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yisetab28

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Everything posted by yisetab28

  1. yisetab28
    Well if you're introducing an completely alternate timeline like in my fanfic, describing with great detail is critical. For a small story like this with an already known recent past can have a much smaller intro.
  2. yisetab28
    As previous people have said, introduce the setting with great detail. In my ongoing fanfic, the intro to the situation is something like 5 paragraph long. Also, the story looks fine till now.
  3. yisetab28
    What I find strange is that each pony has a name that is linked to his CM even before he/she got it.
  4. yisetab28
    They are not necessarily the "good guys" as we always see them in the movies or books. I know the Tiger was a tank built by Henschel in Nazi Germany, but putting them in a Sherman or a T-34 wouldn't change the fact that they are still soldiers, and that soldiers kill people. It's like saying that someone going in and killing other soldiers using a Sten sub machine gun is acceptable, but if he wields a MP40, he is not the good guy. These are just weapons, and do not change the character's minds. Some of them may not want to serve in the Panzer divisions, some of them may want to, but making them drive a Nazi tank does not change anything to that. In the war, some Soviet soldiers murdered and raped civilians, some did not. Some British, American, Japanese and German soldiers also did, and some did not. A German tank man is not automatically a ruthless killer or a stupid brute, and a British infantry men is not automatically a charismatic hero who protects the widow and the orphan. This is war, and war changes how people react, as they are left alone out there, with the mission to kill the most people and destroy the most equipment they can.
  5. yisetab28
    Actually charmant means charming. Delicieux would be what I can think of what's closest to delightful, but even that means something else (delicious). Second one could be named after a constellation or a star, like let's say Sirius. Third one could be named something like Scoop, or stuff related to journalism.
  6. yisetab28
    So, I've been writing a fanfic for a while, and I need feedback to know where to go. The story is set 25 years after the main events of the canon show, after using the "Rainbow Power" has drained all the magic from Eqeustria, and centers around a Tiger tank from Luna's army fighting in a war against Celestia. I would need feedback on how the events were introduced, how the characters are and also some name ideas for the tank commander. The story is in the attached files. So, any criticism? The 30th Tiger, Part 1 .txt
  7. yisetab28
    That's a possible way, but writing anything that involves relations between a character and the mane 6 can be extremely difficult. Coming from someone that has also been bullied, I think Derpy should learn that ponies are just not that nice and caring, and become less affected by their comments. This may seem harsh, but that's what I ended up into.
  8. yisetab28
    Precisely. As I said, Flash feels really too much like a Gary Stu. If I was to ship my character with Twilight (which I would never do, for any cannon character), and if he/she was a Gary/Mary Stu/Sue, it would make little to no difference.
  9. yisetab28
    First of all, even though a portion of the fandom wants to pair their Gary Stu OC with Twilight, that portion is extremely small, as anyone pairing an OC with a major canon character is almost immediately lynched and flamed by the fandom. What I think you do not see is that the actual Gary is Brad. Perfect guy, kind, popular, has plenty of money and even his own car. Doesn't that resemble some cliche "Goody Two-Shoes" character? As for strength and weaknesses for Brad, here are the practical ones: Strengths Nice, kind, handsome, rich, popular, nice speaker, etc etc. Weaknesses None. Now, the actual ones who will make him a good or bad character: Strengths He exists. Weaknesses Complete lack of any kind of real weaknesses which would make him an interesting character. Is a "Goody-Two-Shoes" who is good at everything and achieves all he wants immediately, plus he's the biggest waifu stealer fag who has ever been created by a somehow decent toy company. So, even though from your point of view Brad is fine, from most of ours he isn't. A good character can be like Brad, but that requires him to struggle to accomplish what he/she wants and have flaws which counterbalance those strengths. TL:DR version: Brad is the actual Gary Stu.
  10. yisetab28
    "All hail the newcomer" attitude, Mary Sue main characters, romance plot worse than Twi... hey wait a second... Anyways, these things are all too familiar for anyone who read a Mary Sue story. So, is EQG actually a troll by Hasbro to make a parody of the fanfics?
