general Is being romantically in love with someone as special as it's made out to be?

[Tom Gallagher 33,588]

I’ve never been in love before. 

[AlicornSpell 146]

On 4/23/2020 at 12:45 PM, Splashee® said:

It can be one of the most wonderful thing in the world!

 

And it can also turn really bad, really fast.

I have a hard time believing it can be the most wonderful thing in the world.

Just remember that domestic violence happens in a lot of romantic relationships and marriages, and a lot of people who are in a romantic relationship or married cheat on their partner or spouse with someone else. Bad stuff like that happens in a lot of romantic relationships and marriages. 

[AlicornSpell 146]

1 hour ago, You said:

And I can tell you, platonic friendships are not an exception of that.

Still it seems like stuff like that happens in romantic relationships a lot more than it does in platonic relationships.

[bubbleteapony 584]

I'm not the most experienced person in the world, but I am in a healthy long-term relationship with someone who's my best friend, and I'll say the cliche: your significant other should be your best friend. Not necessarily someone you were best friends with before dating (though that's totally fine), but still someone who you're very close to and can just be yourself around. There's also no age limit on when you find a person you really like, everyone's different.

That said, romantic relationships are in no way essential to living a good, happy life. You can be perfectly happy just having close friends around, even spending your life platonically with a friend, and that's totally ok! But that doesn't mean friendships are protected from the risks of romance. Friend breakups happen, unfortunately, and a lot of the 'rules' to maintaining a functioning, healthy romantic relationship are the exact same when applied to friendships. 

Yes, bad things happen in romantic partnerships. I'm no stranger to those, and it took me many, many years to recover (therapy is your friend, lol). But it's up to each individual person to try the best they can to ensure that relationships, platonic or otherwise, remain happy and healthy. 

[Meson Bolt 2,648]

My best friend is my romantic partner.

Seriously, we've been friends for a real long while now but haven't been in a relationship terribly long. I'm glad that it's her, however, because she knows me better than anyone else honestly and I'm not afraid to 'lose' her, even if this romantic thing doesn't work out between us.

[Sonic Shimmer 4,132]

It’s just personal preference. Some people are perfectly happy to be on their own, others need someone to be with. Both ways are fine.

[AlicornSpell 146]

I hope that someday that the human race ditches the concept of romance and romantic relationships. The human race can still breed without romance or even without sex. There is a thing called artificial insemination. 

Edited October 12, 2020 by AlicornSpell

[Vefka 1,499]

4 hours ago, AlicornSpell said:

I hope that someday that the human race ditches the concept of romance and romantic relationships. The human race can still breed without romance or even without sex. There is a thing called artificial insemination. 

But it wouldn't be fun this way

And we can really go against out nature instincts

[AlicornSpell 146]

5 hours ago, Vefka said:

But it wouldn't be fun this way

And we can really go against out nature instincts

Who cares if it's fun or not. It's not going to matter in the long run when a woman gets pregnant. 

And we can go against our nature instincts. We are the most intelligent beings on this planet. 

[Vefka 1,499]

3 hours ago, AlicornSpell said:

Who cares if it's fun or not. It's not going to matter in the long run when a woman gets pregnant. 

And we can go against our nature instincts. We are the most intelligent beings on this planet. 

But what's the point? Healthy relationship and love are one of a few pure things left in this world, who would choose just breed like animals instead?

[AlicornSpell 146]

10 minutes ago, Vefka said:

But what's the point? Healthy relationship and love are one of a few pure things left in this world, who would choose just breed like animals instead?

But (as I said) there's a lot of bad relationships and most relationships end in either break ups or divorces. Also, humans are animals. 

[Olly 1,011]

Yeah it's pretty awesome. If you're not, you're missing out. No easy way around it

[AlicornSpell 146]

On 2020-10-13 at 3:18 PM, Olly said:

Yeah it's pretty awesome. If you're not, you're missing out. No easy way around it

How is it pretty awesome? As I said, domestic violence happens in a lot of romantic relationships and marriages, and a lot of people who are in a romantic relationship or married cheat on their partner or spouse with someone else. Bad stuff like that happens in a lot of romantic relationships and marriages. 

I have had bad experiences with romance before and I have seen people have much worse experiences with romance than I ever had. So romantic love and romantic relationships don't actually seem like a good thing at all. There's a lot more worse stuff that happens in romantic relationships than it does in platonic relationships.

So now I'm aromantic.

And also as I said, it seems that fathers usually hate it whenever their daughter gets a boyfriend (even if the boyfriend is a good guy), and it seems that they often hate the idea of their daughter dating, and many fathers seem against the idea of their daughters dating. There are even shirts made for daughters that say "I'M NOT ALLOWED TO EVER DATE" and shirts made for fathers that say "DADS AGAINST DAUGHTERS DATING".

