They call me Loyalty

That it's made of the present.

Hey, how's it going? Welcome to the herd.

Very true, tolerance of each other despite our many differences, in strive for greater understanding. We have to go beyond the archaic precepts of old times, to understand that beyond the surface, we are all human beings.

This planet can be an inhospitable and cruel place. But I also believe that is part of what we are here for, to learn and allow others to learn who they really are. Because we are not merely light, as there is also darkness with us as well. Can you feel it? Writhing within your navel like an unwated child. Do not repress your inner most nature only to have a life of regret, for this may be the only one we get. Imagine leaving this place knowing you could have done a little more to live that which you ever dreamed of. Let your true colors shine. Have the courage to take on the world, and make your own mark. For the light can only shine brighter into the dark.

Spiced hake and potato stew. It is good.

Yeah, I got into mlp because I was told rainbow dash and applejack were lesbians. And that is kinda hot for a straight guy like myself. But I get what you mean about feeling empty and sad after finishing with a fanfiction.

I was reflecting on the bible and how immensely practical it is as scientific book, in relation to what tesla mentioned. But at the same time, I do not believe in christianity, catholicism or the new testament. I think the old testament and the ten commandments are eternal, and that YHWH is the only God, because of how wise and practical are his ways of deliverance. Meanwhile we live in a word that portrays the creator of this wonderful house that we call the earth as a maniacal, vindictive and cruel character. We live in a false heliocentric paradigm of religious scientism where most of the world has forgotten the true shape and maker of this creation, and the whole world has been deceived by ha-satan. The new testament should have never replaced the old testament, because the laws and the commandments of YHWH are eternal in their practical application, because common sense never grows old. So, I believe there is no salvation in jesus, but condemnation, for there is no replacement for a righteous life, and because church predicates redemption in the blood of jesus, to the point of instigating amorality in the name of unconditional forgiveness. But there can be no true love without the LAW. Because love without condition or "unconditional love" are merely another word for lawlessness and debauchery. I do not believe in church, the religions of men, or the one in the cross. For I believe jesus is no other than satan.

That is a lovely drawing. I love pizza, too! If you know what I mean. Welcome to the forums.

Probably the classic fallouts. I play those almost yearly, since they came out. But they are kinda like my real religion. So, I should post it in the religion thread instead. And the other one is probably terraria. It is like minecraft but good. Mind you, I do not care for building, but mostly exploration, killing and looting. +500 hours Which brings us to one of the most popular dungeon crawlers/looters. Skyrim. I've played a fair bit of it. Mostly to roleplay my own character as far from that stinking pile of sh*t that is the main quest, and almost every other quest line, to be honest. I mostly set tents and watch for my characters's body temperature, writting on my modded diary about better games. +1000 hours But yeah. Those are some of the games I've played the most, besides mmorpgs, which are massive time wasters. When you are bored of wasting time your usual way. There are others but I doubt this toaster can run steam.

My own ego. I've been fighting against the animal inside of me my whole life, because I despise human nature. And now that my health is rapidly deteriorating because of this inner struggle for what I believe to be my soul, I realize that death is gonna be the reward. I've seen men and women over eighty years old, break and cry like a child over the animalistic nature of our own human instinct. Without an answer to this unconscious inner drive, to this hunger we all have inside. If they do not have an answer, much less me. The only thing I can do is continue to risist until the end. Because I do not think there is a cure for the human condition, other than... I'm so tired of this. All I need is some rest and some peace.

I was able to help someone when I was unable to help myself.

I am at that middle point where I don't know whether the problem is with myself or with the state of things. Maybe it is both, I don't know. But I believe things have to be better than this, or they should be, at least... I don't know.

Some of them changed over time, but I never did. They had to adapt to society or... be homeless. Which is not something that matters to me, considering the human state of my life and my family, and the fact that I never took to my own ego. So, it is like I am a stranger to myself. If outer space was real, I would be floating up there like an astronaut right now. Hahaha. Also, there is the problem with my destructive and abandoning tendencies, I do not take care of things. I never call, which is not because I do not care, but rather because there is a more pressing need inside of me, because of all the emotional shortcomings and disorders that my traumatized parents and family left on me. It is a burning wreck. But it is not that I dislike some of my friends. They take it like that because they think I do not care, without understanding the reality of my situation. And those are the kind of friends that I am better without. The rest of my friends, my actual friends, do understand what is going on with me.

