'Mary Sue' guidelines & how to make a good Alicorn OC

[Messershmitt 289]

Honestly, when i read the title, i kind just expected this:

 

 

Guide to Mary Sue Alicorn OC's...

 

FOR THE LOVE OF GOD DON'T DO IT!!!

[Pinkamena-Pills 6,838]

I'm gonna go and see if my alicorn, Silhouette Dusk, fits the Mary Sue profile.

 

 

  Hopefully she passes. I thought she did. 

 

Good job sir,prepare for criticism and ridicule that will make you feel as if you just brutally injured someones best friend. 

 

[Denim&Venöm 16,573]

Good job sir,prepare for criticism and ridicule that will make you feel as if you just brutally injured someones best friend. 

 

Bring it! Adversity will only bring strength to my character.

[Duster Dawnhorse 247]

There are ways to pull off alicorn OCs. Being an alicorn isn't a mary sue trait off the bat. It's not a trait I'd encourage newbie character builders to take but it's not immediately bad.

 

It's what a writer DOES with that trait that makes it bad. Alicorn or not, the question I always ask OC makers when they need feedback on a character is "why should anyone care?" The key to a successful character is garnering some kind of attractive emotion out of someone. Either people are rooting for your hero or watching to see what your crafty villain does next, that kind of thing.

 

A lot of alicorn OCs are poorly written and go from point A to point Y by the author handwaving it in with little or insultingly stupid explanations. There's no reason to pay attention to the character because it's not new, unique, and the creator has given us no reason to care. "Princess Celestia thought MSPaintNeonButt was the smartest coolest magicalest unicorn ever so she made her a princess." So what? Twilight had to banish four villains, solve a previously unsolveable magical riddle, work with five other individuals, and rescue gods to get her wings, how does MSPaintNeonButt's "because I said so" story compare to that?

 

And generally I'm not initially drawn to character designs that couldn't pass in the show. I'm a stickler for canon. (Says the one with an OC that's a race not even in the show.) That being said, black/rainbow and black/red OCs are done to death. If you ever feel compelled to make a black/bright color OC, use this site for something better.

Edited June 15, 2014 by Duster Dawnhorse

[Lightning Bliss 1,674]

@@Denim&Venom,

 

While design is important you got to remember that its what 'traits' you write about them that also contributes of whether they make a Mary Sue or not. Design at the end of the day is based on opinion, but there are those types of alicorn OCs that may have a great setup writing wise, but a HORRIBLE design lol.

 

That said, in my personal opinion your design is 'ok'. I say 'ok' because I've learned (too late) with my OC, that solid black colors tend to get lost in scenery, same thing with white. Sometimes its better to have an off set of white or black, like Rarity. She's not fully white, its a tinted white.

 

I would avoid graidents like the plague, since I only know one alicorn in the show that has graidents, Cadence. I'm sure she's a pain for the animators but apparently she's worth it if she's liked. Point is I'd avoid graidents but that doesn't mean they won't work..

 

So I really have nothing bad to say about your OC colorwise, other then things 'i personally would avoid' but that doesn't mean he/she isn't bad. However we still don't know your backstory on her. So I personally can't give a fair opinion on your OC.

@@Kay Dreamer,

 

And thanks on the feedback on her, but I have no intention of changing the 'flaws' you don't like about it her and here's why:

 

- No one has seen a pony design like this, or more like you don't see something like this every day right? I wanted her to be different even before she was an alicorn, not just a cliche pony with normal tributes. I never was normal in society by well if not my looks then my hobbies, and so it played into her backstory. Remember when I first created Lightning Bliss, she was orginally a pegasus, and feeling the need to share my personality and boldness of being unique, she has the large ears and tail. However all of this helps her to relate to other creatures in Equestria. She has it easier talking to gryphons and dragons then other ponies and alicorns for that matter. Kinda like I was more comfortable talking to people 5-10yrs younger then me then people my own age.

