If your boy/girlfriend or spouse changed sex would you still love him/her?

[cider float 2,537]

So if your boy/girlfriend or spouse surgically changed his/her sex and was going through hormone treatment would you still love him/her? And still date?

Edited October 19, 2016 by cider float

[Brony Number 42 10,069]

Assuming I ever dated, no. That changes who I started dating. Love is conditional.

[GrimGrimoire 4,973]

If this was something they wanted and we discussed this, yes. If I went on a trip or something and SURPRISE!

 

I would still care about them, but I would most likely break it off. If you can't talk to me honestly about something so important, then it is obvious you really have no desire to communicate at all in my opinion. And that is a big one for me.

[Midnight Scribbler 1,705]

 

 

Love is conditional.

I would argue that this is a prime example of a shallow relationship, not real love. That said, the main question is unfair because it throws people out of their comfort zone regardless. Unless you're bi, it kind of makes the argument unfair. True love on the other hand transcends gender preference. It is the bond of family, not the primordial instinct of reproduction. Too often is this the primary mistake in people's choices when it comes to choosing a spouse these days.

[RealityPublishing 323]

No, because I would have a good 75% chance of convincing a girlfriend and a 84% chancing of talking a wife out of it. Either way, if my GF ever took that route, I'd probably break up. Wife? Hmm. I doubt she'd do it, but even so, I'd probably divorce. 

[GeekySonic 1,150]

I really want to say yes. I would still love my girlfriend if she had a sex change, but the fact of the matter is my boomstick whizzes for hoo-hoos, not ding-dongs. I think we would stop dating.

[That Guy with the CMB 5,873]

I'm pretty sure I would, but I'd be quite disappointed and quite sad, as well as upset that I was never communicated with.

[Thuja 3,659]

If it was something that they wished to pursue, I'd support them completely.  If it was something that magically happened over night, I'd no doubt be shocked and it might me some time to get used to but I like to think that I'd still support them with that too.  As for the transitioning over time, I'm going through the same thing so it might help with our bond because we have something so life changing that we can talk about as we're both going through it.

[Anneal 2,197]

Although I don't have a girlfriend yet, I probably won't maintain the love very well, especially if there's a lack of communication involved. I'll respect the decision but more likely than not we'll break up...though it's very strange for someone to suddenly change their sexual orientation during a relationship, and LGBTs will usually tell you their orientation before they get into a relationship. 

[TeeSix 116]

I'm bisexual, so I would 100% not have any issue whether my partner was a guy, a gal, or transitioning between them. It's all about how well people get along to me. I'm currently extremely happy with my boyfriend who himself is bisexual as well - he makes me feel so special, and neither of us are going anywhere anytime soon 

[Steel Accord 6,660]

Love them? Yes but I couldn't really date them any further. Of course I assume this would be something she'd bring up to me long before hand so we could talk it out like in a healthy relationship.

 

That being said, I would love the inverse to this question, that is "would date and love a sex changed person."

[Gestum 2,493]

I would break up with her. I would still love her and support her but I wouldn't date her.

[Lisa 5,553]

No, I don't think I'd continue dating them. Although that's not as if I'd begin hating them.

[Concerned Bystander 2,902]

I would argue that this is a prime example of a shallow relationship, not real love.

 

I would argue that if a person changes such a fundamental aspect of who they are then that person is no longer the same person that you originally entered into a relationship with.  To just casually dismiss splitting up over such a huge change as being shallow is disingenuous.  Love is always conditional, and if the person you fell in love with ceases to be the same person that you fell in love with in some way (including, but not limited to, sex changes) then sometimes the relationship may suffer as a result.

Edited October 19, 2016 by Concerned Bystander

[Discordian 6,015]

@@Midnight Scribbler,

 

Love only transcends gender if you're into both. It changes the whole paradigm of a relationship to take away the physical attraction. It's as much a part of the relationship as the mental connection. I can be the best of friends with a good amount of people but I would never, ever consider a relationship with someone I'm not physically or sexually attracted to.

 

It might still be love but it's a different kind of love, and not the kind any of us want out of a sexual partner.

 

It's not that easy to dismiss such a change. "If you really loved them you wouldn't care if they were male or female" is such a heavily slanted argument away from heterosexuality that it's almost insulting to those of us who do put emphasis on sexual need in our relationships.

