On the "True" Nature of Friendship

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It's kind of odd to see someone questioning the idea of friendship within a group dedicated to it. And yet, I still question. So, what is friendship? And I challenge you not to immediately jump to the obvious answer of "magic". The show and, of course, the fandom has conditioned you to say that. But have you stepped back and considered the connections that you make with others across miles of land and ocean? How close are they? How many do you maintain? Can they be as strong as a relationship created in "real life"? 

 

But first, some definitions: 

Our lovely friend Merriam Webster defines friends as:

a person you like and enjoy being with

 

But you already knew that. If you didn't like somebody, you wouldn't be friends. However, this doesn't address a reciprocal relationship, so, in theory, you could simply proclaim to be someone's friend without their consent, and it would be true.

 

Now compare that to Merriam Webster's definition of...:

Love:

a feeling of strong or constant affection for a person

Affection:

a feeling of liking and caring for someone or something 

Magic:

special power, influence or skill

 

So, one could assume that a friendship contains at least some love, no matter the circumstances. Sure, a best friend's love is on a different level than that of a crush or the like, but love remains. On the topic of "friendship is magic", based on this definition only, I'd say that's true. Friendship can certainly influence others into doing things, and it most certainly has power. But I think that its power is hyped too far by some. 

 

I know this is a lot of information, but I'd also like to point to Sigmund Freud, the father of psychoanalysis. In his work, Civilization and Its Discontents, he says that love within a person is finite. You can love or make friends with as many people as you'd like, but with each relationship that you tack on, the individual gets less and less love. And considering strangers, he says the following: "Not merely is this stranger on the whole not worthy of love, but, to be honest, I must confess he has more claim to my hostility, even to my hatred." Human nature tends to hate strangers, simple as that. He also goes on to say that your strongest love at all times is that of yourself. We, as humans, as naturally egocentric. 

 

So, given the information above, what do you agree with; what do you think? How does this relate to the fandom? Consider the problems when looking at people on Facebook with over 1000 "friends". And, even here on the forums, that problem can exist. Though I don't have a lot of evidence to go off of, that problem must exist. Surely, one with hundred of friends cannot possible have high levels of relationships with them all. Granted, I have been here for a bit over a month, sporadically. I also have four friends, here, only one of which I communicate with consistently. So, perhaps I'm blind to the "magic" so many speak of. (This is not a plea to get more friends, by the way, but, I admit, a guilt trip can go a long way). 

 

 

[OptimisticNeighsayer 478]

I'm not sure if that follows.

 

Most people would say that love is qualitatively different than friendship and that the definition isn't vigorous enough.  And even there the definition calls for a "strong" feeling, which means that there is a threshold of affection that makes it "love".  In fact, definitions are not the end all and be all of things.  If it were so, philosophy would have been a dead practice long ago.

 

The show doesn't simply say that "Friendship is Magic", it shows ideals of friendship.  And that's why we are attracted to the friendship aspect of the show:  It tries to establish what a true friend really is.

 

Also, I find Freud's idea that love is finite to be rather vague on the nature of love itself.  And I disagree that love is purely a zero-sum game. 

Edited March 3, 2014 by JustFairness

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On 3/2/2014 at 5:20 PM, OptimisticNeighsayer said:

 In fact, definitions are not the end all and be all of things.

  Welf. I'm sufficiently 'triggered.' Somebeing certainly knows how to aggravate my obsessiveness, hah. I have a knee-jerk impulse to try & define everything, as well as I'm sure most who click on this thread out of curiosity. There's the part of me that can't grasp why we would even bother having emotions if we couldn't understand & define them. But I digress.

   I have to say that no, the question doesn't strike me as odd. The prevalence of such should only cause more minds to question the matter. But that's what seems to perplex me so about the concept of this Friendship. If you ask me, the show itself seems to treat the idea more along the lines of: "Friendship GOOD! This is good Friendship! Go get Friendship! NOW!" and it keeps leaving me wondering what the fuss is about.

