OC reviews from me. (CLOSED)

[Denim&Venöm 18,779]

Eh I guess I'll give this a shot. A Second opinion shouldn't hurt. 
 
Name: Silhouette Dusk
Species: Alicorn
Cutie mark: Fibonacci Spiral w/ a crescent moon on one side, surrounded by sun rays.
 
This will probably take you a while.
 
Backstory (This is a doozy):

She was the 9th Empress of the 4000 year old Equestrian Empire, a small industrialized nation south of the crystal empire and it's surrounding tribal settlements.  When the empire fell to Sombra's curse, the economic & political gap forced the north into collapse and the tribal conflicts over resources fueled the winter of the Windigoes. All 3 pony tribes traveled south and sought refuge in Equestria, but Dusk could only help them for so long before the cost began to take it's toll on her own subjects. She then had no choice but to ask that they go somewhere else for more help. Unfortunately, the lands surrounding Equestria, were under rule of Discord, who had somehow been "convinced" into signing a non-aggression pact w/ Dusk. The tribes had no where else to turn, so they tried to take Equestria by force through multiple raids, each easily crushed under the might of her well trained, well equipped, Equestrian Royal Legion. 
 
Things changed one night, when the tribes attacked the capital of Everfree City, better funded, more organized, and lead by two Alicorn sisters. Despite the fanatical devotion to their cause and their technological edge in battle, the Legionnaires were were wiped out by Celestia & Luna w/ ease. Only Dusk was left to oppose the Sisters, refusing to abdicate her throne or surrender on behalf of her country. In one final clash, all 3 alicorns threw their magic at one another. But even the mighty empress could not hold her might against two alicorns. Her subjects had to watch as their proud leader was blasted out of the sky and sent plummeting to the earth. Not even the valiant attempts of the few remaining soldiers & civilians could stop Celestia & Luna from dragging their leaders prone body away in chains.
 
The last thing Dusk would ever hear or see was Celestia telling her that she would never use her powers to abuse & neglect the honor of being an alicorn ever again, as she was being encased in ice, where the crystal empire used to be. 
 
Fast forward 1000 years. The crystal empire has returned and been restored to it's former glory. The magical radiance from the crystal heart jolts life back into Dusk's own, weakening the cold around her enough for her to escape, and see her childhood home, the place that was her birth, and the place whose disappearance ended in her downfall, shimmering brightly right before her eyes.

 
Goals (also a doozy):

Dusk has reawakened to a different Equestria, one that's bigger, stronger, more peaceful, and one that has forgotten all 4000 years of it's legacy. The two beings that assaulted her, now rule in her stead. The country she swore to protect, is now under enemy rule. But she is not alone, for there were many in the old empire, and stories of the fall were passed down from generation to generation. The empire has been working in secret, rebuilding, fortifying, strengthening, planning for the day of revolt. Located deep in the badlands near the Equestrian border, the Equestrian Empire has built itself cities and operating as a government in exile, building armies, establishing networks of spies, uniting a society w/ two goals: Bring the sisters to justice and spread the truth about Equestrian history. And with their mighty Empress among the living once more, her people now have the morale to rebel against the sisters and continue the war they started 1000 years ago.
 
Dusk will use whatever means she has at her disposal to end the sisters reign and see them punished, whether it be legally by invoking Equestrian law against them, tactically by dominating the royal guard w/ her Legion, politically by proving herself a more qualified leader to the masses, or directly by straight out challenging Celestia, the main culprit, for her power. However, she must do these things without making enemies of the rest of Equestria. Not only will they outlast her small nation, but more importantly, they are still her subjects and she took a vow to protect them, even if they don't remember it.

 
 
Personality & Hobbies (take a guess):

Dusk is a very scholarly pony. Much like Twilight Sparkle, she reads a lot and is curious about the world around her. Unlike Twi, Dusk takes a more hooves on approach to learning, often rushing out into the field to research. She also looks for ways to apply her knowledge, looking for ways to use it in improving the world around her. In that respect, she is also like Rarity, looking for an excuse to give of herself and contribute. Thanks to this, Dusk has been credited w/ many an invention, some of which are in use in modern Equestria. Her most recognized scientific contribution among her own people would be in military applications, creating the first armored infantry units (WWI era tanks & APCs), gyrocopters, propeller engines for winged aircraft, and the first weaponized dirigibles & zeppelins. Her greatest passion , aside from having the honor to rule Equestria, is architecture. Growing up in the Crystal Empire, she was unimpressed w/ how the ponies designed their buildings in such bland & often crude styles. She saw what beauty there was in crystal, in both aesthetic and structural terms. She would take that inspiration and apply it to the wood, stone & steel of her parents Empire of Equestria. She may not get the chance to be royalty like they were, but she would leave her contribution regardless, helping design what would become Castle Canterlot. Such contributions earned her the respect of her people and their nomination for her to be the next empress (that and some selfless & miraculous conduct during the first attempted coup of Sombra).
 
During her reign, Dusk was a rather lax & approachable ruler, sleeping in, walking around without her regalia, enjoying herself throughout Everfree city among her subjects, and getting a bit of a reputation as a mischievous romantic. When she wasn't intently investigating something or getting a date, she would be practicing her next hobby. Competitive dueling. You see, the emperor or Empress of Equestria had to defend their crown against any who challenged, and back in those days, there were plenty. But Dusk never saw it as a threat to her empire. Just another excuse to test her newfound god like power and enjoy the thrill of battle. 
 
All that changed with the fall of the Crystal Empire, something Dusk feels she is partially responsible for, either by driving Sombra out of Equestria or by not dealing with him herself once more, she became more reclusive and serious,  more protective over her empire, fearing for her subjects safety, acting like how an empress was expected to act, and confronting threats in a more aggressive manner. These days she now works with spies, military advisors and her one surviving friend, her Changeling-Centaur  general, turned leader during her absence, Proximus "Proxy" Charon. She reviews the defenses of her frontier city of New Everfree, personally works on the calibrations of her war machines, travels the city to keep up morale, and articulates her plans day and night to the last detail on how she's going to free Equestria from "annexation".   
 
But even these tumultuous times, she has found it hard not to make new friends, establishing a comradery w/ Candace & Shining Armor, appreciating all they've done for her childhood home. She's also taken an interest in one Princess Sparkle, one of the few ponies who Dusk can converse freely with about the sciences and enjoy performing crazy science experiments with like it was a date to the movies.

 
 
Powers: Any and all cannon magic, including dark magic, which Dusks prefers to be called Witchcraft. 
 
Appearance:

1 & 5 were done by me. The rest was generous fan art

 

[Tom Snyder 4,112]

 

Candy Star

 

Here is my OC, Candy Star, just don't hold back on me; really offends me if people do.

Edited January 22, 2015 by Candy Star

[Astral Blitzen 469]

Ugh, my oc was so close to getting reviewed

[HunterTSN 1,444]

New OC, this one's a bit creative, let's see what you make of her.

 

Nymphaea

[Astral Blitzen 469]

Well I think im gonna bump this thread > : (

[AmberDust 1,118]

I reviewed your OC, now you do mine! :3

In my signature.

[Astral Blitzen 469]

I hope my oc still gets reviewed

[Blue Moon 6,341]

I reviewed your OC, now you do mine! :3

In my signature.

Ugh, my oc was so close to getting reviewed

 

I hope my oc still gets reviewed

 

Well I think im gonna bump this thread > : (

 

If you both check the original post's list, you'll see that you are both on it already, and there are quite a lot of people ahead of you, so it may be a bit before I get to your OCs.

Edited February 3, 2015 by Blue Moon

[Astral Blitzen 469]

I

If you both check the original post's list, you'll see that you are both on it already, and there are quite a lot of people ahead of you, so it may be a bit before I get to your OCs.

I meant this thread went dead in general

I

If you both check the original post's list, you'll see that you are both on it already, and there are quite a lot of people ahead of you, so it may be a bit before I get to your OCs.

I meant this thread went dead in general

[Blue Moon 6,341]

I

I meant this thread went dead in general

I

I meant this thread went dead in general

I'm not what you call a fast worker.

[Astral Blitzen 469]

I'm not what you call a fast worker.

Ohhhh, I thought you dropped the the thread completely

[Melted Dog 161]

You may criticize Double Espresso. Link in my sig. She is still a WiP thiugh her design is final, so it would be interesting to see this review.

[Astral Blitzen 469]

So, I'm guessing this thread is officially dead.

[Blue Moon 6,341]

So, I'm guessing this thread is officially dead.

Nope, this thread is not dead.

[Astral Blitzen 469]

Nope, this thread is not dead.

 

 

It seems like every time I post in one of these oc review threads they die out, like blue dash's thread for example.

[Twi The Totodile 200]

Could you do a review of only Aria's design? The rest of her profile isn't really worth reviewing right now since it's going through so much work.

 

 

[SuperBrony87 506]

This is my OC concept... ROUGH! but Review my OC please?

 

 HERE BE DRAGONS!!!

 

    Komoto Krawkis is an anthropomorphic hybrid creature with traits of the komodo dragon and the crocodile. He stands at a monstrous 6'7 feet and weighs 300 lbs. Despite his natural size and strength. The cold blooded monster is a gentle giant wanting more to make love not war... Although, the dragon in him loves a good fight on occasion... Keeps you from getting soft, keeps upstarts from taking your crown and takes care of troublesome marauders.

 

   His days could be spent lounging down by the beach and soaking up the sun's rays. Taking leisurely swims in the river... The crocodile in him loves to get wet n wild. I mean who doesn't love a good dip in the pool? He also enjoys a delicious steak dinner and romancing the local females.

 

   A self proclaimed romantic, all the beach females barely can resist his machismo charm and his bravery as on occasion an upstart will forget his place and will need to be reminded who is king of the beach. He's at the prime of his life... None stand a chance. He maintains order as he will settle disputes in the group, meal time squabbles and fiercely defend the beach from intruders and marauders of "Anthro Island"...

 

Gender-Male

Sex-Heterosexual

Age-27

 

APPEARANCE

 

Hair-Black

Eyes-Blue

Skin-Blue Gray or Blue Green

 

PERSONALITY

 

Strong

Intelligent

Romantic

Dramatic

Handsome... Is Handsome a Personality???

Protective

Brave

A Vicious Fighter

A Killer

Cold Blooded but Not Cold Hearted

 

Post included is a rough draft drawing of my OC and is in first concept stage - unfinished.

