Strife

That's alright. You'll see ... you'll see. I can send you a signed copy of my awesomeness, if you want. Once I become famous (and I will, my talent is just far too pro) it will worth tons of bits. Well, not until I die ... but still. Tons of bits.

What are you talking about? That amateur, Vincent van Gogh? Simply chicken tracks on canvas! Da Vinci? That Italian had more spice than balls! Paul Klee? That Swiss had more holes in his art than the cheese! Claude Monet? Please, that Frenchman even made grapes whine. Pablo Picasso? Ha! Children can shatter things better than that! My portrait of Spitfire is obviously paint and brush over the competition! I shall go submit it to Canterlot's Museum of Cultural Preservation. If only I knew what you were referring to.

Figured I would show off my obviously superior artistic talent. And why not accomplish that by painting the best pony: Spitfire! She noticed by pro talents and allowed me to create a portrait of her. (I got back stage and got to interview her and everything. RD would be fantastically jealous) And now for what I can guarantee will be the best piece of art your eyes will ever have the privilege to feast themselves upon ...

Interesting, interesting. Steam may get to eat more of my money ... we shall see.

Doesn't matter what the weather is, I crank my water to maximum heat and bask in the glorious warmth of the scalding temperatures.

I might be able to ... I want to know what show that is ... the art style interests me.

FiMfiction is a good idea. I enjoy the site. You can also use DeviantArt if you want (normally for pictures, but literature works). There is also this site. Just by reading your initial post, you will want to pay special attention to grammar. There are quite a few flaws in your post; it would be unfortunate if that kind of error would transfer into your story. Yes, you can use Microsoft word. Or even Notepad. Just about any word-processing program (Google Documents is cool too). Keep in mind, however, that sometimes formatting your text is lost when copy/pasting into places like FiMfiction and DA. Self-insertion is a very tricky literary technique to use. Oftentimes it is considered bad writing form and only a small handful of authors have been able to pull it off well. It's entirely up to you, but I would recommend against self-insertion.

Darius hijacked my penta with Nocturne. I was disappoint.

This has likely been mentioned before ... Just use PayPal for shop transactions. That protects the buyer and seller.

That feature on DA is nice, but anything that deals with a number / star system leads to lazy critiques and assuming statistics. Oftentimes, people will be more inclined to pop in some star ratings and rely on those to say what they mean, giving far less detailed feedback than they would need to write down when compared a system that does not use number/stars. Furthermore, anyone viewing the critique will be far more inclined to take the TL;DR approach and just look at the numbers/stars and ignore the text. The team is by volunteer only. No one is being assigned to anything, the person is volunteering to help people by critiquing work. Elective is the only way to properly give feedback. Nothing is being forced. A person elects to volunteer for the position. As for bias, of course that will be present. That exists in nearly every critique in existence, as the nature of the critique (in part) is to say if and how you liked it. Although any good critique will be a two-part system. One part that includes subjective matters (grammar, style, tone, and other literary techniques) and objectives matters (likes/dislikes, etc). I would imagine that the system would be submission based. A person submits their art for critique and then the kraken reviewers are released.

Nor do I. We're just stuck in a circular argument that won't go anywhere, so no point to continue. And no, I am not a Christian.

Here is a wee bit of a critique on your current progress: Grammar - Overall decent. There are quite few minor mistakes, but the general logistics are fine with nothing big to hinder the story flow too much [examples furnished upon request]. Lots of missing commas and misused used. Hook - The action of the story started fairly quickly, with enough mystery of events to encourage the reader to continue on and find out what is happening. Structure - Many of your sentences are far too short, creating a halting stop-and-go flow for the story. I recommend revising many of the sentences, possibly even combining some. In addition, you should either indent your paragraph or leave one line of spacing between paragraphs so that they can easily be identified (and give the story less of a Wall 'O Text feel). Details / Descriptions - The phrase "Show, don't tell" are wise words. It would be highly advantageous to add more descriptive phrases. Remember that reader cannot see inside your head; we want the reader to see exactly what you do simply by your text. Don't tell me about the experience, show me! In addition, this would help lengthen up a lot of the short sentences. Example: " It was raining, and everyone was inside." and "The sky was dark and gloomy" (auto fixed the spelling mistake). This is telling us what kind of a sky it is. Show us! "Rain beat upon the ground in a soothingly rhythmic downpour, lending noise to the otherwise silent town. Despite the gloomy nature of the weather, Fractal cheerily peered through the thick rain as he tried to find at least somepony that wasn't hiding from the torrential downpour." [As a quick example] ​Vocabulary Spread - Your variation in terms and phrases was not that high. Quite a few repeated phrases and words. Normally due to an inadequate range of vocabulary to draw upon. No worries though, a lot of people fall victim to this. All you need to do is identify which words / phrases you overuse and then learn how to replace them. There are various online resources for synonyms that can assist you (I use this one sometimes). Beware: Learn the proper definition of a new word before you swap it in! Some words may be synonyms, but have vastly different connotations. ​Commendations - You didn't submit to the dreaded "script dialog" that many people fall victim to. While you can use more variety in your phrasing, it is excellent you did not do conversation script-style. What I Liked - Some of the character interaction was good, even funny at times. It will be interesting to see how they develop. What I Disliked - Not enough content to determine anything substantial. What to Work On - Until the story and plot are further along, the only thing I can suggest are the various sections pointed out above.

