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Kitsune*

Offering Critique
Need help writing your backstory?

24 posts in this topic

I am ready and willing to help anypony who needs help to craft their backstory. I can help them go step by step, get ideas going, or even with your permission I can craft one up for you. I love writing and it is very fun to come up with something absolutely unique for each pony. I only have one OC as of right now because I feel like she is me and I am her. lol. 

 

Take a look at my OC and if you like my writing style and want some feedback, help constructing an outline or whatever you need help with, either comment here or send me a PM. :)

 

My OC's Profile: https://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/stardust-r8808 

Edited by Stardust*

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@@Pripyat Pony,

 

I will give it a look and see what suggestions I can help make. :)  


@@Pripyat Pony,

 

If you want I can take a stab at writing something up for her. Just a few questions. Where did she grow up/ currently live now? Any family members still in the picture? When did she receive her cutie mark?  

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@@Stardust*, Iris lives in Ponyville and grew up there, her parents still live in the town. Her mother is a teacher and her father is a gardener. She's an only foal. Iris discovered her talent while she was at school; she had an interest in photography and one day, used her magic to enhance the colours in a photo of a sunset she'd taken. That was when her cutie mark appeared. She now has a business where she takes photos for other ponies,

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@@Pripyat Pony,

 

Fantastic! I will get working on something for you! :)

 

@@Dynamo Pad,

 

I will take a deeper look at it, I read it the other day when I was checking out everypony in the RP! lol. But yeah, I can help you out. :)  

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@@Dynamo Pad,

 

I will take a deeper look at it, I read it the other day when I was checking out everypony in the RP! lol. But yeah, I can help you out. :)

Oh okay, awesome. Do you need any specific information if you attempt to attempt to craft up a backstory for Dynamo?

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Oh okay, awesome. Do you need any specific information if you attempt to attempt to craft up a backstory for Dynamo?

I should be okay for now, but if I need anything I will be sure to PM you. :) 

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I should be okay for now, but if I need anything I will be sure to PM you. :)

Okay and thank you so much. I really do appreciate your help on this.  :)

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@@Pripyat Pony, Let me know if this is what you were kind of thinking. :)

 

Growing up in Ponyville Iris spent most of her time exploring the world around her. She would constantly find new and interesting things. She loved to spend time in the Everfree Forest, which was against the rules on many levels. Her parents were very strict, especially her mom.

 

Iris loved her mother dearly but there were times when she felt just a bit too overbearing. Seeing as she was the schoolhouse teacher for many years already, Iris knew from a young age that things would be difficult for her at school. She was teased because of her mane and tail, they were the vibrant colors of the rainbow. She would get teased a lot about it, and because her mother was the teacher, that made it even worse. There would be days when Iris would run home in tears because the bullying got to be too much.

 

Her father was a gardener, he would work around town and crafted beautiful creations out of ponies yards. He would take a dead garden and turn it into a work of art. Iris always loved when her father would let her come and help him on a job site. This meant that she could be away from the kids that lived in their neighborhood. The best part was when her father was trying to figure out which color flowers to put where. Which would make it look the best. Iris would quickly decide the best way to arrange the flowers to make sure that each arrangement would be pleasant to the eye. She had quite the knack for that sort of thing.

 

Iris would always love to see each creation that her father made, she tried very hard to remember each and every one, where each flower was and each shrub. This made her father very proud, and after a little while of saving what he could, he managed to buy a camera for Iris’s birthday.

Iris was so overjoyed that she couldn’t even speak. She was so excited that she nearly took a picture of every inch of Ponyville. One day her father came home to get her and take her to his latest job. It was for the Mayor, she quickly grabbed her camera and they went to the site. Everything was perfect, gorgeous, and picture ready! She took a few shots and couldn’t wait until the next day to develop them at the dark room in the school basement, that was used for the Foal Free Press School Newspaper.

 

As she was developing the pictures she noticed that some of the colors were a little dull due to the angle of the camera and the shine of the sun, she wanted to enhance their natural look and a few sparks flew from her horn. Instantly the picture transformed into a brilliant spectacle! She was so excited that she ran all the way home floating the picture with her magic.

