Get your OC rated (temporarily closed due to overwhelming demand)

[Princess Derpy 672]

I would like to know what you think of my OC! Here she is, her name is Taco! Please tell me whatever needs to be improved! Thank you!

[Card Shark 26]

I'm curious as to how I did with one of mine. Its the only one I decided to put in the character database, so i'm kinda anxious to see how well I did.

http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/blaze-sharphoof-r3350

[Silverwisp the Bard 2,353]

 

 

Haven't shared my OC with many, so it'll be interesting to get some feedback. My back story is lengthier than most, but hopefully you enjoy it.

Desgn: I think I get what you were going for with his design, but at the moment it doesn't really work. First: get rid of the horrible egg-shape for the head, then adjust the colour of the glasses/shoes to something that actually looks like gold (Zecora's jewlery makes for a good example, change the cutiemark to silver (stars aren't yellow) and change the eyecolour to something else (maybe violet). 5/10

Backstory: Good story, but needs streamlining and some fact checking (Appleloosa is only one year old.Also need to be much shorter: This section is supposed to give a short overview about your character and this wall of text would scare most people away. And please for the love of Celestia: GET RID OF THE ALICORN PART. It just changes a good backstory (which you obiously put a lot of thought into) and to "Now my character is an alicorn and thus superspecalawesome". Don't do this to yourself or you OC: Just gaining his cutiemark at the end would be quite enough. 3/10

 

Overall: 3/10

 

 

First off i have my character Kitsu (she is normally a fox girl) but seeing how i like the ponies, i decided to give her a pony form as well Purple-ish one is Sinthela

Well i do adore Kitsu's normal design (think I drew her in the artswap thread): The colourscheme is simply superb and the design pretty unique. 8/10 (without the armor)

 

The ram's horns on Sinthela are a very cool touch, though the similar mane and tail style and colour make her look more like a pallet swap than an a character in her own right. 6/10 (without armor)

 

Now the blades just strike the right balance between awesomeness and silliness, like them a lot. The armor though.... the plates ain't gonna protect them form jack (remind me of Witchblade, in a bad way) and those horn bayonets look more likely to snap their horns off on impact than do any serious damage. Right now it looks like the ponified version of battle bikinis. I'd say either add some protective mesh underneath or strip the amour down to ceremonial collars and leg armor (like the royal sisters).

[Starlight Sky 374]

Desgn: I think I get what you were going for with his design, but at the moment it doesn't really work. First: get rid of the horrible egg-shape for the head, then adjust the colour of the glasses/shoes to something that actually looks like gold (Zecora's jewlery makes for a good example, change the cutiemark to silver (stars aren't yellow) and change the eyecolour to something else (maybe violet). 5/10

Backstory: Good story, but needs streamlining and some fact checking (Appleloosa is only one year old.Also need to be much shorter: This section is supposed to give a short overview about your character and this wall of text would scare most people away. And please for the love of Celestia: GET RID OF THE ALICORN PART. It just changes a good backstory (which you obiously put a lot of thought into) and to "Now my character is an alicorn and thus superspecalawesome". Don't do this to yourself or you OC: Just gaining his cutiemark at the end would be quite enough. 3/10

 

Overall: 3/10

 

Thanks for going through the wall of text The first two back stories I read were a couple hundred and a couple thousand words, respectively; so only recently realizing how short others make theirs. Regardless, I wanted to have a detailed story for my ponysona! I'd tried gold-colored accessories initially, but they didn't mix well. Will experiment a bit more and see what becomes of it. Also, the color of the stars are tailored to Starlight's character (as it is for Twilight). 

 

Appleloosa's recent construction doesn't interfere with any points in the story as far as I can tell. My story occurs a good while after the Mane 6 (recall the tale which reignites his inner light).

 

Sounds like you didn't enjoy MMC and/or you're tired of seeing the alicorn form being overdone in OCs. Either way, my fan-canon/theories connects the majority of things in mlp (don't expect the fan-fic too soon due to school ), and I feel that it works well. I'll probably elaborate and build on the atmosphere of the scene, but Starlight is destined to be an alicorn.....although you've got me considering to space those two events apart and spin a new tale about how he becomes an alicorn (meaning, build on the wall of text or a fan-fic of it's own).

 

Once again, thanks for taking the time to review my OC! I'll return soon to assess your cast of characters.

 

EDIT: I'm done editing this post 

Edited May 22, 2013 by Starlight Sky

[Silverwisp the Bard 2,353]

I like this thread. I'll start with OP

 

Silverwisp:... the name is spot on, and it fits his accesories and appearance very well.

