Lines you'll never catch FIM characters saying.

[Singe 2,111]

Starlight Glimmer: I can't believe Maud has a boy friend that goes on about wood and sticks.

Pinkie Pie: I know, he so annoying.

Starlight Glimmer: I'm going to have fun making innuendo jokes about him.

Pinkie Pie: You have peaked my interest, go on.

Edited April 16, 2018 by Singe

[Singe 2,111]

Sunset Shimmer: I'm going to tell you a little truth about Princess Celestia. You're just her new pet after I escaped.

Twilight Sparkle: Pet? I'm her apprentice.

Sunset Shimmer: Don't you find it odd that a 1000 year old princess has not once mentioned having a husband or children. She prefers to pick children off of others and turn them into pet projects as her pastime.

[Singe 2,111]

Twilight Sparkle: Screw the rules. I'm a princess.

 

Neighsay: You can't just make up your own rules, that ludicrous.

Twilight Sparkle: I just did and you can't stop my school from opening up.

Neighsay: Then I'll just take you to court.

Twilight Sparkle: What? You can't do that.

Neighsay: I can and I will.

 

Neighsay: Your teachers are disorganized. Are they even certified teachers?

Cheerilee: That's what I want to know. I worked my flank off for years to earn my place to teach.

 

Spitfire: Rainbow Dash, what's with the shades? Trying to look cool like usual.

Rainbow Dash: No not this time. I just suffered some blindness after keeping an eye on Granny Smith for the whole night....with her new boyfriend.

Edited April 21, 2018 by Singe

[Singe 2,111]

Rarity: If Cadance can have a child, why not Celestia or Luna?

Twilight Sparkle: I can answer that, because the boyfriend or husband would get a lot of hate mail.

Rarity: You're kidding, they despise Shining Armor.

Twilight Sparkle: They hate him that half of those letters are threats.

 

Spike: I was afraid you wouldn't want me anymore.

Twilight Sparkle: Sometimes it does cross my mind and if I did, you would just be dumped on Fluttershy's doorstep.

 

Rarity: Spike, how could you understand that the one you have your heart set on is not paying any notice to you. I feel like I should kidnap him and hold him against his will to force him to love me.

 

Neighsay: The EEA runs a strict standard that teachers stick to only academics. Without that they would be rouge teaching radical ideas like their political views or beliefs. Complete brainwashing classes.

 

Neighsay: Your school doesn't even classify as a school. It does however classify as a cult. So you'll need to contact the ECA.

Starlight Glimmer: Equestrian Cult Association. I know them. They were great helping me get my town running *Twilight glares at her.*....I'll just go over here.

Edited April 23, 2018 by Singe

[Luigi 7,869]

(Knock Knock Knock)

Rainbow dash answers the door in a hotel room in Vanhoover, it's Spitfire who's in the hotel room nextdoor.

Spitfire: Are you taking all your tiny shampoos?

(Rainbow closes the door)

(9:00 PM. Rainbow Dash is trying to sleep, she pounds on the wall to try to get Spitfire's attention that she's laughing too loud while watching a Brian Regan special on the TV)

(11:30 PM)

Spitfire: (Singing loudly in the shower) I'M LIKE A BIRD, I ONLY FLY AWAY!!!!

(The next morning at checkout, Rainbow isn't looking well rested)

Spitfire: You look rough, sister!

(Rainbow Dash gives Spitfire "that look")

[Singe 2,111]

Wallflower Blush: Sometimes I would borrow money from my siblings then erase their memory.

Trixie: A stone that can erase memory. Better not let Flash Sentry get his hands on that. Girls' bathroom and gym locker room, nuff said.

 

Twilight Sparkle: That is why you will all be teachers at my school.

Applejack: Twilight, what part of we have our own lives to live don't you understand. I run a farm.

Rarity: I'm running several shops, I don't have time to teach.

Fluttershy: I have animals to care for. The predators have to be fed before they start scrounging it for themselves.

Rainbow Dash: I'm in the Wonderbolts and have to take care of the weather here. Do I look like I have free time?

Pinkie Pie: Hello. Part-time baker cupcake seller, party time planner, and former welcoming pony since the town told me to stop hassling visitors. 

Twilight Sparkle: I don't care. The EEA will be visiting today to inspect the school. Make sure to read the book and do it by the book. None of your wily ways. Also we're teaching non-ponies, surprise.

