zoo. They only had one animal: a dog. It was a shih tzu.

[King 5,625]

Hey there @@Iiznocannon45, I've merged your thread with an already existing one on this topic. Please use the search function to ensure any future threads you make don't already exist.

[sweetolebob18 724]

Bad Joke

What's the difference between a vitamin & a hormone?  Answer I know how to make a Hor Mone

 

Good Joke

Man has to leave the country & he wants to take his dog w him.  So, he is filling out the paperwork & comes to a question "type of dog?".  He doesn't know but figures the vet will know.

 

Takes the dog to the vet & asks "Can you tell me what kind of dog this is?"  Vet says "It's a brown dog."  Owner asks "Can you be a little more specific?"  Vet replies "Sure. It's a little brown dog"

[The Shyest One 808]

 

Teehee, its more adorable than terrible.