MLP Infection (Name in progress) HELP!

[Shadow Scoundrel 5]

On the beginning of a adventure, But i have one problem, story, not that i need help(Not saying you cant suggest anything) but I have 2 stories Option #1 During a zombie apocalypse, a young teen looses his family because of the infection (and having to put them down) driving him to insanity, the first this he sees is a MLP Pony (Doll thing) and decides to "Practice medicine" and Make the Mane six and others from the non infected body's he finds during the apocalypse. #2 The same thing including what happens to the family, but instead of being a killer to make pones  the Equestria has an Outbreak and needs somepony, or somebody to help them, Celesta knows who to get but cant get there because of lack of knowledge, where twilight and her friends DO know, and because it being a different time and place on earth, all are allowed to go. There mission is to get the survivor to Equestria and to stop the Apocalypse, and to find a Cure for the infection and stop the Apocalypse before it takes over Equestria and to end the Apocalypse back on earth. Thank you for your time, Please leave a comment on what you think of the Idea and, what YOU might add to story. Thank you all, for your suggestions  and your opinions prior to your action of doing so. Shadows Out!

Edited December 1, 2013 by Shadow Scoundrel

[SharpWit 2,622]

your summary confuses me so here's what I got out of it. teen goes insane after putting down infected family during zombie apocalypse. is inspired by pony doll to make the mane six by using human body parts of uninfected people, meaning he had to kill them to get those parts. In the mean time, Equestria has a zombie apocalypse of their own, and Celestia sends the main six to find this guy to help them out?

zombie apocalypse, good. teen in the zombie apocalypse, awesome. ponies, good. ponies in zombie apocalypse (from experience of reading fanfics)not so good. all together now, I'm thinking wtf. No offense but to me this sounds terrible. Here's what I recommend since I have yet to come across it yet. Write about the main six during a zombie outbreak in Equestria. add in some sealing off of towns. posting guards around, make their be a campaign or something. have it be realistic. Don't have anyone focus on a vacine, or where it came from. focus on eliminating the threat and protecting Equestria. And don't just base it in Ponyville or Canterlot. simple. send me a link once you finish it. i like reading about zombie apocalypses. just don't over do it

[GameytheGeemer 147]

The second one sounds better to me. Probably because of my dislike of humans in pony fic. I'll try to think of a good name when I'm doing my homework later.

[Shadow Scoundrel 5]

your summary confuses me so here's what I got out of it. teen goes insane after putting down infected family during zombie apocalypse. is inspired by pony doll to make the mane six by using human body parts of uninfected people, meaning he had to kill them to get those parts. In the mean time, Equestria has a zombie apocalypse of their own, and Celestia sends the main six to find this guy to help them out?

zombie apocalypse, good. teen in the zombie apocalypse, awesome. ponies, good. ponies in zombie apocalypse (from experience of reading fanfics)not so good. all together now, I'm thinking wtf. No offense but to me this sounds terrible. Here's what I recommend since I have yet to come across it yet. Write about the main six during a zombie outbreak in Equestria. add in some sealing off of towns. posting guards around, make their be a campaign or something. have it be realistic. Don't have anyone focus on a vacine, or where it came from. focus on eliminating the threat and protecting Equestria. And don't just base it in Ponyville or Canterlot. simple. send me a link once you finish it. i like reading about zombie apocalypses. just don't over do it

The first one is the "Adventures" of a teen that mad the MLP Cast from human remains (Might I add he is insane). The Second one (Has the same thing happen to his family) but Equestria in need of help because of his nowlage of zombies

Because of the voting and opinions, it is #2 of the story's. Working on the Pro-log episode as I speek

yo be clear #2 Has the Zombies in Equestria, while #1 had somebody make the mane 6 out of the dead, Equestria docent exist in this story.

Four Scenes Done, Don't Know How Long When I'm Done, but Here is what I have so far.

Sceen 1

We see Murphy On his computer when you hear Bangging on the door (He has headsets on so he coudnot hear untill the bangging)

Murphy

  What the FUCK is going on out there!?

Murphy Opens the Door with a bat in one hand.

Murphy

  FUCK!

Murphy Kills the undead zombitch.

See the bat swing zombie falls, hits the ground. it pans to the right seeing hm in the breeseway smashing the head in.

Fades Black...

"Three Months Latter." (White/Chiller BOLD)

Sceen 2

Outside we hear a conversation

Murphy

  It....Hast......has...to be....done.....

Mom

  Noo, its just a scratch...

