Lines you'll never catch FIM characters saying.

[Nightshroud 331]

Twilight: I'm not as smart as you think.

[cmarston1 5,959]

Celestia: Applejack, why the buck did you write me a letter saying that you didn't learn anything?  I explicitly told you girls only to write to me if and when you learn some kind of friendship lesson. 

[Singe 2,111]

Rainbow Dash: Rarity's been out in the sun too long that she looks like a toasted marshmallow.

 

[Jackie Snack 1,498]

Twilight:

"Alright, Pinkie, this is getting old! Tell me where you hid the batteries or I'm going to beat you with it!"

<w< *eyebrow waggle*

[Lucid_Nightlight 923]

Button Mash: *anything line because Hasbro thought it would be a good idea to shut down Jan*

What were they thinking?

[Singe 2,111]

Queen Chrysalis: I will suck the love out of you, Thorax. *Opens mouth.*

Two changelings: Suck. Suck. Suck.  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mDqsgbtpDLk

Queen Chrysalis: *Annoyed* Will you two stop with that irritating laughter!

 

[Singe 2,111]

*Two changlings https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mDqsgbtpDLk *

Changling A: This sucks. That loser Thorax  drove away our hot queen.

Changling B: Yeah. Tonight, she promised teepee.

Thorax: Hello, you two.

Changling B: What do you want Rainbow Brite?

Changling A: You called him a girl's toy.

Thorax: I see you two haven't changed.

Changling A: Why would we want to give up our rad alien looking forms?

Changling B: We're menacing. Are we going to face hug you little pony?

*Laugh*

[cmarston1 5,959]

Anyone: Sunset Shimmer literally turned into a demon and tried to enslave us all, why did you think she was a good candidate for the Fall Formal?

Snips and Snails: But.. But.. But Twilight's Emails...

[Derpy Derper 87]

Flash: Twilight I'm a father.

Twilight: Don't care. 

Flash: It's also your child you know.

Twilight: Wait what!?

 

Luna: Celestia we ran out of cake. I need my cake!

Celestia: No you don't.

Luna: You do have a point.

[cuteycindyhoney 13,307]

"Get yer sausage inna bun! get 'em while they're hot! Made of the best pig by products! Only 3 bits, and that's cutting me own throat!"

- Granny Smith

 

"Turn the Celestia damned key Fluittershy!"

- Rainbow Dash

 

"Trixie, you know my mane is better than yours."

- Starlight Glimmer

 

"Twilight, your letters sure cut down on the castle's toilet paper expenditure."

-  Princess Celestia.

 

"Twilight, for the last time! I'm not writing you letters! I live right down the hall from you in your castle!"

- Starlight Glimmer

 

"Rainbow darling, has anypony accuse you of any crimes lately? I have an all new Shadow Spade line set to launch!"

- Rarity

[Kings&Hooves14 616]

1 hour ago, cuteycindyhoney said:

"Twilight, your letters sure cut down on the castle's toilet paper expenditure."

-  Princess Celestia.

Ha! Good one.

----

Fluttershy: I don't know who you are. I don't know what you want. If you are looking for ransom I can tell you I don't have money, but what I do have is a very particular set of skills...

Someone probably did this already, but I couldn't help it. 

----

Discord: I'm sorry, Fluttershy, but I can't have tea today; I have a date with a bald starship captain.

----

Twilight: So...what exactly happens between you and Luna during an eclipse?

Celestia: Never ask me about that again, or I'll banish you to Mars.

Edited April 22, 2017 by Kings&Hooves14

[Singe 2,111]

Garble: Well well, if it isn't you. Let's see, Starbright. Starkite. Gloom Glimmer. Little horn.

Starlight Glimmer: *Angry. Uses her magic to slam Garble's face into the rocky ground.* Say my name!

Garble: *Cries* Starlight Glimmer. Starlight Glimmer.