It is? I actually got the name off one of those name generator charts using my initials:lol:

 

Joan: I like her color scheme, and I like that you wanted to explore with night royal guards, but I don't like the way she's drawn and also I don't like pony braidtails (that's a personal preference though), the steretypical Rainbow Dash's mane kills me x_x 5/10

 Hmm, what exactly do you mean by "the way she's drawn"? See your point on The RD-ish upper mane, but there are only so many ways to draw a short, kinda messy mane.

 

Schnuppe: (what a weird name) she looks like Misty from pokemon, which makes the whole OC purpose biased to me, no matter what I do, I see Misty :/ 7/10

Huh, never thought about that.  Maybe I'll change her mane colour a bit.

 

Thanks for taking the time to look at my guys (and actually criticizing them). It really is appreciated.

 

 

Well lets get going:

Motion Spark

Design: Very well done, simple but effective and memorable. The upper part of the sits just a tiny bit to high for my taste though, makes it look like his hair is receding. Only real gripe is that the cutiemark is a bit too complex: Maybe just a pencil and a (three-coloured) rainbow instead? 8/10

 

Backstory: Like it too, last paragraph needs some looking at in terms of grammar. 7/10

 

Overall: 7.5/10

 

Beat Spark

Design: Not what I would have chosen for a colourscheme, but it works (you need to change the eyes on the pic though), like the cutiemark a lot. The picture doesn't really scream "powerful built" though. 7.5/10

 

Backstory: Like it a lot, feels very canon. Las Pegasus is a cloudcity like Cloudsdale though, maybe change that to some other city. 8/10

 

Overall: 8/10

 

Rosebelle

Design: Again, simple but effective Maybe a line into the interior of the tail and/or an additonal colour to the cutiemark.

 

Background: No,just no. Apart from the grimdark, the moment anypony starts killing Celestia's guards, that pony is a pile of smouldering ash. 1/10

 

Overall: 2/10, would redo from scratch, maybe make her a master thief or something

 

 

Schnuppe is a cute filly. I don't really have something to say about her. Her name is very hard to spell though.

It is as cute, as German gets, trust me.

[dedacct6 2,591]

 

 

 

Name: Pelate Overcast

 

Race: Pegasus

 

Hair:Black/Red

 

Pelt:Light Gray

 

Personality: Serious, and Creative

 

 

Likes: drawing, anything creative, Pencils, traveling, and Sunlight (ironic right?)

 

cutie mark: Four pencils, with a star in the middle

 

Back story: born a normal Pegasus, in Cloudsdale, he attended flight school like the other kids, but dropped out at the age of 11, because he sucked and didn't want to do it anymore, and was given a hard time because he was a bad flier, so he ran away to Ponyville (on the balloon of coarse) and gave up on flying, for drawing, he felt more passionate for drawing, and stuck with it, and so he earned his cutie mark (described above).

later in his life, he attended ponyville's school with miss Cheerilee, along with mean Pegasus ponies who bullied time because he cant fly. but he never reacted to them, but all hes doing is bottling up his negative emotions and misery. at age 15(now) , he became more social but, is still carrying this heavy burden...

 

I really hope you like it 

Edited May 24, 2013 by PelateOvercast

[Dreadmallon 353]

   I'm actually quite nervous about this, because you've really helped me before (I am "Prince Dusk," if you remember back then) through criticism. I am both excited and anxious for your verdict.

 

   Anyway, my OC has changed a lot from when we've last discussed him, Silverwisp. I feel his backstory has become more well-rounded and appropriate, and he's definitely less OP than when we first started communicating, but I know there's one thing you'll hate about him, based on my memory of your opinion of main-storyline-involved-OC's: He is initially a main villain to the Mane 6, and Twilight, specifically. Twilight is the main character of this arc, as she usually is during the adventure arcs of the show. After his arc, however, he has two sequels entirely to himself.

 

   But anyway, here he is (copied and pasted from an earlier thread):

  

   Backstory:

 

   New Moon is a former student of Princess Luna, and is, at first, the main antagonist of the trilogy I am writing. As this is not yet completely thought out, I'd rather not go into too much detail about that.