 

   This has been SuperBrony87 and I hope you all like it?

 

This is my OC concept... ROUGH! but Review my OC please?

 

 HERE BE DRAGONS!!!

 

    Komoto Krawkis is an anthropomorphic hybrid creature with traits of the komodo dragon and the crocodile. He stands at a monstrous 6'7 feet and weighs 300 lbs. Despite his natural size and strength. The cold blooded monster is a gentle giant wanting more to make love not war... Although, the dragon in him loves a good fight on occasion... Keeps you from getting soft, keeps upstarts from taking your crown and takes care of troublesome marauders.

 

   His days could be spent lounging down by the beach and soaking up the sun's rays. Taking leisurely swims in the river... The crocodile in him loves to get wet n wild. I mean who doesn't love a good dip in the pool? He also enjoys a delicious steak dinner and romancing the local females.

 

   A self proclaimed romantic, all the beach females barely can resist his machismo charm and his bravery as on occasion an upstart will forget his place and will need to be reminded who is king of the beach. He's at the prime of his life... None stand a chance. He maintains order as he will settle disputes in the group, meal time squabbles and fiercely defend the beach from intruders and marauders of "Anthro Island"...

 

Gender-Male

Sex-Heterosexual

Age-27

 

APPEARANCE

 

Hair-Black

Eyes-Blue

Skin-Blue Gray or Blue Green

 

PERSONALITY

 

Strong

Intelligent

Romantic

Dramatic

Handsome... Is Handsome a Personality???

Protective

Brave

A Vicious Fighter

A Killer

Cold Blooded but Not Cold Hearted

 

Post included is a rough draft drawing of my OC and is in first concept stage - unfinished.

 

   This has been SuperBrony87 and I hope you all like it?

 

Here is the finished version every pony enjoy the colors

[Tilt 286]

I put my OC Tilt up to the slate, She can be found in my signature 

[Moonlight 7,286]

yo review my pastel punk oc please, she's in my signature

 

thnx bby <3

[Blue Moon 6,341]

Perhaps you would like to take a look at mine? The picture is my avatar image and here's the link to my profile page.

 

http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/steel-accord-r1970

 

Hope you enjoy.

OC: Steel Accord  Owner: Steel Accord

 

Steel Accord has a great sense of unity about him. He’s like a completed puzzle; every piece of him fits well with the rest of his traits, and his personality ripples across his design and backstory. Just wanted to say that before I began.

 

Anyway, I don’t have a lot to complain about with the design. The colors aren’t too bright or boring, and they look good with each other. Though personally, I would use a different color for the grey highlight in his hair. It is very obtrusive, and would be better suited as a bright grey, or maybe even a dark white or light navy blue. Try to experiment around with it, and see if you can come up with something better. I also think Steel would look better without exposed fetlocks, as those are mostly used for heavyset characters, and Steel has a more nimble look to him.

 

The personality is done remarkably as well, and I don’t have a lot to say either. Being judgmental is very unique, and I don’t see it nearly enough. I find it to be a very interesting trait, so kudos to you for using it. Everything else about the personality is well thought out too. Honor is prevalent in the feelings that arise from reading Steel’s personality, and you offer a lot in the way of positive traits, negative traits, and interests (it’s cool that he’s interested in swords as well; that’s certainly unique).

Finally, his backstory. I’ve got nothing to say; it’s short and sweet. I could easily see this OC in the actual show, and he fits well with existing canon.

 

Overall, Steel Accord is a very well designed OC with good aesthetics (with very few flaws), a good personality, and a good backstory.

 

Grade: A-

 

 

hi could you review lightning blaze for me, thanks in advance if you do. (guy above is awesome so are his oc's) lightning is in my signature

OC: Lightning Blaze  Owner: toby rogers

 

Well, I have quite a few issues with Lightning’s design. He falls into the category of color schemes that use dark colors combined with vibrant colors; this is really harsh on the eyes, and there’s too much going on. Try messing around with and toning down the colors. Experiment a bit, and you should be fine. Oh, and his orange eyes might need some adjusting as well if you decide to edit the color scheme.

 

Now for the cutie mark. I personally think pure black is only good in rare cases, usually in small doses as well. It is for that reason that I suggest changing the color to a very dark grey, and maybe add some small details like an outline. The cutie mark in its current state is rather obtrusive.

 

My last complaint with Lightning’s design is the name. To me, Lightning Blaze doesn’t fit well as it doesn’t match his cool colored color scheme, and nowhere in the description does it mention anything that would suggest lightning or fire, such as being fast or good at fire magic. Something related to wolves would probably fit better as his cutie mark is a (presumably) wolf paw print.

 

His personality leaves much to be desired. It would be difficult to give a proper description of a good personality in just one sentence, so I recommend going back and adding more traits. Happy, nice, and loyal are all very generic and offer nothing but a boring character. Think about other traits that would go along with these traits, and maybe even include some traits that a wolf might have.

 

Finally, the backstory. Wow, there’s a lot going on around here. My main problem here is that you add a lot of different skills, but don’t focus on any of them. How did his mom die? What about his dad? Where did he get the phoenix? How did he learn how to make a golem? How did his career at the music store start? What’s taekwonpony and how did he learn it? These are all questions to ask yourself when doing your backstory. You just have too many traits that seem like options for a cutie mark, but none of them are focused on. Either go into detail on all of them and find a way to unite them without overshadowing your cutie mark trait, or just pick one of the many traits and stick with that.

 

Overall, Lightning Blaze needs a lot of work, with a design that is hard on the eyes, a shallow personality, and an unfocused backstory.

 

Grade: D-

 

 

Sure, his name is sole and his link is in my sig. Warning: his story goes far from canon, he's more of an action and adventure oc. So please don't give a low score just for that.

OC: Sole  Owner: ~Sole~

 

Wow, Sole has a really cool design. I love how smug he looks, and he has a very sophisticated look to him; I honestly have very little to say in the way of his design. All I’d really fix is his black feathers and hat color. The hat would probably look better black instead of brown to go with the rest of his color scheme, and his black feathers are a tad bit too dark, so I’d recommend toning that down. But other than that, he is a really cool looking griffon. Nice job!

 

His personality is nicely done as well, and I really don’t have anything to suggest here. You flesh out his character well with good traits that go well together. Nice job here as well.

 

Finally, the backstory. If this were meant to be canonically based, I would have a few problems here and there. But since it is not, I do not. This is actually pretty well written and has a lot of details. I don’t have any problems with it as long as it doesn’t cross over into canon territory.

 

Overall, Sole is a very well done character with only a few small flaws in the design. His personality and backstory are both very detailed and well thought out.

 

Grade: A-

 

 

Why not. ^____^;

Two ponies from my little Re:boot group

 

 

 

 

Being the newb of the group, Plush has a lot more to learn in order to be a true Re:booter. She's quite the bubbly type, and being the youngest in the group, everyone treats her like their own little sister. Plus, she has quite an obsession with plushifying everything around her.. 

 

 

 

 

 

Scarred from the past, Sylex has decided to live the rest of her life silently. Being able to move around in pure silence, she could easily sneak around other ponies without being noticed, which makes her an important pony in the group.

OC: Plusheren  Owner: Keezuw

 

Well, Plush’s design is actually pretty nice, and pleasing to the eye. I do think that the clothing clutters up the design a bit; especially with the very elaborate cutie mark, and I personally think a cleaner look would look better. The ear piercing thing and the bow should stay, but I would remove her clothing. It’s the only thing I see blocking this OC’s path to a perfect design.

 

Her personality is pretty generic and you don’t explain it very well. Sure, you do give bubbly and young, but there are many bubbly and young fictional characters out there. What else is she? Since she likes making plushes, maybe she has a good idea for detail? Perhaps she really likes cute things? Or maybe delve into what else she obsesses with and why. Use your imagination.

 

You don’t really have much of a backstory other than being a new member of a group that an outside reader who isn’t part of the RP wouldn’t know anything about. I suggest explaining these kinds of things in her profile/description as she comes off as a shallow character with the current description. Something for the plush aspect of her would be nice as well.

 

Overall, this OC has nice colors, but the clothing clutters things up, and the personality and backstory lack details that make this character memorable.

 

Grade: C+

 

 

OC: Sylex  Owner: Keezuw

 

Now, in Sylex’s case, clothing actually works well here, and it gives her a very cool design. The mane style is unique and awesome looking, and the clothing goes well with her colors. I also like that you went with a more dark grey/charcoal color instead of pure black for the clothing. The design also fits with the “sneaky” thing you have going on for Sylex. Nice job!

 

As for the personality, she doesn’t really have one. She has to have some traits; what happened to her in the past? Maybe she’s disciplined? Quiet? I’m sure you could come up with something.

 

Her backstory has potential from the “scarred” bit, but you don’t do anything with it. You have to understand that not all viewers of this OC are gonna’ be from the RP, so they aren’t going to know certain things. Make sure to include these things in her profile so people can understand.

 

Overall, Sylex has an awesome design, but has no personality, and very little of a backstory.

 

Grade: C+

 

 

Hmm, this sounds interesting.

Alright would you review my most active OC's? By active I mean I roleplay with them a lot more than I do with the others.

 

Astro Blast

 

and

 

Masquerade

 

and

 

Gears

OC: Astro Blast  Owner: DarligPegasi

Astro Blast actually has a pretty decent design. The browns of the mane are both very nice and easy on the eyes, and his coat color looks nice as well. My only problem is the brown tips of his feet. They look really out of place, and any kind of exposed fetlocks are generally reserved for heavy-set body types like Big Mac or Shining Armor, and Astro is a normal size. I personally would give him normal legs.

The personality needs some work. Kind and gentlemanly doesn’t really explain much. At least, not in depth. You could mention that he’s caring and thoughtful, as shown with his mother. Is he dedicated to his work? Does he get frustrated easily? You know your character better than anyone, so try and give him a well-rounded personality with positive traits one could look up to, and neutral/negative ones that people could relate with. I’m sure you could come up with something.

Also, what do you mean by “mare’s colt.” Does this mean he’s not “girly” or what? I would go into a bit more detail with this part.

