offering critique OC Critique and Advice

[El Duderino 878]

Hey there! Are you still doing this? I would like to see what you think of my OC. I am constantly changing and trying to improving this character, so any constructive criticism is always welcome.

 

Name - Treble (I'll be honest. I'm not crazy about the name because I feel like it would be better if it were a two word name)

 

Personality - He is overly confident, thinks he is way cooler than he actually is, and is very charitable. However, his confident personality is his way of covering up his emotional issues that he has developed throughout his life. His childhood was good, but he didn't get along with his father who didn't approve of his musician lifestyle. He has trouble letting others help him.

 

Bio -He grew up in the outskirts of Applewood. His mother was a Librarian and his father worked in the city hall. He never got along very well with his father. Growing up in Applewood, he was exposed to all sorts of music and entertainment, but as much as he enjoyed all of it, none of it really caught his attention until when he was 8 years old, he met a traveling musician and fell in love with folk music. He begged his parents to let him learn to play guitar and they bought him his first guitar for his 9th birthday. After learning to play for a year, he got his cutie mark after writing his first song. Even though the song wasn't very good, it was then that he realized that whatever he did with his life, he needed music to be a part of it. 

When he was 17, he lost a chunk of his right ear in a fight with a Pegasus (I really just put the missing chunk in his ear because I thought it looked cool, but it needs some sort of explanation)
When he was 18, he moved to Manehattan to start his music career and study music at the University of Manehattan, even though his father disapproved of him trying to become a musician. After finishing school and living there for a few years, he realized he just wasn't has happy as he thought he would be. He loved playing music in the big city, but something was missing. His roommate he had while at school was from a small town and always talked about how great and peaceful it was there. He thought that moving there, at least for a while, would help him think about his life and figure out what was missing, but he was afraid to give up his music career in the city. 
Eventually, he decided to go through with it. He wrote to his friend and arranged for him to crash at his house until he found a place of his own and packed up his things and left the city.
He always thought "Ponyville" was a stupid name for a town, but as he spent his first few weeks there, he grew to enjoy it. It had a certain charm to it, and actually wasn't as small as he thought it would be. He continued to write music and played at the few local clubs, but he also worked at a pub to save up money. After a couple years, combined with the money he had already saved before he came to ponyville, he had saved up enough to open a music store where he also taught music lessons. He had finally found something that made him happy. Teaching music was his real calling (also one which his father was more accepting of).

 

Appearance - He is an average sized male Earth Pony. He has an off-white coat. His dark red mane is medium length and has a unkempt, bed-head style. He has blue eyes and often wears a denim jacket

 

Cutie Mark - He is a folk musician and music teacher, so his cutie mark is two music notes with a red (same as his mane) line weaving through them.

(the line is has no meaning. It just makes the cutie mark match his color scheme)

 

Here is the character page link, which also has a picture.

https://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/treble-r8882

 

[Holy Sword Excalibur 87]

Sorry, but when will you be able to get back to this?

[Tealeaf 126]

Sorry, but when will you be able to get back to this?

Been real busy lately but I'm hoping soon.

[Tealeaf 126]

Hello, I was wondering if you could take a look at my recent creation, a griffon named Garreth? I intend to use this OC in roleplay, so naturally I try to work out all the character issues before I dive in rather than crash test him in someone's RP.

 

Here's the link to his character sheet.

 

Now, the reason I'd like to ask for Your critique is that I'd love to have a second opinion on what I'm doing with this toon. As you can see, he was written to have two distinct sides to his personality, and I realise that it may be difficult to pull off. Other than that, I'd like to know if there is something I overlooked or need to expand on to make him more believeable, since I'm drawing blanks on what to add, even if I edit his page several times a day.

 

Hey there! I know it's been a real, real long time since I've gotten to one of these but I'm really hoping to get back into this c: So here we go.

 

His Appearance.

It definitely seems like a lot of thought has been put into your character's visual concept. The fact that you explained each feature and how it might effect the character's performance and mannerisms is very appealing to me as an outside viewer. I feel as though the leather jacket may be a bit out of place given the rest of his overall theme, but it isn't something that distracts from the concept greatly and I do believe it could be pulled off well. In general, I'd have to nit-pick to really express much frustration with the design, although I would say to avoid pitch blacks if you ever get him drawn.

 

His Cutiemark.

As a gryphon, it wouldn't make sense for him to have a cutiemark really. It isn't a part of their biological makeup so I'm glad you left it out.

 

His Personality and bio.

All in all, you have a pretty well-formed character. I think it was very good that you noted he was raised in a different environment, but retained some of his species' programmed responses and desires. For me it shows a lot of depth in character, and isn't too extreme to where they are quite literally two individual personalities. He's multi-faceted, but not unrealistic. A lot of people make the mistake of giving their characters a type of 'psuedo' MPD, which is normally really upsetting for me personally because the disorder is so insanely complex and very few people accurately portray it. You did a good job of giving your character believable flaws without giving them an unnecessary "excuse", which is what people often times do.

 

You did a really fantastic job with this character's basic concept c: They're interesting without being overbearing and I think that's something that can be difficult to capture for some people. 

[Missklang 1,052]

A new pair of eyes seeing an OC id great. Please, if you have time in the future, would you mind giving me your opinion on my Missklang OC? The link is in the description. I don't have a good backstory yet, I'm writing it. So the one in the OC page is a temporary one and will possibly change in the future. Thanks

[Raven Rawne 1,374]

Thanks for the review! I am quite relieved that you found him appealing, given that I had few pointers on how a griffon in Equestria would behave, since all we really know about griffons in the show is that they are greedy, selfish jerks

 

Obviously I'll try to build a bit more upon this foundation, since I suspended the works until Your review was complete. Hopefully get a decent picture too. Oh and I wouldn't ever draw him in pitch black. I thought about charcoal or a simillar shade, like one of the Groffonstone athletes in Equestrian Games.

 

All in all, a big thank you for that review!

[Crystal Star 37]

https://www.reddit.com/r/RateMyOC/comments/5264wf/rate_my_oc_crystal_star_details_in_the_comments/

 

Please let me know what you think and if I need to improve anything

[Night Terror 42]

Is this thread still active? I read some of your critiques and I enjoyed them  quite a bit. If you would I would like you to assess my first ever OC.

[Tealeaf 126]

Is this thread still active? I read some of your critiques and I enjoyed them  quite a bit. If you would I would like you to assess my first ever OC.

 

This thread isn't really active anymore because, unfortunately, I've been too busy to get to the remaining critique requests. I might be able to reopen eventually, but for the time being I can't really refer to it as such.