 

   New Moon's real name is Dusk, and was a skilled thief in his colthood. Eventually, when he was dared to steal from the Royal Castle, he went to prove the other young ponies wrong, but nonetheless was caught by Princess Luna, who then called in Princess Celestia, within the Royal Castle's library (he was also a devote reader, like Twilight, and was distracted by the library). Celestia had previously witnessed him outdo the Royal Guards and get away with an apple cart, and ever since had watched him with interest. Knowing of his interest to improve with magic, she offered him a spot in Canterlot's School for Gifted Unicorns, and in return, to stop his thieving ways. He accepted, and thrived under the school's teachings. Eventually, Celestia, who had noticed his rise within the school, appointed him as an apprentice to Luna, who she thought was ready for a personal student. At first, Luna and Dusk did not get along very well, as Luna saw him as a "lowlife pickpocket," and Dusk had expected as much, as he was commonly referred to as such within the school. However, the two began to bond through their lessons, and eventually became great friends, with Luna taking a "big sister" role.

 

   Unfortunately, though, when Nightmare Moon was unleashed, her dark magic not only changed her from the inside and out, but also her guards and Dusk. Dusk's normally adventurous, kind, cocky nature was transformed into an angry and hateful one (although this doesn't really show, as he either is serious, or will taunt his enemy). Following Nightmare Moon's imprisonment, Dusk was exiled for assisting the Mare in the Moon, and later took the name New Moon. He would later die, but not before implanting his magic, thoughts, etc. into a black, octagon gem. This would be passed around the black market for decades (similar to the Alicorn Amulet; unable to be broken by any whom the gem does not see as "worthy"), until it would come into the hooves of a lowly business stallion by the name of Flick (in current MLP:FiM time) who was low on funds, and had been conned out. The gem took him as worthy, and a new New Moon was born.

 

   That's all I have for now.

 

   Abilities:

• Very skilled in magic. He has the ability to temporarily turn invisible, teleport, use telekinesis, and cause minor-moderate storms. He is also generally skilled in offensive magic
• Expert of stealth
• Good physical abilities (jumping, running, etc.)
• Intelligent
• Is not as arrogant like previous villains

   Weaknesses:

• If his horn is obstructed in any way, he is practically crippled, as he heavily relies on magic
• He can face major fatigue, depending on how much magic he uses
• Has not mastered defensive spells. Usually will take hits head on, or teleport out of the way
• He is afraid of ghosts
• Can be easily persuaded

Edited May 22, 2013 by Alkryn

[Broseph Stalin 103]

Well, my OC is supposed to be gray, but I made a different model for him. That reminds me, I need to change it. *goes and changes*

Anyway, here he is. If you need to know his cutie mark it's an anvil painted the color of the irish flag.

[MidnightBlue 51]

Would you mind reviewing my OC? Please be as harsh as you need to be; I would like the critiscism. The link to my OC is in my signature. Just so you know, the art is not be me; It is by Beautiful Nightmare.

[Silverwisp the Bard 2,353]

 

 

I have one I'd like to hear your opinion

[quote

Design: The mane sitting on top of the head looks a bit weird to me (Rarity got the same problem from certain angles. The cutiemark needs adjusting to the show's style. The eyecolour makes her look a bit too similar to Nurse Redheart. Have you tried changing it to something else, possible yellow/amber? Apart from that its a solid design, maybe add an earring or something. 6/10

 

Backstory: Good story, could use some fleshing out. The part of her growing spoiled seems a bit odd, considering her actions. Maybe add some event that triggered her Robin-Hood-ish streak. Also, what kind of con artist is she? 7/10

Overall: 7/10

 

 

name=rascal61' timestamp='1368952381' post='1478801] My OC is Stardust Gem

Is there a good reason for her to be an alicorn? otherwise why not drop either wings or horn.

 

Design: Mhh, the black doesn't really work, I'd say change it to a darker shade of green. That bald spot next to the ear needs covering up. The eyecolour and white coat make her appear somewhat cold, maybe change the eyecolour around a bit to something with more yellow in it. The cutiemark sounds a bit too complex, maybe simplify it a bit. Maybe add  a magical doohickey that allows her to timetravel (e.g. a piece of jewelry). 4/10

[-BleachedOne- 233]

Oh, dare I post in here? @_@

 

I guess a critique on my OC Arctic Frost would help me immensely, though I am aware of how badly his backstory is flawed. I intend on re-designing his backstory and personality at some point, but I may as well get a few thoughts from somepony else to help me along.

 

His link is in my signature.

Edited May 23, 2013 by Seraphim

[aoEAF2FBvC0MIo2Q 3,673]

Drawn by me

 

Drawn by a friend

 

Yeah, a donkey. Thinking about making the coat paler but leaving a slightly darker underbelly. Supposedly he's been in the sun long enough to have bleached a little, hence the paler colors.

[Senor Citizen 516]

Hmmmmmmm.

Okay, I'll bite.

You only need to look at the first two, the last one is ass and will be removed from existence as soon as convenient.

