Feedback for your OC and Roleplaying 2.0!

[Inactive01 5,298]

Hello everyone! 

 

I'm sure some of you were wondering where Sterling Crimson went off to with all those OC reviews. Well, I was busy all semester and I had very little time to review anyone's OC. I'm very sorry for that, and I want to let everyone know that I'm back with a vengeance! So come on down and let me see your OCs! I'll start reviewing them once I'm done my exams next weekend, but I will definitely start a cue for you all! 

 

Now bring your OCs to me! Let me see them!  If I brohoof your post, I've seen it and it's on my queue.

 

The Queue

 

 

1. Melody Breeze
2. Astral Blitzen
3. Celsius
4. Addie

 

 

 

Marking Criteria in Detail:

 

 

 

Appearance: 

• 0-2. Your OC's colours don't blend well together, the OC was very poorly drawn, and your OC's appearance doesn't match their personality at all. Almost impossible for me to give this.
• 3-5. You don't have a picture and based on your description it would be hard for me to imagine your OC. In most cases this grade will not be official by any means. Getting a picture will do wonders to get out of this score.
• 6-8. A normal looking OC by all means. Nothing too special, but still fits the OC's characteristics pretty well. Maybe the colours didn't blend as well as I liked, but the character still looks ok nevertheless.
• 9-10. Simply stunning. You/your artist is amazing. They match what you intended for your OC to convey, and I can imagine them really well in a roleplay setting.

 

 

 

 

 

Backstory:

• 0-2. Incoherent backstory. Very unreadable backstory that makes understanding the OC impossible. Poor grammar, spelling, and no sense of effort was placed to helping readers imagine your OC's life. 
• 3-4. The basics of the backstory are there, but there needs to be a lot more consideration to making your OC's backstory better. A lack of detail is placed that makes your backstory very unoriginal and plain. The foundations are often there, but not much was built on top of it. Contradictions also exist in different facets of the story that makes character development move in either a standstill or a circle. The story's probably too unoriginal too. Lots of cliches that prevent your OC from being YOUR OC.
• 5-6. You're starting to make a better backstory at this stage, but some details still need clarification. There may also be contradictions in your OC's story that needs clearing, but it's not too significant as to cause major damage to what you're trying to do. Your backstory may also be somewhat uninspiring at this stage in my opinion. Or maybe it just doesn't fit Equestrian canon very well.
• 7-8. Solid backstory. You thought it out well, but something's still missing. The sense of originality. Maybe the story wasn't very original. Maybe the story needed some more literary elements or symbols that better link your OC's story to his character development or his background. Nevertheless, at this stage, it would still be a good backstory that provides elements of detail and at the same time provides room for development at a future roleplay or fanfic.
• 9-10. Very few times will I give this. You thought this out for a REALLY long time. Everything's there and there's also originality. The elements of surprise, detail, and clarity are apparent. It's so epic that you have no excuse to make a bad fanfic or roleplay poorly.

 

 

 

 

 

Personality:

• 0-2. I don't know where you're going with their personality. Very unreadable. Poor grammar, spelling, and very little effort was placed to helping users imagine how the character would act in different situations.
• 3-4. The character's basic personality traits are there, but not much more. I still can't really imagine the OC reacting to different situations that well. Their personality still needs ironing out at this stage and much more thought. Not much thought was given to why they have those traits either because there isn't much room to do so. Basically, a very typical personality and not much by the way of originality.
• 5-6. Getting better, but something's still missing. The traits that make the character who they are exist, but not much thought on why they act in certain ways is presented. Some originality exists, but it wasn't executed to perfection. Slight more original, but not well explained which prevents the OC from better standing out.
• 7-8. I like your personality traits. They make the OC unique and they respond well to certain situations. Often times people make it short but sweet but at the same time I can imagine the OC reacting to different situations in unique ways. Originality also exists by way of creating perks, fears, or having certain special items that they hold dear. It makes them more like them at this stage. Nevertheless, some polishing may still be required to achieve the best your OC can be.
• 9-10. Simply flawless. I love their personality, I love how unique they are, and I can see them fit in perfectly in any setting and still be unique. If you don't roleplay your character's traits, it would be completely your own fault at this point.