 

When she arrived home her father was there to greet her. She was so overly excited about the picture she hardly noticed the cutie mark that had appeared on her rump. Not only had she found out the thing that she was truly great at, she got to experience it with the one who helped inspire her in the first place. From that day forward, she became a sensation! Everypony in Ponyville wanted to have her take pictures for them. Wedding pictures, school pictures, family pictures, you name it and Iris was the one to go to!

 

Now that she is 20 she has made quite the name for herself. Ponies will come far and wide to ask Iris to take their pictures for them. Which is just great for her, she gets to travel to Canterlot quite often to take wedding pictures, and Manehatten to take artistic structural pictures. She has the freedom to do as she pleases, but she still calls Ponyville her home, and no matter how long she is away for work, she always finds time to help her father with his garden, and help her mom by taking pictures of the students for their year books. 

Edited by Stardust*
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@@Stardust*, Wow, just... wow. I love it! Thank you so much for doing this for me! :) That's exactly how I imagined Iris' story to be, you're a genius!

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@@Dynamo Pad, hey, sorry it took this long. I hope you like it! :kindness:

 

Fillydelphia is a city to make your name known. It is a rather tough city as well, Dynamo Pad learned this the hard way when he first made his mark.

Dynamo was born and raised in Fillydelphia, to parents Quick Fix a hard working carpenter, and his mother Gentle Step who owned and ran her own dance studio in town.
Dynamo was a kind hearted pony, and cared for others, no matter who they were. This caused him to be ridiculed at school. He would try to help anypony who needed help, and the bullies would take advantage of him. Dynamo was also the last in his class to receive a cutie mark. All of the other students had received theirs the year before. The hits didn’t stop there, many of his unicorn class mates had already mastered their powers. Dynamo was still having to do things by hoof, he tried to hide this especially at school, he didn’t want to give the bullies anymore ammunition to use against him.

Years had passed, but the bullying continued. One day at age 14, Dynamo was taking a new route home, trying to make it hard for the bullies to follow. On his way he came across a shop that was almost alive. Lights, music, the pings of video games. Dynamo was frozen in the awe of the arcade, this was the first time he had seen this shop. He didn’t venture this far into the heart of Fillydelphia very often. The owner of the arcade, Pinball Wizard, an Earth pony saw the young Dynamo and the look on his muzzle. He introduced himself, and started to show Dynamo around. Giving him a guided tour of the arcade and a detailed explanation of each game.

It wasn’t long before the bullies had caught up with Dynamo. And just because there were adults around didn’t stop them from trying to humiliate him. Seeing the commotion in the corner of the store Pinball stepped in and suggested that the battle should be fought with remotes instead of hooves.

Stepping in front of the original “Dead or Alive” video game, the bully took his position and chose his character. Dynamo followed and once the settings were selected the game commenced! Dynamo struggled the first round, trying to work the controls was challenging and with the pressure on the line, it made things worse. Losing round one, the bully became more confident. But Dynamo didn’t let his fear show, he took a deep breath and stood his ground. Round two began and he made quick work of the bully, taking him down in just a few moments. Onto the final round. The battle was intense, both players were dodging and only landing light attacks. Dynamo was concentrating so vigorously that he didn’t notice that his horn started to glow. Soon the actions of the character were easier to maintain. The fluid motion of his hooves with the controls seemed to finally connect. And with a mighty blow of his characters hoof punch the bully was down for the count. Dynamo was named the winner, and in a flash of light his cutie mark appeared!

Once the bullies got a load of that, they were convinced that Dynamo had cheated somehow, they didn’t think anypony could be that good so quickly. But he didn’t care, Pinball congratulated him and told him to visit any time. He thanked him for everything and ran home to celebrate with his family.

A few years later as Dynamo began to better control his magic, he also ended up winning a few gaming competitions that were held locally at Pinball’s arcade. With those wins under his belt Pinball encouraged him to finish school and then hit the road to find more tournaments and see how good he could become. Then even start to work with companies to test and create games of his own. Doing some research of his own he found out that Ponyville seemed to be right in the middle of all of the larger scale tournaments.