 

- I know it's far fetched and out there, but I've always had a gryphon/dragon like tail in any main character OC I created, I guess you could say its a personality habit accessory I could never give up.

 

- The rainbow color scheme though ya defiently from the side color bars of "Flash" are exactly the colors of ROY. G. BIV. with the exception of that pink color at the end. I wanted the 'exact' colors of the rainbow and I didn't want to mimic the colors of Rainbow Dash. As you said RD has a distinct color scheme and I didn't want to leach off it. Heck alot of my OC's hair and mane design was inspired by RD.

 

- At the end of the day, her large ears were a total accident, but an accident I thought was SIMPLY ADOABLE yet could easily be ridiculed along with her tail. Part of her backstory involved being outcasted by her classmates for her differences (much like I was in school, I was a year older then everyone, I had hearing issues, I didn't speak as well, and I drew monsters for fun. In a world where boys like blue and girls like pink, it was weird to see a girl drawing monsters and dragons.) As a result her dad would push her to try harder in school and to be at her best in life if not in looks knowing she was being picked on. This along with her mother's caring nature evolved her into a pony that while she is confident and does her best at everything she does, she still has self esteem issues especially when it comes to her ears and tail. Now that she's an alicorn, she feels that only made it worse.

 

I did my best to work her phsyical traits into why she is the way she is. So meh, thats my opinion.

Edited June 15, 2014 by Lightning Bliss

[Kay Dreamer 884]

@@Lightning Bliss, 

Fair points, and it's all opinion and perspective anyway. Just because I do/don't like certain design features, doesn't mean I'm right or wrong about it. She's still a cute character at the end of the day, even if her design does lean a little too far to the 'unique' side of the spectrum for my personal tastes.

 

She's still the only Alicorn on this site who I actually like. ;P (And honestly, I really dislike 99% of them.) She's a good little character, and I've read a few of your RP threads; she's a real sweetie.

[Lightning Bliss 1,674]

@@Kay Dreamer,

 

I appreciate that!

 

It's funny really, I do defend my OC as I don't think she falls under the 'guidelines' i made for myself and for others if they care, but I always assumed there were better alicorn OCs out there, I've still yet to really 'meet' one though because I always find an issue with ones back story or some design flaw. Most of the time (though nice Rpers and people in general), that happen to be alicorns, just are for the sake of it. Saying things like they were blessed by Celestia for doing something amazing or contributing some form of benefit to society and were 'given' the alicorn blessing, while others were simply born into it somehow.

 

I hate those alicorn backstories though because they feel lazy to me, not thought out. Which ticks me off cause I planned my OC's ascention for MONTHS!

Edited June 15, 2014 by Lightning Bliss

[Kay Dreamer 884]

@@Kay Dreamer,

 

I appreciate that!

 

It's funny really, I do defend my OC as I don't think she falls under the 'guidelines' i made for myself and for others if they care, but I always assumed there were better alicorn OCs out there, I've still yet to really 'meet' one though because I always find an issue with ones back story or some design flaw. Most of the time (though nice Rpers and people in general), that happen to be alicorns, just are for the sake of it. Saying things like they were blessed by Celestia for doing something amazing or contributing some form of benefit to society and were 'given' the alicorn blessing, while others were simply born into it somehow.

 

I hate those alicorn backstories though because they feel lazy to me, not thought out. Which ticks me off cause I planned my OC's ascention for MONTHS!

 

That's exactly the problem I have with them too. It's the lack of well-thought-out backstory and the ignorance of canon that irk me. It's as though the creator doesn't really care. These characters just... exist. There's no real thought or depth behind them. (And I sound like a broken record, but when people deliberately defy established canon and then attempt to insert that character into an obviously canon-based roleplay, a large teensy part of me is screaming whyyyyyyyyyyyyyy.)