Starlight Glimmer: No. Super Kami Princess. *Smirks.*

 

Trixie: Starlight Glimmer you don't look so good. You look like someone who was out all night doing tricks.

Starlight Glimmer: *Angry.* Grrrrrrrrrrr! *Bottles anger.*

 

Trixie: What's with the red bottle? You're trying to make you own Red Lantern for the upcoming convention. Pretty snazzy.

 

Trixie: Starlight, you have to help? I don't know how to deal with two disgruntled oldies and roid rager.

 

Twilight Sparkle: The jewelry store seller and Applejack's grandmother had strokes, and the roid raging Hulk had to be put down by the elite guard. Care to explain Starlight Glimmer.

Starlight Glimmer: Uh.......

Trixie: Funny story. It starts with you being a terrible teacher not teaching her how to manage her anger.

 

Twilight Sparkle: I could send Starlight Glimmer to Chicago there she could.....

Princess Celestia: O_O Are you insane?! Do you want her to be another number in the crime statistics.

Twilight Sparkle: You're right. What was I thinking?

Edited April 24, 2017 by Singe

[Singe 2,111]

Cows: So is Big Mac going to come by to milk us?

Applejack: No, because you all make it weird around him.

Cows: Then how about getting a bull or maybe a Minotaur?

Applejack: I ain't getting no bull or no Minotaur. Last thing I need to be hearing is your constant mooing all night long.

[Singe 2,111]

Twilight Sparkle: I learned that I just can't put my hoof down and be stern towards Flurry Heart.

Flurry Heart: *Smiles.*

Twilight Sparkle: But don't think that lets you off the hook. When you get older you won't be able to run away with your shield up. Enjoy your time being spoiled now my favorite niece because once you reach that age; actions will have consequences, the world will try to eat you alive, and I will burn so many lessons into your head.

Flurry Heart: *Frighten*

Edited May 1, 2017 by Singe

[Luigi 7,870]

Applejack: (On the phone) Okay granny. Ah'll see you at ten. (Hangs up) Big McIntosh, Granny Smith's not gonna make it home for dinner, so Ah'm gonna order us a pizza.

Big McIntosh: From where?

Applejack: From Dominos.

Big McIntosh: DOMINOS?!?!?!?!?! HAVE YOU LOST YOUR MIND?!?!?!?!?!?!

(Laugh track)

Applejack: Okay, not Dominos, any other ideas?

BM: Ah was thinkin a little neighborhood joint called Little Kaiser's.

(Laugh Track)

Applejack: Uh, don't you mean Little Caesar's?

BM: Eeyup!

(Laugh track)

Applejack: Ok, what's the number?

BM: It's 1-718-116-8011.

(Laugh Track)

Applejack: Big brother, Ah have WAY too many numbers.

BM: AH GAVE YOU THE AREA CODE!

Applejack: WE'RE IN THE AREA CODE, AH DON'T NEED TO DIAL IT!

(Laugh Track)

BM: Okay, one one sixty eight.......

Applejack: Okay, you know what? Ah have a little phone number rythym. Bum Bum Bah, Bum Bah, Bum Bah. (Laugh Track$ Got it?

BM: Ah got it. ONE!

AJ: Yeah!

BM: SIX!

AJ: Yeah!

BM: TEEN!

(Laugh Track)

AJ: AH ALREADY DIALED A SIX!!!!!!! AH CAN'T GO BACK IN TIME AND SLIP A ONE IN!!!!!!!!!!!!

BM: WELL WHOSE FAULT IS THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(Laugh Track)

[Castle Bleck 19,366]

2 minutes ago, Little Flyer said:

Applejack: (On the phone) Okay granny. Ah'll see you at ten. (Hangs up) Big McIntosh, Granny Smith's not gonna make it home for dinner, so Ah'm gonna order us a pizza.

Big McIntosh: From where?

Applejack: From Dominos.

Big McIntosh: DOMINOS?!?!?!?!?! HAVE YOU LOST YOUR MIND?!?!?!?!?!?!