The backstory is a little on the tragic side, but hey; it make sense and I suppose it is one route to go. I don’t particularly care for the backstory, but it’s functional. However, I would try to balance out the tragic parts of the backstory with some new parts that are more on the positive side. I also think that you should go into more detail of why Astro is destroying things. Does he make a living out of it? Did Ponyville hire him? There are all questions that go through my head when reading his backstory.

Oh, and I was curious about the whole “weathering” thing. Weathering is the gradual breaking down of rocks via natural forces such as water or wind. How exactly does a pony “weather” a rock and what makes it different from just pure destruction. I personally think you should elaborate on this.

Overall, Astro Blast has a decent design, a weak personality, and a functional backstory.

Grade: C-

 

 

OC: Masquerade  Owner: DarligPegasi

 

My opinions of Masquerade’s design are actually pretty similar to what I said about Astro Blast. The coloring looks nice and isn’t too bright, but like I said; exposed fetlocks are pretty much exclusive to larger bodied ponies such as Big Mac or Shining Armor. However, I do have more to say.

 

Clothing is always a risky option when it comes to designing an OC, especially with the Pony Creator. You generally don’t want to use a lot of clothing/accessories in your design, and it’s usually better if you get non-pony creator art of your OC in clothing.

 

Masquerade’s current clothing looks weird and sloppy. If I were you, I would just do away with the cape and vest. He’d look so much better without it. I’m fine with the glasses though, so feel free to keep those.

 

As for the personality; well, it’s functional. But it’s also a little on the generic side. He currently sounds like a nicer Trixie which isn’t the best thing in the world. Try to make your OC unique and use traits that aren’t in almost every OC ever. His name his Masquerade; you could use that for inspiration. Perhaps he likes to pretend. Or maybe he doesn’t have a lot of self-confidence, but pretends/acts as others to help him feel better. These both give a bit more depth to his character, but I’m sure you could think of more.

 

As for the backstory, I like how show business is prevalent. A surprising amount of OCs out there just flat out ignore their OC’s special talent in the backstory. Nice job with that. However, I don’t really like Blank Flank academy thing. First off, that name seems juvenile for what I assume is a professional academy. Also, it’s a bit weird for him not to have gotten a cutie mark yet, and not just because he’s older. He already knows what he wants to do and he’s good at it. That is enough to warrant a cutie mark in my eyes. I do like the idea of him being hesitant, so I recommend finding something other than the cutie mark that makes him hold back for a bit; maybe an embarrassing show he did or something. Use your imagination.

 

Overall, Masquerade has nice colors but has a lot of unnecessary clothing, a generic personality, and an alright backstory.

 

Grade: C+

 

 

OC: Gears  Owner: DarligPegasi

 

As usual, you picked nice colors, and unlike your last two OCs: I really don’t much to complain about. I normally don’t like those kind of accessories, but they make sense according to your backstory. But yeah, nice job!

 

The personality is pretty similar to most amnesiacs I’ve seen in fiction, so I’d recommend doing something about that. I know he lost his memories and all, but there has to be at least a few traits one gets from mining. I also don’t like the whole “monster” thing. This is never mentioned again ever on the profile, and it feels like it was just thrown in there to try and give emotional depth. Now, you’re on the right track with worrying, but I think just worrying about what he was like before will do just fine. No need to go all full blown monster with it.

 

 The backstory is well done too, and I like how his cutie mark story is included and how it fits well (like gears, heh heh). My only issue with the backstory is at the end where the ponies send Gears away at age 15. This doesn’t make sense to me; why would they kick out the pony they’ve been raising? And what good would sending him to Palomino Creek do? Did they find him there? Did they find something that would lead Gears to his true identity? Maybe Gears found said something? Try and create a link between Palomino Creek and Gears’ identity.

 

Overall, Gears is a pretty simple OC, but he’s well done for the most part. The personality and backstory could use a little improvements, but other than that, he’s fine.

 

Grade: B-

 

 

hello i was wondering if you could rate/edit my golem oc, it is a clay golem held together with energy and the star on it's chest is the source it's power

clay golem.png

OC: Golem  Owner: toby rogers

 

Alright, never reviewed a golem before, but I’ll try. It’s really hard to make out what I’m looking at, and the colors aren’t very appealing. Sorry.

 

There’s no personality, so I can’t review that part of him.

 

There’s no backstory, so I can’t review that either.

 

Overall, this golem feels a bit like a prototype for an OC, so I recommend going back and try to flesh him out.

 

Grade: F-

 

 

Hmm... I've never had my own OCs reviewed before... I'm looking for advice on my OC, Chemm Blonde. Personally, I think she's pretty shallow at this point. I like her personality, but I just need some sort of backstory that would really cause suspension for most slice of life roleplays. I'm at a block as to what would be nice to expand her OC's story. If you could rate her and provide advice for that, it would be much appreciated.

 

OC: Chemm Blonde  Owner: Pony On The Shore

 

Alright, let’s start with the design. I have two suggestions to help improve her. Now, I do like the coat and eye color, but I’m not a fan of the shade of yellow used in mane. It’s really vibrant and obtrusive, so I suggest toning it down a bit, or maybe going with a different color. Yellow and yellow is a weird combination of colors, so the second choice may be a bit better, but you’ll have to experiment with it. However, I don’t know if you’ll keep the “Blonde” part of her name if you change the mane color; use your best judgement.

I’m also not a big fan of her height. She has a very small head/muzzle, and her tall body makes her look like her head is too small for her body. Try making her a bit shorter.

 

But those two things are really the only things I have a problem with for Chemm. The personality you made is among the best I’ve ever seen out of the OCs I’ve seen, and I adore all the little details you added like the spiders and diary, and how you provide detail for each of them. It really makes Chemm feel like an actual person.

 

And the backstory is done just as well. I don’t know if you’ve edited it at all since you requested this review, but it looks fine to me and I as the reader would want to know what happened next in her story. The backstory feels very professional, and I really like how you included events from RPs in the “Other” section. That is probably the main thing that made me feel invested in your OC. Very nice job!

 

Overall, Chemm Blonde doesn’t have the greatest design, but her personality and backstory are fantastic.

 

Grade: B+

 

 

Well, shes kinda half done, but i felt like posting her anyways for you to review her, feel free to review however much of it you deem worthy ;p.

 

http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/meloette-r4627

 

And feel free to critique i'm always open to it(Even if i'm not always going to follow it ;p.

 

OC: Meloette  Owner: Zygen

Well, this will certainly be interesting since I helped you with making Meloette. Anyway, here I go!

 

I’ve already left feedback for your OC’s design when you were making her, and I think she looks great. The colors are pleasing to the eyes without being too harsh, and everything goes well together. Nice job!

 

Her personality, though, is a little generic. Shy/quiet in uncomfortable situations, but outgoing in comfortable ones is a very common personality. Now, there’s nothing wrong with using it, but I think that you should add a few extra traits to help keep your OC different from the rest. Let’s see; she’s good at playing the flute and is good at singing. Those are good starting points. Is she still shy around others when she plays/sings or get embarrassed, or is she fine with it? Is she dedicated? Passionate? These are all some ideas you could work with, and I’m sure you could figure out others.

 

The backstory is a little bland to be honest. You explain her talents and relation to Zygen, but that’s about it. What about her childhood? Or when she first got her talent? I’d like to see you do something with that.

 

Overall, Meloette has a very good design, but her personality and backstory are a bit bland.

 

Grade: B-

 

 

Can you review my OC, Periwinkle Skies? I just finished creating her and she's my second oc, so I want a review/critique on her. Here's the link:

 

 

http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/periwinkle-skies-r4625

OC: Periwinkle Skies  Owner: Midnight Gaze

 

Alright, let’s start this review off with the design. I’m fond of the coat color, and the vest is actually a pretty nice touch; it fits with Periwinkle’s talent and it looks nice with the coat. I don’t get to say that a lot with clothing. However, I do have a few complaints regarding the mane and eye colors. The light pink looks really odd, and I’d suggest going with something similar to the darker blue color also present in the mane.

 

As for the eye color, it just seems a bit too obtrusive to me. I’d suggest going for a more purple-blue color opposed to what you have now.

 

Everything else looks pretty good. The cutie mark looks good (it could go to be a bit higher up on the flank though) too.

 

The personality… needs some work… It comes off as very bland to me, and one-dimensional. She could also use a little more in the way of negative traits to help balance her personality. Try to think about traits that would be present with people with her talents, whether they be positive, neutral, or even negative. For example, you could think of traits that are associated with businesswomen. Try to maker her your own, because right now; she sounds like a blander version of Rarity.

 

As for the backstory, it works, but it reminds me a lot of Rarity, especially at the part where she has to decide between Canterlot and Ponyville. I would go and study various fashion designer (fictional or real would work) and see if you come up with alternatives from those, and/or take various elements from each to create something unique. You don’t want your OC to come off as a second-rate version of something else.

 

Overall, Periwinkle has an alright design, a bland personality, and a backstory extremely similar to Rarity.

 

Grade: C-

 

 

Please do my oc Kira, and tell me if I'm doing good for a first oc. Why is their a minimum amount of letters to write?

 

Kira:   http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/kira-r4558

OC: Kira  Owner: Ceilin’ Cat

 

Well, I’ll start with Kira’s design. Black and red are notoriously hard to get right, and you use nothing but those two colors. Unfortunately, I do not think you were able to get them to look together successfully. You use one of the most common mane styles for OCs and the tail looks odd. I personally would go with completely different colors, pick a more unique mane style, and lose the shades.

 

The cutie mark also has some issues, mainly the non-transparent background. A random white square behind your OC’s cutie mark looks very odd, and I would suggest going with a transparent one. As for the actual cutie mark itself, its meaning would be hard to understand without explanation, but it is usable in this state. However, I would suggest going with different colors, because like I said earlier; black and red rarely go well together.

 

And finally, the eye color changing with emotions. This doesn’t seem to fit with canon, and it just seems like an odd trait to have.

The personality seems a little melodramatic to me, but it’s functional. However, I would like to see his cutie mark talent have some role in shaping his personality, so maybe adding more wisdom, emotional strength, or understanding (without going overboard) would help? His current backstory doesn’t seem to represent “gentlecolt” very well.

 

Grade: D+

 

 

Can you review Pixie Dust? Her information page is in my signature. I'm not completely done fleshing her out yet, but you can review what I have so far. :3

OC: Pixie Dust  Owner: Bronyette

 

Well, I couldn’t find a backstory or personality on her page, so I’ll assume you just want me to review the design? As far as the design goes, Pixie Dust is a good OC. All the colors go well with each other, and you actually pull off a three color mane well. I don’t see that a lot, so good job.