PInkie Pie: What?!

Rarity: You're telling us all this now!

Rainbow Dash: What the hay?!

Applejack: Twilight, did the old you who managed the time and preparation died when you became a princess?

Twilight Sparkle: Princess Celestia taught me the way of winging it. What could go wrong?

 

Neighsay: This isn't a school for teaching, it's a clown college. Why am I even wasting my time with a clown college anyway?

 

Student: Look at those six claiming to be the best friends in the year book. There aren't even any boys in the photo. I find that offensive.

 

Twilight Sparkle: I would like to go with you three to the Hippogriff city, but they're still angry about me trying to steal their pearl.

 

Trixie: I thought Wallflower Blush would be like some internet troll, picking fights with some political side's followers. 

 

Trixie: We're locked in the room. You're not going to try anything...weird?

Sunset Shimmer: What are you talking about?

Trixie: Nothing.

 

[RDDash 19,107]

Rainbow Dash: There is this really cool rollercoaster in Las Pegasus but I kind of can't go because I already promised Twilight to teach friendship at her school.

Spitfire: Well can't you just take vacation days?

Rainbow Dash: No, that didn't crossed my mind.

Spitfire: Why don't you just go and hoof it as part of the small group of Soarin's marefriends. I am sure he would be happy to be acompanied by you.

Rainbow Dash: That didn't crossed my mind ether

Spitfire: So what then are you going to do?

Rainbow Dash: I dunno, probably going to embarrass myself as the worst chaperone possible, while at the same time destroying my chances of riding that said coaster, and then at the end of it a bunch of old mares will feel sorry for me and then I will ride this coaster anyway.

Spitfire: sounds complicated

Rainbow Dash : Yeah, yeah it is

 

 

Edited April 30, 2018 by R.D.Dash

[Singe 2,111]

Rainbow Dash: Fluttershy, your brother was in my house. Laying on a rug doing weird poses. I can't get it out of my head.

 

Applejack: You know what I think....

Starlight Glimmer: That no one cares and you should zip it.

Rainbow Dash: Thank you.

Rarity: Finally some pony had to say that.

 

Neighsay:  Oh I'm sorry. It must have been hard for the princess of friendship and the apprentice of Princess Celestia to meet the EEA approval standards. When a model Earth Pony teacher like Miss Cherliee can do it. You princesses are so delicate.

[cmarston1 5,958]

During Every Little Thing She Does:

Starlight: I really messed up, I cast the spell because I was nervous about working with you on the friendship lessons.

Rainbow Dash:  Well here's a friendship lesson for ya.  You can't keep doing s**ty things and feel bad about yourself like that makes it okay. You need to be better!

[BlackPony 77]

5 hours ago, cmarston1 said:

During Every Little Thing She Does:

Starlight: I really messed up, I cast the spell because I was nervous about working with you on the friendship lessons.

Rainbow Dash:  Well here's a friendship lesson for ya.  You can't keep doing s**ty things and feel bad about yourself like that makes it okay. You need to be better!

Yeah, that’s way better than what I could’ve thought of.

[Singe 2,111]

Princess Celestia: I thought I taught you the importance of friendship about trust and honesty.

Twilight Sparkle: You deceive the public trust and lie to the kingdom all the time.

Princess Celestia: That's different.

 

Twilight Sparkle: Princess Celestia is the worst actor.

Spike: It's not like Celestia told you she had zero skill in acting to begin with.

 

Sunset Shimmer: You....blowhard!

Trixie: *Gasp.* How did you know my street name?

 

Sunset Shimmer: I'll show you how mean I can be.

Trixie: Whoa. Calm it down. I see someone has been carrying around a lot of repressed anger. Hanging around goody toe-shoes like them can have that effect. 

 

Twilight Sparkle: That's it I'm done for today. I'm going home, take my sleeping meds, and skipping the rest of the day.

 

Twilight Sparkle: We're proud to call you friend.

Sunset Shimmer: Actually, I don't feel like being friends with all of you anymore. Trixie was a better friend than any of you.

 

Edited May 6, 2018 by Singe

[Flutterstep 47,043]

Twilight: Dear Princess Celestia, today I leaned how useless having Fluttershy around really is.