I am my favorite writer. Plot and story arc. Awesome. Needs some work on the dialogue department, though.

No. Crying is to show compassion and kindness with yourself. Especially, when you are suffering and need to release the pain. But I do not cry over the pain that the wicked caused me, I take it all in and turn it into anger like the fire of a furnace to temper the strength of my heart to stay true. I will not be changed by this wrong world. I've seen the hearts of many being shattered, before being turned to the ways of this plane. It converts the soul to a negative of itself, and then they get stuck here. I wonder if that is the reason why people are seeing so many humanoid shadows during body paralysis. The key out of this ring is the heart. So, you stay true to it, no matter if it hurts.

I was feeling like a desperate animal forced against the gruelling nature of a reality that was out to devour me. Worse even, starved out and dead inside. But not anymore. I am feeling soulfull. As if spirit had been visited upon me, to calm my afflictions and soothe my pain. While a couple of hours ago, I was experiencing a massive pain in my chest and spine, at the height of my shoulder blades, as if someone was about to break me in half. I could barely stand, beause this invisible burden on my back was so heavy. But now I feel in peace. And there is this gentle ringing in my right ear that is comforting. It felt so utterly hopeless. But I am better know.

Hey, how's it going? Welcome to the forums.

About something my grandfather said to me one afternoon, when he called me to his bedroom, and I found him sitting on his bed. He looked so tired of everything... but his words sounded different, they had a real weight to them this time, and thus they stuck in my head to this day. He said "If push comes to shove, you know what needs to be done". And then he glanced at the revolver lying over the night stand next to him. I understood what he meant, but I did not want to accept that reality. Because things had to be better than that, right? So, he sighed and grabbed one cartridge from the table. And he showed it to me, almost with exasperation over my insincere naivity, like "Do you *****ing understand or not?". Then, he regained his composure, and said "This is more than enough for vermins". And he didn't say anything else. Most of the family hated him in their "moral superiority", but I think he was a good man. Despite his vices, which he may have earned. After all, he was the only one being a real man, and dealing against a reality or survival. And even then, he still kept some of his heart until the end, and it costed him dearly. Sometimes I think he was too good a human being, too strong, because the son and daughter he raised became weak under the stable protection of his roof, but he could not do it alone with his wife having died early to cancer, and nobody to take care and raise my mother and his brother into proper adults and decent human beings while he worked all day. It was a disaster waiting to happen. And that is me. I am the disaster that influenced his own demise in the end. So, yeah. I was thinking about his words. And how much more real they are than mine. It was my own morality, or hypocrisy, that did not want to recognize how correct he was, perhaps. Because violence is the utlimate answer to an animal world like this. It truly is, unfortunately. I think I was too naive. I wanted to believe people could be better, ignoring all those times I had to resort to violence to get the message across. But it was such a tragic realization for me, that I did not want to accept it. And yet, in my moralistic view of the world, I lost what I owned, because I chose morality over violence when it came to defend myself from animals wearing human faces. So, to this day, I sometimes open the cabinet, take the revolver and sit on the bed with it, thinking. And I will look at myself in the reflection of the open window and realize it is me the one who looks tired of everything now. And I still remember those messages of hope in the sky, but hope is running out. So, I will wait a little longer, before I take this matter into my own hands. I am tired of lying to myself over the fallible and exploitable compromise that is society. I sometimes truly believe my grandfather was right all along. And I am the one who is naive for having trusted in my heart. But we are not so different, he and I. Except he was strong, and I am weak. Or maybe it is the other way around. I wonder about that.