[TheStareMaster 45]

Whatchya think about mah OC, Aqua Jet? I think she is pretty good but it would be nice to get another opinion

 

 

 

[aoEAF2FBvC0MIo2Q 3,673]

Whatchya think about mah OC, Aqua Jet? I think she is pretty good but it would be nice to get another opinion

 

 

 

suziepony.png

Doesn't particularly stick out which is good as far as OCs go. The color combination isn't bad but not amazing either. All-round decent I would say.

[Fridge 382]

Is there a good reason for her to be an alicorn? otherwise why not drop either wings or horn.

 

Design: Mhh, the black doesn't really work, I'd say change it to a darker shade of green. That bald spot next to the ear needs covering up. The eyecolour and white coat make her appear somewhat cold, maybe change the eyecolour around a bit to something with more yellow in it. The cutiemark sounds a bit too complex, maybe simplify it a bit. Maybe add  a magical doohickey that allows her to timetravel (e.g. a piece of jewelry). 4/10

Just to let you know you added me as a quote in this post but never actually said anything, just thought you should know.

[Silverwisp the Bard 2,353]

Scarlet Star

Whoops, sorry about that, must have slipped my mind.

Design: Looks good overall,the mane is a welcome change from the usual patterns. The only gripes I have are that the hairline, in combination with the horn, makes it look like half her head is shaven, extending it downwards a bit could fix that. Also the blue eyes underline the already present similarities to Rarity, maybe change it to orange or amber. Cutiemark needs to be adjusted to fit the style. 7/10

Backstory: Its serviceable and feels kinda canon. Specifying just what kind of cons she pulls would help. 6/10

Overall: 6/10

 

Hmmm....People criticisng OCs? Sounds like fun, h'vast!

Design: A good design: Excellent colourscheme and good, if unoriginal, design. Are the stripes supposed to be warpaint or is he part zebra (would make for a good backstory). 7/10

Backstory:  Yeeeeah, I don't like it. First and foremost: Its too long. The profile should give a brief, factual summary, if you want to include a written story, put it in a spoiler under "Other". As for the story itself: Ponies acting nothing like they would on the show, split personality without any real reason and a superpower. Canon this is not. 2/10

Overall: 3/10

 

Hi this is my first post and first oc and i know it probably sucks and it doesn't have a name but what do you think?   

 

 

Well, I guess sooner or later I would have to indulge my curiosity. I would like a review for my OC Max. Link is the top on in the signature. Here are two pictures for you. One full body one, and one for a closer look at the head.

Design: Very well done, tail looks like a cactus though. 8/10

Backstory: Needs some serious editing: words missing all over the place. Also, he's always wanted to travel but didn't why? And how did he attend the gala without leaving Ponville?  The amnesia part seems unnecessary, since it doesn't influence the story at all. The necromancy part is a bit unclear (see complaint above), but maybe just replace it with something less dark, like Zecora helping him get in contact with his wife's spirit? 5/10

Overall: 6/10

 

Hi this is my first post and first oc and i know it probably sucks and it doesn't have a name but what do you think?

Design: Interesting take on the mane/tail, but needs to be distributed on both sides of the head and somewhat simplified. Th the coatcolour is a bit too dark. 4/10

[Arcus (Silver Lining) Wind 983]

Here is my oc. I haven't decided on calling him Arcus Wind or Silver Linings yet. I also can't come up with a decent backround story for him either. I'm not to good at that kind of stuff. Anyway, he's a light cayan color (about the same as RD) With jet black mane and tail with a few strands of silver that shine when the light hits them. The under side of his wings are silver, but the outside is the same color as his body.

 

Here are a vector I did of him.

 

 

And a pic by SketchRide

 

 

 

[Thrackerzod- 4]

http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/artyom-r3413
He has to be my favorite out of all my OCs, I just got a picture of him from a freind.
Hope you all like him!!!

Edited July 25, 2013 by Thrakerzod

[~Chaotic Parsley~ 240]

Whoops, sorry about that, must have slipped my mind.