[Sir Hugsalot 9,301]

I'm afraid that would end a relationship for me. I respect transgenders, but myself am 100% straight and can't imagine dating someone who is not a girl (which means I can't imagine dating someone who WAS a girl but is not anymore as well).

 

Of course that doesn't mean I'd hate the person. But when it comes to relationship... I have requirements and if someone doesn't meet her there's no way I will be interested in dating. In love I too need to be happy. And I won't be happy with somebody who's gender is same as my own, even if it was only changed recently. 

 

And I honestly doubt the person would be happy when it is clear I am unhappy neither. 

@@Midnight Scribbler,

Love only transcends gender if you're into both. It changes the whole paradigm of a relationship to take away the physical attraction. It's as much a part of the relationship as the mental connection. I can be the best of friends with a good amount of people but I would never, ever consider a relationship with someone I'm not physically or sexually attracted to.

It might still be love but it's a different kind of love, and not the kind any of us want out of a sexual partner.

It's not that easy to dismiss such a change. "If you really loved them you wouldn't care if they were male or female" is such a heavily slanted argument away from heterosexuality that it's almost insulting to those of us who do put emphasis on sexual need in our relationships.

Thank You for those wise words, this thread *really* needed that to be said.

[StormBlaze 992]

im not 100% how to answer that as ive never ever been interested or even curious of girls. Ive always been very straight. but Denz is enough of a girl already, I dont think id notice the difference XD so yes of course Ill still love him/her/what? but his boobs cant be bigger than mine! i'd be out of a job in this relationship LOL!

[Midnight Scribbler 1,705]

 

 

Love only transcends gender if you're into both. It changes the whole paradigm of a relationship to take away the physical attraction.

As I've said, the physical attraction is merely the mirage of love, that is just your primordial instinct at work, there is no love in physical attraction. Love can be felt between friends of the same gender without any physical attraction. I love my best friends as I would love my brother. Some people argue that this isn't the same, but when it gets down to it, only that sort of love prevails through thick and thin. This dissociation between a choice in partners and your family is the main issue I'm getting at here. If you aren't willing to think of your chosen partner as family before anything else, then your relationship doesn't mean as much as you may think, and usually is the reason why relationships fail. I've watched it happen countless times, and I see the same problem, time and again. There is only love, and lust, and lust is merely a gut reaction that wears away over time. Love does not. Being attracted to your partner is important of course, this I won't deny. But it should never be your number one concern.

[Concerned Bystander 2,902]

 

 

As I've said, the physical attraction is merely the mirage of love, that is just your primordial instinct at work, there is no love in physical attraction. Love can be felt between friends of the same gender without any physical attraction. I love my best friends as I would love my brother.

 

Love comes in many forms and is comprised of many things.  We love our siblings, our parents, our friends and our partners, but we look for different things from each of those relationships.  The question in this thread refers specifically to partners, and depending on the individuals involved, physical attraction and intimacy may play a large part in that relationship.  That is not shallow, nor is it a mirage, it is one of many aspects that most people, to varying degrees, want from a romantic relationship.

[GrimGrimoire 4,973]

Love is something that is very difficult to staple down, because it is defined so differently by many different people and their personal wants, ideals and beliefs. What is love to one is immaterial to another, and thus is open to absolute debate. There are even some that feel love is not even a truly "real" thing, and just something we humans made up in our minds just to disguise and rationalize our need to procreate and multiple. There is no "right" or "wrong" way to experience "love" when it is mutual, but the key word there is mutual... as in together... working as one. I like to think if we are in a relationship, we are not just doing whatever the hell we want with no regard for what the other thinks, feels or desires... but working towards something together, possibly with different ideas and thoughts, but nothing that cannot be discussed, agreed upon and managed through cooperation.

 

 

For me, communication and trust are the absolutes. I trust someone to tell me what they feel, how they feel and not be afraid to be who they are... we build upon that first and foremost. I fully support anything they are feeling and will help them in whatever way I can find happiness in who they are... in the end, they are still themselves and what gender they are has no bearing upon my care and affection for them. That being said, if we are together in a relationship of some sort, and a massive change like this was suddenly sprang upon me, with no discussion, no communication.... no anything... I would feel lied to and manipulated, as if I had no meaning in this "relationship" and was just along for the ride. And in the end, if I don't matter at all in this relationship, then how can I call it any sort of relationship at all?