(1) Regardless of it's origin ... And who wrote that book? A Human. Who translated that book over and over and over? A human. Who has lost pages and sections? A human. I shouldn't have to explain anything beyond that. (2) That is essentially my point. While the Bible (or any religious text) can give some good insight in various aspects of life and history, it ultimately remains YOUR choice in what you will do. (3) A Scientific Theory is a widely-accepted hypothesis. Nothing more. (4) And you have no objective proof to say otherwise. But it would be logically sound to think that God created the tool of Evolution and used it (assuming both God and Evolution are real). (5) Incorrect. Evolution is the change of a species over time. Natural Selection is the concept that states that change will generally result in improvements. (6 - 8) You obviously missed the entire point. Furthermore, it CAN be theorized that there is biological backing to it (theorized, of course). The greater part of the human brain and human DNA are unmapped and unknown as to what they do. How do you explain emotions? Big can of worms right there. (9) And biologically, can be explained via Evolution. Which is what the concept of Sin can be attributed to coming about. Also, explain such things as emotions (as the previous point asks). (10) You always have freedom. You can ALWAYS do whatever the hell you want. ALWAYS. You CHOOSE to do whatever action. You can literally do whatever you want. Consequences do exist, but that doesn't change the fact that you can go do whatever you want. The pathetic excuse of "But that's illegal" doesn't change the fact that you CAN go do it. There are consequences, but you can do it. (11) As I said, matter of perspective. Learn to read please. (12) ALL subjective statements from you and gross half-assed (and incomplete) reiterations of the stories. Oh did I mention how grossly subjective that entire section was from you? Doesn't even deserve a response. Bottomline is that you refuse to believe in the possibility of something else existing beyond your perfect little box. I find it important to point out the fact that I have not once specified what I personally believe (Hint: It's nothing that's been discussed anywhere on these forums). It takes quite a lot of effort bury your head from the sand, clear that tunnel vision, and accept the possibility that maybe - just maybe - your assertions are wrong. They could be all true, no doubt about that (we are dealing with a topic that has no verifiable evidence either way), but it could also be all wrong. The Truth (if there really even is such a thing) could be NONE of this. It could be something entirely different. Something so obscure that Humans haven't even conceptualized it yet. Hell, the existence of all things can be a moose in a room for all we know (reference) ... but we don't. My energy is best spent elsewhere, so forgive if I decide to not respond further (although I might, who knows).

Interesting. I like the fancy application form. Application forms please my OCD.

Or you have zero idea what pigmentation is.

Shadow stripes are not brown, so no.

Not even sure if I should attempt to counter-point due to your insane bias presented within your post. Bah, what the hell, I like to bash my head into a brick wall expecting different results. (1) One major flaw is that you assume that every single person is 100% unique and different from each other. The second major flaw is that you assume the Bible is entirely literal. Let me delve a wee bit into the second point first: I find it safe to assert that no person will find the Bible to be 100% literal, even those that believe in it. I would also assert that most people would find it silly to believe in the Bible being 100% literal. That said, remember that the Bible is theoretically thousands upon thousands of years old and gone through may reiterations and translations. Not only is it possible that the Bible has lost a significant amount of it's original content and meaning, but that would be expected. First point now: I rarely share this bit of information, but I feel I must. I'm sure everyone here is familiar with the Theory of Evolution (the word "Theory" being important, btw). Many people are also familiar with the overall concept of a lot of religions. Then most people make the false assumption that they are mutually exclusive. The existence of one does not reject the existence of the other (for most religions). Example; It is possible that God created all we see around us. It is possible that humans (and other animals, plants, etc) are the by-product of Evolution. It is not only possible, but likely, that God would have been the one to implement this function of Evolution. As God's tool, essentially. Now, keeping that in mind, Evolution is based in the fact that species share a common trait and 'evolve' to develop or lose traits. Following this trail of thought, the concept of Sin can be a trait that Humanity obtained through a method of "evolution" (remember that evolution is to change, not specifically to get better). This makes the concept of Original Sin that everyone bears not only possible, but feasible. Since this trait is common to all humans, it means that must work to rid ourselves of that trait. Think about the concept of Sin and it makes sense. Everyone is tempted by "Sin" (what we would call urges) and we need to work against those urges. (2) You can do whatever you want, how is that not freedom? Like it is in science "For every action, there is an equal - an opposite - reaction." Everything you do will have a consequence (be it bad or good), but be assured in that fact that YOU got to make those choices. Extreme example: People abducted your family and said that if you do not kill a certain person, they will kill your entire family instead. If you kill that person, you broke the law and will go to jail (but your family will be alive). If you do not kill that person, that person will be alive and you will not have broken the law (but your family is now dead). Not extreme example: You're with a group of friends. They offer you some marijuana. If you smoke it, you're breaking the law (assume it's illegal in your state) and could get charged with a crime. If you do not smoke it, they will no longer be your friends. In both those examples, there are positive and negative things about each choice. And while one choice may seem easier, you can still choose either choice. Same thing applies to Heaven / Hell concept. (3) The mistake is thinking in Hell as a punishment. That's false. Heaven is the reward for resisting Sin. Although this point is simply a matter of perspective (glass half full or half empty). (4) See point (1). Also, just about all content in this 'point' of yours is entirely subjective. Furthermore, standard history books are just as biased. History books are not written by the events, they are written by the winners. A fantastic example of this would be China. Their History books are funny to read. Due to 'recent' things such as the Internet and mass networking, it's far easier to ensure that historical accounts remain more accurate, but anything created in later times cannot be considered 100% factual. Example: in those days, it was easy for a King to declare that something was factual (when it wasn't) and all records would be changed to reflect whatever the King thinks. A ton of fantastic examples have cropped up over the years in Egyptian culture.