 

 

 

OCs I Have Marked

 

 

1. Curious
2. Mirror Image
3. Galatea
4. Rai
5. Code Junkie
6. Lightning Bliss
7. Maya Flower
8. Fender
9. Cutie Cone
10. Chetnik
11. Merryfeather McCloud (Merryfeather)
12. Distance Traveller
13. Mason
14.  

 

 

 

Also, I wanted to say that I want to hear from you about my reviews. In many cases, I've reviewed people's OCs only to see them never come back and read them! I EXPECT you to read my reviews when you come here!

 

I've been noticing that people have multiple OCs they want reviewed. If that is the case, come back again if you want another OC reviewed and I'll put you back on the queue.

Edited May 4, 2014 by Sterling Crimson

[mars 4,861]

 

 

your OC's appearance doesn't match their personality at all.

 

Could you clarify what you mean by this, please? 

[Inactive01 5,298]

 

 

Could you clarify what you mean by this, please? 

Think of it like this. I see an OC who is very shy, but the description says they're really active and hyper. A pony's first impressions says a lot about their character, and they have to fit well with each other for telling a story.

[mars 4,861]

 

 

Think of it like this. I see an OC who is very shy, but the description says they're really active and hyper. A pony's first impressions says a lot about their character, and they have to fit well with each other for telling a story.

 

 

What if it's a pony like Rarity, that looks stuck up and conceited (sorry Ghostie) but is actually very generous and kind-hearted? Would you rate a pony like this rather lowly?

Just asking, because I have a pony like this. 

[Inactive01 5,298]

 

 

What if it's a pony like Rarity, that looks stuck up and conceited (sorry Ghostie) but is actually very generous and kind-hearted? Would you rate a pony like this rather lowly?

Just asking, because I have a pony like this. 

 

Umm... nononono. If I feel that the character can be played with such that Rarity can be generous and kind-hearted (because she can be kind-hearted when she can be), it can still work out and Rarity would have a high grade for it.

 

It would all depend on how you describe the character and how you portray it in appearance and what not. If I feel something needs to be changed, I'll let you know.

 

Like version 1.0, I'm not going to rag on anyone. I'll be constructive and I'll make sure that my advice will be as much help as possible. 

[mars 4,861]

 

 

Umm... nononono. If I feel that the character can be played with such that Rarity can be generous and kind-hearted (because she can be kind-hearted when she can be), it can still work out and Rarity would have a high grade for it.   It would all depend on how you describe the character and how you portray it in appearance and what not. If I feel something needs to be changed, I'll let you know.   Like version 1.0, I'm not going to rag on anyone. I'll be constructive and I'll make sure that my advice will be as much help as possible. 

 

 

Awesome, thank you for the clarification. 

[GaleFenrir 281]

So, you're reviewing OCs, huh? Well, in that case, I would like one, or two, or three. I don't want to be greedy, though, so I'll gladly only take one.

 

Well, I'd like my OCs reviewed with the following priority:

 

1. Curious

2. Gardenia

3. Ambrosia

 

There profiles are all in my sig.

[Inactive01 5,298]

So, you're reviewing OCs, huh? Well, in that case, I would like one, or two, or three. I don't want to be greedy, though, so I'll gladly only take one.

 

Well, I'd like my OCs reviewed with the following priority:

 

1. Curious

2. Gardenia

3. Ambrosia

 

There profiles are all in my sig.

 

 

Just added you on my queue of reviews. I hope you don't mind waiting until April 26th. I still have exams to finish

[GaleFenrir 281]

 

Just added you on my queue of reviews. I hope you don't mind waiting until April 26th. I still have exams to finish

yep, that's fine. I'm a patient person.