I am simply human. Which you could replace with "evil". Because, what is evil, if not the expression of our inherent animalism? So, what if this "wickedness" is nothing but a conceptualization of our intrinsic nature. And "good" is but the result of the ideological, moral contructs and ideas the human animals are taught in this world, trough society, education, religion, culture, media, family, etc. "Keep them "learning", keep them distracted, so they do not realize that "evil" is simply their animal nature". Keep them subdued, keep them meek. Keep them docile. Conceptualize this "evil" outside of them, so they do not have to look at themselves. Because there is no duality here, but the one society imposes on the human creature to divide it from itself. And this creates a lot of problems, regarding the natural instinctual response and the personal power of the individual, causing suffering, self-harm, depression, etc, etc, etc. Because they have been cut them from the animal inside themselves. That would be very disappointing, don't you think? To realize there is no intrinsic value. That you are just another animal with a bunch of ideas inside your head? Nothing to make you valuable, nothing to make you "special". Just another disposable link to perpetuate the cruel chain that is survival. Still, you have "ideas". So, you can pretend all you want. But you know what lies deep inside. Still, it is not your fault. But society's for teaching these false moral concepts that serve only to dissociate the human creature from its own instinctual response and simple nature. I've seen all the damage this has done. It killed my cousin after long years of depression. So, imagine how destructive it is. His "welcome" to reality was a little too harsh, because of all the false ideas they sold to him. So, he killed the animal inside himself to find the dream they promised him. And I'm sorry to tell, but... there is nowhere to go, sweet child of mine. This is it.

I have heart, but that "softness" or "naivety" has been tempered into a refined blade. So, you could say my softeness has become hardened at the same time. So it is not a vulnerability, but the source of my strength, and unlike heartless hardness, it can be flexible, heartful. It is not fake. I do not pretend politeness. If there is someone I perceive to be wrong, or devilish, I unsheath. It is who I am. Which is why there has been always so much tension between me and people of low morality, who are over abundant in this kind of world. They cannot stand that I do not submit, when they have bent over already. And sometimes, they want to make me fall with them, but when I do not, they have gone so far as to cry over it, or hiss like a wild animal. Very weird behaviour for an adult. I am not false. So, never expects false manners or politeness from me. I say what I think as I see it. Which does not mean I am disrespectful, unless I consider that person has wrongness within. In life and dead. Which is good, especially, in a world like this. But it has gotten me into a lot of trouble. Because I cannot pretend. So, there is always a lot of tension in lawless environments. People of low morality react very violently without even knowing why. It is like I am a magnet for bad sorts. And it is because of the heart. The heart is the key. Do you remember his name? Sometimes this feels like the apocalypse of abraham where the protagonist descends to the world below, a world of false light, and living shadows, not different from this place, which is a negative replica of the world above. You are constantly told "as above so bellow". And there is a very important truth hidden within those words, as to what regards the true nature of this "planet". So, resist until the end. Keep the heart alive, heartseeker. Keep the heart alive, and turn it into your strength. Because this world seeks to attack the heart. And vulnerability is often exploited. And misrepresented, because that softness is truly your greatest source of strength. As long as it is tempered. Not that this will mean much to any normal person on a forum about colorful magic horses, other than solidify their perception of my "mental instability". Hahaha. But, I am who I am, in the end, and the beginning. Which is why I sometimes question the creator for the wrongness and evil of this world, and then I realize that according to these pseudopigraphical texts. This plane of existance is under the dominion of Azazel. The devil is the god of this world bellow, basically. It belongs to him, as opposed to the one above. So, it is no wonder why I feel this "evil" emanate from absolutely everyone, to different degrees. Even myself. But everyone has the demon inside. That "hunger" deeper down. Well, let's say that I have a hunger that is equally potent, but it comes from the heart, from a time I experienced a love most divine in nature. Perfect love. What a word. And my heart remembers it, but my eyes and body do not feel it or see it in this mortal world, and it is the source of the emotional pain that hardens the blade with which I cut to peer deeper into this reality, to the point it truly breaks. And I become blind and lost again. And most living creatures are devilish in the world bellow, big surprise. As opposed to the one above where love is sublime and every action is sacred. So, yeah. The very act of being in this world is difficult. But I have not been changed by this world. I still perceive the same wrongness I did as a child. And my heart remained the same. While many have given up to the "demon" inside, I continue to struggle with myself, because I have the demon inside, in all reality. But also the heart to let me know it is wrong to give up.