 

When I create a character, I take a huge amount of information into account. Their race. Their family and socio-economic status. Where they grew up. The time period in which they grew up. Their accents, the way they speak, their quirks and mannerisms. Every little bit of a character's backstory will inform their personality somehow. For example, Kay Dreamer is from a time over 1000 years ago, and as much as she tries to adjust, she still comes across as oddly formal. And as I roleplay with my characters, they continue to evolve in new and unexpected ways. (I never expected Kay to be quite so hilarious with her out-of-place formalities and lack of comprehension regarding modern Equestria. That's something which came out all on it's own. She tries so hard, poor thing.)

 

Hell, when I created Kay Dreamer I wrote a 700 word essay on the backstory of the Crystal Empire just to explain why Unicorns and Pegasi are so rare over there. (Short version; Sombra's an even bigger tossbag than the show gave him credit for.) I didn't only do that to justify her to other people. I did it for myself, because I wanted to know the context surrounding my own character. That context is something she's grown up with. Her foalhood in the Crystal Empire shaped her. The grief of having lost family, friends, and being thrown out of time has shaped her again. It's altered her personality in so many minute ways that despite the fact she's supposed to be my Ponysona, she's very much her own character as well.

 

So it's frustrating for me when people try to write an Alicorn of all things and then give it... nothing. No purpose in Equestria, no link between backstory and personality, no indication of whether being thousands of years old has grieved or tired them, no perspective of an ascended pony's feeling about so much new responsibility. (We got that in spades with Twilight; it's obvious becoming a Princess hit her hard. We see her go through a phase of denying it's changed anything, to resignedly accepting it, to becoming frustrated with not being in control of her own destiny, to finally embracing her new place in Equestria. It's beautiful. I get the feeling Lightning is still in the 'denial' phase, no?)

 

Then there's the Alicorns who are somehow not special or immortal or ascended or anything. Aka, the "why did you make it an Alicorn, then?" characters. Aside from the fact it's non canon, it's just pointless. Do they really have to be a special snowflake?

 

An Alicorn is the hardest thing in all of Equestria to write for, and write well. Hence the general blanket-ban on them for most canon roleplay groups. (Which I understand might be frustrating for you, but you do a pretty swell job of running your own threads anyway. Hell, you've got your own little continuity going there.)

[Lightning Bliss 1,674]

@@Kay Dreamer,

 

I cannot begin to tell you what a ride it's been to improve on my character's sheet. It's like I had all these ideas, but was too scared to implement them? Reason being that I thought her 'back story' which is sord of based off mine, was too emotional or dark...And alot of people view those types of OCs as "oh she's just wants to look sad so everyone will rally with her and make her feel important." so I toned on talking about her back story and orgins till finally I kinda got a break from someone who viewed my OC. Saying dont' be afraid to add in her flaws or emotional upbringing cause thats part of an OC's developement, it explains why they are the pony they are today.

 

So ya she's come along way in the past couple weeks of improvement. I feel like there's still more I could work on, like the connection she had with her father, to her mother. She has 5 other siblings too, (based off my real family) but that's so many characters I couldn't just up and fully develope windixi, so I figured focus on her relationship with her parents. For the most part it was good, but mixed. You have her strong, emotionaless father who believed in order to survive in the world was to be strong and brave and not let other ponies get you down, despite your flaws or phsycial appearence. He didn't believe in excuses for her not doing well in school cause she was being bullied. He pushed her to do 110% better then everypony else and then some.

 

Then you have her mother who is a very emotional, care giving pegasus, who is a nurse (like my mom), and has a talent for supporting and caring for her children. She tells my OC its ok to cry and be sad, but no matter what happends, there is always a silver lining. If Blissy cried, she was always there to hold her, unlike her father. She wasn't scared to cry in front of her mother, but as for her father...she felt if she did, she would dissapoint him dearly.