Design: Looks good overall,the mane is a welcome change from the usual patterns. The only gripes I have are that the hairline, in combination with the horn, makes it look like half her head is shaven, extending it downwards a bit could fix that. Also the blue eyes underline the already present similarities to Rarity, maybe change it to orange or amber. Cutiemark needs to be adjusted to fit the style. 7/10

Backstory: Its serviceable and feels kinda canon. Specifying just what kind of cons she pulls would help. 6/10

Overall: 6/10

 

Design: A good design: Excellent colourscheme and good, if unoriginal, design. Are the stripes supposed to be warpaint or is he part zebra (would make for a good backstory). 7/10

Backstory:  Yeeeeah, I don't like it. First and foremost: Its too long. The profile should give a brief, factual summary, if you want to include a written story, put it in a spoiler under "Other". As for the story itself: Ponies acting nothing like they would on the show, split personality without any real reason and a superpower. Canon this is not. 2/10

Overall: 3/10

 

 

 

Design: Very well done, tail looks like a cactus though. 8/10

Backstory: Needs some serious editing: words missing all over the place. Also, he's always wanted to travel but didn't why? And how did he attend the gala without leaving Ponville?  The amnesia part seems unnecessary, since it doesn't influence the story at all. The necromancy part is a bit unclear (see complaint above), but maybe just replace it with something less dark, like Zecora helping him get in contact with his wife's spirit? 5/10

Overall: 6/10

 

Design: Interesting take on the mane/tail, but needs to be distributed on both sides of the head and somewhat simplified. Th the coatcolour is a bit too dark. 4/10

 

The stripes are the cuts he's received. The backstory does need work on, however it is obviously gonna be non-canon. He is a main part of a fic I am writing about Anicent warriors. I'll link you if you like. 

[Fridge 382]

Whoops, sorry about that, must have slipped my mind.

Design: Looks good overall,the mane is a welcome change from the usual patterns. The only gripes I have are that the hairline, in combination with the horn, makes it look like half her head is shaven, extending it downwards a bit could fix that. Also the blue eyes underline the already present similarities to Rarity, maybe change it to orange or amber. Cutiemark needs to be adjusted to fit the style. 7/10

Backstory: Its serviceable and feels kinda canon. Specifying just what kind of cons she pulls would help. 6/10

Overall: 6/10

 

 

Agreed, ponymaker does make her look like her heads shaved on one side, truly not what I was going for. I just need to ask someone to draw her properly for me. Thank you, I had felt she seemed too similar but wasn't sure exactly what it was that made me think that, I'll get on changing the eye colour, as for the cutie mark... Well it's a placeholder just to illustrate it.

The cons will be listed eventually she's going to be in a series I'm writing so they'll become apparent.

 

Anyway as I said a moment ago thank you you've helped me iron out the kinks in her character.

[~Silver Essence~ 2,625]

As for the one who posted this topic, I love the OC's, very well done!

Anyways, I don't mind having my OC rated, so all I have to say is that any comment or criticism is accepted.

Although, it's pretty simple in design, but he's the best!

 

http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/swift-star-r3168

[Vermillion 613]

This is my first OC 'VermillionCloud' so please rate mah oc please

(grrrr word limit is really annoying when theres nothing more to say ahhh)

[Justin ZW 396]

Okay, how about mine? His name is Swordpoint. He hails from a neighboring country, Ponynesia, where life is very different from Equestria. It is under the rule of Omnia, one of Celestia's sisters whom she banished due to the corruption which overtook her. Omnia left Equestria and settled in the neighboring country of Ponynesia, where she overtook the tribal lands and made them bow to her.

 

Swordpoint was raised into knighthood. His parents were both royal guardians, the absolute elite soldiers of Omnia, so he was gifted with natural skill. He himself attained the status of royal guardian at age 20, and he was promoted to the commander of the guardians at age 26. Now, 16 years later, he is forced to travel to Equestria when a disaster threatens the land. He ends up working with the mane 6 to stop it as Equestria is torn to shreds... but he learns something that he never experienced: friendship. He lived without anything but a sense of duty, but seeing the sacrifices made by the mane 6 and their companions sparked something inside him. He eventually renounces his service to Omnia and decides to stay in Equestria after the crisis is resolved. But their task takes them into the heart of Ponynesia, where he is branded a traitor and the royal guardians hunt for him relentlessly.

 

After the end of the disaster, Swordpoint approaches Celestia and asks to serve her. She agrees and knights him as the first Equestrian royal guardian. He changes from jet black armor and a black lance to pure white armor and a light brown lance with Celestia's symbol for the guard.

[~Chaotic Fireball~ 499]

Well, I've got a few for you to judge:

 

Fireball Rush

 

Candy:

 

Their RP pages:

Fireball Rush

Candy

 

These are both of my charcaters, which I'm very proud of. And I'll definitely take a look at your OC's too.

This is my first OC 'VermillionCloud' so please rate mah oc please

(grrrr word limit is really annoying when theres nothing more to say ahhh)

Firstly, he has Soarin's cutie mark. In case you haven't noticed, ponies are supposed to have DIFFERENT and ORIGINAL  cutie marks. Not copy-pasted ones from other charcaters.