[SilverHeart 741]

I would like you to review two of my OC's, if that isn't much trouble. Lapis (Lapis and her sister, Gemma, have nearly the same OC sheet. They are also a joint project between Midnight Scribbler and I.) and Mirror Image. 

 

If you can only review one of them...I'll let you decide....or I will if you don't want to decide.

[Inactive01 5,298]

I would like you to review two of my OC's, if that isn't much trouble. Lapis (Lapis and her sister, Gemma, have nearly the same OC sheet. They are also a joint project between Midnight Scribbler and I.) and Mirror Image. 

 

If you can only review one of them...I'll let you decide....or I will if you don't want to decide.

Which OC do you feel needs more reviewing? Keep in mind I don't start reviews until April 26th.

[ReverieRiver 525]

Ooh, could you perhaps take a look at my character, Galatea? I just recently updated her profile, and I want to make sure it's up to par~

[Inactive01 5,298]

Ooh, could you perhaps take a look at my character, Galatea? I just recently updated her profile, and I want to make sure it's up to par~

You're third on the queue for April 26th.

[ReverieRiver 525]

@@Sterling Crimson,

 

Thank you kindly, good sir~

[SilverHeart 741]

Which OC do you feel needs more reviewing? Keep in mind I don't start reviews until April 26th.

Probably Mirror Image. I would t have to go through anyone else to make any changes. Thank you very much for song this.

[Inactive01 5,298]

Curious

 

Appearance: He certainly looks very humble and pacifist as you suggest he is. The name you give him, "Curious" should also suggest someone who likes to do a lot of exploring and trying new things, which is something I want you to consider as you continue to develop your OC. Otherwise, he seems like a normal pony and his appearance, while humble, does it justice.

 

Score: 9/10

 

Backstory: There's a lot of things I'm wondering from your backstory. First of all, what happened to him that caused him to get lost from the rest of flight camp? When did he start to question other pony's authorities? Was it just an adolescent thing, or was there an event attached to it? What part of his travels had the most impact to his life? Where was he eventually found?

 

Another big issue for me comes from the lack of interactions he had with other ponies, particularly his parents. How did they feel after he was found? Particularly with the cutie mark he got? What would they think of it? Plus, it sounds like Curious' relationship with his parents is strained ever since he was found again... or was it already becoming strained before he disappeared from flight school?

 

Lots of good things here, but you need to clarify on a few things and find new ways to expand your OC's character in his story. You may also want to look at his first adventure away from home.

 

Score: 7/10

 

Personality: You've already added a lot of details to your backstory here, so I don't have much else to add other than what you already have here with regards to his character. However, is there any way you can add a hobby or two if he has any? It's your choice, but I was wondering what his career actually is, because his cutie mark doesn't really signify his career choice. Nevertheless, if you don't wish to give him a career choice, at least you can give him something to do in the present day.

 

Score: 8/10

[Armin 168]

Any of my OCs really, but preferably Rai please (Link in sig)

[Inactive01 5,298]

@SilverHeart

Mirror Image

 

Appearance: An interesting concept for you OC... I've seen other people attempt this sort of thing without much success and convincing, but much of their failures lie in not being able to provide a strong, original backstory to create the present condition for the OC in question. I wonder about the three beaded necklace that she's wearing right now. Is it anything special? The scars on her face... It makes me feel very sympathetic for her . It's good artwork to say the least, and I can see what you did there as part of her shame and unwillingness to accept her past...

 

Score: 9/10

 

Backstory: I feel that the backstory itself which led to a sudden change in her life for the worse is quite cliche. I've read lots of stories like that, and while they're very sad and can have much potential if done right, it's quite a risk to give these sudden changes to your OC. What also makes it concerning's that you didn't really delve much into the fire itself. For such a life-changing event, I would expect more detail than just a brief mention, although if you've come up with something for an RP, then that's completely fine. If you wanted to make the backstory very moving, then I highly suggest you add a lot detail about the fire that changed her life forever. I also wonder how she was feeling in those years after she lost her parents...