 

The result of these two different emotions  resulted in her parents divorcing. Her father taking it the worst cause he likes to be in control of everything around him. Bliss stayed with him along with her two brothers up till he had a heart attack on the job during a thunder storm agenda. Was a major blow, but she moved to Appleloosa with her mother and step father (paint mustang earth pony). Even though her father died, his strength, words and self dissaproving behavior is always with her. She always strides to do good with what she does in life, but when it comes to her self esteem she's very week. Now that she's an alicorn its only played havoc on her self esteem more. She's expected to show up to all royal events, but she's stayed firm in just taking on a low ranked role as a diplomate.

 

In a way she has 'accepted' what she is, but denies taking on all challenges that an average Princess would take, like Twilight and Cadence. This of course has resulted in her and Celestia not getting along well. Celestia finds her behavior childish and ignorant, where as Bliss sees her as pushy and expecting too much of her when she feels like she's just adjusting to being a married mare, learning MAGIC, and having to go to diplomatic meetings with gryphons and dragons and having NO experience in any negotiations. (Luckily her love and talent to keep peace with everypony, and natural means of speaking to keep everypony together, has benefitted in in meetings of peace treaties.)

 

Ya...so complex and I could go on and on but I don't want to bore anypony.

[Denim&Venöm 16,573]

@@Denim&Venom,

 

While design is important you got to remember that its what 'traits' you write about them that also contributes of whether they make a Mary Sue or not. Design at the end of the day is based on opinion, but there are those types of alicorn OCs that may have a great setup writing wise, but a HORRIBLE design lol.

 

That said, in my personal opinion your design is 'ok'. I say 'ok' because I've learned (too late) with my OC, that solid black colors tend to get lost in scenery, same thing with white. Sometimes its better to have an off set of white or black, like Rarity. She's not fully white, its a tinted white.

 

I would avoid graidents like the plague, since I only know one alicorn in the show that has graidents, Cadence. I'm sure she's a pain for the animators but apparently she's worth it if she's liked. Point is I'd avoid graidents but that doesn't mean they won't work..

 

So I really have nothing bad to say about your OC colorwise, other then things 'i personally would avoid' but that doesn't mean he/she isn't bad. However we still don't know your backstory on her. So I personally can't give a fair opinion on your OC.

Yeah, her present color is more of the fault of the pony creator. It changes the color of the outline depending upon the shade of the character, so for her to have a black outline, she would've had a gray coat. She'll probably have a more faded onyx coat once I draw her. 

 

Backstory. I could probably write several pages on her backstory. Hell I could turn her backstory into a story. If you want I could post it here for you to look over, but it will be quite the read. 

 

[Defender of Tomorrow 323]

Post it!! I love reading Actually I dare you to make the backstory into a story!

[Lightning Bliss 1,674]

@@Denim&Venom,

 

Probalby ought to just PM me instead then if you want me to personally read and give an opinion, but I'd be happy to.

[Moonbacon 384]

@@Lightning Bliss,

 

Honestly a pony that doesn't age shouldn't count as a instant mary sue as long there is a good reason behind it.

 

Also some people like to put their headcannon in their ocs backstories i know people who have headcannons like alicorns can be naturally born but of course it's really rare and alicorns aren't instantly overpowered if they want to reach Celestia and Luna level they'd have to train and hone their skills they shouldn't be overpowered from birth. But i like to think naturally born alicorns can only live 500 to 1000 years depending how powerful they are magic wise. If they can't use magic at all then they'd have a life span of an avarage pony.

 

 

 

Oh you guys probably know for having bat horse oc with a horn red eyes n stuff well she isn't overpowered she basically a avarage unicorn with wings.  And i really want to develop her personality and appearance through roleplays but since if i start a roleplay even if it has a great story no one would join because its made by some dumb forum member with a WIP alicorn oc.

[Courageous Thunder Dash 7,809]

I have this one alicorn OC I made and created her so that she wasn't a princess. She was born an alicorn because of a mutation in her genes. 