Brothers also tend to act the same way that fathers do whenever their sister gets a boyfriend (even if the boyfriend is a good guy). It seems brothers (like fathers) hate the idea of their sisters dating.

So it seems that most fathers don't ever want their daughters to find love and be in a romantic relationship with someone, and it also seems that most brothers don't ever want their sisters to find love and be in a romantic relationship with someone.

So those could also be other reasons why the concept of romantic relationships isn't a good thing because of how protective fathers and brothers tend to be whenever their daughter or sister dates someone.

Edited June 14, 2021 by AlicornSpell

[AlicornSpell 146]

On 2020-10-13 at 10:53 PM, AlicornSpell said:

How is it pretty awesome? As I said, domestic violence happens in a lot of romantic relationships and marriages, and a lot of people who are in a romantic relationship or married cheat on their partner or spouse with someone else. Bad stuff like that happens in a lot of romantic relationships and marriages. 

I have had bad experiences with romance before and I have seen people have much worse experiences with romance than I ever had. So romantic love and romantic relationships don't actually seem like a good thing at all. There's a lot more worse stuff that happens in romantic relationships than it does in platonic relationships.

So now I'm aromantic. 

And as I said, most people are pretty much comfortable enough to be naked around someone and have sex with someone that they have no romantic feelings towards. So sex isn't really a thing about romance. 

Brothers also tend to act the same way that fathers do whenever their sister gets a boyfriend (even if the boyfriend is a good guy). It seems brothers (like fathers) hate the idea of their sisters dating.

So it seems that most fathers don't ever want their daughters to find love and be in a romantic relationship with someone, and it also seems that most brothers don't ever want their sisters to find love and be in a romantic relationship with someone.

So those could also be other reasons why the concept of romantic relationships isn't a good thing because of how protective fathers and brothers tend to be whenever their daughter or sister dates someone.

Also, if someday that the human race ditches the concept of romance and romantic relationships, and got rid of stuff like dating and marriage, fathers and brothers would be happy about it since they wouldn't ever have to worry about their daughters and sisters ever dating if that ever happened.

 

 

 

 

Edited June 14, 2021 by AlicornSpell

[Stardust 641]

On 10/7/2020 at 2:12 AM, AlicornSpell said:

Also, here are 13 reasons why your best friend is more important than your romantic partner or spouse is:

1. Your best friend has seen you at your worst and they still love you. They have no need to see you looking pretty or together all the time. You could show up in curlers with the biggest pimple ever and they’d still accept you.
2. Your best friend has probably been around longer than your partner. They are reliable, loyal and entrenched in your life.
3. You don’t necessarily have more fun with your best friend but it’s a different kind of fun. It feels more relaxed and honest.
4. You don’t have to impress your best friend. You can be yourself.
5. Your best friend will drop everything and come rescue you and you’d do the same for them.
6. Your best friend will understand you and not judge you. You talk to them and feel totally understood for once in this big, bad world.
7. Your best friend has probably known you when you were a grungy, gross middle schooler or when you puked all over yourself freshman year. They’ve known you through every phase of your life.
8. You’ve always been sure about your best friend, but you sometimes doubt if your partner is really “the one.”
9. You never fight with your best friend the way you fight with your partner.
10. Your best friend is there for you after every break up and through every awful ex. They will put you back together when you’re hurt.
11. You know if things get tough you and your best friend can run off to Mexico and go on the run.
12. There’s nothing sexual going on so you can cuddle up and watch TV together for hours and there’s no pressure to do anything but that.
13. Your best friend has probably done more for you in life, in terms of favors and life experience, than your partner has. You should show them more appreciation.

But with someone u care about it not necessarily tru that you can't be relaxed with them or have to impress all the time. They find u pretty regardless. 

It depends on the specific situation. And how much u fight depends on the personality of the person tho its less likely with bf I guess. Idk tho most of my "best fren" (well kinda anyway) have been someone I dated. Tbh the idea of even havin a best fren like that seems mythical lool nobody wants to stick with me that long as a fren :c plus u can still end up with sexual feelings for fren especially if ur bi tho not everyone one ofc is attractive even if friendship material.

Plus a lot of ppl I met are toxic in one way or another its only u dun become that close to them so u dun realise it as much and a lot of so called frens are judgmental ppl. 

