Is it ok for girls to ask guys out?

[Narcissus 355]

Why not? A lot of guys won't make the first move because a lot of girls make it pointlessly hard on them when they do. So it's only fair that girls should take some of the pressure off once in a while. A lot of guys would probably be happy if a girl expressed interest. And of a girl likes someone, why shouldn't she do something about it? 

[Here No Longer 5,276]

I'd believe it would be sexist if anyone said no, especially in my position. Guys asking guys out happens, girls asking girls out happens... So why not?

[TheRockARockster 52,103]

Why not?

Are there rules for asking out now?

[Treeglow Flicker 13,847]

No harm in it. If I see an idiot I like the look of, I'm not going to hesitate to demand that he takes me some place nice.

[Rebel the Wolfgirl 5,605]

Absolutely! As a man, I shouldn't have to adhere to this standard where I have to make the first move.

[Oblivion 20,270]

31 for 0 against! I think it's safe to assume it's okay at this point??!!! 

[Mirage 24,771]

Some girls do not ask guys out on their own principles. Does that make them sexist? Does that make it 'not okay'?

No. It makes them selective, and girls should be selective. Making it seem as if intimate relationships are like picking out shoes is a big mistake for society.

Show me a person defeated and depressed, giving up on life and becoming a menace to themselves and others and I'll show you a broken heart. Relationships are serious business dude. They can wreck your life.

[SparklingSquirrels 21,354]

Some guys prefer direct communication to taking hints. If a girl likes a guy, she should go for it!

Assuming that guys and girls always have to play “games” with each other is an outdated view. Sure it works for some people! But not for everyone.

Personally I think shy guys are cuter than the loud, arrogant kind @Mirage 

Edited February 10, 2020 by SparklingSwirls

[Will Guide 21,362]

Wow. First poll I've seen in a while, if ever, where it's an 100% landslide vote.

And of course Women can ask first

[Mirage 24,771]

22 minutes ago, SparklingSwirls said:

Some guys prefer direct communication to taking hints. If a girl likes a guy, she should go for it!

Assuming that guys and girls always have to play “games” with each other is an outdated view. Sure it works for some people! But not for everyone.

Personally I think shy guys are cuter than the loud, arrogant kind @Mirage 

Playing games is certainly not outdated dear. If that were the case, movies and TV shows wouldn't even bother with romance, much less, the most popular books and movies are...romantic comedies.  Romance is very interesting and exciting (right? uh huh admit it), and a shy guy will miss out on it. I've yet to meet a guy who was comfortable being afraid to talk to girls. You might think it's cute, but believe me, they are suffering inside. Shy guys end up settling for girls they really don't like, or girls that really don't like them. It sounds harsh, but it's the truth.

My point is, the question is unfairly simple. It's like asking 'Is it okay to forgive student load debt?' or 'Is it okay for women to leave their kids in daycare?'. The question doesn't really address the underlying issue. 

Most so far have read the question as this - 'Should girls not be allowed to ask a guy out?'. I'm a liberal, so of course I don't agree with this kind of 'rule'. But I also have been in enough relationships to understand very personally how girls really think (like, when they share their inner secrets in the dark of the night under the sheets), and of course what it's like to be a shy guy.

I don't like being shy. 99.999999% of men don't like it either. (Being quiet and gentle is not the same as being shy)

And a vast majority of girls don't prefer to ask a guy out (this is not the same as making the first 'move' though). Perhaps the only exception are girls that enjoy dominating over a man. And to that I say...good luck. 

Loud arrogant guys suck. I'm not one of them. It's not who I am. But you know what, they often end up with really beautiful women, so, that's for another topic...

[LeafFerret 3,382]

5 hours ago, Mirage said:

And a vast majority of girls don't prefer to ask a guy out (this is not the same as making the first 'move' though). Perhaps the only exception are girls that enjoy dominating over a man. And to that I say...good luck. 

There are guys out there that while they are friendly and honest, they lack the leadership, confidence and decision making skills that most guys would have and are better suited or happy to play second fiddle to another person than having to take direction most of the time. I know a particular person that happens to be like that. 

Edited February 10, 2020 by LeafFerret

[Mirage 24,771]

3 minutes ago, LeafFerret said:

There are guys out there that while they are friendly and honest, they lack the leadership, confidence and decision making skills that most guys would have and are better suited or happy to play second fiddle to another person than having to take direction most of the time. I know a particular person that happens to be like that. 

