general Social Pressure

[Iam 525]

I don't understand social pressure completely. Why we have such thing as social pressure? Why you just can't say "no", when 20 other people say "yes"? I know it's a instinct, but in today times it's not as useful, as it used to be. Especially in cases of inteligent units, which are rejected from the group, because of that unit being smarter than the rest.

I'll give an example: You start an important topic about finding valuable and worthful sources of information, but nobody is interested in the subject and everything is finding information on social platforms such as Facebook. I had a victim of a similar thing, but in school, when I wanted to show a long video about value of reliable sources of information. My teacher played it in class and after just a few minutes most of the class wasn't interested in it. I just don't understand. I feel like I blamed myself.

So the purpose of this subject is: How to prevent from being a victim of such social pressure and which examples from your lives you can show up there? I'll try to answer, if possible (becasue I'm going to countryside in a few days for a weekend).

[碇 シンジン 27,431]

Well you can say no even when everyone else says yes but it requires more effort because it goes against the current so to speak.

Going against pressure requires more effort but I think it can help you a lot sometimes since taking the extra step can really build your strength and help you recognize yourself more. Becoming more independent and self sufficient in many situations. Which I think is pretty important.

[Rixton 1,105]

I believe the source of it is the "hierarchy". A person's voice in a group with higher reputation has a bigger pressure, therefore his/her opinion will be accepted, regardless of it's goodness (except trivial cases). At school I was not a liked person because I was "different" from the others, and nobody cared what I sad. On the other hand, today has a fashion of "that is stupid" "it does not interests me" stuff it it cannot be fitted into the local "standards" of a group. This thing is a form of creating a common enemy to strengthen the community. Ugly...

[Iam 525]

8 minutes ago, Johan said:

Well you can say no even when everyone else says yes but it requires more effort because it goes against the current so to speak.

Going against pressure requires more effort but I think it can help you a lot sometimes since taking the extra step can really build your strength and help you recognize yourself more. Becoming more independent and self sufficient in many situations. Which I think is pretty important.

I am currently doing well with going "against the flow", as I am already recognised in highschool as someone, who has always different opinion on something, however I'm not talking too much to other classmates, only to a few.

9 minutes ago, Rixton said:

I believe the source of it is the "hierarchy". A person's voice in a group with higher reputation has a bigger pressure, therefore his/her opinion will be accepted, regardless of it's goodness (except trivial cases). At school I was not a liked person because I was "different" from the others, and nobody cared what I sad. On the other hand, today has a fashion of "that is stupid" "it does not interests me" stuff it it cannot be fitted into the local "standards" of a group. This thing is a form of creating a common enemy to strengthen the community. Ugly...

I am finding myself in high place of hierarchy on some minecraft server, which I am recognised by... controversial ideas and very very long posts. Thinking outside-of-the-box also helps me a lot and in many topics I am asked about something, even about administration ones (but I am not admin or something). Overall I'm very inteligent (or I think I am), if I'm doing better and better in those societes.

[Shadowfax 68]

Ah yes, peer pressure and fitting in.  This is something that I've struggled for a while on. 

Being one of those smart guys who didn't like farting around with stuff like partying, drugs, and other stupid things, I basically became a hermit.  Not that I do not have friends, but I just don't have those large social groups my peers do.

There are several keys to my conduction.

The first key is finally accepting that much of it is nonsense, if not self-destructive.  I've talked to many who have participated in these things like partying, casual sex, etc.  There is a resounding and unanimous agreement that it was a waste of time, and that it held them back.  So trust me when I say that you aren't missing out on much!

The second key is to try and find those you can be with who don't pressure you into that kind of stuff.  For example, I have friends that do drink a lot, but if we go out to a bar, they never force me or give me flack for not drinking more than I'm willing.  Plus I have other friends to talk about stuff like politics, obscure topics, or gaming friends to goof off with.  It's about finding people of all creeds that you can enjoy.  But in my personal case, I cannot hang out with them much, because we're either busy, or live to far away (i.e. moving away to college for the school year, can't really go back home to see friends).  Thankfully, we live in the age of the internet, but finding friends this way presents a laundry list of it's own problems.  Just keep your head high.

The third key is to focus on yourself and improve your own character.  I've spent much of the time I have to myself to learning various things, self-contemplation to discover who I am and how to improve myself, or even experimenting in various hobbies.  While I'm lacking in the social department (I'm awkward, though in a way most find charming), I have an immense intellect, work ethic, and thoughtfulness that most can appreciate.  While it doesn't get me friends, it can smooth over many social interactions.  But his has immensely helped out in my schooling and work; there are activities that I can do easily others find challenging.

If I had to summarize, I'd say to first accept that peer pressure is nonsense, then, from there, work in such a way that it's beneficial to you.  When you cut the ties of peer pressure, you have immense freedom; use that freedom wisely!