 

    Friendship is something completely foreign to me. Sure, I've had human friends before, but they were temporary & we lost touch, so clearly it wasn't something meant to last or all that ideal. I can only liken it to one set of examples, and I know this is particularly pathetic but bear with me, Dogs have been my only friends. Even then, Like I, the dogs didn't really have a choice in the matter. But I'll spare you my self-pity.

   Friendship, as close as I can grasp, is caring for others. Friendship is Love. For some reason, western culture has diluted the meaning of love down to seemingly only applying to potential mates. I believe that Ancient Greeks or somesuch had several different meanings for love that did all still fall under the category of Love. Dutiful love for your patron God, Romantic Love, Erotic Love (Hence: Eros a.k.a Cupid), Love Between Friends and so on. That basically, Love and Friendship means you don't like seeing that person get hurt, that you want to protect them, see them succeed, you just want to be around them or comfort them to make them feel better. Something I suppose is akin to Trust or Unconditional Love.

    I'd... take Freud with a grain of salt, so to speak. It seems like, these days, if you were to bring him up in most circles somebeing is bound to come back with a snotty "Ehh, Freud is outdated now." He does seem now to be a product of his times, but he still does speak a bit of truth. It does seem natural to start off from a point of distrust & hatred of new things, but like Nilhilism, it has its points but isn't too healthy of a place to stay. I believe that everyone is worthy. If you start off judging others by what you lack for an idea & concept of them, then you'll never get around to truly knowing them. Most mortal life is indeed selfish, and as we should. Self-preservation kind of trumps most other things. We do need to know what we're getting into before we start anything up. Humanity is, however, dependent on connecting with itself.

   Does a hundred social media 'friends' really mean anything if you've only really held a conversation over a paragraph's worth with maybe, at most, a quarter of those? Do a billion "Likes" on the YouTubes really even mean anything other than random shmucks punching a button simply because it's there?

 Yes. It Does.

   Because, at the least, it lets the original maker of that page or whathaveyou know that another soul somewhere out there viewed & contributed somewhat to your own efforts. There may be a good, healthy amount of people who read what I'm typing now, who don't think or act on adding anything else and don't show up on anything other than the greyed out, easily missed "views" part to this thread. But I cannot tell from what I sit how much of an impact I had on their lives, and indeed that seems to correlate to real life. Maybe you've passed me unknowing on the street. Maybe I was that forgettable face that walked by, who put every effort he could stand in just saying hello to you and that strain wasn't obvious enough to get through to you in the mere seconds we had, but maybe that return of a greeting or a silent wave... that simple acknowledgement of my existence... was one of only three things that day that kept me from killing myself...

   Lack of a physical presence does not dilute the intent of caring. Least, I like to think so.

 Does a thousand "likes" mean less than one good person in real life to supply a moment of levity or a shoulder to sob into? I can't argue that point either.

  I assume that Love & Friendship means Caring. And I care for all of you, even those I'll never meet with or ever even interact with on any level. I don't want anyone to hurt.

 

   ...but that caring does get diluted quite easy. The news tells me of some plane crashed where hundreds died terrible deaths? How am I to care? You're just information to me at that point. I'm sure it was undoubtedly painful for all those involved, but... I have no concept of what it was like. If there even was anyone on that plane from what I can tell. How much damage had happened there if I've never traveled outside my own state, as all I have to go on is videos at best.

   There's a sense of removal there. Of facelessness of the internet & shouting into a void that you hope someone will answer. I could... talk to you for hours in PMs on this site and still not come anywheres close to the sense of trust and accomplishment that can come from physically meeting you, holding you, knowing I can be near you enough to trust again.

  An Internet Friendship still is something, but it is not a substitute. I... can't know your caring from just words alone.

 

  But really, I, as do all of us, need friendship & companionship. Do hope that someday, somehow, someone can teach me what l-... what friendship could be.