Edited October 16, 2020 by flurry

[Stardust 641]

On 10/14/2020 at 5:53 AM, AlicornSpell said:

How is it pretty awesome? As I said, domestic violence happens in a lot of romantic relationships and marriages, and a lot of people who are in a romantic relationship or married cheat on their partner or spouse with someone else. Bad stuff like that happens in a lot of romantic relationships and marriages. 

I think it's because people act like so exclusive in them and act like they own someone. I'm against marriage myself tbh.

There are open relationships still I guess. In a sense I do prefer jus close frens (with sex hahah). I also started to prefer same sex cuz I dunno but I feel there is more posturing in opposite sex relationships on average and I jus feel uncomfortable with the way get treated. 

Maybe you have heard of the term amatonormativity that is about how society expects one exclusive relationship. 

 

Edited October 16, 2020 by flurry

[Vefka 1,499]

On 10/7/2020 at 8:12 AM, AlicornSpell said:

Also, here are 13 reasons why your best friend is more important than your romantic partner or spouse is:

1. Your best friend has seen you at your worst and they still love you. They have no need to see you looking pretty or together all the time. You could show up in curlers with the biggest pimple ever and they’d still accept you.
2. Your best friend has probably been around longer than your partner. They are reliable, loyal and entrenched in your life.
3. You don’t necessarily have more fun with your best friend but it’s a different kind of fun. It feels more relaxed and honest.
4. You don’t have to impress your best friend. You can be yourself.
5. Your best friend will drop everything and come rescue you and you’d do the same for them.
6. Your best friend will understand you and not judge you. You talk to them and feel totally understood for once in this big, bad world.
7. Your best friend has probably known you when you were a grungy, gross middle schooler or when you puked all over yourself freshman year. They’ve known you through every phase of your life.
8. You’ve always been sure about your best friend, but you sometimes doubt if your partner is really “the one.”
9. You never fight with your best friend the way you fight with your partner.
10. Your best friend is there for you after every break up and through every awful ex. They will put you back together when you’re hurt.
11. You know if things get tough you and your best friend can run off to Mexico and go on the run.
12. There’s nothing sexual going on so you can cuddle up and watch TV together for hours and there’s no pressure to do anything but that.
13. Your best friend has probably done more for you in life, in terms of favors and life experience, than your partner has. You should show them more appreciation.

It seems like you see romantic partner as a new friend with whom you're still awkward and trying to show only your good sides to impress them. Or either you're describing toxic partner. This is not how things work in healthy relationships, you partner is usually the closest person to you. In fact a lot of good relationships grow from best-friendships between two persons

On 10/14/2020 at 11:53 AM, AlicornSpell said:

And also as I said, it seems that fathers usually hate it whenever their daughter gets a boyfriend (even if the boyfriend is a good guy), and it seems that they often hate the idea of their daughter dating, and many fathers seem against the idea of their daughters dating. There are even shirts made for daughters that say "I'M NOT ALLOWED TO EVER DATE" and shirts made for fathers that say "DADS AGAINST DAUGHTERS DATING".

Brothers also tend to act the same way that fathers do whenever their sister gets a boyfriend (even if the boyfriend is a good guy). It seems brothers (like fathers) hate the idea of their sisters dating.

No-date rule can also be applied to boys in some cases (but usually by mothers). This doesn't come from hating relationships, this is just common sense. Grown up people understand that "love" at 13-15 is pretty questionable thing which often ends up in toxic relationships that you described above, so fathers try to protect their daughters from this. But if parents interrupt their kid's adult life, it's overprotection and bad parenting.

Also I don't see how this is a point for no-relationships, women are not some kind of property and "if there wasn't concept of relationship, fathers and brothers wouldn't need to worry about girls in their family" doesn't sound good in this concept

 

[Yakamaru 3,127]

Being romantically interested in someone is natural and a wonderful feeling. 

Thinking about someone to the point of internally squeeing whenever you wake up and see that they've sent you a message.

Of course, this is purely subjective, and although your crush may not be special to someone else, it is to you. 

So cherish it.

[AlicornSpell 146]

On 2020-10-16 at 3:07 AM, Vefka said:

It seems like you see romantic partner as a new friend with whom you're still awkward and trying to show only your good sides to impress them. Or either you're describing toxic partner. This is not how things work in healthy relationships, you partner is usually the closest person to you. In fact a lot of good relationships grow from best-friendships between two persons

No-date rule can also be applied to boys in some cases (but usually by mothers). This doesn't come from hating relationships, this is just common sense. Grown up people understand that "love" at 13-15 is pretty questionable thing which often ends up in toxic relationships that you described above, so fathers try to protect their daughters from this. But if parents interrupt their kid's adult life, it's overprotection and bad parenting.