[Iam 525]

11 minutes ago, Shadowfax said:

Ah yes, peer pressure and fitting in.  This is something that I've struggled for a while on. 

Being one of those smart guys who didn't like farting around with stuff like partying, drugs, and other stupid things, I basically became a hermit.  Not that I do not have friends, but I just don't have those large social groups my peers do.

(...)

If I had to summarize, I'd say to first accept that peer pressure is nonsense, then, from there, work in such a way that it's beneficial to you.  When you cut the ties of peer pressure, you have immense freedom; use that freedom wisely!

I understand you too, most of other people have dozens of friends, I have only a few. I know also that social pressure is BS, just in my under subconscious something is saying to not go my way, stupid subconscious, it's like 4-year old kid, who is trying to manipulate yourself through being lazy and adaptable instead of trying new things.

Thanks for the opinion, it really matters to me, as I can by you increase a bit my bag of experience, which is important in later life.

[Shadowfax 68]

4 minutes ago, Iam said:

I understand you too, most of other people have dozens of friends, I have only a few. I know also that social pressure is BS, just in my under subconscious something is saying to not go my way, stupid subconscious, it's like 4-year old kid, who is trying to manipulate yourself through being lazy and adaptable instead of trying new things.

Thanks for the opinion, it really matters to me, as I can by you increase a bit my bag of experience, which is important in later life. 

Well, humans are a social species, so wanting to fit in is a deep, primordial desire everyone has.  If you can manage to tame it, you'll find life much better.

Oh, I will give a word of warning.  Try not to be too much of a hermit.  I'd say the one thing I regret not doing is being more socially open.  I've missed out on lots of potential friends, now that I retrospectively see it.  I found myself too comfortable alone, and let me tell ya, it does get to the mind. 

It's a balancing act, really.

[Once In A Blue Moon 895]

1 hour ago, Iam said:

when I wanted to show a long video about value of reliable sources of information. My teacher played it in class and after just a few minutes most of the class wasn't interested in it. I just don't understand. I feel like I blamed myself.

I'd say that your example relates more to communication skills than it does to peer pressure (well, I suppose the peer pressure to be 'too cool for school' might play a part in ostentatiously not paying attention.) Being able to communicate in a way that is engaging for the target audience is a very difficult skill to master - and the lack of it leaves many intelligent observations and clever ideas ignored. I myself am not especially gifted in this regard, although I try to draw inspiration from my statistical hero Hans Rosling, who was very good at presenting ideas. 

As to peer pressure, I don't suffer from it as much as I am a bit socially oblivious at times. This is a mixed blessing, as although I am quite happy to break minor taboos such as taking the last biscuit or admitting to being a fan of MLP it does also make me seem more than a little weird - so I guess one could see bowing to peer pressure as a natural defence against this minor social isolation. I have my own methods of dealing with it though - making a joke out of it tends to work fairly well, as does acknowledging that I am a bit strange and that my brain doesn't work in quite the same way a normal person's brain.

[Iam 525]

11 minutes ago, Once In A Blue Moon said:

I'd say that your example relates more to communication skills than it does to peer pressure (well, I suppose the peer pressure to be 'too cool for school' might play a part in ostentatiously not paying attention.) Being able to communicate in a way that is engaging for the target audience is a very difficult skill to master - and the lack of it leaves many intelligent observations and clever ideas ignored. I myself am not especially gifted in this regard, although I try to draw inspiration from my statistical hero Hans Rosling, who was very good at presenting ideas. 

As to peer pressure, I don't suffer from it as much as I am a bit socially oblivious at times. This is a mixed blessing, as although I am quite happy to break minor taboos such as taking the last biscuit or admitting to being a fan of MLP it does also make me seem more than a little weird - so I guess one could see bowing to peer pressure as a natural defence against this minor social isolation. I have my own methods of dealing with it though - making a joke out of it tends to work fairly well, as does acknowledging that I am a bit strange and that my brain doesn't work in quite the same way a normal person's brain.

That video you showed me through link is just amazing. Nothing more to say.

I can only congratulate you for being the person, who had obtained most of social skills. I just see everyone (ekhem, most of people) not in social specied, but in some kind of machine collecting information, doing some stuff with it and doing repeated actions. I also see myself as sort of repeating machine, but on other level. I just can't imagine talking with people, because too complex topics or not having any knowledge about some dump numbers of TV shows and what the famous person said. Why should I even care for those grey, daily topics?

[Once In A Blue Moon 895]

3 minutes ago, Iam said:

who had obtained most of social skills.

...I wouldn't go that far - my social skills are and will remain far below the level that would be expected at my age.

5 minutes ago, Iam said:

I just can't imagine talking with people, because too complex topics or not having any knowledge about some dump numbers of TV shows and what the famous person said. Why should I even care for those grey, daily topics?

