Stone Cold Steve Jobs
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Status Updates posted by Stone Cold Steve Jobs
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I visited my mother today. She had a bunch of stuff from when I was very young. There was a lot but I only took a few pictures.
This was my first soccer trophy when I was 5. It’s a participation trophy. All of my sports trophies were participation trophies.
I got this book from a Holocaust survivor who visited my school about 10 years ago. He autographed it for me. I hope he’s doing well.
This was not mine. This was my grandpa’s when he was 9. Look at the date in the corner!!!
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Yikes.
I just got up for a second and immediately doubled over in pain. Severe chest pain just below my right rib cage. I couldn’t breathe. Now it’s gone. That was scary.
Going to try to head to sleep. Have a good night everyone.
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@Widdershins I am extremely active. Sometimes I walk up to 16 steps in one day!
Thanks for the warm wishes everyone. I feel okay now. But man that was painful. Must’ve been a wicked cramp.
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This one less hour of night thing is killing me. Can’t I just sleep today instead of work?
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Remove toxic people from your life. Even if they are blood relatives.
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Fact or Crap:
Charlie Chaplin once entered a Charlie Chaplin lookalike competition and lost.
Be on the lookout for the answers later today!
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Bingo. I can not even look it up and know that's garuntee fact. That's how Humor works, bro!
Besides, you know how it is. You be a preformer for long enough, you reinvent yourself and fans start saying "Noo, only Old Style Charlie Chaplain was True Form. This, this what he's doing now, that's just a new style."
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Why did the little girl drop her ice cream cone?
She was hit by a train.
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Which, might I add, refers specifically to not only a chosen vector of delivery (to whit, a volcano.) but a specific foreign object that is inhaled by the sufferer. Namely, something silica based.
As I say, it's so technical & specific that it doesn't count as a word so much as textbook terminology compounded in on itself to fit the given situation. Does not deserve the title of "Longest Word."
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The Curiosity Rover in 2012 (left) vs. 2019 (right). Time has not been kind.
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I just found this on my dad’s table. I don’t know what to feel.
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@Splashee if it helps I found out it was a gag gift.
...you still hungry?
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Every fucking thing went wrong at work today for me because I am an idiot.
Checks, check holds, cash counts- my box was missing $100 at the end and that’s really bad. I am fucking useless
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Alright, it’s time for the most important meal of the day: Fact or Crap!
Please eat neither.
Fact or Crap:
If the sun was replaced by a black hole of the same mass (assuming they could exist at that mass), planetary orbits would remain unchanged.
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If you replaced everything in the solar system with black holes of the same mass all the orbits would remain unchanged. We could even continue to live as normal (at least until our crops died) if the Earth black hole was surrounded by a hollow sphere of Earth's original diameter for us to stand on.
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I thought changelings were black and blue or something.
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I feel like shit.
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I tried to call out from work but apparently you don’t get paid if you call out after a holiday. So I am there now.
@Tacodidra Thanks man. I appreciate it.
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Hmm, perhaps you have Catscratch Fever? (Look! I know that was terrible, but whenelse am I gonna use that reference?!!?)
Take it easy, bro. Sip some tea and do what you find calming. Most workplaces would rather not have you sneezing a storm or erstwhile being a Suing Liability.
Fever is fever, won’t matter the pay if you hurtin’ too much, rest for now!~
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Thank you to everyone for the warm wishes today! You guys helped make it an awesome day!!
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Happy Thanksgiving to all who celebrate it, and if you don't, then have a wonderful day anyway. To those who work tonight or retail jobs I'll be thinking of you.
"Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil; for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff, they comfort me."
I'm pretty sure this psalm was written for retail employees on black friday.And I do have a question for you guys today:
Who of the following is the most beautiful person, one who we as people are blessed to have in life?
A. YouB. You
C. You
D. You
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Hey Splashee?
I don’t mean to alarm you, but it appears you are being buried in snow.
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630 deaths in one day here. 10,000 more cases since Friday. And it’s just getting worse and is now spreading more beyond the city.
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Let me in.
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@Sparklefan1234 I was >:D
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@Stone Cold Steve Tuna Well.....
SOMEBODY ONCE TOLD ME THE WORLD IS GONNA ROLL ME
I AINT THE SHARPEST TOOL IN THE SHED
(I'm sorry I had to do this lol)
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Hey my friend, how are you holding up?
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Fact or Crap:
It rains sulfuric acid on Neptune.
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I got tagged so now I have to tag back.
🏷 @EpicEnergy @TomDaBombMLP @Tacodidra @Splashee® @Dark Horse @Totally Roseluck @LyraLover 💚 @Bastian @Samurai Equine @King of Canterlot
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That was number three.
The fourth biggest lie was "Sorry, this blockbuster does not have a copy of Super Smash Bros for you to rent."
It was a different time, you guys. And I know that was bullshit because they had a cartridge just sitting on the back counter that an employee apparently called dibs on.
People lie to me a lot.
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Had numerous teachers call me a prick or that I didn't "have that flashing light that tells you not to say something." Course, not that they were wrong, but the latter was a rather sweaty gent of some five or so failed marriages ... that was running a "Communications class."
Teachers are still mortal, after all. You lose trust in your students when they go about spitting in your coffee for a laugh. ...sigh, high school.....
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This cat just wandered into my friend’s house and decides it lives there now.
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The date went well. I didn’t get ghosted yet and she seems like she really enjoyed seeing me. Here’s hoping we keep it up!
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Or, why I can't do space things anymore.
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I am definitely doing this wrong. @ShadOBabe tell me where I went wrong!
I want to get a cardigan and change my hair and I could be Like an alternate universe Mr. Rogers who made a heel turn.
”Wontcha... *sharpens axe against stone* be my neighbor?”
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@Stone Cold Steve Tuna It looks like a house from Munchkin Land.
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You deserve a friendship trophy too! 
Pretty sure the answer it 85i+x.
Thanks to your statuses, I keep learning all kinds of things. 
