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Raskolnikov

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  1. Raskolnikov
    Hmm! Do people think it may be an interesting idea to post things that helped them recover from/cope with their mental health issues somewhere? Maybe a thread and people can chime in? I think it may be an additionally constructive way of a mental health awareness thread to be utilised :]
  2. Raskolnikov
    Ohhh my sister's mum did the same! Do you enjoy it?
  3. Raskolnikov
    College!! What are/were you studying? Besides the dark arts :p
  4. Raskolnikov
    So! When did you first sell your soul to the Devil to gain your artistic skills? Was it worth it?
  5. Raskolnikov

    BAIRRO!!! Would you consider making an ask thread in the Ask a User section? :coolandhip:

    1. Show previous comments  1 more
    2. Bairro Moetriet Vagrant

      Bairro Moetriet Vagrant

      So you guys could interrogate me with torture?:green:

    3. Raskolnikov

      Raskolnikov

      Y

      E

      S

    4. Do svidaniya

      Do svidaniya

      *Casually hides cattle prod behind back.* Uh... no, not at all. Warming tea and good vibes bring out the truest of answers after all. mlp-dawkward.png.b4bfa3e4721022d6c72df77a013f54cf.png

  6. Raskolnikov
    Not saying this is necessarily true for you, but as a general comment since you used the expression, I think people define 'bad upbringing' in many different ways: parents who never raise their voice or beat, and who otherwise materially provide for their children, but are emotionally absent/emotionally neglectful, still harm their child - but because of more extreme cases of neglect and abuse, their upbringing seems normal. I remember reading Pete Walker's Complex PTSD book and he felt regretful for not commenting more on more invisible forms of neglect in his previous book, because he noticed a lot of his clients had clear complex PTSD from neglect and not being emotionally seen when they were children but they minimised their hurt and could not trace the roots of their suffering because 'others had it worse'. So for some people things may seem fine but there is more to it under the surface that is harder to trace. tl;dr shit can be misleading and sometimes we are unreliable judges of our childhoods
  7. Raskolnikov
    Yes, I have noticed this in a lot of people who may otherwise not register their recurrent depressions, psychosomatic symptoms with no identifiable cause or chronic anxiety as signs of childhood trauma because our cultures don't take emotional abuse/neglect as seriously as physical forms of abuse, even though the emotional maltreatment can leave the longest lasting scars. Awareness is slowly changing that which is a positive.
  8. Raskolnikov
    Getting ready for work...
  9. Raskolnikov
    I used to have selective mutism and severe anxiety as a child. Other people's responses to it were in many ways worse than the mutism by itself, and a relatively recent counsellor suspected it was trauma related. It also contributed to my lacking skills for maintaining conversations or socialising in general, when you can't talk back people tend to stop engaging with you so much*. I overcame it when I left home and my family of origin but unfortunately I still have a large gap where socialisation skills should be and of course the way people acted about it stay with you long after the condition is gone. Also have complex PTSD and am also grieving so if you see me particularly bloodthirsty or veeeery depressive I'm probably having a moment. It's, well, complex so I'll leave it at that. *edit to clarify: unless someone with selective mutism writes to you about or expresses otherwise about this, do not stop talking to them because you think they are shy: it feels dehumanising to be talked about but not included in the same conversation when you are present. Unless the person genuinely wishes to be left alone, it's reaffirming to still be included and treated as any other person than to be treated as defective. Some may still communicate with head and hand gestures and feel comfortable communicating through text, I was. (I was so happy when I watched We Bare Bears and noticed Ice Bear never talked as a child and no one in society questioned him nor treated him differently - I wish this show had been around when I was growing up, it'd have been nice to see people don't have to be jerks about this! Instead I internalised defectiveness and a feeling of not being fully human but a disease, and that causes disturbances with your sense of self. Ahhh, the "childhood selective mutism to adult complex PTSD" pipeline is so real lol)
  10. Raskolnikov
    Questions pertaining to my sanity are to be lined up here
  11. Raskolnikov
    Don't know about making my own ask thread but I can think of a few people I'd ask questions on here if they had a thread
  12. Raskolnikov
    Where have you goneee the forum misses you
  13. Raskolnikov