Rest assured that I've had to abandon interesting conversations in the face of blank stares, as well as put up with the chatter over the latest tv show (one called 'Love Island' is very popular at the moment, and I admit to finding the discussions very dull. The parody of it on a comedy show was funny though, so there's that.)

What I found helpful was being able to socialise in a more structured setting - specifically over tabletop games (be they board games or roleplaying games.) They trained me in social skills whilst keeping me in an environment where I had something to focus on (the game in question.) It remains a work in progress, but I found that effective.

[FizzyWind 64]

If you are a strong person who can think for themselves and be themselves around others you have already beaten the issue of social pressure. As a younger person you may feel like you have an obligation to your peers or to the way they do things. Just because a lot of people do one thing doesn’t mean you have to do it. You should base your decisions in reference to yourself and the people who are important to you (prioritize people over others) not the people who you might not see or hear from decades later. Also I personally only have a few close friends you don’t need 20 friends you only need a few or a handful depending on the people you meet and how you connect with them. If you feel you can’t talk well with people you should just practice and talk more with people so you have better conversations and such in the future. Don’t let any form of social pressure keep you honing your social skills or making new friends. 

[TBD 17,254]

Social pressure can happen to anyone, just as long you stay true and doing what you feel is right.

[Steve Piranha 29,425]

Is it weird that I see looking for a boy/girlfriend, dating, marrying, and having children is a social pressure that most ignore as such?

[Shadowfax 68]

2 minutes ago, Steve Piranha said:

Is it weird that I see looking for a boy/girlfriend, dating, marrying, and having children is a social pressure that most ignore as such? 

No.  In fact, I'd say those are among the strongest social pressures out there.

Now granted, having a significant other and kids is great and all, but too many see it as a competition or a race, which ironically defeats the purpose of being in a relationship.

[Steve Piranha 29,425]

3 minutes ago, Shadowfax said:

No.  In fact, I'd say those are among the strongest social pressures out there.

Now granted, having a significant other and kids is great and all, but too many see it as a competition or a race, which ironically defeats the purpose of being in a relationship.

Gee, I wonder why so many divorces and kids being brats . Seriously, that social mindset is ONE of the reasons I've been turn off by marriage, and having children even  more. 

[Iam 525]

17 minutes ago, The Whiteraven said:

If you are a strong person who can think for themselves and be themselves around others you have already beaten the issue of social pressure. (...) you don’t need 20 friends you only need a few (...) If you feel you can’t talk well with people you should just practice and talk more with people so you have better conversations and such in the future. Don’t let any form of social pressure keep you honing your social skills or making new friends. 

I had partially taken the issue over. For example, in more than 50% of situations I don't care about opinions (for example, drawing Starlight pictures on late-June lessons, where we are not doing anything), but in situations like "changing plans" I'm confused. I'll give another 2 examples.

First: at 6th of June we had a special school holiday, in which instead of going on lessons, we could watch and learn about complex machines that mechatronics made for project Mazovia. We were according to the plan: 9 AM, meeting and showcase, 10 AM, director's speech and 11 AM some other things, but suddenly at 9:30 AM someone had come to class and said: sorry, you have to go to director's speech, there are missing seats on the ground floor, sorry for interruption. Everyone with no problem standed up and I felt like those pupils doing a presentation were just ignored by them. As the only pupil I didn't stand and listened to the end of the presentation (with open said: No, I will remain there), I learned that in 2nd grade I'll have more job-related subjects at a few of many many curiosities, I also had been talking with those 2nd-graders, that was very valuable experience.

Second: Another schedule change: Instead of having one subject (for example mathematics) we had other (for example, physics) and I was learned to accord to the plan at all cost. It didn't work this time, because when the whole class just went to the other classroom, I after a few second of confusion joined them, which was direspectful to me in my eyes, because I did what the group did. 

12 minutes ago, TBD said:

Social pressure can happen to anyone, just as long you stay true and doing what you feel is right.

I only change my mind, if someone will say to me logical arguments, otherwise I'll may battle with others (in context: my believes VS social pressure).

9 minutes ago, Steve Piranha said:

Is it weird that I see looking for a boy/girlfriend, dating, marrying, and having children is a social pressure that most ignore as such?

It's one of the worst hidden (!) social pressures for me, it's like "it's normal". You are not married yet? How that's possible!? (an act of social pressure already). You still don't have children? How dare you!? You are a close friend of her? You must love her! And she must love you then! And so on and so on. Maybe I'm exaggerating, but that's how I remember my experiences in junior high school.

 

2 minutes ago, Steve Piranha said:

Why so many divorces and kids being brats?

They were just brought up as a kings/queens of the world, as a arrogant, pesky, cheeky pissers.