She slows everyone down with her babyish attitude, acting scared over the most pointless things. She is so stupid that she doesn't know how to speak to anypony...little Sweetie and Spike have more confidence than her! Also, she's a weak flyer that's scared of hights. What kind of pegasus is scared of heights?! There's something wrong with her. All of us make fun of her behind her back. We'd totally ditch her if she didn't represent the element of pushover...I mean kindness. She's just a token we bring along to make others think we are progressive. The five of us would love to have dinner with you again. I look forward to seeing you.

Your faithful student, Twilight Sparkle. 

 

 

 

Fluttershy: I wish you didn't have to speak out loud while writing.

[age3rcm 101]

this can apply to any pony:

"lets search the internet"

or

"lets search on google"

[Ruddboy Olaf 10,628]

Starlight: *speaking to Twi* If it happens again, I'm gonna be so upset. I'm not gonna even tell you what it is, but if it happens again, I'm gonna shove my hoof up Sunburst's ASS!

*walks into the room*

Sunburst: Are you feeling better, Starlight?

Starlight: NO!

Sunburst: That's good.

Starlight: FUCK YOU!

Sunburst: As I promised, I'll explain everything to you-

Starlight: Ahh no, don't try!

[Singe 2,111]

Princess Celestia: Didn't Applejack tell you to be honest?

Twilight Sparkle: She did, but I didn't want too because lately she's been getting smug about it.

 

Granny Smith: I thought you were the fun one.

Rainbow Dash: I am, it's just after 9 pm when the real fun starts.

 

 

Edited May 7, 2018 by Singe

[cuteycindyhoney 13,301]

"I just can't seem to get organized." - Discord

"Sister dear, eclipse my sun once more, and it's back to the moon with you!" - Celestia

"Has anypony seen my sunblock?" - Luna

"I paved paradise, and put up a parking lot." - Treehugger

"Granny Smith, slow down! I can't keep up!" - Rainbow Dash

"Can anypony recommend a good exterminator? I'm getting sick of all these mice and rabbits!" - Fluttershy

"Applebucking season? Not since I got me a chainsaw, sugar cube!" - Applejack

"From now on, I only work in denim!" - Rarity

"If you don't eat yer meat, you can't have any pudding. How can you have any pudding if you don't eat yer meat?" - Pinkie Pie

"No free rides! Pay your tuition, or get the buck off of MY campus!" - Twilight

"I'm professor Macintosh. I'll be your new poetry instructor." - Big Mac

"Ah jeez Rick, This looks like a world ruled by horses." - Morty

"Don't get your shorts in a twist, Mooorty. Urp. They're ponies, and Magic works here! Do you know what I can do if I fuse magic and science? Don't answer. You don't know, Burp. I don't know, but, urp, it'll be great!" - Rick Sanchez

"Oh, hello Rick. Have you come for more uranium?" - Maud

 

 

Edited May 7, 2018 by cuteycindyhoney

[RDDash 19,107]

Twilight after killing Storm King: Tsk, that's another villain dead.

Rainbow Dash: Don't you think we should have done that from the very beginning.

Twilight half-yells: We do not kill.

Rainbow Dash: Yeah, write an apology letter to all of those Storm troopers that are burned by the Spikes flame thrower.

Twilight: Alright fine, we didn't kill that hornless b*tch, I hope you are happy. 

Rainbow Dash: Almost, now go apologize to Pinkie Pie for threatening her to send her to the Mirror Pool.

Pinkie Pie: I still dislike you Twilight for almost murdering me.

[Singe 2,111]

Neighsay: You promised a school to train skilled war ponies, but all you've shown me was petal pickers mingling with the enemy.

Twilight Sparkle: But....

Starlight Glimmer: You want a war pony, I'll show you...

Neighsay: See, why isn't she running the school?

Starlight Glimmer: Wait, you think I'm a better pony to run the school.

Neighsay: If you can run a tight ship and keep everything in line, yes.

Starlight Glimmer: I used to run a cult.

Neighsay: Excellent, you're in charge.

 

Granny Smith: Your sister Applejack used to lie a lot. Until I got the switch on her. Made her an honest pony after that.