    Love the pride month version of your avatar! :]

  14. Raskolnikov
    Egg and bacon BBQ sauce sandwich... Or tuna pasta salad, for some reason my soul demands seafood the past month
  15. Raskolnikov
    Seems fair, my only thoughts are how visible it will be if placed there, or if it'll get lost if it's in the RP section as it's an unexpected spot for it and non-RPers may not think to look there for asking members stuff how do other people feel about it? Maybe it could be a subsection in the Forum Lounge? There it will also maintain the lack of post count increases as well just like the Ask a Pony section too.
  16. Raskolnikov
    The fact that my sister's mum has thought of including me in her will is also can we not be talking about wills right now omfg
  17. Raskolnikov
    Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz... tired...
  18. Raskolnikov
    Eating breakfast and browsing a bit before I need to go to work.
  19. Raskolnikov
    My vanilla rooibos cup, the bag ripped... shotglass only vaguely related ;] Zhabik, BIG HUGS. I am so sorry about your grandfather, I recently lost mine too and it had a similar effect on me too - you are not alone in this, it's very stressful, draining and just all out horrible to know life can fuck you over and take people away from you without warning. It has left me with far less energy too and I feel that anger (RAGE even!) and self frustration every day at both the loss and my inability to be more positive or productive than I should be because of it, that can happen and there is nothing wrong with it. I haven't mentioned before but I'm half Polish - and since my grandfather's death I have been almost completely unable to speak in certain shops using the basic Polish I know in real life, as it feels like it was a part of me ripped away after the death... Were you two close? So, you want to be a programmer, but have to go to a technical school to appease parents? Does your performance at the technical school affect your exam? Or is that a separate thing? If you are set on programming I would make it my focus, and you can do the rest after you pass (which you will!). You are young and have so much time to pursue your goals, you don't have to do everything all at once People on YouTube say some wild things about their successes, but usually there are things they don't tell you about on camera as those things make them sound less impressive. Influencers are the new politicians - please don't make the mistake of falling for their lies, they too are a camera act. As long as you are trying, and we know you are, that is good enough! You're already awesome, you don't need to prove anything to anyone man. Also - can you share with us how you make your pine cone teas?! Amazing!! As for me, I'm feeling kinda sensitive ATM - we made the mackerel roast, Acinonyx posted it in the last food you ate thread, and it was so tasty - made the house smell like my sister's house back at home, it makes me think of when her grandma used to buy mackerel from the people's market every Friday and she would make it for us. My parents used to drop me at her flat on Friday as they were busy all day at work on weekends, but that was fine with me as my sister's family felt more like my family than my own. I feel bad normally when I don't wash everything up ASAP to freshen the air after cooking, but it's not too bad in this case... I hope my sister's mum will be around with us for another decade, I feel worried these days I am wasting precious time here away from loved ones I will never get back and it weighs me down so much, it feels horrible when you feel consciously aware of every second of life you and someone else have that has just been spent and you are never getting it back.
  20. Raskolnikov
    I am SO happy it came out so good, I quickly went out and when I was back it smelled so welcoming like childhood at sister's place and made me very sentimental
  21. Raskolnikov
    I do hope I can contact the people at that secondhand shop about that air rifle, going shooting again sounds fun but I don't like using club gear I didn't like people tampering with my adjustments...
  22. Raskolnikov
    Share photos if you do!! America is blessed in terms of nature :]
  23. Raskolnikov
    If you like the outdoors I'd take advantage of the Appalachia trail if I were you, I wish we still had true wilderness in Europe!
  24. Raskolnikov
    My archery bow at this point, shame cos I was really excited to use it but I stopped going to the club right after getting it... Doing competitions sounded fun but I guess it wasn't meant to be. :\
  25. Raskolnikov
    Huh, speaking of, I HAVE been the friend who disappeared... I posted a comment on her long inactive DA profile, hopefully someday she will contact me with the details I gave her. We ended things on a bad note but I feel too antsy recently after recent deaths that life is too short not to forgive and contact people if they still occupy space in your head. :/
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