Murphy

  I CANT HAVE THE GIRLS, my sisters BE INFECTED, im sorry,(Hugs   mom I love you mom.

Mom

  Its too late,

Murphy

  what do you mean "Late"

Mom

  Durring the last seige.. Chi, got bit, Abby got bit, I got bit....

  We are infected...

Murphy

  WHAT!! Well wait.

Mom

  Its worse that yours and youve been bit for two months now,  your imune.

  The rest of us are going to die and turn. Unless... Your going to haft to do   it...

Murphy

  Girls...Girls..., what!!!, NO NO NO NO NOOOOOO!!!!!

(Zombie Noises)

  MOM! NAN! NOT YOU TO! NOOOOO!!

(Shots Fired)

"Five Months Latter." (White/Chiller BOLD)

Sceen 3

In Equestria, (Day) Luna is sleaping

(Murphy)

  NOOOOOOOO! No NO nO NO NO NO.

Luna Twitches

Luna

  Ahhhhh!

She gets dresed

Luna

  Sister I have News to share

P.C.

  What is sister, I'm all eaers.

Luna

  I saw a human... crying in blood of his famaly, he repeataly says,

  "The dead walk among the living." And i'm acualy seeing the     horrifying images, of the dead.

P.C.

  Pay no attention, just ni... Daymares

Luna

  Don't be offended to my lack of amusement.

P.C.

  (Chuckels)

"Four Months Latter." (White/Chiller BOLD)

We see an attack on somepony and is infected.

Havic Runs Equestria, PC asks Discord, for once, its not him acualy causeing the trouble...

Luna

  My dere sister, I think thoses dreams of mine where warnings of the end,

  and one more thing.

PC

  and what would that be my sister?

Luna

  I found where it origonates, just five miles from where the portal is   positioned.

PC

  We can not go there, we have little knowlage of that world. We will haft   to send Twilight.

Luna

  I belive it is a diferent world, So diferent that it would be safe, as in   alowing them to go there.

PC

  What do you mean sister?

Luna

  The People had weird names, one being Murphy, He is the one i see in the   dreams, He knows how to deal with creatures sutch as these.

PC

  Good then, Twilight and her friends will retreive a.. what species is it...   Human?

Luna

  I beleve so

PC

  All right them I will send the measeges at once to Twilight.

Sceen 4

Twilights House

Twi

  All right. We should be fine in here Spike. Spike?

Spike

  ooooooooo.... (Burp) that was a big one, im just going to sleap twilight.

Twi

  Dear Twilight, We have found the location of someone that can help us in   this dire need. His name for what we know for is as of now is "Murphy"

  He has kowlage that can save Equestia, bring your friends along. You will    need there help. Signed Prenses Celestia.

I Used Notepad, thats why it look weird, sorry everypony...

and might i add, not spelled right

Hello Everypony Rise and shine its DECEMBER 1st, wait WHAT DECEMBER FIRST!!! What have I done with my life this year, Lets see, Made fun of by Assholes, Normal, Dad telling "Your going to burn in Hell", i say "I'll be meting you there if it ever existed. You Flip Floping Hypocrite!" Me having a choice to go between the two houses i live between Instead of being Forced to go to the place i've hatted with a passion. Became a Brony, after "Mare"ithoning all episodes, Had thanksgiving. Dam a Less thing "Dad" related, 1+ for me.

/) (\

[SharpWit 2,622]

The first one is the "Adventures" of a teen that mad the MLP Cast from human remains (Might I add he is insane). The Second one (Has the same thing happen to his family) but Equestria in need of help because of his nowlage of zombies

Because of the voting and opinions, it is #2 of the story's. Working on the Pro-log episode as I speek

yo be clear #2 Has the Zombies in Equestria, while #1 had somebody make the mane 6 out of the dead, Equestria docent exist in this story.