Who's to say they MUST accept that?

Okay, so what you are describing is 'agreeableness'. They don't want any trouble, don't want to be in charge and in some cases, don't take much responsibility. Now, I have friends like that too. Their relationships suck. You can't play 'second fiddle' in a relationship - whether you're a guy or girl. It's doomed to fail. Most will get tired of having to pull extra weight, especially emotional weight. Timid, cowardly men are destined to become a great menace if they don't work on themselves. As far as honesty, I beg to differ. It's rather easy to remain 'honest' when you're almost never engaged in life. It's also rather suspicious, don't you think, that someone who is coy and afraid to socialize is also 'honest'? It reeks dishonesty to be like that. Quiet, withdrawn people are difficult to trust, and probably for good reason. It's also difficult for me to call that friendly as well. Friendly people engage and pay attention to others, they don't sulk around and wait for life to happen. Friendly people happen to life and are 'other interested' - that's the opposite of what you describe above.

The good news is that nobody has to accept that - you can change. You can work on confidence, leadership and of course, being friendly, like, actually friendly.

 

[Moony the Cat 3,702]

41 minutes ago, Mirage said:

Who's to say they MUST accept that?

Okay, so what you are describing is 'agreeableness'. They don't want any trouble, don't want to be in charge and in some cases, don't take much responsibility.Now, I have friends like that too. Their relationships suck. You can't play 'second fiddle' in a relationship - whether you're a guy or girl. It's doomed to fail.

What do you mean by that?  That both Partners should always fight for the lead? 

Most will get tired of having to pull extra weight, especially emotional weight.

How would i be extra emotional weight, just by being shy or not wanting any trouble? Specially if i would play a second fiddle? You can still be nice and be there for your Partner, like what do you even mean with that Statement? That i would just Neglect my Partner or not wanting to help her in certain Situations just because im more on the quiet side?

Timid, cowardly men are destined to become a great menace if they don't work on themselves.

How would i be a great menace?  You mean to myself? Because im not getting how my calm way would be a serious menace to someone.

As far as honesty, I beg to differ. It's rather easy to remain 'honest' when you're almost never engaged in life. It's also rather suspicious, don't you think, that someone who is coy and afraid to socialize is also 'honest'? It reeks dishonesty to be like that.

Okay, im shy and quiet and take that as in Insult. How would i reek dishonesty just by being to shy to sozialise? What?

Quiet, withdrawn people are difficult to trust, Thanks.

and probably for good reason. Wow.

It's also difficult for me to call that friendly as well. What did i do? 

Friendly people engage and pay attention to others, they don't sulk around and wait for life to happen.

Yeah, because most of us socially awkward people just decide that life feels like a Nightmare to use, we are just lazy i guess.  We dont have serious conditions or anything.

Friendly people happen to life and are 'other interested' - that's the opposite of what you describe above.

The good news is that nobody has to accept that - you can change. You can work on confidence, leadership and of course, being friendly, like, actually friendly.

How am i not actual friendly by simply being shy? So in your eyes, a Person like me, is worse by Default?

Anyway, back on Topic: In my opinion it is okay for girls to ask guys out. It even happened to me once and i found that really nice. I dont see an issue with that.

[Mirage 24,771]

@Lex Destrosio 

1 hour ago, Lex Destrosio said:

What do you mean by that?  That both Partners should always fight for the lead? 

Co-operation. Mutual respect.

1 hour ago, Lex Destrosio said:

How would i be extra emotional weight, just by being shy or not wanting any trouble? Specially if i would play a second fiddle? You can still be nice and be there for your Partner, like what do you even mean with that Statement? That i would just Neglect my Partner or not wanting to help her in certain Situations just because im more on the quiet side?

Because life is difficult, and one proves their value and worth in life by being resilient and responsible, and strong. Are you still living with your parents? You might not have felt the full force of life yet. And that's okay - no need to take offense to my opinions and experiences. It just so happens that I've seen relationships fail miserably because of one them taking the back seat.

1 hour ago, Lex Destrosio said:

How would i be a great menace?  You mean to myself? Because im not getting how my calm way would be a serious menace to someone.