 

Here's a pic of her:

 

She may look a little Mary Sue but she isn't. 

 

[Lightning Bliss 1,674]

@@Moonbacon, @@C. Thunder Dash,

 

Well again this is just my opinion, if ya'll aint aiming your OCs to be cannon then I guess its not a problem, but good luck in RPs that are strict about alicorns.

 

Put it this way I'm already in an RP with two other alicorns (for the first time), and trying to induce the fact my OC is cannon without being mary sue is putting my words to the test.

[Courageous Thunder Dash 7,809]

@@Moonbacon, @@C. Thunder Dash,

 

Well again this is just my opinion, if ya'll aint aiming your OCs to be cannon then I guess its not a problem, but good luck in RPs that are strict about alicorns.

 

Put it this way I'm already in an RP with two other alicorns (for the first time), and trying to induce the fact my OC is cannon without being mary sue is putting my words to the test.

I can see why it is hard, and why RPs that contain lots of fighting forbid the use of Alicorns. 

[Kay Dreamer 884]

@@C. Thunder Dash, 

 

Your OC is cute and all, but 'non-Princess Alicorns' are one of those things that fall way outside show canon. It's been indicated time and again in the show that Alicorns are either a ) Natural born and extremely long lived, with lives spanning millennia, or b ) ascended to Alicorn status though a monumental feat worthy of enormous adulation. (And this 'ascension' doesn't come without responsibility, either. Every Alicorn we've seen has been a Princess. No exceptions.)

 

If canon is not really something you care about, that's up to you. But there are roleplayers like myself who consider established canon of the utmost importance. (It's fine to extrapolate and build headcanon based on established foundations, but you can't break those foundations.) You can't blame us for barring characters who are obviously well outside canon from our roleplays when they deliberately flout the established rules of the MLP universe.

 

Things like guns, cars, ridiculously dark backstories, pathological violence, magic which doesn't fit into the established laws, technology which doesn't fit with the general level indicated by the show... All these things are things I go out of my way to avoid, because they just don't work. Either the show presents no evidence for them, or in fact provides evidence to the contrary. (Such as 'taxies' always being manually powered.) It's not just Alicorns. If it isn't already apparent, I actually quite like Lightning Bliss because she fits very naturally into established canon.

Edited June 16, 2014 by Kay Dreamer

[Courageous Thunder Dash 7,809]

@@Kay Dreamer,

 

I sometimes do canon, but strict canon is not really my forte. Unless I'm RPing in the Equestrian Empire, then...I prefer non or mild canon. I based my alicorn oc off of the study of genetics. It gets really complex though.  

[Lucky Lass 528]

For some reason I really like lurking this thread XD
I have been re-working my Trickster's story and I am not always great at keeping things completely canon.
Like Kay said, I like to build off canon ideas and then add extra bits of history that the show really hasn't said anything about.
Of course I have also never attempted to RP on this site, so I don;t know how people really feel about him.

[Kay Dreamer 884]

@@Kay Dreamer,

 

I sometimes do canon, but strict canon is not really my forte. Unless I'm RPing in the Equestrian Empire, then...I prefer non or mild canon. I based my alicorn oc off of the study of genetics. It gets really complex though.  

 

I can respect that. =) There are people out there who will swear black and blue that their obviously non-canon OC's are totally canon and get really offended when you tell them otherwise.

 

I haven't had the pleasure of running my own thread yet, but I hope that when I do, people respect my decisions regarding my preference for a canon environment and don't get shitty at me for rejecting their OC's.

 

@@Lucky Lass

 

Trickster's not even a pony though, right? (Trying to remember what I read on his bio.) If he's a unique kind of monster, you can more-or-less do whatever you like with him, so long as he remains somewhat realistic and grounded in the kind of rules we've seen so far. (Seriously, a roleplay where he lures a bunch of ponies into danger would be epic.)