 

 

Although I would still care about them, they would no longer be the person I trusted and believed in.  If you cannot have the same faith and trust in me that I have in you, to share something so profound that it would make you desire to physically alter yourself, than I honestly don't know what to say to you. I would support your decision, but I could not remain in the relationship.

[They call me Loyalty 1,948]

You experience repressed conflict involving gender and sexuality. You should do some inner research and adress the issue.

Yes, I'd love her in all her forms, because it's the same frequency inhabiting actually everything perceived alive.

We love each other regardless. And we express our love through ways, both creative and destructive.
 

[Midnight Scribbler 1,705]

@@Concerned Bystander,

I would beg to differ. Consider yourself years down the road, when that intimacy has potentially worn off. Many people lose that interest, in fact it's rare for that to last forever through a relationship. The ones that feel they can stick together past that have love. Others tend to jump from one partner to the next in search of what they think is love, but isn't. It's merely a mistaken identification of their intimate interests for what love actually is. Sure, everyone is different, this is just the common trend I see in most cases. It isn't unheard of for intimacy to last through to the end, but it is rare. Mistaking intimate interest in someone for caring is the common end of many relationships. Some people even realize they can't be friends with the person they chose to date once they break it off, because they weren't really friends to begin with, and now that the interest is gone, there's nothing left to hold onto.

[Concerned Bystander 2,902]

@@Concerned Bystander,

I would beg to differ. Consider yourself years down the road, when that intimacy has potentially worn off. Many people lose that interest, in fact it's rare for that to last forever through a relationship. The ones that feel they can stick together past that have love. Others tend to jump from one partner to the next in search of what they think is love, but isn't. It's merely a mistaken identification of their intimate interests for what love actually is. Sure, everyone is different, this is just the common trend I see in most cases. It isn't unheard of for intimacy to last through to the end, but it is rare. Mistaking intimate interest in someone for caring is the common end of many relationships. Some people even realize they can't be friends with the person they chose to date once they break it off, because they weren't really friends to begin with, and now that the interest is gone, there's nothing left to hold onto.

 

The problem with your argument is that you are defining love purely by a standard chosen to support your own viewpoint and saying that anyone who sees it differently is "mistaken".  Physical passion may not last until 'death us do part' in many cases, but the majority of people in their twenties or thirties (and even older) are expecting to have many years of enjoyable physical intimacy ahead of them, and if one partner in that relationship makes a conscious decision to unilaterally put an end to that prematurely then it's only natural that the other party may feel aggrieved enough to put an end to that relationship and to look for someone else with whom they can share love in all of its many levels instead of being forced prematurely into a platonic relationship.

 

That's not to say of course that no relationship could survive such a change, if both parties agree beforehand that they are happy to make that sort of change then it can certainly work out.  However, even in that case, by the time the surgery and the hormones have changed the transperson's body, voice, and potentially even personality (to an extent), there is no guarantee that the non-transperson (or even the transperson, but that isn't the issue here) will still feel the same way about their partner.

 

You can look at love like a jigsaw puzzle.  It is always best when all of the pieces are present, but depending on the big picture, the odd piece missing here or there might not matter too much.  But each relationship is a different picture, and if a key piece of that picture is missing then it can have a hugely detrimental effect on the whole.  Physical attraction and intimacy may be a key piece in some relationships, but may be less important in others.  Other people's pictures are not the same as yours, and to state that a piece that is less important to you must be less important to everyone else as well is clearly inaccurate.

 

The bottom line is that there is no one objectively correct answer to the question posed by the OP, some people may be perfectly happy to accept that change, other people may not be, but neither of those answers are wrong.

[Midnight Scribbler 1,705]

@@Concerned Bystander,

That is a fair point, I do view intimacy less than a strong emotional bond. That said, I don't see how my view is inaccurate, I did state that everyone is different firstly, but also how can you hope to have any kind of meaningful relationship if you do not have that bond first? That's the point I was trying to make. If you don't value your bond with someone over their physical attributes, I see that as a sign of a relationship failure waiting to happen. While yes, maybe some have need of more intimacy than others, perhaps this may play a role, as I said, everyone is different. It doesn't detract from the basic fact that you need to actually feel something beyond physical attraction for anything long-term to work in the first place.

[Kronos the Revenant 1,971]

Well, I am pansexual, so it doesn't really matter to me whether my significant other is a male or female, even though my current significant other is female.