Once in Ponyville he began to make a name for himself, while he was home he would develop games and test them, while on the road he would win as many games as possible, only sharpening his skills and knowledge of the games that were popular.
 

He knew that he was in control of his own destiny, from the very beginning, and now, he was able to truly see what his life had become.  

Edited by Stardust*
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@@Stardust*

@@Dynamo Pad, hey, sorry it took this long. I hope you like it! :kindness:

 

Fillydelphia is a city to make your name known. It is a rather tough city as well, Dynamo Pad learned this the hard way when he first made his mark.

Dynamo was born and raised in Fillydelphia, to parents Quick Fix a hard working carpenter, and his mother Gentle Step who owned and ran her own dance studio in town.
Dynamo was a kind hearted pony, and cared for others, no matter who they were. This caused him to be ridiculed at school. He would try to help anypony who needed help, and the bullies would take advantage of him. Dynamo was also the last in his class to receive a cutie mark. All of the other students had received theirs the year before. The hits didn’t stop there, many of his unicorn class mates had already mastered their powers. Dynamo was still having to do things by hoof, he tried to hide this especially at school, he didn’t want to give the bullies anymore ammunition to use against him.

Years had passed, but the bullying continued. One day at age 14, Dynamo was taking a new route home, trying to make it hard for the bullies to follow. On his way he came across a shop that was almost alive. Lights, music, the pings of video games. Dynamo was frozen in the awe of the arcade, this was the first time he had seen this shop. He didn’t venture this far into the heart of Fillydelphia very often. The owner of the arcade, Pinball Wizard, an Earth pony saw the young Dynamo and the look on his muzzle. He introduced himself, and started to show Dynamo around. Giving him a guided tour of the arcade and a detailed explanation of each game.

It wasn’t long before the bullies had caught up with Dynamo. And just because there were adults around didn’t stop them from trying to humiliate him. Seeing the commotion in the corner of the store Pinball stepped in and suggested that the battle should be fought with remotes instead of hooves.

Stepping in front of the original “Dead or Alive” video game, the bully took his position and chose his character. Dynamo followed and once the settings were selected the game commenced! Dynamo struggled the first round, trying to work the controls was challenging and with the pressure on the line, it made things worse. Losing round one, the bully became more confident. But Dynamo didn’t let his fear show, he took a deep breath and stood his ground. Round two began and he made quick work of the bully, taking him down in just a few moments. Onto the final round. The battle was intense, both players were dodging and only landing light attacks. Dynamo was concentrating so vigorously that he didn’t notice that his horn started to glow. Soon the actions of the character were easier to maintain. The fluid motion of his hooves with the controls seemed to finally connect. And with a mighty blow of his characters hoof punch the bully was down for the count. Dynamo was named the winner, and in a flash of light his cutie mark appeared!

Once the bullies got a load of that, they were convinced that Dynamo had cheated somehow, they didn’t think anypony could be that good so quickly. But he didn’t care, Pinball congratulated him and told him to visit any time. He thanked him for everything and ran home to celebrate with his family.

A few years later as Dynamo began to better control his magic, he also ended up winning a few gaming competitions that were held locally at Pinball’s arcade. With those wins under his belt Pinball encouraged him to finish school and then hit the road to find more tournaments and see how good he could become. Then even start to work with companies to test and create games of his own. Doing some research of his own he found out that Ponyville seemed to be right in the middle of all of the larger scale tournaments.

Once in Ponyville he began to make a name for himself, while he was home he would develop games and test them, while on the road he would win as many games as possible, only sharpening his skills and knowledge of the games that were popular.
 

He knew that he was in control of his own destiny, from the very beginning, and now, he was able to truly see what his live had become.  

This is absolutely amazing and very fitting for Dynamo. Thank you so much I really do appreciate it. 

 

One thing I'm wondering though. Where it says, "while he was home he would develop games and test them," when it says home does that refer to Ponyviile?

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@@Stardust*

This is absolutely amazing and very fitting for Dynamo. Thank you so much I really do appreciate it. 