[cuteycindyhoney 13,301]

"I'm in pieces, bits and pieces"  - The Storm King

"Darlin', give me a head with hair,long beautiful hair Shining, gleaming, steaming, flaxen, waxen Give me down to there hair" - The Mane-iac

"Crystal blue persuasion, mmm, mmm, It's a new vibration" - Sombra

"Ball Of Confusion that's what the world is today" - Discord

"I've looked at love from both sides now From give and take and still somehow It's love's illusions I recall. I really don't know love at all" - Queen Chrysalis

"You have to believe we are magic. Nothin' can stand in our way." - TGAP Trixie

[Singe 2,111]

Rarity: Princess Celestia tasked us to put the Storm King back together to face trial.

Pinkie Pie: I'll get the glue.

Rarity: No. Get the hot glue gun.

Storm King: *Eyes freaking out.*

 

Rainbow Dash: I haven't been getting enough sleep lately.

 

Zephyr Breeze: Rainbow Dash, every-time I curl up and bury my face in that soft cloud. I think of your flank.

 

Applejack: Rarity's crushes have been getting weirder lately.  This one wanted me to hog tie him and say mean things to him.

 

Twilight Sparkle: Rainbow Dash, I can't tell by that look if you're either way too confidant or flirting with me.

Rainbow Dash: Who knows?

[The MegaBrony 219]

Pinkie Pie (after a Storm Creature that Spike blasts is charred and lying still): No, not in front of the kids!

[Will Guide 21,357]

Spike: The reason I keep letting anyone think I'm crushing on Rarity is to hide my true crush on Thorax especially after his rise to leadership. 

[RDDash 19,107]

Pinkie Pie when she meets Tempest Shadow: Oh hiya  Gen5 Twilight.

Shadow: I am sorry what? I am afraid  you are confused my little pony

Pinkie Pie snorts: Oh no no, everything is pretty much accurate. You are purple you are an not-unicorn unicorn, and you are without a horn

Shadow's eye twitches,

Twilight:  I don't think it's such a good idea to tell that to her Pinkie Pie.

Pinkie: Oh relax would you Twilly, this movie is going to be leaked, half of season 8 going to be leaked, and we just met the antagonist Twilight number...

Pinkie turns to Shadow: Hey what number are ya? I really don't know which Twilight clone are you. Everything is already so confusing. We have blowhard Twilight, bacon hair Twilight, community organizer Twilight. Oh my gosh our writers are extremely lazy or something.

Edited May 9, 2018 by R.D.Dash

[Singe 2,111]

Twilight Sparkle: I trust your friendship problem was a success.

Starlight Glimmer: Yes, it was. Just a personal problem with our parents. No big deal. 

Twilight Sparkle: That's great because I just got a wedding invite from your father marrying a pony named Stellar Flare.

Starlight Glimmer: What?! My dad is marrying Sunburst's mom! *Angry.* This is insane, I just got back! How could he do this?! *Cutie mark starts glowing.* Oh, go to hell you stupid map!

Twilight Sparkle: Look you need to calm down....

Spike: Hey I just got a letter from Sunburst. He's not happy.

Twilight Sparkle: What does it say?

Spike: Go to ...something you stupid map. With lots of exclamation marks.

 

Sunburst: This town has changed.

Starlight Glimmer: Not everything.

Crazy Colt: It's the end of Equestria! The five princesses of the apocalypse will be our end!

Sunburst: Kind of amazing, he predicted five princesses and there was a type of ending apocalypse .

Starlight Glimmer: For some reason, I had a crush on him once when I was young.

 

Edited May 13, 2018 by Singe

[CypherHoof 26,482]

2 hours ago, Singe said:

Twilight Sparkle: I trust your friendship problem was a success.

Starlight Glimmer: Yes, it was. Just a personal problem with our parents. No big deal. 

Twilight Sparkle: That's great because I just got a wedding invite from your father marrying a pony named Stellar Flare.

Starlight Glimmer: What?! My dad is marrying Sunburst's mom! *Angry.* This is insane, I just got back! How could he do this?! *Cutie mark starts glowing.* Oh, go to hell you stupid map!

Twilight Sparkle: Look you need to calm down....

Spike: Hey I just got a letter from Sunburst. He's not happy.

Twilight Sparkle: What does it say?

Spike: Go to ...something you stupid map. With lots of exclamation marks.

Starlight Glimmer: DAD! how could you?

Flrelight: You have to understand, sweetie - its not that I WANTED to get married again, but I was fighting with Stellar Flare about that bucking gate, She was all in my face, and.... well, a few months from now you will have a baby brother, isn't that nice?

Baker: We all knew THAT would happen too