 

Overall, I have nothing to complain about; Pixie Dust has an excellent design.

 

Grade: A+

 

 

 

http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/electron-daydream-r4470

 

I'm not sure if there's already a picture there, if not, he is my avatar. He's based loosely off me, but with all of my personality traits cranked up to eleven. Somewhere in there I mention the Flim Flam brother's cider machine. I know it's not the right number. You don't think they only made one, do you?

OC: Electron Daydream  Owner: Venomshank

 

Well, design-wise, it’s a bit hard to judge. I couldn’t find an image on his page or your profile, so I guess I’ll just use the description and see how that goes. Orange and blue go well together, while gray goes with everything, so I’d assume this color scheme would work well enough; as long as you don’t make any of the colors super saturated or vibrant.

 

As for his personality, I actually like what you have so far, but there are still a few parts that need some work. For example, what do you mean by “his own body?” Does he desire perfection in his physical form, or is it something else? I think you should explain this part a bit, as right now; it doesn’t make a whole lot of sense.

 

I also find the statement about him having a firm disbelief in magic going against his character. Regardless of what he thinks, he is stated to have an aura in the “Other:” section of his page, meaning that he does use magic. Personally, I think you should change him to another race for this reason; preferably, earth pony. This would make more sense and wouldn’t conflict with the already established unicorn race.

 

The backstory is devoid of any explanations, so I would suggest going back and explain what you mean a bit. Why hadn’t he ever smiled or laughed ‘til the age of two? How exactly did he bridge a gap in the multiverse? That seems a bit powerful for just a five-year-old. Also, the ability to morph into a mechanical beast feels a bit out of place, but if you’d explain your character a bit better; it could find its way to fitting in somewhere. Perhaps you could link it to him tinkering with his own body?

 

Overall, Electron Daydream is an OC with potential, but is held back by a lack of explanations.

 

Grade: B-

 

 

Oh, this sounds interesting! I just updated my OC to make her seem more like an actual character and less like a extended joke. Funny enough, she was originally intended just as a pony representation of my username. Her personality is loosely based off my own (and some traits with plenty of exaggeration, of course) Except I don't work in a taco shop and i'm not insane...

I'd like to hear what you have to say about my OC

http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/krazie-taco-r3366

OC: Krazie Taco  Owner: crazitaco

 

Alright, let’s review the famous taco pony! Design-wise, Krazie’s appearance looks great and the colors were deftly chosen. The colors look good together and I like how each one represents the color of a taco topping. I also like how the hair is a bit wild; reflecting the crazy side of her. Her design kinda reminds me of Screwball’s. Nice job!

 

Now for the personality. Suprisingly, Krazie Taco has a pretty decent personality; it’s definitely on the better ones I’ve seen. You make sure to incorporate her interest in tacos in it, and you have a lot of traits, each going well with each other to make a cohesive character. Interests, positive traits, and negative traits should all be used in a personality, and you do an excellent job of including them.

 

Finally, the backstory. Again, Krazie is definitely a surprise. You wouldn’t expect a seemingly joke-character to have such a fleshed out character, but you have proven that wrong. All three backstories are nice and detailed, and the Krazie Taco’s personality ripples through all three of them. It makes sense for her to be the owner of a taco shop, and I like how her naivety is shown. Excellent job.

 

Overall, Krazie Taco is one of the more surprising OCs I’ve ever reviewed. The design, personality, and backstory are all fantastic. She is also a memorable OC.

 

Grade: A+

 

 

 

Here you go. If you want I'll give ya two, because I've been trying to get some reviews on my ponysona version of myself with no such luck.

 

Here's Scratched's http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/scratched-disk-r4866

 

and here's Zephyr's http://fav.me/d5pveto

OC: Scratched Disk  Owner: Scratched Disk

 

Well, Scratched Disk’s design is actually pretty cool looking. The headset is an interesting design choice, and I have very few complaints regarding his design. A major one would be the very light highlights in his hair. Considering the fact that most of Disk’s colors are very dark, they stand out a lot, and not in a good way. I would suggest toning them down a bit to match the rest of the colors, but I have a better idea. You see, the cutie mark suffers from the same problem as the highlights; they’re much too bright. So, to counter this, I suggest making the coat color a bit lighter. I think this would solve most of the issues I have with this OC’s design.

 

Now for the personality. It’s functional, but it’s pretty generic. We know he’s passionate about video games and he’s a gentleman, but that’s about it. There’s got to be something else you could do with his personality. Brainstorm some traits that are commonly associated with gamers or gentleman, and try to incorporate them. Nice job adding interests though.

 

Finally, the backstory. I’m fine with most of it, but I’m not a huge fan of the relationships with canon characters. Luna is not confirmed in the actual show to be fan of video games, so it seems odd for Disk to see her at game tournaments. As for Roseluck, I just don’t like relationships between canon characters and OCs. I’d suggest replacing those two with OCs.

I do like the comedic touch at the end about him missing the changeling invasion though.

 

Overall, Scratched Disk has a pretty good design, a generic personality, and a functional backstory with a few issues.

 

Grade: C-

 

 

myPonyPegasus.png

 

~snip~

OC: Summer Wind  Owner:DukeofCanterlot

 

Alright, I shall begin with the design. The coat color is fine (though a little less saturation wouldn’t hurt anyone), but I do think that the mane color should be a bit lighter. I’m personally not a fan of hair colors so dark that the outline has to be a lighter color, so I’d suggest making it a bit more pastel-y. I also think it should be more orange-y brown instead of the reddish-brown you have now. Red and blue don’t go well together unless you’re designing something for young kids. As for the cutie mark, I can’t see it very well, so I’ll just give you the benefit of the doubt and say it’s fine.

 

Now for the personality. He kinda comes off as a Sunset Shimmer clone with wings, so I’d suggest emphasizing his more unique traits (e.g. strong work ethic). It’s better to have a unique OC rather than a second-rate clone of an already existing pony.

 

As for the backstory, it’s a bit shallow, and I don’t like the relationships with the other Mane 6. I personally think that OCs should stick with other OCs for close relationships, and leave the main cast alone. Helps with imaging the character in the show. Anyway, my first issue is the dad. Spitfire is currently the leader of the Wonderbolts, so how exactly does Summer’s dad fit in? I’d demote him to just a normal member of the team.

 

As for the Mane 6, like I said, I don’t really like friendships/romantic relationships between canon and non-canon characters, so I’d either replace all of these characters with OCs, or just leave them all out (which is not recommended due to the already shallow backstory). Fluttershy’s family has yet to be explored in the show, Twilight has never mentioned any close friends named Summer Wind… I prefer to keep things in line with the show, and these parts of your character prevent that.

 

Overall, not the worst design, but the personality comes off as a Sunset Shimmer clone, and the backstory is shallow and full of relationships with canon characters.

 

Grade: C-

 

 

Could you do a review of my OC Charcoal Embers? Her link is in my signature down below.

OC: Charcoal Embers  Owner: Charcoal Embers

 

Alright, design first. Now, for this OC, I am conflicted. The image supplied on the character’s page doesn’t make the red and black color scheme look good, but the one in your avatar does. Perhaps it would be best to incorporate the clothing in the avatar to her? One of the few instances where clothing would improve an OC’s look.

 

Anyway, the color scheme goes well with the yellow clothing, so I’d definitely suggest incorporating that. If not, scrap this color scheme. Red and black seldom ever go well together, and the yellow clothing makes your OC a rare case. I also think that the cutie mark should be changed to a more reddish color. Blue clashes a bit with the rest of the color scheme.

As for the personality, I find it to be a bit shallow. Shy and takes some time to get to know others is an extremely common trait, and should always be paired with other traits. If Charcoal’s a skilled builder (unique choice, by the way. We don’t have enough builder OCs out there), shouldn’t that offer some ideas for traits? Try to think of traits good workers would have an incorporate those.

Wow, her parents seem like jerks. I personally don’t think you should incorporate her parent’s almost throwing her out of disgust. We already know she was made fun of; including her parents doesn’t add anything. I do like that they decide to wait for advancements in magic, reminds me of the real world and medicine.

 

The next paragraph is one where I have a bunch of problems. I have never known anyone who was hated on by absolutely everyone for something out of their control. It’s just not believable. I get that you’re trying to make your audience care for your character, but there are better ways of doing it. At this point in the backstory, we’ve heard nothing positive about Charcoal, so it’s hard to care about her, which makes all this abuse of her seem overly tragic.

 

However, you do need a motive for Charcoal to run away. So, to do this, I’d suggest limiting the amount of the people who bully her (including her parents; if you’re going to make them jerks, at least limit it to one parent only), but make the ones that do a tad more cruel. It’s also important to mention others that are kind to her, and try to come up with some good traits to shine on her. If done well, she should be too upset to pay any mind to the kinder ponies, and she still has a reason to run away.

 

Anyway, the backstory is good the moment she gets to Ponyville and stays that way, so I don’t think there’s anything that needs to be changed there. Just fix the first half.

 

Overall, Charcoal has a pretty good design, a shallow personality, and an overly tragic first half for the backstory.

 

Grade: C+

 

 

Hello. I hope you don't mind, but I'd love it if you'd review my OC. I want to make sure that he's the best that I can make him. The link is in the sig.

OC: Jack Spades  Owner: Jack Spades

 

Jack’s design isn’t the most memorable, but I don’t have any problems with it. Blue, orange, and black is pretty boring, but it looks nice and is functional. I do like the incorporation of a scarf though. Scarves are one of my favorite accessories.

 

I really like Jack Spades personality. It fits my idea of swindling to a tee, and seems like a fun character. Nice job!

 

As for the backstory, it works fine up until his parents abandon him. Care to explain why exactly they left? It just sorta comes up out of the blue in the backstory, and there’s nothing before that would give a good idea towards why they would just abandon him. Definitely fix this.

 

But apart from that, everything else works well.

 

Overall, Jack Spades is a well made character with very few problems.

