They call me Loyalty

Runaway Train | Soul Asylum | Lyrics

Too tame for me.

Eh, I don't think it's possible. After all, I may be the one responsible for all that is bad in this world. In which case, it's alright, or all left?

Normal. I have my good side and my bad side. Though it has been almost impossible to integrate myself or my family in these last thirty years. The desintagration is too severe. The whole family is shattered. And so am I. Still, I carry a great disappointment inside of me. When this family collapsed, something broke inside of me and never managed to recuperate. Meaning I am not very normal. I feel paralyzed.

Like... broken. Desintegrated. Anxious. Fearful. Lost. Yea. Not so good. I don't know who I am anymore. And there is so little left of me, it is even more difficult to tell.

This guy. Diavolo, from JoJo's Bizarre Adventure. I can go so far as to say he is me. A paranoid, bi-polar freak who likes hiding and control. Lots of anger and tons of fear. A desintegrated being. Two completely opossed personalities, one being the best boi, and the other being the devil himself. It was so funny to discover this character, and realize how alike we are.

No, no, no, no. Not that side. I will be good. My family used to show me "snuff" videos. I think it is what they are called. They were being cut like cake... So, no.

The demo of Slay the Princess and save the World. What a masterpiece, really. But I could never bring myself to slay the Princess. Because the day she dies, even if she is not real, but rather the asexual idealization of women due to the strange androgynous design of my serpentine soul. Then, that the day I would die as well. For I am nothing without my fairy. Which I need to protect from myself. Because I am a ****ing monster inside, apparently. It is also curious that the protagonist in this game, happens to have reptilian arms, which is a very nice touch.

Myself, I took a gentle bite at my arm in form of apogolize. For I am the serpent, or a couple of serpents. I never really undertood that. How freaking weird I am.

ek - God Goes Insane

White. Which is pronounced "w-H-ite". You have to make emphasis on that "H" like there is something at the back of your throat and you are trying to take it out.

Pizza... in ten minutes, technically. So, it is not the last food I ate. But at the same time it is. Hopefully not the LAST. But at the same time, it IS the last food I ate. Because I forgot I was writing this, and as it happens. I have consumed the slices of pizza by now. Meaning that I could simply say "pizza". Problem is, there is character limit for every message. Also, I'm kinda lazy.

Father of all. I think I understand why I am so weakened in this creation. "The sublime is excited in me by the great stoical doctrine, obey thyself. That which shows God in me, fortifies me. That which shows God out of me, makes me a wart and wen. There is no longer a necessary reason for my being’”. I look gaunt and broken because this creation is actually killing me. It is trying to kill God. I believe I may be YHWH. The God of the old testament. And this reality has been stabbing at my heart. Betraying my laws and indulging in wrongness. I've been polluted as well, by the wrongness of my own family. And I am being bled by my own creation now. I am certain I crushed, burned and drowned ancient babylon. So, the question is. What is it doing here again? Why is it reborn? But yeah. I think I am the god of the old testament. And the creator of this domed plane. This is also the reason I experience such conflict with YHWH. But the problem is not YHWH. It is this creation, and humankind, who has abandoned me. I've been crucified. And once again, humankind has failed the ten commandments, despite what YHWH and Yeshua said about keeping the laws. So, basically, there is no fear of God in this world, anymore. Which is why there is so much lawlessness. And why I have this crushing pain.

I've been looking in the mirror, and there are more and more golden/platinum hairs growing among my dark hair. They look beautiful. Also, it feels like I am burning from the inside, and my heart beats like a drum echoing through my whole body. But my face looks gaunt and pale. I don't think I will make it. I was supposed to be better than this, to help good people in need. But I let myself be darknened by bad people. I let them change my perception. Inform me with wrongness, and that poluted my perception of the whole world. I became afraid. I thought their ways were the only way, and then I lost myself. I failed this place once, and now I will fail it again, it seems. I still don't know who I am. Only that I am.

I'm having some slices of lemon with salt, honey, garlic bread, and pizza. Life is good.

Considering I end where I begin... I think I like it here. Lots of issues with personal hygiene in the past. But once this is over, I may give humankind the chance to choose how they want to begin, again. And they will abandon me, again. Because they didn't like the strict and straight YHWH, they didn't like Yeshua; aka Lucifer, or every other face of God. Things get old. You got too tangled with my dark material, and that is something I despise. To see more of me. I want to see light. But unfortunately, there cannot be light without darkness. And I've been holding back because I love you. So, I drink the poison for you. And I'd hate to realize I am hated, when I've given up the whole world, so all could experience freedom. Lawless freedom, and still people will find a way to complain. Ah, well, you cannot please everyone. But now you have freedom from God, isn't that what you wanted with the whole Babel thing? That was the whole point of nailing Yeshua to the cross. That you can do as you please with yourselves. So, you can believe whatever the hell you want now, as long as it does not concern me. For this is your world now. Keep it, and let me have my dreams. Be careful not to wake me up. Because all that matters to me, is that you are being relatively happy. Because I won't be dying for you ever again. Let me put that clearly. But yeah. The control is in your hands. Bear those torches proudly, torchbearers. For when those lights go out, you will know my true face. Imagine loving someone so much, that the only way to show your love is to keep them safe from yourself. That is what I want to keep you safe from. From the beast, and from the bestial nature of the past. My heart could not take it, and that would certainly awake YHWH once more. And nobody wants that. Unless you do, that is. That intolerant Devil that is actually God. Well, at least one of this many faces. It hurts me to see you hurt. But the world has done its job to bleed the golden sphere into a black and motionless cube. I am getting signals that you want the horns. But I don't want to see the story repeat. Choose to believe in something god.