 

It's harder to create a character when you don't have pre-existing guidelines to help shape and root them into the fabric of the world around them. You need to come up with your own stuff in order to achieve that. That's why I think Crystal Pony OC's are so rare. There's still not much known about them, which makes them harder to write. (My answer to that was to write buckets of Crystal Empire lore based on evidence from the show so far, and use that to shape Kay Dreamer's story.)

Edited June 16, 2014 by Kay Dreamer

[Lucky Lass 528]

@Kay Dreamer

He wasn't born a pony, and even though he has a pony form it doesn't change who he is on the inside. So, he doesn't act in the same social norms as regular ponies would. Like, his first instinct is to always escape on hoof because being low to the ground was always safer. Same with magic, he didn't realize that there would be this culture shock and good chunk of magic he has no idea how to control. Trickster has one spell that he is very good at where he can steal a pony's greatest skill for a limited amount of time but to make sure he wasn't over powered it has a glitch. He can steal a skill but that doesn't mean he instantly knows how to use it, and of course the pony still has their skill as well. He mimics basically XD

The Everfree Forest is like that as well, there is some lore but not much. It is a place that handles things on its own without help from the ponies and it is very old.
 

[Everleaf 541]

I was just wondering... what do you think makes a good alicorn oc?

 

to be perfectly honest I have made my list on a previous forum post

 

a developed personality?

 

levelled out pros and cons?

 

 

what do you ponies think? just a quick question I am curious to know!

 

[Hclegend 12]

Not being a Mary-Sue, having development towards becoming one... Not being related to the Royal Family because that's stupid and contrived.

 

All the aspects of a good OC really, because while you can just say they're an alicorn, people will want proof that they deserve it. It's like those Sonic OCs that can go Super without any Chaos Whatevers and can beat Super Sonic without going Super.

You can see where a lot of my hate for bad OCs come from.

[Simcity11100 771]

A good alicorn oc is one that is original.

 

You should make a backstory as to what makes you alicorn different from others and why it's special.

 

Pro's of an alicorn normally are status and exceptional knowledge of magic as well as the ability to fly.

Con's are normally that they may let power get to their head easily, can't fly very fast, is a high priority target for getting attacked or slandered by media, and their magic can drain their energy faster than a pure unicorn.

 

Do note that just because I said status does not necessarily mean that their from the royal family, it just means they have status due to being an alicorn.

[Alleviate 342]

Alicorn OCs...The butts of a thousand bad/trollfics...

 

Lessee, firstly, they should red and black, preferably super saturated. They need super powerful magic which can beat the princesses and the Queen all at the same time. Always good to have dragon wings, possibly a part Nightmare. Integral to their existence is the fact they ARE better than everyone else, and they're probably related to Celestia in some way too (Or maybe Luna's secret daughter, for a bit of added spice.) Oh, they can also use all of the elements at once, quite often bringing their own, new element into play which is the leading element. They're super friendly, everyone loves them, and they can breathe fire.

 

Hmm, yeah.

 

All bull aside, I think it's exceptionally hard to create a 'good' Alicorn OC (good, in the eyes of the beholder, Vs good in the eyes of the rest of the fandom), namely due to the already-existent hatred for them. 

 

A good pony OC, or in fact, any sort of OC, is one that fits in to its world. Alicorns are made to stand out. And they're shown to be super-powerful and clever, and adored by all, so it's in their breed specifics to be generic alicorn prince(ess)#12.4

 

A Unicorn, an Earthen, or a Pegasus. There are deviations, but those are the main three. They each have their pros and cons. When you mush them together, they're suddenly flawless. No. An Alicorn that can show the pros AND the cons of their kind is infinitely better. Though then you err on underpowering the character, which creates the same problems seen a million times.

 

The abbreviation 'OC' stands for Original Character. So they need to be original, fresh, interesting, new, unique.

 

A correct blend of a fitting personality, sensible limitations and a natural feel. That's what I think makes a good Alicorn OC.