 

Grade: A-

 

 

I'm interested, if you can review my OC it would be nice. He's in my signature

OC: Valiant Gamer  Owner: ninjamon102938

 

Personally, I’m not a fan of yellow and brown color schemes. It looks ugly to me, save for very certain situations. However, there aren’t any glaring errors in it, so if it’s a color scheme you like; more power to you. I do have a problem with the design of the cutie mark though. It’s a bit big, and should be moved a bit upwards on the flank. The pink used also looks a bit weird when put with the rest of the color scheme; maybe a mustard yellow or light brown would work better? Experiment a bit.

I do like the freckles though.

 

The personality is a little on the shallow side, but it works for the most part and fits well with his cutie mark. Nice job.

Finally, the backstory. I like everything up to the part where he meets Princess Celestia. It seems odd and contrived for her to just appear to that. And it’s hard to imagine that Valiant wouldn’t be able to make a single friend. Most schools have a decent amount of people who like video games, at the very least. I also don’t like how he just receives a great education just like that. Feels rushed and unnatural. I also don’t like that he’s studying under Twilight. Canon relationships are a no-no for me.

 

My suggestion would be to leave out the whole Celestia thing and everything that happens after. It should be relatively easy to conclude his character without resorting to that.

 

Overall, Valiant Gamer has a functional design and personality, but the second half of the backstory feels unnatural.

 

Grade: C+

 

 

I'm curious to see how you will grade my OC/ponysona/avatar. Yes, my OC is supposed to be a pony version of myself, but I'm still curious either way.

 

Pic of my OC (hand-drawn):

 

 

 

Pic of my OC (vectored):

 

 

 

My Profile: http://mlpforums.com/user/29975-jonny-music/

 

My OC detail from the Post your OC Thread: http://mlpforums.com/topic/74033-post-your-oc/?p=3471556

 

Note: His Cutie Mark is an organ pipe (from a pipe organ of course) just in case you didn't get that right away.

 

Take your time with your review of my OC. I'm not in a rush to know.

OC: Jonny Music  Owner: Jonny Music

 

For the most part, I like Jonny’s design. The colors are nice and not overly saturated, and the glasses are a nice touch. The only things I have a problem with is the cutie mark, and the black portion of his mane. The cutie mark is an easy fix; just move it up a bit and reduce the size. It’s a bit large and low right now. The black part of his mane seems out of place and is distracting, so I’d suggest replacing it with a dark blue or purple color; maybe plum too. Experiment a bit with those colors and you should be good.

 

As for the personality, there isn’t one, so I guess make one? I don’t know; personalities are important. You could probably think of a few traits that are common with pipe organ players.

 

There isn’t really a backstory either, so I’ll just end this with my thoughts on the whole photography aspect of him. Now, having multiple interests is fine and dandy; most real humans have multiple interests, but I do have a problem with you saying that “he’s just as into it as Photo Finish.” Photo Finish is someone who has photography as their main talent. This makes me think that Jonny Music has an equally large interest in photography, even though his name and talent have to do with music. I’d recommend removing that part, and if you want; put a little more detail and emphasize that music is his main talent.

 

Overall, Jonny Music has a pretty good design, no personality, no backstory, and looks like he has two primary talents.

 

Grade: C+

 

 

Heyy! Could you please review my OC Remix Blitz? She's in my signature

OC: Remix Blitz  Owner: MiniKirby123

 

Well, Remix’s design is appealing for the most part. My only gripes are that the mane has four colors, and the existence of the ear piercings. Having four colors clutters things up, and looks a bit odd, so I think that you should replace that darker shade of pink with that shade of blue you already use. Even Princess Cadence has only three colors in her mane. Other than that, the color scheme looks fine. Everything goes well together, and has a nice relaxing purple-y look.

 

Now for the ear piercings. The head area of Remix is already on the edge of being cluttered due to the mane style and headphones, but the ear piercings tip it over. It looks really cramped and detracts from the overall look. I’d suggest removing them.

One last thing; the cutie mark. I have no problems with its design; it just looks like it should be moved a bit to the right. Might be just the drawing though. Either way, keep that in mind.

 

Now for the personality. I love what you’ve done here. Excellent work. Everything flows together, and it’s refreshing to see an outgoing and energetic OC in a world full of shy ones. I could easily see her in the show.

 

Finally, the backstory. It does come on the edge of being melodramatic, but I think you managed to steer away from that the most part. The parents and Remix’s relationships develops at a steady pace until it reaches its conclusion, so kudos for that. I would, though, add some examples of what exactly Remix did to make her parents not accept her. What social norms did she break exactly? These are things that would flesh out your backstory greatly.

 

Everything else is fine though (though I would also add some examples of her rebelling). Nice job.

 

Overall, Remix Blitz has a nice design, excellent personality, and good backstory.

 

Grade: B+

 

 

I don't have a pic yet, but MY OC is a cockatrice-turned-alicorn (alicornatrice) named Corncob.  Imagine a cockatrice.  Now imagine him with an exceptionally long horn protruding from his head.  Bam.  He inexplicably ascended to the state of alicornatrice during an especially rousing game of Checkers against his archenemy (a squirrel with a mechanical paw).  Afterwards, Corncob and said archenemy competed in an epic bout of tug o' war on the moon.  Spoiler: Corncob won.  He also took a correspondence course in telepathic communication and received above average marks.  His wife is Berry Punch; though Berry Punch has yet to learn of this.

OC: Corncob  Owner: Ziggy and Angelbaby

 

There is no picture, but I’ll do my best to review the description. Now, who wouldn’t want to see an alicornatrice? Good job.

 

No personality, so make one?

 

This is a very deep and emotional backstory. Checkers is a very emotionally-challenging game, and Corncob truly deserves alicornhood after defeating a squirrel with a mechanical paw. The average telepathy skill and Berry Punch are nice touches too.

 

Overall, best OC I’ve ever seen (read).

 

Grade: A+++++++++++

 

 

http://mlpforums.com/page/eqw-characters/_/unapproved/amber-dust-r248

 

Hullo! I figured its about time I got a rating/critique on my OC.

OC: Amber Dust  Owner: AmberDust

 

Well, you’re off to a pretty good start with this OC’s design. The mane design is pretty, and the cutie mark has a nice simple design (wouldn’t hurt to make it a little bigger though, and I’d do away with the white splatter behind it; It doesn’t add much). I also like the freckles; nice touch. However, the color scheme could use some work. Green and blue aren’t really the most appealing colors together (though it can be done). I personally think the shades you’ve chosen clash a bit, so I’d suggest making the green coat a more bluish-green color. That would go much better with the mane. I also think the mane could stand to be a bit less vibrant from what I’ve seen in other drawings of her. Finally, the eyes. They are way too bright, and are very distracting. Try toning them town a bit, and limit the use of highly saturated colors.

 

I also think the silver cuffs don’t add anything worthwhile, and look out of place compared to the straight style used in the mane. That makes her come off as more refined, while the cuff suggests the opposite.

 

But other than the color scheme and cutie mark, Amber Dust is a pretty nice looking OC. Like I said before, the cutie mark and mane design look nice.

 

Now for the personality. This is one of the best personalities I’ve ever seen on an OC. Right off the bat, you’re impressing me with realist, but strong ideals. I rarely ever see this trait in other OCs, let alone use it as the opening trait, so kudos to you. It’s a very unique trait that makes for interesting characters from what I’ve seen in characters who have had this trait. As for the rest of the personality, I like that you got out of your way to not emphasize shyness or magic skill, and instead; emphasize Amber’s more unique traits. A lot of other people who have made OCs could learn from this.

 

Essentially, I like everything about this personality. You use so many uncommon traits that really make your OC’s personality shine above the rest (my favorites would be: realist, but has strong ideals, aspiring to be artist, comfortable who she is, and loves everything ancient).

 

As for the backstory, I like it. It fits well with her personality, though I wouldn’t mind seeing a little more specific descriptions of some of the adventures she went on, rather than just mentioning them briefly.

 

Overall, Amber Dust has a decent design, excellent personality, and good backstory.

 

Grade: A-

 

 

My oc backstory is that she used to be a unicorn, when she was a filly she was found in whitetail woods by Celestia, not willing abandoning her so she took Moonlight to canterlot and adopted her as Celestia's daughter since she never had a daughter before.

OC: Princess Moonlight  Owner: Princess_Moonlight

 

Sans for the cutie mark, this OC is identical to Princess Celestia design-wise. The manes are the same, and they are both Alicorns. I highly suggest coming up with a more original design. Also, the coat color looks washed out, so I wouldn’t suggest using it in a redesign.

 

She has no personality, so I can’t review that. I’d highly suggest coming up with one; they are one of the most important components of an OC. We know absolutely nothing about Moonlight.

 

I personally don’t like relationships between canon and non-canon characters, so I’d redo this backstory as that’s the only thing the backstory has. Also, if you’re going to make an Alicorn OC, you’re going to have to give a good explanation why she became an Alicorn, and how. What exactly is she governing over? Moonlight suggests the moon, but Luna’s already got that.

 

Overall, this OC’s design looks very similar to Celestia’s, has no personality, and has a very shallow backstory.

 

Grade: D-

 

 

Why is Harmonic Revelations banned from this?

 

Can you rate mine?

 

 

This is Cupcake.

OC: Cupcake  Owner: Mirror Silver Spoon

 

Well, since there is only the design, I won’t be reviewing the backstory or personality. So, with that out of the way; let’s begin.

I like Cupcake’s design for the most part. The mane looks great (Though I would remove the more vibrant colored strand in the tail; it just looks out of place), and I love the bow.

 

What I don’t like, however, is the dress thingy/shoes, and the coat and eye colors. The dress thingy looks odd, it being just the bottom half of a dress, and the blue is a tad bit too saturated for the coat. I’d tone the saturation down a bit for that one. The shoes don’t really add much, so I’d get rid of them. And finally, I recommend suggesting turning the eye color to a more orange-y/amber-y color, as orange does better with blue and brown opposed to yellow.

 

Overall, Cupcake has a pretty good design.

 

Grade: B-

 

 

Could you look at my oc North:

 

http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/north-r7070

OC: North  Owner: Tao

 

Ooh, very pretty OC! I don’t much to complain out here, so this should be quick. All the colors are a lovely pastel shade of the chosen color, and they all go lovely together. I get a night time scene a picture book vibe from her colors, and it’s very nice. The flower is very pretty too, and makes for a nice accent. My only suggestion would be to a put a strand the color of the lighter shade of blue in the tail in the mane as well. It looks a bit awkward without it. But without that, this looks great!