[TBD 17,254]

Just now, Iam said:

I only change my mind, if someone will say to me logical arguments, otherwise I'll may battle with others (in context: my believes VS social pressure).

14 minutes ago, Steve Piranha said:

Along with that too, since there's nothing wrong about gaining new perspective from others. 

[Shadowfax 68]

5 minutes ago, Steve Piranha said:

Gee, I wonder why so many divorces and kids being brats . Seriously, that social mindset is ONE of the reasons I've been turn off by marriage, and having children even  more. 

That's a shame.  I'd love to settle down and have kids.  It adds meaning to one's life.  Unfortunately, much of my dating experiences have been bad. 

Oh well, hopefully time is merciful to me.

 

2 minutes ago, TBD said:

Along with that too, since there's nothing wrong about gaining new perspective from others. 

You can learn just about anything from anyone, even if they're wrong, if you have a keen eye for it. 

From a saying I heard a long time ago, but forgot where it's from:  "Wisdom is the ability to learn vicariously through others."

[MangoFoalix 24,961]

All I can really say is that don't let it get to you. Peer pressure is one of the worst thing to participate in and actually practice. Giving into pressure like that is only going hurt you in the long run.

[FizzyWind 64]

36 minutes ago, Iam said:

Second: Another schedule change: Instead of having one subject (for example mathematics) we had other (for example, physics) and I was learned to accord to the plan at all cost. It didn't work this time, because when the whole class just went to the other classroom, I after a few second of confusion joined them, which was direspectful to me in my eyes, because I did what the group did. 

I would like you to elaborate more. From what I can understand you were switching classes because of your schedule. Or that the classmates broke the schedule. Is that right? 

[Steve Piranha 29,425]

2 hours ago, Iam said:

 

 

They were just brought up as a kings/queens of the world, as a arrogant, pesky, cheeky pissers.

And I believe the most frequent reason of such, it's because of irresponsible parents that marry and bring children ASAP just to get those "social norms" out of the way. But since children is more than just little toys and whims, they want to stick to short term solutions of bribing them for misdemeanors and they get spoiled . That's a theory. but I wouldn't be surprised if it's mostly true

[Dreambiscuit 9,818]

9 hours ago, Iam said:

I don't understand social pressure completely. Why we have such thing as social pressure? Why you just can't say "no", when 20 other people say "yes"? I know it's a instinct, but in today times it's not as useful, as it used to be. Especially in cases of inteligent units, which are rejected from the group, because of that unit being smarter than the rest.

Saying 'no' when the majority says 'yes' is a sign of having integrity. It may be a lonelier road but it's a superior one. Malleable people are more interested in taking the path of least resistance because they are sheep, and are so insecure in their own lack of individuality that they will try to reinforce their position by dragging down those who are strong enough to walk their own path. They have the strength of the herd, so to speak, to prop themselves up. But it's only an illusion of strength, designed to be a quick fix so they won't have to feel bad about making less of an effort. It's always better to be the one who forges the difficult path rather than be the crowd who walks it once it's made safe.  

[Iam 525]

7 hours ago, The Whiteraven said:

I would like you to elaborate more. From what I can understand you were switching classes because of your schedule. Or that the classmates broke the schedule. Is that right? 

It was just a replacement, because of absent teacher, but I couldn't believe, that my favourite subject it's going like away like that, so that's why I was confused instead of accepting the situation. Especially when math was one of extended subjects.

[KatonRyu 1,033]

To prevent being a victim of social pressure, just do whatever you feel is right, basically. I usually can't be bothered to debate things so I'll just say whatever someone wants to hear, and then proceed in my own way regardless. When I'm feeling confrontational, though, if everyone says 'yes', I'll say 'no' and from that point on ignore everyone. If it turns out I'm right, I'll shrug. If I'm wrong, I'll shrug and admit to being wrong. Very little matters enough to me that I feel the need to convince others to see things my way. Conversely, I'm fine if others try to convince me of their right, because it'll give me a new perspective on the subject so I can make a more informed choice.

Social pressure, to me, hasn't ever really been a problem. I've never been popular and I've never cared to be. During one mock test at scouting, everyone in the group chose one answer while I chose another. Everyone thought it was funny that I alone was 'wrong' (good-natured, these people were all really nice and I don't want to seem like I'm badmouthing them here). Then the leader smirked and said that I was the only one who was right, so I got to call them idiots for a night. I'm fairly certain I've been on the other side too, though, being the only one choosing something else and being wrong, but I can't recall any specific examples of it.

Ultimately, people have to do what they think is right. Don't bother trying to get everyone around to your way of thinking, even if you believe it to be better. Just stick to what you feel you should do.

[SparklingSquirrels 21,345]

I don't get caught up in social pressure because I feel like it adds a lot of extra unnecessary drama to my life. If someone is pressuring you then you just shouldn't care what they think about you anyway. /shrug