(Laugh track)

Applejack: Okay, not Dominos, any other ideas?

BM: Ah was thinkin a little neighborhood joint called Little Kaiser's.

(Laugh Track)

Applejack: Uh, don't you mean Little Caesar's?

BM: Eeyup!

(Laugh track)

Applejack: Ok, what's the number?

BM: It's 1-718-116-8011.

(Laugh Track)

Applejack: Big brother, Ah have WAY too many numbers.

BM: AH GAVE YOU THE AREA CODE!

Applejack: WE'RE IN THE AREA CODE, AH DON'T NEED TO DIAL IT!

(Laugh Track)

BM: Okay, one one sixty eight.......

Applejack: Okay, you know what? Ah have a little phone number rythym. Bum Bum Bah, Bum Bah, Bum Bah. (Laugh Track$ Got it?

BM: Ah got it. ONE!

AJ: Yeah!

BM: SIX!

AJ: Yeah!

BM: TEEN!

(Laugh Track)

AJ: AH ALREADY DIALED A SIX!!!!!!! AH CAN'T GO BACK IN TIME AND SLIP A ONE IN!!!!!!!!!!!!

BM: WELL WHOSE FAULT IS THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(Laugh Track)

 

Nice to see a fellow fan of King Of Queens.

[Singe 2,111]

Spike: Flurry Heart, more like Snowflake in a couple of years.

Princess Cadance: *Smacks Spike* You shut your mouth. 

 

Twilight Sparkle: Dear Princess Celestia, I didn't learn a dang thing today.

 

Pinkie Pie: I see you brought Flurry Heart.

Twilight Sparkle: Yeah, she's great.

Pinkie Pie: I hate babies.

Twilight Sparkle: What?

Pinkie Pie: I was asking if you wanted toppings.

 

Shining Armor: Get your hoof off my wife before I break it.

 

Princess Luna: Sister, why are you wearing red lipstick and a red dress trying to sneak out at night?

Princess Celestia: Uh........boys.

Princess Luna: I forget you're a chimera now a days.

 

 

Edited May 2, 2017 by Singe

[Derpy Derper 87]

Luna: Hey Celestia, shouldn't we give more time to some ponies that are... 

Celestia: Nope. More Starlight episodes. 

[Singe 2,111]

Starlight Glimmer: So there is this one thing I'm into I draw *whisper whisper*.

Maud Pie: I've seen that before, out of curiosity. Could you maybe draw me some of that one rock looking superhero character from the comics?

Starlight Glimmer: Sure.

Maud Pie: My nights alone. *Smile.*

 

Veterinarian: Twilight Sparkle, this is really tough to say. Your dog Spike is dying.

Twilight Sparkle: What? Why?

Veterinarian: That's what I would like to know. I have never seen a dog with so many variations of cancer including never before seen. What have you been doing to this dog?

Twilight Sparkle: He jumped through a magic portal and started talking.

Veterinarian: Oh well, that would explain it. The talking is actually a tumor growing out of the area of the brain for speech.

Twilight Sparkle: Isn't there anything you could do?

Veterinarian: Beats me, you just told me he jumped thorough a magic portal.

 

Trixie: I love being your friend Starlight Glimmer but I'm not very fond of the others. They're too PC police for me.

Starlight Glimmer: PC?

Trixie: Pony Correct.

 

Luna: Sunset Shimmer and her friends, I now know what it's like if Hanna-Barbara made Sailor Moon.

[Singe 2,111]

Applejack: It's fun having you all over here for the sleep over.

Rarity: By the way, does Big Mac stay in the room next to yours.

Applejack: Yeah, why?

Rarity: *Runs up to the wall.* Big Mac, hold me tight in your manly arms!

Girls: *Giggle*

Applejack: Oh, I see what you're doing there.

Pinkie Pie: *Runs up to the wall and eats a brownie.* Oh, you're so delicious!