 

As for the personality, I wouldn’t mind seeing more than just brash and having a keen mind. Not that these are bad traits; they’re certainly functional, but the OC concept you’ve created has so much potential for a better personality. For example, she’s an adept night flier, correct? So that would mean she has good perception, or she doesn’t let cold bother her? Try to think of more traits that could spawn from night flying.

 

See, now this is an effective way of creating a new kingdom (well, clan in this case). It’s not unrealistic nor hard to believe, and there’s no ultra-powerful leader. I could easily see this in the actual show. I also like how you make use of this to emphasize her flying ability. Being the fastest in the valley is much better than saying fastest in Equestria, which too many OCs do. Nice job!

 

Overall, this OC has a lovely design, somewhat lacking personality, and a nice backstory.

 

Grade: A-

 

 

Thoughts? (If you're wondering, the eyes are the same color as the glasses)

 

image.jpg

OC: Unnamed  Owner: CosmicMelody2112

 

There’s only a picture, so all I’m gonna review is the design. It’s not the most interesting design, but it’s semi-functional. My main complaints have to do with the cutie mark and coat color. The coat color could be toned town a bit, and a pinch of teal wouldn’t hurt. As for the cutie mark, the stars aren’t adding much, so I’d get rid of them.

 

Other than those two things, this design is alright. Not much wrong with the mane, but it’s a bit boring.

 

Grade: C-

 

 

 

 

Here's his picture; his profile's in my signiture. But here's the link for easier access: 'http://mlpforums.com...ill-guide-r5266

 

It's accurate as of January 22, 2015. I shall wait patiently for your review.

OC: Will Guide  Owner: WiiGuy2014

 

Alright, design first. I’m not a huge of fan of this design to be honest. The colors chosen are all oversaturated (except for the hair), and brown hair is very hard to get right. I’d suggest changing the shade of red in the coat to a more brick-y color to go with the hair, and do away with the yellow exposed fetlocks. Exposed fetlocks are canonically reserved for heavier set ponies, and yours is just tall (speaking of height, Will could stand to lose a foot or two. His height looks unnatural with how skinny he is). Plus, the yellow isn’t helping anything in the design.

 

Now for the cutie mark and glasses. The cutie mark is way too complex; a simple book would do just fine, and I’m not a fan of Earth elements such as Disney being included. As for the glasses, their white color looks odd compared to the rest of the color scheme, so I’d opt for either black or dark crimson.

 

Now for the personality. There’s not too much here, and you haven’t really given much to make it easy to suggest traits for him. However, I would do away with the coming from the Earth part of his story. I really don’t like that, as Earth isn’t even canon in the My Little Pony universe yet, and neither is Disney. I’d suggest just making up a company similar to Disney that resides in Equestria.

 

Anyway, just try to brainstorm a couple of traits. Hopeful and not wanting Equestria to end up in trouble isn’t the most complex nor interesting personality, and could use some work.

 

Finally, the backstory. As I stated before, I am not a fan of the whole Disney or Earth aspects of your OC, and I’m definitely not a fan of human coming to the Equestria and becoming his own element. This does not fit in canon, and neither do Disney villains. I’d suggest redoing this character completely to fit in more with existing canon. Remove the coming from Earth aspect, and just come up with a Equestria counterpart to Disney.

 

Overall, Will’s design needs some work, the personality is shallow, and the backstory should be redone.

 

Grade: D-

 

 

http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/brimstone-r6733

 

 

Updated photo is my avatar, and i added an update in the comments

OC: Brimstone  Owner: PonyFan101

 

Alright, let’s start this with the design. Overall, this design works fine, aside from the anklets. Red and grey go well with each other for the most part, and the colors chosen aren’t too vibrant. As for the anklets, I do like that they match the eye color; smart choice, but anklets are more a personal issue for me. I’ve never liked the way they look on ponies, but if you like them; go ahead and keep them. They don’t look terrible.

 

As for the personality, I like how it’s sorta similar to a dragon, but it feels a bit lacking. We don’t really know a whole lot about her from what you give. I’d suggest thinking up some traits that would go well with someone who is interested in dragons. For example, if she likes observing them, she must be observational, and either brave or stupid. You could always go with some of those, and try to see if you can think of other things as well.

 

Now for the backstory. I like it for the most part, but the parents; particularly the dad, seem overly mean. What kind of father in established My Little Pony canon would think of their daughter in that way based on their wing size? It doesn’t seem plausible to me, as there haven’t been any examples of borderline-abusive parents in Equestria. I’d suggest keeping criticisms of your character’s traits to non-family members. It’s much more believable.

 

Everything else is fine though. The dragon studying is a cool unique concept to base your OC on.

 

Overall, this OC has a good design, decent personality, and alright backstory.

 

Grade: B-

 

 

 

I know there are way too many here, so just cherry-pick one or two

 

Neon Glow

http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/neon-glow-r7148

http://perrikara.deviantart.com/art/Neon-Glow-Reference-Sheet-503634328

As I haven't developed his profile yet, I'd like it if you'd only review Neon Glow's appearence and not his personality/backstory if you decide to review him.

 

Hibiscus Bloom

http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/hibiscus-bloom-r5491

 

Cocoa Pod

http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/cocoa-pod-r6182

 

Dice Venom

http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/dice-venom-r6180

 

Elixir

http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/elixir-r6962

OC: Hibiscus Bloom  Owner: Hibiscus Bloom

 

I LOVE this OC’s design. Seriously, this OC is one of the best looking OCs I’ve ever seen. Not only is it adorable, but the colors look marvelous together. The brown is not too bold and the white is just right, and the flower in her hair makes for a lovely accent. The cutie mark is a nice simple design too that goes well with the rest of the color scheme. The eyes look nice too, and the freckles are a nice touch; not a lot of artists incorporate them, which is a real shame. The whole thing just gives me a nice Hawaiian vibe; reminds me a coconut to be honest. In a good way, of course.

 

As for the personality, it is nice and functional, but a little on the generic side. Sure, she’s a positive pony, but what else is there about her? She’s good at making drinks, right? That should be able to spawn a few interesting traits. Does she have good eye for details? Is she a fan of drinks? Is she good at math or chemistry? What kind of weather does she like? These are all good starting points for brainstorming some unique traits.

 

I love these kinds of backstories. You don’t try to force your audience to sympathize with the OC by making it a living punching bag; yours makes sense for your OC, and I like how it revolves around her journey to her getting her cutie mark. I also like that you include activities that would be expected for a place supposedly similar to Hawaii. Good choice of special talent too; I don’t think I’ve ever seen an OC before with a cold beverage making talent. Unique and interesting. Excellent job.

 

Overall, while this OC’s personality could be a bit more, the design and backstory are good enough for me to give this a:

 

Grade: A+

 

 

I have 3 OCs. Out of the three of them, Erythema's the most complex. Here's a link to her character profile.

OC: Erythema  Owner: SunBurn

 

I shall start this review off with the design. Now, I don’t really have much to say about her design. As a donkey, you don’t really get a whole lot of options regarding the design of your OC, but at least yours looks nice. Not the most interesting design out there, but with the limitations imposed by having a donkey OC, it’s understandable.

 

I’m not a huge fan of the personality though. Very shy and quiet is a fine trait, but very boring if on its own. Many MANY OCs have this trait, so it’s important to make sure you have other traits that distinguish your OC from the rest of the crowd. You say she likes children, right? Well, you could mention “maternal” as one of our traits. Now, you’ve got to ask herself what traits would someone who likes children have. Continue this line of thinking for more traits, and soon enough, you’ll have a fully fleshed out OC.

 

The backstory is where I have the most problems with your OC. I cannot see the “kill or be killed” philosophy anywhere in the world of My Little Pony canon, and everything just has this odd gritty and melodramatic feel to it in your backstory. Now, some people may like this, but I’m not one of those people, so this detracts from my overall opinion of your OC. My suggestion would be to completely redo this; try to think of more conventional roles that a donkey in Equestria could do.

 

Overall, this OC’s design is fine, but the personality and backstory need a lot of work.

 

Grade: D+

 

 

I realize you're swamped (That list is huge!) but you haven't said you're temporarily closed yet, so why not gimme some constructive criticism on mine? I hope it's not a problem she doesn't have an accurate picture yet as of this writing.

 

Just @me or quote me when you've got mine. I might not check for a while. 

OC: Lektra Bolt  Owner: bronislav84

 

Alright, I’ll start this off with the design. I’m just come out and say that I’m not a fan of the gray bolts on her coat, and the gray parts in her mane. They look very out of place, and I’d suggest replacing them with the shades of yellow you used for each respective part.

My next complaint are the metal wings. Now, I’m fine with her having mechanical wings; it makes sense for her cutie mark, but the design of the wings could do without the green lines. They don’t go with the rest of the established color scheme, and I don’t see a point in having them from an aesthetic standpoint.

 

However, I do like the rest of the color scheme. This is one of the rare cases where yellow is used effectively, and it looks very nice. Everything is a nice pastel-y color, and the eyes go great with the rest of the color scheme. Nice job with that.

Now for the personality. Excellent job here. You go into a lot of detail, and have positive and negative traits that all go together to create a fleshed out character that feels whole. Some of my favorite traits you’ve included are passionate with her work, doesn’t like the hiding of others feelings towards her (I can relate to that), dislikes acting stupid, and doesn’t like authority roles. I’d love to see this kind of personality in the show.

 

Finally, the backstory. Everything here looks fine; I like that her parents go well with the overall theme of your OC, and makes everything feel unified. However, her cutie mark’s story feels a little forced. I’d prefer to see her cutie mark appear during her actually doing something involving inventing, rather than lightning making her think about it. It would be a little more natural.

Everything else looks fine though. I like all the little details, and how you include some of her inventions (though more of them wouldn’t hurt). Nice job.

 

Overall, Lektra Bolt has an alright design, excellent personality, and good backstory.

 

Grade: B-

 

 

 

http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/astral-blitzen-r7750 heres my oc so far, ill try to add more images to the profile

OC: Astral Blitzen  Owner: Astral Blitzen

 

Alright, I’ll start with design. For the most part, I really like her design. The tan and blue go lovely together, and the cutie mark has a nice design (though it should be a little smaller). My only complaint is the blackness around the eyes; it looks really odd, but I suppose it does add your own style to the OC, so if you want to keep it; more power to you.