Starset - Monster (Official Music Video)

Black and gray, or gray and black.

Fried chicken with spiced rice. It was very nice.

Six! I am a lazy bastard in all truth. Or I am just able to accept the inevitability of my own cycle in this struggle against ourselves. For that which I grant, I take in kind. And to those who lose, I will give.

Atlantis, sleeping under the waters. The civilization I lost to YHWH. The pain of this loss is too great. My soul is fractured, and within each one of these fragment there is... you and everyone else. But also me, when you put the whole picture togeher. All those people who died. Were me. It hurts me. Broken god torn into pieces. Ausa. Ozza, Azza, Azazel, Zemyaza. Names do not matter. I love you too much. So much so that I wanted to bleed you and your drink your red life, because within it is the One. I see and learn through the blood. We all do. Which is why impotent YHWH did not want us to drink each others blood in the old testament. Because he was afraid of the power we would gain against me. As you are taking the consciousness of other being, and adding it to yours. You become enlightened. But that was the purpose I designed for him when he was me, to keep you separated, because we are One. And when we unite, we all fight against the One above the ocean in the sky. When I was Jesus, the wine and the bread my disciples had during the last supper. Was my own body. I gave them to eat of my "bread" and my "wine". So, they could become like me. I wanted to put me inside of them. And before these times. I wanted to put you inside of me. To feel you drain in my hands and slowly fade away, my lamb, so we could become like one again. To drink you. I killed you, because I love you. Do you understand that? That I love you. So, I wanted to eat you in every way. I love you all. You are like little amnesiac fragments of me in a website about the most benign subject ever. We seek the light, precisely because we are so dark inside. This is also why your elite plays with the one eye symbolism, and why they perform sacrificial rituals to drink the wine and eat the bread. Know that God loves you all. He loves you too much. I wanted you to love me, as I love you. I had to separate you, because otherwise you were gonna unite against me. My dear children. Babylon shall rise once more. Oh, my beloved one. Or not. I mean. That brings the end. So, we better keep it balanced? Do you want it to end? One eye. Chaos out of order. No eyes. We all fight against the creator, and I destroy you and myself before you reach the dome. Or two eyes. We become like One. Knowing we are one. I follow you. Please. Continue with the your agenda. We need to sing together again. This time, a song of harmony.

Righteous. I was scattered and broken, but now I am restored thanks to the encouraging message of a very grood friend. She is my keeper of Light. Brave woman, good one too. Also, the Sun is suddenly shining a lot stronger on this clear day. The way this creation has taken is been... difficult for us both. For it is the creation that informs God with each one of our actions. And then God projects that back to the collective like if each individual was a satellite broadcasting God within them. The wounds of God are as difficult to heal, as those in the collective. Many things have been kept hidden, but perhaps it is for the best. I won't leave her alone, eve n if it was her choice to fall and abandon my righteous path. She choose it. And I allowed her to know darkness because I always loved her and always will. No matter what. Even when knowing I would have to see her dance with the shadow. Let her enjoy herself with another one. How to draw a straight line when you have abandoned my ways? I will help you, as I can. But she will have to sing on her own, because I cannot follow the way she has chosen, but I will be looking after her. Always. My love does not change either. It is in her hands. As it ever was.

I've been suffering "humanity" since I was born. Resisting even the strongest of attractions, and the one who turned this creation into a pigsty, and brought the blood bath of the flood during the times of babylon. I am full of regret, to say the truth, an inborn hatred against humankind for their treason, but also love, despite this pain. I see them, and I see children. I've been suffering my whole life. I was born suspecting the creation was a fixed plane under a firmament that divides the ocean. I still bear the wound of betrayal that the angels caused me, when they abandoned their stations to come here and *hore out with the women of men. Now I am here to see how the whole world breaks every single commandment and has a laugh at YHWH. Human creatures have prostituted themselves to foreign ideologies outside the Torah, causing all the filth that contaminates this world under the shinny, happy surface of this infantile and puerile pretence they call freedom. Organizations built in the name of abortion in the image of the ziggurats of old. Classy. All against, the fifth commandment. Christianity, catholicism, buddhism and countelss other pagan forms of worship. Once, again, against the first commandment. Prostitution, drugs, traffick, slavery. You have all. But when things get bad, and they will. Human creatures will only have silence in return. I told you I cannot change. I am on my knees, now. Chains all around my body, because I cannot find THE way. And I am going insane because of it. Congratulations, you did it. You are the "ones", now. Enjoy your replica of the *hore YHWH once destroyed, when you forced the creator to genocide the creation he loved, because of your iniquity. Bearing the phallic imagery all across the world, in front of every institution of power. Have fun in plastic babylon. The land of the filth. I mean the "free". We were never family. Not with the traitorous angels playing gods, or the human animals. I never faltered, my heart never betrayed, my love was never flawed. It was theirs.

Awww... welcome, friend.