I never said calmness would become a menace. Timidity, cowardice, fear - that's what I've been talking about. Seems you really want to disagree with me and honestly, I'm not sure why. Just because I want to help guys believe in themselves and stand up straight and at least try to get over their fears? Seems silly that becoming socially adapt and brave and responsible is seen as being a jerk. Now that is just wrong my friend.

1 hour ago, Lex Destrosio said:

Okay, im shy and quiet and take that as in Insult. How would i reek dishonesty just by being to shy to sozialise? What?

There's many reasons why people are 'shy'. Just because you're shy doesn't mean you're honest. My point is - the notion is a non sequitur. Outgoing and engaging people are honest too. Shy doesn't equal virtue. It just doesn't. It is not and never has been a virtue. Girls generally are creeped out by shyness. They don't like it. They take pity on shy guys, they don't respect them.

1 hour ago, Lex Destrosio said:

Yeah, because most of us socially awkward people just decide that life feels like a Nightmare to use, we are just lazy i guess.  We dont have serious conditions or anything.

A serious condition like what? Anxiety? Depression? You mean serious conditions I've had before but overcame? You know, I'm either stating facts or experiences. I'm not out to get you. You're taking this very personally and I have to ask you to please relax...I'm not trying to harm you or anyone. I'm trying to help. I think it's wrong for people to believe they are stuck, that they can't build their character and break out of their fears and worries. It's self abuse (or a history of abuse from others). One of the ways people block themselves into a box is by telling themselves that they are 'just fine' when in reality, they are not. They are suffering. No one wants to believe they are a problem, but what if you are? It's okay! You can fix it. How is that bad news or insulting!?!? Don't we grow and mature? Into what? What does it mean to mature? What does it mean to build character? What does it mean to become a leader? What does it mean to provide security and emotional stability to your relationship? Go check it out. You will NOT find shyness as a means to improve happiness by a rational, professional source.

1 hour ago, Lex Destrosio said:

How am i not actual friendly by simply being shy? So in your eyes, a Person like me, is worse by Default?

Don't you think you'd be a lot more friendly if you weren't shy? I mean, if you are friendly and shy, that means, if you weren't shy, you'd be able to be much more friendly and open and honest. At the very least, more people would know you're friendly because you'd make more friends and know more people if you weren't as shy. Being shy is not friendly...it's being shy. And that's what people say, 'oh he's shy'. 'But he's nice'. 'Are you sure?'. 'No but...'

Shyness lends to suspicion by default. It takes a while for people to get to know you. It might take a while for people to like you. What's in the way? You or your behavior? Your behavior is. Being shy, that is, being afraid, and timid, makes other people feel uncomfortable. Your fear doesn't allow the real you to engage the world around you. How is that being fair to yourself?

Hey - I like you. You spoke your mind and that's good. But try to understand, I mean to harm. Consider what I said. Think about it. Something I said might help you, and if it doesn't, so what. You can ignore me. That's okay too.

Edited February 11, 2020 by Mirage

[Moony the Cat 3,702]

19 hours ago, Mirage said:

@Lex Destrosio 

Co-operation. Mutual respect. Okay, i agree with that, i just wasnt sure what you meant.

Because life is difficult, and one proves their value and worth in life by being resilient and responsible, and strong. Are you still living with your parents? You might not have felt the full force of life yet. And that's okay - no need to take offense to my opinions and experiences. It just so happens that I've seen relationships fail miserably because of one them taking the back seat.

I am currently living with my mother but also had my own Apartment before and will have again next month, so i have a bit experience with living on my own.

I never said calmness would become a menace. Timidity, cowardice, fear - that's what I've been talking about. Seems you really want to disagree with me and honestly, I'm not sure why. Just because I want to help guys believe in themselves and stand up straight and at least try to get over their fears? Seems silly that becoming socially adapt and brave and responsible is seen as being a jerk. Now that is just wrong my friend.

Actually i read your post a page earlier with you stating that no one wants to discuss with you, so i got the idea to start a small discussion with you and be nice. That was the original intention but yes, i also got a bit offended. But most of my disagreement simply comes from the fact, that i just wanted to ask how you meant certain things. Everything that you now say sounds right and i actually agree.

There's many reasons why people are 'shy'. Just because you're shy doesn't mean you're honest. My point is - the notion is a non sequitur. Outgoing and engaging people are honest too. Shy doesn't equal virtue. It just doesn't. It is not and never has been a virtue. Girls generally are creeped out by shyness. They don't like it. They take pity on shy guys, they don't respect them.