 

As for the personality, I’d prefer to have a written out description of Astral’s personality, but I do like that there are a lot of traits. They all seem interesting, and my suggestion would be to write this section out as a paragraph so you can explain everything. It would make Astral feel much more like an actual character rather than just looking at a list of traits. Plus, you can unify everything into a cohesive character.

 

The backstory is very basic, but I suppose it works. My suggestion would be to incorporate the story of how and when Astral got her cutie mark, which is an untouched subject in your OC. Cutie mark stories generally make good backstories.

 

Overall, Astral Blitzen has a nice design and personality that just need some refinement, but the backstory is a little lacking.

 

Grade: B-

 

 

I'd like a nice feed back on my own oc Smokey Gold: http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/smokey-gold-r7762

OC: Smokey Gold  Owner: Tao

 

Design first. For the most part, I do like Smokey’s design, but I do think that it’s a bit oversaturated.  My suggestion would be to lower the saturation and go for a more pastel-y look. The current design is very bold and distracting. I also think that the cutie mark should be the same color as the brown streaks in the mane. The current color blends in too much with the coat color, and you want your audience to be able to see the design of the cutie mark.

 

However, I do like the clothing. This is a rare moment when clothing actually looks good on an OC, so kudos to you.

 

Now for the personality. Now, I definitely enjoy the abundance of good unique traits, I think that the personality would be better suited to a written out description in the form of a paragraph to explain the personality. This way, you can explain everything in detail, and it gives the impression that your OC is a full character, not just a character with random traits thrown at it.

 

Finally, the backstory. Now, I’m fine with the mom dying during childbirth; that’s perfectly believable and all, but I don’t like how his dad died during a shootout. First off, it doesn’t fit with established My Little Pony. Second off, guns haven’t been established either. I also don’t like how Smokey gets his cutie mark by hunting down his father’s killer.

 

My suggestion would be to replace the guns with more Equestria-oriented weapons, and instead of killing off the dad, just injure him. I feel that would work better while still keeping the original feel of your OC.

 

Overall, this OC’s design is pretty good, the personality could be explained better but has a lot of traits, and the backstory could work with a few edits, but right now; it feels out of place in My Little Pony’s established canon.

 

Grade: B-

 

 

Eh I guess I'll give this a shot. A Second opinion shouldn't hurt. 

 

Name: Silhouette Dusk

Species: Alicorn

Cutie mark: Fibonacci Spiral w/ a crescent moon on one side, surrounded by sun rays.

 

This will probably take you a while.

 

Backstory (This is a doozy):

She was the 9th Empress of the 4000 year old Equestrian Empire, a small industrialized nation south of the crystal empire and it's surrounding tribal settlements.  When the empire fell to Sombra's curse, the economic & political gap forced the north into collapse and the tribal conflicts over resources fueled the winter of the Windigoes. All 3 pony tribes traveled south and sought refuge in Equestria, but Dusk could only help them for so long before the cost began to take it's toll on her own subjects. She then had no choice but to ask that they go somewhere else for more help. Unfortunately, the lands surrounding Equestria, were under rule of Discord, who had somehow been "convinced" into signing a non-aggression pact w/ Dusk. The tribes had no where else to turn, so they tried to take Equestria by force through multiple raids, each easily crushed under the might of her well trained, well equipped, Equestrian Royal Legion. 

 

Things changed one night, when the tribes attacked the capital of Everfree City, better funded, more organized, and lead by two Alicorn sisters. Despite the fanatical devotion to their cause and their technological edge in battle, the Legionnaires were were wiped out by Celestia & Luna w/ ease. Only Dusk was left to oppose the Sisters, refusing to abdicate her throne or surrender on behalf of her country. In one final clash, all 3 alicorns threw their magic at one another. But even the mighty empress could not hold her might against two alicorns. Her subjects had to watch as their proud leader was blasted out of the sky and sent plummeting to the earth. Not even the valiant attempts of the few remaining soldiers & civilians could stop Celestia & Luna from dragging their leaders prone body away in chains.

 

The last thing Dusk would ever hear or see was Celestia telling her that she would never use her powers to abuse & neglect the honor of being an alicorn ever again, as she was being encased in ice, where the crystal empire used to be. 

 

Fast forward 1000 years. The crystal empire has returned and been restored to it's former glory. The magical radiance from the crystal heart jolts life back into Dusk's own, weakening the cold around her enough for her to escape, and see her childhood home, the place that was her birth, and the place whose disappearance ended in her downfall, shimmering brightly right before her eyes.

 

 

Goals (also a doozy):

Dusk has reawakened to a different Equestria, one that's bigger, stronger, more peaceful, and one that has forgotten all 4000 years of it's legacy. The two beings that assaulted her, now rule in her stead. The country she swore to protect, is now under enemy rule. But she is not alone, for there were many in the old empire, and stories of the fall were passed down from generation to generation. The empire has been working in secret, rebuilding, fortifying, strengthening, planning for the day of revolt. Located deep in the badlands near the Equestrian border, the Equestrian Empire has built itself cities and operating as a government in exile, building armies, establishing networks of spies, uniting a society w/ two goals: Bring the sisters to justice and spread the truth about Equestrian history. And with their mighty Empress among the living once more, her people now have the morale to rebel against the sisters and continue the war they started 1000 years ago.

 

Dusk will use whatever means she has at her disposal to end the sisters reign and see them punished, whether it be legally by invoking Equestrian law against them, tactically by dominating the royal guard w/ her Legion, politically by proving herself a more qualified leader to the masses, or directly by straight out challenging Celestia, the main culprit, for her power. However, she must do these things without making enemies of the rest of Equestria. Not only will they outlast her small nation, but more importantly, they are still her subjects and she took a vow to protect them, even if they don't remember it.

 

 

Personality & Hobbies (take a guess):

Dusk is a very scholarly pony. Much like Twilight Sparkle, she reads a lot and is curious about the world around her. Unlike Twi, Dusk takes a more hooves on approach to learning, often rushing out into the field to research. She also looks for ways to apply her knowledge, looking for ways to use it in improving the world around her. In that respect, she is also like Rarity, looking for an excuse to give of herself and contribute. Thanks to this, Dusk has been credited w/ many an invention, some of which are in use in modern Equestria. Her most recognized scientific contribution among her own people would be in military applications, creating the first armored infantry units (WWI era tanks & APCs), gyrocopters, propeller engines for winged aircraft, and the first weaponized dirigibles & zeppelins. Her greatest passion , aside from having the honor to rule Equestria, is architecture. Growing up in the Crystal Empire, she was unimpressed w/ how the ponies designed their buildings in such bland & often crude styles. She saw what beauty there was in crystal, in both aesthetic and structural terms. She would take that inspiration and apply it to the wood, stone & steel of her parents Empire of Equestria. She may not get the chance to be royalty like they were, but she would leave her contribution regardless, helping design what would become Castle Canterlot. Such contributions earned her the respect of her people and their nomination for her to be the next empress (that and some selfless & miraculous conduct during the first attempted coup of Sombra).

 

During her reign, Dusk was a rather lax & approachable ruler, sleeping in, walking around without her regalia, enjoying herself throughout Everfree city among her subjects, and getting a bit of a reputation as a mischievous romantic. When she wasn't intently investigating something or getting a date, she would be practicing her next hobby. Competitive dueling. You see, the emperor or Empress of Equestria had to defend their crown against any who challenged, and back in those days, there were plenty. But Dusk never saw it as a threat to her empire. Just another excuse to test her newfound god like power and enjoy the thrill of battle. 

 

All that changed with the fall of the Crystal Empire, something Dusk feels she is partially responsible for, either by driving Sombra out of Equestria or by not dealing with him herself once more, she became more reclusive and serious,  more protective over her empire, fearing for her subjects safety, acting like how an empress was expected to act, and confronting threats in a more aggressive manner. These days she now works with spies, military advisors and her one surviving friend, her Changeling-Centaur  general, turned leader during her absence, Proximus "Proxy" Charon. She reviews the defenses of her frontier city of New Everfree, personally works on the calibrations of her war machines, travels the city to keep up morale, and articulates her plans day and night to the last detail on how she's going to free Equestria from "annexation".   

 

But even these tumultuous times, she has found it hard not to make new friends, establishing a comradery w/ Candace & Shining Armor, appreciating all they've done for her childhood home. She's also taken an interest in one Princess Sparkle, one of the few ponies who Dusk can converse freely with about the sciences and enjoy performing crazy science experiments with like it was a date to the movies.

 

 

Powers: Any and all cannon magic, including dark magic, which Dusks prefers to be called Witchcraft. 

 

Appearance:

Silhouette Dusk 2.pngSilhouette Dusk fan art 1.jpg Silhouette Dusk fan art 2.pngSilhouette Dusk fan art 3.jpgpony (1).png 1 & 5 were done by me. The rest was generous fan art

 

OC: Silhouette Dusk  Owner: Denim&Venom

 

Alright, design first. I really don’t like Silhouette’s design. Black and red alicorns rarely go well together, and yours is no exception. Gradients are generally a bad idea, and you don’t want to have a bunch of dark colors. It’s just not appealing to look at. The necklace also looks too large, and looks odd.

 

Now for the personality. There really isn’t a whole lot here. Most of the stuff you put for personality would fit better as backstory, which leaves just being scholarly, like Twilight Sparkle. Now, this is not enough for a full-fledged personality, and just feels like a knockoff Twilight Sparkle. I’d suggest thinking of more traits that would go well with what you aiming for with your OC, and try to keep it unique.

 

While your backstory has a lot of details, there are also a lot of errors such as when did Sombra and Discord ever rule together. I’d suggest sticking to established My Little Pony canon. Speaking of canon, I’m not a fan of fanmade characters having authority on a large scale, especially with alicorns.

 

Overall, this OC needs a lot of work in all aspects.

 

Grade: F+

 

 

 

 

 

Candy Star

 

Here is my OC, Candy Star, just don't hold back on me; really offends me if people do.

 

OC: Candy Star  Owner: Candy Star.

 

Alright, let’s start this review off with the design. My main problem with this design is the color scheme. Everything here is way too saturated, and needs to be toned down a bit, including the white coat. My second issue is the mane. The shades of pink and blue you have chosen clash with each other, and it’s really distracting to see the shade of blue in the rest of the mane. My suggestion would be to either try out three colors for the mane (which I don’t recommend, as that is very difficult to get right), or just remove the blue altogether and keep it as just a pink mane.