Also I don't see how this is a point for no-relationships, women are not some kind of property and "if there wasn't concept of relationship, fathers and brothers wouldn't need to worry about girls in their family" doesn't sound good in this concept

 

Most romantic relationships seem to end while most platonic relationships seem to stay. Have you read my other posts on here about why having a platonic best friend is better than having a romantic partner or spouse, and have you read my others posts about why romantic relationships is not actually a good thing?  Having someone who's like a sibling to you is a lot better than having a romantic partner or spouse is. And you will most likely have a much stronger bond with a person who's like a brother or sister to you than you would with a romantic partner or spouse. Also, you're going to have a much deeper spoken understanding and connection with your best friend than you are with a romantic partner or spouse.

And also, with the whole father thing. There's a lot of fathers who won't let their daughters date while they are in high school or when they are still living with them. These same fathers will however let their sons date while they are in high school or still living with them. So it does seem that most fathers do hate the idea of their daughter loving someone romantically; the same thing with brothers and their sisters too. I'm not saying women are some kind of property, but there are a lot of dangers when it comes to dating and romantic relationships, and that's why I think humans (both genders) should stop being in romantic relationships. So I think the concept of dating and marriage should be ditched. 

On 2020-10-16 at 6:26 AM, Yakamaru said:

Being romantically interested in someone is natural and a wonderful feeling. 

Thinking about someone to the point of internally squeeing whenever you wake up and see that they've sent you a message.

Of course, this is purely subjective, and although your crush may not be special to someone else, it is to you. 

So cherish it.

How is it natural? The concept of romantic love seems to be a man-made thing. 

 

Edited June 14, 2021 by AlicornSpell

[TBD 17,254]

*sign* @AlicornSpell 

I know is a bit late but let’s not turn this into a debate please and thank you. 

[AlicornSpell 146]

Also, platonic relationships and romantic relationships may be two ENTIRELY different things, but that doesn't mean they are equal when it comes to the amount of love giving in them. The love in platonic relationships seems to be way stronger than the love in romantic relationships are since platonic relationships are not fragile like romantic relationships are. Also, platonic relationships also seem to be a lot more intimate and comfortable than romantic relationships are.

 

Also, a lot of people are pretty much comfortable enough to be naked around someone and have sex with someone that they have no romantic feelings towards. So to a lot of people, sex isn't really a thing about romance.

Edited June 14, 2021 by AlicornSpell

[bubbleteapony 584]

I have to strongly disagree with those last comments, I've have never, ever shown more affection for my platonic friends than my romantic partners. I've also had many friendships that were definitely not intimate or comfortable, likewise to romantic ones. And romantic relationships aren't inherently more 'fragile' than platonic ones or "man-made", to claim so just sounds cynical. If you have no desire for a romantic relationship then that's just fine but everyone has to remember that their experiences aren't universal (i.e my father, while being protective of me, did let me date as a teen, sex IS a 100% romantic thing for me though I am also asexual, and my partner IS like a.. well I'll say best friend instead of sibling, but still)

I don't think it's fair to downplay all others' experiences with romance because you're not interested (not to be that person, but if you haven't experienced romantic attraction, have you looked into aromanticism?), I and a whole lot of other people give tons of love to our friends and partners so you can't make claims that we don't. They are certainly different kinds of love.

All in all, each has its strengths and weaknesses and the younger you are the more likely both platonic and romantic relationships are going to be unstable. This is just me, but I'm in contact with more of my ex's from the past than I am old friends (but that could also just be because for the most part my ex's and i split amicably, while ex-friends tried to make a whole deal of it that i just wasn't having). I know I've stated this on this topic before, but, friend breakups 100% happen. Not with every friend, but they are a very real thing. 

Edited October 30, 2020 by bubbleteapony
EDIT; just saw the aromantic comment, my bad lol

[AlicornSpell 146]

Here's a quote from Rick and Morty that Rick said about romance:

"Listen, Morty, I hate to break it to you, but what people call "love" is a chemical reaction that compels animals to breed. It hits hard, Morty, then it slowly fades, leaving you stranded in a failing marriage. I did it, your parents are gonna do it. Break the cycle, Morty. Rise above. Focus on science."

You can watch the clip here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0rWunrNejmA

What Rick said about romance is true.

[AlicornSpell 146]

Also, most people seem to be a lot more comfortable around their platonic best friends than they are around their romantic partners or spouses.

[AlicornSpell 146]

A platonic best friend is one of the best things you could ever have. A platonic best friend can be someone you trust the most, and they can be your confidant and coach. People tend to trust their platonic best friends more than their romantic partners, and that's a fact.

Edited October 5, 2021 by AlicornSpell