There are three species, none of which contain a brown coat. Plains Zebra: "Like all zebras, they are boldly striped in black and white" Grévy's Zebra: "As with all zebra species, the Grevy's zebra's pelage has a black and white striping pattern." Mountain Zebra: "Like all zebras, it is boldly striped in black and white and no two individuals look exactly alike." This is the age of the Internet ... searching and validating information isn't hard.

That's right, I forgot about this one: That isn't brown. It's a side effect of pigment inhibition. Making that section to appear brown (especially when light reflects off of it). It's an error in the process of the brain in terms of shades and shading. That is due to pigmentation. Simple science. Most younger animals do not have full pigmentation until they mature, many species are like this (including humans).

I am only aware of Black and White. You may be mistaken with either of these: A zebra who has currently gotten dirty from mud A hybrid species, which would not make it a zebra Pigmentation variation, which would still result in Black/White If there are truly "brown" zebras running around, I would quite enjoy seeing a picture of such an interesting creature.

This is all an incorrect misconception (although I've never heard of a correct misconception before, ha). First of all, I would like to ask: How many of the people here talking about Catholicism and Christianity have actually read the Bible? The entire thing? I would bet that 98% of you have not. This would mean you are talking simply from your uninformed assumptions. This is only a guess of course, I could be wrong. Now, with that out of the way ... Neither Catholicism nor Christianity ever give an excuse to commit a sin. Neither Catholicism nor Christianity ever say it is OK to commit a sin. The concept of Hell is not as punishment. I'm sure you're all aware of the classic story regarding Adam and Eve. God told the couple to not take fruit from a specific tree. Satan, under guise of a snake, convinced Eve to do so anyway, also getting Adam into the action. With full knowledge, they both disobeyed God. By listening to Satan, they inherited his imperfections, his Sin (Satan is the original Fallen Angel). The impressionable humans took in Sin willingly and so are marked with it eternally. That is (simplistically) the Original Sin. The story can further be examined to fully identify all of the Seven Deadly Sins which Adam and Eve took a part of. Since, according to the Bible, we are in some way directly related to Adam and Eve, we share in their burdens. As a family, we are responsible for the actions of our ancestors. Their Sins have become ours. God gave humans a sense of free will and it is our duty for the love of our Maker to follow his wishes -- not unlike the duty of a child to listen to their father. As for Hell ... Hell is not a punishment, exactly. If you are to take the concepts of Heaven and Hell literally, then it's more of a crossroads (hence the term Crossroads Demon). You have the option to take a left, or to take a right. It is your choice. A choice you have to be responsible for. The Ten Commandments are essentially instructions on how to gain admittance to Heaven. It is the pathway you must take to reach that destination ... the roads to travel. Why isn't admittance free, you ask? According to the Bible, we turned our back on God ... not the other way around. He may be kind, but he isn't stupid. Now, keep in mind I am by no means an expert on the Bible ... I just like to read various books of religion, it's extremely informative into how a culture works (and a great means to brush up on History). All of this happens regardless if Religion is institutionalized. What a nice ad hoc statement there.

Bacon Sundae? No thanks, maybe on Monday.

In the artistic world, most artists consider black and whites as shades. In the scientific world, white would be the sum of all colors and black as the lack of color. Now, it is important to remember to think of this inversely. Remember that the color(s) we see an item composed of is actually the color(s) that the item is NOT composed of. Example: An apple will look red because the apple absorbed the light spectrum that hit it ... except the red wavelength, which bounces off of the apple and into our eye. So to rephrase, black would be the lack of all color (because the object absorbs all the light wavelengths, leaving none to hit our eye) and white would be the sum of all colors (because the objects does not absorb any wavelengths within the visible spectrum, allowing all of it to bounce back into our eyes. This is why white objects appear brighter, because you have more light energy being reflected into your eye.

Due to pigment activation, the Zebra is black with the stripes being a case of pigment inhibition, making those stripes come off as white.