  11. yisetab28
    Getting to speak with someone who actually got bullied would be a nice start, as it would give you a good idea of how it felt.
  12. yisetab28
    It is still in the very early stages, and a lot of work is to be done. Now the thing I would need most is precise criticism, that is what's going to help get this story going. For now, the first chapter is about the repairing of "Emil", which is the tank, in a post-bombing Guernica parallel version of Ponyville, maybe the exploration of an underground factory and even maybe a second assault on Canterlot.
  13. yisetab28
    There are parallels. Both were ruthless dictators who relied on patriotism to get the war done, and Stalin actually caused more death (indirectly) than the genocide (20 million deaths in the Great Patriotic War compared to approximately 6 million executed Jews during the Final Solution.
  14. yisetab28
    So, I've been writing my fanfic for a few days and I've been wondering if I could get some feedback. For starters, the fanfic is set in a sort of alternate future of the current "Friendship is Magic" series, where a major incident (which will be elaborated in a future story) caused magic to not work anymore in Equestria. After a drastic boom in technological development, the world is in a new sister war, but now that the Elements cannot imprison Luna, the war wages on for years. For now, I have completed a small introduction to the current events for the story, and a little dialog between two of the members of the tank that the story center around. The draft is included in the attached files. The story will be way bigger, and this is only a really primitive draft. So, is there anything (and I'm sure there is) that I need to improve? To make more precise? Are the characters so far so good? Awaiting the criticism as always! Edit: The names of the two current characters are not definitive, only some quick ideas I got when I was writing. Any suggestion for new names would be appreciated. The 30th Tiger, Part 1 .txt
  15. yisetab28
    Wow, you just found me how to name Adolf in my WW2 alternate timeline! Many thanks to you Luna! Now I don't need to invent a new Celestia-Luna war anymore!
  16. yisetab28
    That's cute. Little David, the weapon with the biggest caliber ever made. 910mm of freedom. 'Nuff said.
  17. yisetab28
    I think the Nazis were damn good (at making weapons) and that Hitler was a genius. Note that Genius =/= good guy.
  18. yisetab28
    You have clearly never seen the wonder that is... The FG 42! Pure Nazi Germany awesomeness, now for paratroopers, Also, Mosin-Nagant rifle, over 100 years old now.
  19. yisetab28
    I never felt sad for that, but now that you mention it, she is watching over Twi all the time, as shown in the season 3 finale, so I guess she isn't that alone.
  20. yisetab28
    So, as the title sums it up, write up the worst Mary/Angsty Sue character you could ever think of. Make it OP, a pity whore, a drastic Anti-Sue, whatever, but make it real bad. May the worst idea win! So, first entry! TwiRainShy PinkRareApplePie is a Pegasus-Unicorn who has rainbow mane and rainbow coat and black and red oversaturated as hell tail, she is loved by anyone, killed Discord and Tirek and she is also the holder of the 7 helements of armory! She's the daughter of all the mane 6 and even straight girls fall for her!
  21. yisetab28
    If we don't get David Tennant as a guest voice actor I'm not watching the 100th episode
  22. yisetab28
    Check out this thread, pretty good study of pony age http://mlpforums.com/blog/268/entry-5526-how-old-are-the-mane-6/ And after reading the stuff you posted here, I think what most of you said was based on opinion rather than rational thought and studying ponies. If we closely look at them, discard all emotions and preferences, they are all learning to be mature, and on the maturity level, even if Pinkie is a party mare and Twilight a serious student, they all have their good and bad maturity moments.
  23. yisetab28
    Sorry, but I had to do this.
  24. yisetab28
    Cause she can. You've never been to China haven't you? Almost all the stores have apartments upstairs.
  25. yisetab28
    There's also this example where he's actually changing his own timeline. I get it Doctor, the TARDIE is awesome but this is just showing off.
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