 

One thing I'm wondering though. Where it says, "while he was home he would develop games and test them," when it says home does that refer to Ponyviile?

 

Yes, it does refer to Ponyville. lol :fluttershy:

Edited by Stardust*
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Yes, it does refer to Ponyville. lol :fluttershy:

Oh okay  :lol:, thank you for clearing that up. Thank you again for all of your help.  :)

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Wanted to bring this puppy back to life! I am open and willing to help any and all with their backstory!! Just reply and we shall get started! :]

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Oh boy got a bit of a long one here but some help would be nice. 

Not so much writing the backstory as I’ve posted a good bit about that, but I would like a second opinion on a certain part of the backstory that's supposed to foreshadow coming events but I think it may be either too subtle, or might spell it out too much for people who pick up things easily on visual storytelling.

The scene starts out with the two characters playing with sticks as if they were weapons a sword and a scepter. Then one of characters sets on top of a hill proclaiming that one day he will be a king himself.Then his best friend plays along, so she gets on her knees and puts her stick in the ground and holds the top of it like the hilt and swears an oath to protect him and see his dream come to pass. But then he starts ranting on and going a bit to far saying that he would love to have total control and that there would be total peace. She stands up with a eyeroll and disinterested look on her face and asked him to come down to so she can tell him something. When he does,she with a grin on her face,lightly hits him on the head with her stick knocking off a paper crown he is wearing saying “No no no.” He falls down and has a playful angry look on and says “Well I can't believe it you just said you would protect me, but here you stand striking me instead!’ She holds out her arm to help him up “I said I would help you be a king, not a God my friend I really will have to stay along side you to remind there are times that ponies can still tell you no.” He takes her hand and gets up and says “Maybe your right.” he holds on to her a bit longer and begins to blush and says “You'll be with me through it all, right?” she blushes as well “Of course, why do you ask?” He stutters “We-well I was thinking, that maybe once I have everything I’ll need somebody to share it with so ma-maybe it could be you.” “You could be more than a sword to me you could be my qu-queen too.” She giggles and I picture her saying one of two things “You’ll have to keep dreaming on that one for now!” or “Only if you're willing to chase that dream down!” and then runs off calling him to go after her. Then we see there two sticks laying in the ground in a cross shape with the crown next to it symbolizing that eventually they do rule together but also that he will get too stuck in his ways and that they will someday clash.

I would like to know if should work with that as is or if there is anything I should leave out or expand more on in that scene.

Edited by cjhoward
Redundancy

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@cjhoward

it seems like some of it would work, but it's more of a flashback type of ordeal. Not really part of the actual backstory. I would have to read the actual piece that you have to really get an idea of where you are coming from. Do you have a link to it? 

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5 hours ago, Kitsune* said:

@cjhoward

it seems like some of it would work, but it's more of a flashback type of ordeal. Not really part of the actual backstory. I would have to read the actual piece that you have to really get an idea of where you are coming from. Do you have a link to it? 

@Kitsune*

https://mlpforums.com/topic/167876-tips-for-writing-an-unlikable-but-sympathetic-character-and-fleshing-out-the-story/

Not the story itself but the general idea I have so far.

Edited by cjhoward
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@cjhoward

I will try and put some stuff together and see how you like it. It should only take me a few days. I will keep you posted. 

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22 minutes ago, Kitsune* said:

@cjhoward

I will try and put some stuff together and see how you like it. It should only take me a few days. I will keep you posted. 

@Kitsune*

Thanks a lot :D. I'm also working on the more of the backstory myself and post what I think of here. https://mlpforums.com/topic/168311-some-oc-stuff-i-made-with-pony-creator-and-backgrounds/ Now I'm making one that shows how the two first meet each other, If possible I would like that incorporated into it once I finish it. And I'm not completely sold on the name Shining Dawn for the other main character. I try to make it something related to her special talent or personality but everything I come up with sounds to generic like loyal blade or something like that.

 

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Hey, I'm having some trouble with writting a backstory for my griffon oc and I was wondering if you could help me come up with one, or if it isn't too much to ask, write one for me?

Feel free to PM me if you need any more info and thanks in advance!

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