Four Scenes Done, Don't Know How Long When I'm Done, but Here is what I have so far.
Sceen 1
We see Murphy On his computer when you hear Bangging on the door (He has headsets on so he coudnot hear untill the bangging)
Murphy
What the FUCK is going on out there!?
Murphy Opens the Door with a bat in one hand.
Murphy
FUCK!
Murphy Kills the undead zombitch.
See the bat swing zombie falls, hits the ground. it pans to the right seeing hm in the breeseway smashing the head in.
Fades Black...
"Three Months Latter." (White/Chiller BOLD)
Sceen 2
Outside we hear a conversation
Murphy
It....Hast......has...to be....done.....
Mom
Noo, its just a scratch...
Murphy
I CANT HAVE THE GIRLS, my sisters BE INFECTED, im sorry,(Hugs mom I love you mom.
Mom
Its too late,
Murphy
what do you mean "Late"
Mom
Durring the last seige.. Chi, got bit, Abby got bit, I got bit....
We are infected...
Murphy
WHAT!! Well wait.
Mom
Its worse that yours and youve been bit for two months now, your imune.
The rest of us are going to die and turn. Unless... Your going to haft to do it...
Murphy
Girls...Girls..., what!!!, NO NO NO NO NOOOOOO!!!!!
(Zombie Noises)
MOM! NAN! NOT YOU TO! NOOOOO!!
(Shots Fired)
"Five Months Latter." (White/Chiller BOLD)
Sceen 3
In Equestria, (Day) Luna is sleaping
(Murphy)
NOOOOOOOO! No NO nO NO NO NO.
Luna Twitches
Luna
Ahhhhh!
She gets dresed
Luna
Sister I have News to share
P.C.
What is sister, I'm all eaers.
Luna
I saw a human... crying in blood of his famaly, he repeataly says,
"The dead walk among the living." And i'm acualy seeing the horrifying images, of the dead.
P.C.
Pay no attention, just ni... Daymares
Luna
Don't be offended to my lack of amusement.
P.C.
(Chuckels)
"Four Months Latter." (White/Chiller BOLD)
We see an attack on somepony and is infected.
Havic Runs Equestria, PC asks Discord, for once, its not him acualy causeing the trouble...
Luna
My dere sister, I think thoses dreams of mine where warnings of the end,
and one more thing.
PC
and what would that be my sister?
Luna
I found where it origonates, just five miles from where the portal is positioned.
PC
We can not go there, we have little knowlage of that world. We will haft to send Twilight.
Luna
I belive it is a diferent world, So diferent that it would be safe, as in alowing them to go there.
PC
What do you mean sister?
Luna
The People had weird names, one being Murphy, He is the one i see in the dreams, He knows how to deal with creatures sutch as these.
PC
Good then, Twilight and her friends will retreive a.. what species is it... Human?
Luna
I beleve so
PC
All right them I will send the measeges at once to Twilight.
Sceen 4
Twilights House
Twi
All right. We should be fine in here Spike. Spike?
Spike
ooooooooo.... (Burp) that was a big one, im just going to sleap twilight.
Twi
Dear Twilight, We have found the location of someone that can help us in this dire need. His name for what we know for is as of now is "Murphy"
He has kowlage that can save Equestia, bring your friends along. You will need there help. Signed Prenses Celestia.

I Used Notepad, thats why it look weird, sorry everypony...

and might i add, not spelled right

Hello Everypony Rise and shine its DECEMBER 1st, wait WHAT DECEMBER FIRST!!! What have I done with my life this year, Lets see, Made fun of by Assholes, Normal, Dad telling "Your going to burn in Hell", i say "I'll be meting you there if it ever existed. You Flip Floping Hypocrite!" Me having a choice to go between the two houses i live between Instead of being Forced to go to the place i've hatted with a passion. Became a Brony, after "Mare"ithoning all episodes, Had thanksgiving. Dam a Less thing "Dad" related, 1+ for me.
/
It all seemed quite rushed as well. like seriously rushed. I recommend slowing it down, having zombies start coming through the portal to cause the problem in the first place since anyone can literally just go through it during that whole moon phase thing. Maybe while being chased by zombies Murphy gets pinned against the statue and falls through the portal while Equestria is in the midst of it's apocalypse. Also, you should really ditch the whole, Murphy being immune . That's over used as it is. One thing that might help with lengthening this is explaining more of Murphy himself. maybe the first chapter could just be a regular day. then in the second, have all hell break loose.

Edited December 2, 2013 by SharpWit

[Shadow Scoundrel 5]

It all seemed quite rushed as well. like seriously rushed. I recommend slowing it down, having zombies start coming through the portal to cause the problem in the first place since anyone can literally just go through it during that whole moon phase thing. Maybe while being chased by zombies Murphy gets pinned against the statue and falls through the portal while Equestria is in the midst of it's apocalypse. Also, you should really ditch the whole, Murphy being immune . That's over used as it is. One thing that might help with lengthening this is explaining more of Murphy himself. maybe the first chapter could just be a regular day. then in the second, have all hell break loose.

 

All right... i see what your saying... Just wanted to get to the action... Now working on Pony Kart, I don't know about the Show... None the less, Once more into the breach...