*Sunset Shimmer walks over to the wall with Applejack.*

Sunset Shimmer: It feels like it's getting hot in this room?!

Applejack: Granny doesn't like the AC turned on at night so It's alright if you need to shed a few clothes!

Sunset Shimmer: Well then, let's go ahead!

*Girls drops AJ clothes on the floor.*

*Loud crash from Big Mac's room.*

 

Sunset Shimmer: How about we sleepover at Fluttershy's next time?

Fluttershy: No, I refuse.

Rainbow Dash: Her place is off limits. The brother tends to walk around like your kind Sunset Shimmer.

Sunset Shimmer: Oh.

Principal Celestia: I have received a letter from the Superintendent questioning the Fall Formal Princess contest being sexist on the grounds that it lacks a male counterpart. I do have the option to add a Fall Formal Prince but the Superintendent went on to suggest to make it a non-gender oriented winner in-case someone is offended by a two gender competition. So I'm not dealing with this, the entire Fall Formal contest is canceled. You can write your complaint letters to the Superintendent at this address.

Edited May 9, 2017 by Singe

[Castle Bleck 19,366]

Zesty Gourmand: "Needs more flavor."

[Tropical Melody 6,258]

18 hours ago, Singe said:

*Loud crash from Big Mac's room.*

 

[Singe 2,111]

Twilight Sparkle: Fluttershy, you can't be around us for a while.

Fluttershy: Oh, no. You're abandoning me. *Cries.*

Rainbow Dash: You have fleas from being around all those wild animals.

Fluttershy: Oh. That makes sense. I need to go to the vet to get a flea shampoo for myself.

 

Sunset Shimmer: Looks like I win again. Time for you girls to pony up those clothes.

Rarity: I'm just glad that no guys are here.

 

Pinkie Pie: I am not going. *Sits on Rainbow Dashes face.*

Rainbow Dash: *Insert mouth action.*

Pinkie Pie: *Shocked*

*Later*

Twilight Sparkle: Good work Rainbow Dash getting Pinkie Pie to the party. Uh.....what's wrong with you two?

Rainbow Dash & Pinkie Pie: *Embarrassed* We don't want to talk about it. 

 

Berry Punch: *Drunk* There's a lot stallions can offer.

Twilight Sparkle: Like friendship.

Berry Punch: *Drunk* Friendship, ha. Not if it's only for a night.

Rarity: *Drunk* I'm with you sister.

Twilight Sparkle: Rarity?

Rarity: *Drunk* I've given up trying to tie them down.....in a relationship. 

[Luigi 7,870]

(Imagine Applejack driving her Toyota Prius at night in ponyville with Big McIntosh  in the front seat)

Applejack: So Ah'm makin the copies, and this freak show Zephyr Breeze comes in and says "Hey, can I just jump in for one quick copy?" And then what happens? PAPER JAM! THREE hours to fix all for a freakin Power Ponies cartoon, it was so annoying.

Big McIntosh: WATCH OUT!!!!!!!! (Applejack swerves next to Filthy Rich's incoming delivery truck) Oh my god, that was close.

Applejack: (Sigh) That was incredibly annoyin, Big McIntosh!

BM: What?

Applejack: You know, don't tell me how to drive, okay?

BM: Ah wasn't tellin you how to drive, ah was lettin you know we were about to die.

Applejack: Ah saw him.

BM: Yeah, ah saw him too. He was almost in mah eyeball.

Applejack: For yer information, the only reason ah swerved is because you scream like a little girl. "EEK, A MOUSE!"

BM: Ok, it wasn't eek a mouse, it was "EEK, A DELIVERY TRUCK!!!"

Applejack: Just let me drive, Big brother. Ah promise, Ah will get you and yer bagels home safely.

BM: Ah'll do what ah want, ah'm not sayin a word.

Applejack: That works for me.

[cmarston1 5,959]

Rarity: I am loving the hair

Rainbow Dash: (blushes) You're looking snazzy as always