Some concern. I am surprised by the availability of this world to traumatize and abuse anyone with true emotional cognition, as if it was to perpetuate a generation abusers and victims in a dissociative state of trauma, that supports the compulsive consumerism of the world-wide capitalist model. It is like a machine, this world. It is like a machine. And generational trauma is massive across, world-wide. And I am worried. Because people do not seem to have the same degree of awareness. And I do not understand what kind world is this, considering it is an enclosed plane. I am worried about this. I had been researching some years ago, and someone nailed a bullet in the center of the door that gave to my balcony. And it was worrisome, to put it politely. The entire world is kept dependant on a system that creates more poverty and abuse of life. I do not believe in scripture, because the context of this situation is heinous. Especially, when I read some of the free-masonic records in my family. Where it speaks how the polio was engineered to cause autistic disorder in the next generations, to keep them traumatized and docile. And it was the same with the most recent pandemic, with much trauma being caused world-wide because of that "vaccine". People I know seeing others being injected and immediatly having a seizure. And I look at the people in the street. And it is like they are sleeping. This is their reality. This is not okay. I do not think there is a god. Or at least a benign one. Because either I am crazy, or the world is. And how could you call normal a world, where the very estate causes generational trauma to ensure dependancy upon the system that is killing them? It was no different with 9/11. This place is monstrous. But people are so cognitively impaired that they just let it skip by. It was all a "game". What is going on? Everyone is constantly kept on a state of survival and dependacy with media, politic and currency that they have become animalistic and selfish. De-humanized. But not because they are "evil", but rather because the world is intended on traumatizing the population. It is everywhere. But people do not respond. It is like trying to talk to livestock. "Hey, reality is not what it seems!!!". Nothing. And every time I go to buy, or walk around. There is always a group of men following me around with shaded glasses. And it was the same since childhood. "The man in the car". What is going on in this plane? Because it is more like an experiment than anything else. But nope. The line is dead. People is to worried surviving to realize they are being killed anyway. I am just worried. That is all.

It just hit me that being the last in line within this family. I got the generational confluence of genetic trauma from the entire family. An entire family of traumatized and damaged human beings. I have the narcissistic disorder from my mother, the dissociative and violent personality from my father. As well as the promiscuity of my grandfather, the chronic depression from one my great aunts, the hoarding dissorder from one of her sisters, the dementia and mystical delirium from my grandmother by the side of my father, as well as the alcoholism from my great grand mother, etc, etc, etc. And that is just on the psychological side of things. Hahaha. No wonder why I feel so ***** up. Ah, genes... I truly owe this family so much. It may be actually a good idea to get rid of this broken car after all. It is like seeing a terrible accident in very, very slow motion, enough to stretch it across an entire life. Deuteronomy 5:9 " I, the Lord thy God, am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children unto the third and fourth generation". I think that is what is talking about, about genetics and generational trauma, that is imprinted on the children because of the mistakes of their progenitors. It is like when YHWH saved Noah. Because he was pure in his "generations". Because his family was closer to righteousness, and having acted according to the law and the ten commandments of God. Their genes were clean from trauma and behavioral degeneration, psychological distortions and the physical illness that this causes. I mean, this man lived 950 years. So, imagine the correctness of his behaviour. And how this impacted in his life-span in comparison with modern society. And you will get an idea of how truly bad things are in the "normality" of our "modern" world. And I display all the problems of my father, and I've been told I have a specific expression that only he did when he got angry, and I never met my father. So, it is all there. It is in scripture. As well as genes. I mean, when you look at the marvel that is this creation, this fixed plane we are in. The complexity of genetics. You realize how truly advanced is the creator. It is beyond our cognition. Look all these awesome life forms in nature. We can barely scratch the surface. We can only change and distort what he made in perfection. And our diseased modern world shows this perfectly. "Because of course we live on a planet that is traveling through outer space in an ever expanding universe product of some random explosion". The humanity... Still, having to pay for their mistakes is very painful to me.

Not a game. But I am waiting for the translation of fallout sonora. Which is a fallout total conversion mod made by a russian team with the engine of fallout 2. And since I liked their previous project; fallout neveda, except perhaps for the last section of the game. I'm curious about a fallout game in a mexican setting. Other than that. Not much. There have been enough distractions as of late.

What is not subjective on this world? Even the value of life is put to the one-eyed scales. So, of course music is subjective as well. Isn't it?

Damn wizards of the coast... r.i.p.