 

Now for the personality. Overall, I really like this. You have a lot of traits that go well with each other (my favorites out of the bunch are: serene and overly emotional). However, I do suggest adding a little more; particularly, add some traits that would go well with candy making. I feel that would really make the personality shine.

 

The backstory is pretty good as well, though it is a little lacking in the details department. For example, you don’t explain exactly how she got her cutie mark, which I think should be included. But overall, it’s a nice backstory. Just needs a little more detail.

 

Overall, the design needs a lot of work, but the personality and backstory are decent. They just need some more info.

 

Grade: C+

 

 

New OC, this one's a bit creative, let's see what you make of her.

 

Nymphaea

OC: Nymphaea  Owner: HunterTSN

 

Hmm, this is quite the interesting OC. I do like the design for the most part, but I do have a few comments. First off, the hair. It looks a little too green. Maybe some more mucky colors thrown in would benefit? Try to experiment with that part a bit more.

My other complaint is that her body type and mane look a lot like Queen Chrysalis, which is a little odd. Maybe try changing things up a bit?

 

Other than those two things, I actually really like this design. A creature like this would be cool to see in the show; reminds me of something from the same grouping as the cockatrice or hydra. The flower is a nice touch, and the whole thing looks very swampy.

Because I’m getting the vibe of an animal rather than a civilized pony, I’m fine with the killing thing, and the personality makes sense for the most part. However, if you want your character to feel more like a character opposed to a creature, you’ll have to add more traits. But then again, that might come off weird, and I do like this happy medium, so this might be the best bet. Use your best judgement.

 

The backstory is very nice and refined. I like how it goes through all the important stages that would be necessary to explain how she came into being. Very nice.

 

Overall, this is a very unique OC that would make for a good creature/foe in the show.

 

Grade: A-

 

 

You may criticize Double Espresso. Link in my sig. She is still a WiP thiugh her design is final, so it would be interesting to see this review.

OC: Double Espresso  Owner: Baguette

 

Alright, let’s start this off with the design. While a little boring, this design does work, and I have no real problems with it. It does fit the mental image of an espresso, and if you’re satisfied with it; feel free to keep it. Cute design though.

 

I like the idea of disregarding personal space as a trait for the personality. I’ve never seen that before on an OC, and it’s very unique. Kudos to you on that. The rest of the personality is quite nice too. You seem to have picking good unique traits down pat, and it shows. Confidence and secrecy are all very uncommon, but very interesting traits. I could definitely see this kind of personality on the show.

 

Finally, the backstory. Right off the bat, very clever of you to have the father leave. For once, the absence of a parental figure actually does something good for an OC and makes sense. It’s easy to tell where her distrusting of others came from, and I like the subtlety of it.

 

The rest of the backstory is nice as well. I like how you actually give realistic emotions to the parent, and I also like how you incorporate a nice cutie mark origin story. You’re very good at fleshing out side characters, and it does wonders for your backstory. Excellent work.

 

Overall, Double Espresso is a lovely little OC with an excellent personality and backstory.

 

Grade: A+

 

 

Could you do a review of only Aria's design? The rest of her profile isn't really worth reviewing right now since it's going through so much work.

 

 

 

 

OC: Aria  Owner: Twi the Totodile

 

Alright, let’s take a look at your OC’s design. For the most part, this OC’s design is fine, but I do have some complaints regarding the eye color and the cutie mark design. Green is a really weird color, and it’s hard to get right, and in this caste; it doesn’t really work with the rest of the color scheme. Yellow and blue, however, is a fine color scheme, and you should incorporate that into the eye color. A shade of blue should do nicely. Just make sure to keep it not overly saturated.

 

As for the cutie mark, it’s a little too small and thin, so I’d suggest going for a more bold design (but not too bold).

 

That’s about all I got to say regarding the design.

 

Grade: B+

 

 

 

This is my OC concept... ROUGH! but Review my OC please?

 

 HERE BE DRAGONS!!!

 

    Komoto Krawkis is an anthropomorphic hybrid creature with traits of the komodo dragon and the crocodile. He stands at a monstrous 6'7 feet and weighs 300 lbs. Despite his natural size and strength. The cold blooded monster is a gentle giant wanting more to make love not war... Although, the dragon in him loves a good fight on occasion... Keeps you from getting soft, keeps upstarts from taking your crown and takes care of troublesome marauders.

 

   His days could be spent lounging down by the beach and soaking up the sun's rays. Taking leisurely swims in the river... The crocodile in him loves to get wet n wild. I mean who doesn't love a good dip in the pool? He also enjoys a delicious steak dinner and romancing the local females.

 

   A self proclaimed romantic, all the beach females barely can resist his machismo charm and his bravery as on occasion an upstart will forget his place and will need to be reminded who is king of the beach. He's at the prime of his life... None stand a chance. He maintains order as he will settle disputes in the group, meal time squabbles and fiercely defend the beach from intruders and marauders of "Anthro Island"...

 

Gender-Male

Sex-Heterosexual

Age-27

 

APPEARANCE

 

Hair-Black

Eyes-Blue

Skin-Blue Gray or Blue Green

 

PERSONALITY

 

Strong

Intelligent

Romantic

Dramatic

Handsome... Is Handsome a Personality???

Protective

Brave

A Vicious Fighter

A Killer

Cold Blooded but Not Cold Hearted

 

Post included is a rough draft drawing of my OC and is in first concept stage - unfinished.

 

   This has been SuperBrony87 and I hope you all like it?

Here is the finished version every pony enjoy the colors

 

OC: Komoto Krawkis  Owner: JeremyDRay87

 

Alright, design first. The blues go very nicely with tan yellow color, but the black hair is too obtrusive. You should almost never use jet black in your color schemes, so I’d suggest changing it to either a dark gray or dark blue. That’s the only problem I with the design. The muscles are an interesting touch, as well as him being a gentle giant.

 

Next, personality. With all these positive traits, it makes your OC come off as comically over-the-top. Now, if you’re going for a joke OC, this is fine, but if not; then you’re gonna have to make some edits. If he’s going to be a more serious OC, try to list some of his negative traits and interests. He’s gotta have some, and those things are the best ways to bring depth to your OC’s personality and make it feel like a real character.

 

There isn’t a backstory, so I can’t review that.

 

Overall, this OC has a decent design, but the personality is very comical.

 

Grade: C+

 

 

I put my OC Tilt up to the slate, She can be found in my signature 

OC: Tilt  Owner: Tilt

 

Alright, I’ll start this review with the design. Tilt is one of the more memorable OCs on this site, and it’s mainly due to her design. I have no complaints with it; Tilt is adorable after all, and the blue and blonde colors go lovely together. I also like the beanie; nice touch. Overall, she has an excellent design.

 

Next is the personality. While simple, it is nice, and her interests are one of this OC’s strongest points. You can definitely feel Tilt’s love for pinball in her profile, which is more than what I can say for other OCs. Laid back, but competitive, is also a pretty underused trait for OCs, so nice job there.

 

Finally, the backstory. Excellent work here as well. I love how detailed everything is, and I like how you make a smooth progression from arcade aficionado to a pinball pundit. You hit all the right marks to make the audience feel what Tilt feels, and everything is detailed. You even have good pacing. All in all, one of the best backstories I’ve ever seen.

 

Overall, Tilt is great in all aspects.

 

Grade: A+

 

 

yo review my pastel punk oc please, she's in my signature

 

thnx bby <3

OC: Pastel Punk  Owner: Michael De Santa

 

Alright, time for my very last review.

 

First off, design. Pastel Punk has a lovely pastel design that I honestly can find no flaws in. All the colors are very peaceful and look gorgeous together, and the black headband makes for the perfect accent so the whole thing isn’t too peaceful. Another highlight of this design is the cutie mark. I really like the design of this, especially the swirls, and it isn’t too complicated either. Marvelous work here.

 

Now for the personality. Pastel’s personality is quite nice; you come close to resembling the personalities of some of the Mane 6, but you fortunately move back on track and make Pastel her own character. My personal favorite trait is the practice until perfection one; very uncommon, but very interesting. Wish it were more common in OCs as it is a nice trait. Anyway, nice job here too.

 

Her backstory, while not particularly in-depth, is short and sweet, and I like how she’s, for the most part, a normal pony, unlike other OCs out there. It’s very believable on how she came to realize her singing talent, and overall; I just really like this backstory.

 

Pastel Punk has a fantastic design, personality, and backstory. I could easily see her in the actual show.

 

Grade: A+

 

 

 

Alright, finally done everyone! Thank you for submitting your OCs to be reviewed. It's been very fun, but I'm going to close this now. Bye!

[Moonlight 7,286]

 

 

Grade: A+

 

Well at least I have a pretty good streak in OC making, thank you based Blue Moon

[Tom Snyder 4,112]

Grade: C+

The mane was supposed to look like that to give it the coloration of cotton candy. and i believe it fits her just fine. As for her cutie mark, she gains it through the friendships she's earned through the years; and by accidentally making the iridescent candies she now sells to the ponies in town.

Edited April 28, 2015 by Candy Star

[Jonny Music 3,402]

Grade: C+

 

I was not expecting a higher grade than that to be quite honest (for obvious reasons and flaws as to which I am yet to get resolved soon (thank you for pointing them out)). However, I'm not disappointed at all. I'll personally keep my OC's design the way it is because I am already happy with it (I will fix the sizing of the cutie mark tho, it is indeed a bit too big, lol). As for the backstory and personality, those are still in the works (I'm still yet to figure those out for him).

 

With that being said, I respect your critique and I thank you for that.

 

Have a good long vacation (or retirement I guess?) Blue Moon. You deserve a good rest.

[~Sole~ 852]

Thanks for the review, Blue. I actually wasn't expecting such a positive opinion. oh, and about Sole's fur color. it may be solid black in his profile picture, but his fur has officially been ash-grey for a while now. No go with the hat though, i made it the design and color it is as a homage to one of my favorite fictional characters.

[AmberDust 1,118]

Thank you for the review. I'm glad you liked her personality as much as you did.

I had a LOT of trouble with the colour scheme, so any help or suggestions would be really appreciated. I even made up a thread for it: http://mlpforums.com/topic/125934-colours-colours-colours/?view=getnewpost