 

Your backstory's really common in many other characters, and I don't feel much of an emotion disposition towards your OC other than the scars she has. Elaborate the emotions she feels and let the reader know how the events influenced her. I was particularly surprised that you didn't add a brief note as to her continually hiding her scars or when that actually started. You have something, but you need to do a lot more elaborating than normal because these types of stories are very cliche.

 

Score: 4/10

 

Personality: At Age 35, is this where she becomes cruel, or has gotten over her cruel characteristics? Otherwise, I can see why you classified her personality by age. Nevertheless, are there things that remain the same over the course of her life? Like her hobbies or an emotional aspect of her life. It would be very interesting to see how you approach this .

 

Score: 7/10

[Pinkamena Dianne Pie 465]

Why hello Sterling, I mean Ancaster. I would like to have my OC reviewed if you wouldn't mind.

 

http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/code-junkie-r3706

[Lightning Bliss 1,674]

@,

 

Hi, was just curious to read from outside my group of friends of what other bronies think of my OC:

 

 

 

 

Here's alos the link to my artwork thread: http://mlpforums.com/topic/80100-lightning-bliss-awsome-pony-friends-6-art-corner/

 

Here's the link to my OC's Background: http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/lightning-bliss-r4350

[Courageous Thunder Dash 7,811]

Could you take a look at my foal OC Maya Flower?

 

http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/maya-flower-r5673

[Fender 1,283]

I will be honest here. I would like all of my OC's reviewed. @-@ They would all be on my profile.

[Inactive01 5,298]

I will be honest here. I would like all of my OC's reviewed. @-@ They would all be on my profile.

I can only review one OC at a time to give everyone a chance to have their OCs reviewed. If you want multiple OCs reviewed, then come back after I complete the first of the OCs you prefer to have marked.

[Fender 1,283]

@, 

 

xD Yeah, I figured as much, was more or less curious to see if you would do it. In which case, I would have had to stop you. No sense in overworking people.

 

Well, shall we start with Fender?

 

http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/fender-r2092

[SilverHeart 741]

@SilverHeart

Mirror Image

 

Appearance: An interesting concept for you OC... I've seen other people attempt this sort of thing without much success and convincing, but much of their failures lie in not being able to provide a strong, original backstory to create the present condition for the OC in question. I wonder about the three beaded necklace that she's wearing right now. Is it anything special? The scars on her face... It makes me feel very sympathetic for her . It's good artwork to say the least, and I can see what you did there as part of her shame and unwillingness to accept her past...

 

Score: 9/10

 

Backstory: I feel that the backstory itself which led to a sudden change in her life for the worse is quite cliche. I've read lots of stories like that, and while they're very sad and can have much potential if done right, it's quite a risk to give these sudden changes to your OC. What also makes it concerning's that you didn't really delve much into the fire itself. For such a life-changing event, I would expect more detail than just a brief mention, although if you've come up with something for an RP, then that's completely fine. If you wanted to make the backstory very moving, then I highly suggest you add a lot detail about the fire that changed her life forever. I also wonder how she was feeling in those years after she lost her parents...

 

Your backstory's really common in many other characters, and I don't feel much of an emotion disposition towards your OC other than the scars she has. Elaborate the emotions she feels and let the reader know how the events influenced her. I was particularly surprised that you didn't add a brief note as to her continually hiding her scars or when that actually started. You have something, but you need to do a lot more elaborating than normal because these types of stories are very cliche.

 

Score: 4/10

 

Personality: At Age 35, is this where she becomes cruel, or has gotten over her cruel characteristics? Otherwise, I can see why you classified her personality by age. Nevertheless, are there things that remain the same over the course of her life? Like her hobbies or an emotional aspect of her life. It would be very interesting to see how you approach this .

 

Score: 7/10

Thank you so much. I've asked for a few people to critique her before, but no one ever did. They just told me she was good. Or interesting. Can I request a re-review after I make the changes?