It is hard to not get offended by some of your Statements, because even though they have some truth behind it and you probably only have good intentions, it still hurts me. But i guess your just right, even though some Girls called me cute, there were also the ones who thought i could run Amok and maybe the Girls who complimented me, just did it because they felt sorry for me.

A serious condition like what? Anxiety? Depression? You mean serious conditions I've had before but overcame?...

You will NOT find shyness as a means to improve happiness by a rational, professional source. ( i just shortened your text here, to not waste as much Forum space )

Yes, sounds About right.

Don't you think you'd be a lot more friendly if you weren't shy? I mean, if you are friendly and shy, that means, if you weren't shy, you'd be able to be much more friendly and open and honest. At the very least, more people would know you're friendly because you'd make more friends and know more people if you weren't as shy. Being shy is not friendly...it's being shy. And that's what people say, 'oh he's shy'. 'But he's nice'. 'Are you sure?'. 'No but...'

Thanks again for indirectly calling me creepy. 

Shyness lends to suspicion by default. It takes a while for people to get to know you. It might take a while for people to like you. What's in the way? You or your behavior? Your behavior is. Being shy, that is, being afraid, and timid, makes other people feel uncomfortable. Your fear doesn't allow the real you to engage the world around you. How is that being fair to yourself?

I dont even remember how i was before People started to beat my personality out of me.

Hey - I like you. You spoke your mind and that's good. But try to understand, I mean to harm. Consider what I said. Think about it. Something I said might help you, and if it doesn't, so what. You can ignore me. That's okay too.

I am sorry for getting offended in the last post. The part were i posted " i take that as in Insult " was kinda meant as an over-reaction joke, but i must admit i was a bit offended.

Anyway, i have nothing against you and i apologize if i sounded mean. The things you said are actually helpful and i agree with you now that you explained everything.

[Mirage 24,771]

28 minutes ago, Lex Destrosio said:

I am sorry for getting offended in the last post. The part were i posted " i take that as in Insult " was kinda meant as an over-reaction joke, but i must admit i was a bit offended.

Anyway, i have nothing against you and i apologize if i sounded mean. The things you said are actually helpful and i agree with you now that you explained everything.

I'm doing my best. Take it from someone who was mostly ignored through High School and found out too late that the girl he wanted to take to prom liked him, but didn't have the guts to ask her. Take it from me, who fumbled dates and couldn't stand up to bullies.

Perhaps what I said sounds harsh, but look deep within yourself. What's really harsh is what you might suffer because you're afraid...

It took me a decade to get over losing the girl I loved. I hated myself for it, and became a tyrant! Thankfully, I found good advice and met caring people that helped me. I'm a different person now - still me, but more truly so.

Take care my friend, and test your limits, ever growing and becoming what you ought to be.

[Splashee 28,566]

It's okay to ask, but does it ever happen? I haven't seen much of it.

[Twiggy 2,966]

No. Women should speak only when spoken to. 

Of course it is. I think the better question is is there anyone who actually thinks that it ISN'T ok?

[The Historian 516]

Considering I was the one who asked my boyfriend out, I would say yes, very much. If anyone believes otherwise, they need to get out of 1950s.

[Dreambiscuit 10,091]

It's perfectly fine. If a girl has the guts to work up the courage and ask, good for her! I imagine a lot of guys would appreciate it and be flattered. If not, they can always say no.

[O-78 28,607]

Of course it's okay! There's no reason for sexism or double standards.

[Emerald Heart 24,942]

On 2/13/2020 at 11:32 PM, Twiggy said:

No. Women should speak only when spoken to. 

Of course it is. I think the better question is is there anyone who actually thinks that it ISN'T ok?

Many people in the world think that way, unfortunetley. 

And I can't decide which gets the worst reaction... a girl asking a guy out or a girl rejecting a guy. Both of these things cause guys to flip out.

I'm a girl, and I rejected a guy and his follow up question was, "Are you a lesbian?"

Like, some guys just can't accept the fact that a girl has no feelings for them. 

[Splashee 28,566]

3 minutes ago, Emerald Heart said:

a girl asking a guy out or a girl rejecting a guy. Both of these things cause guys to flip out.

I'm a girl

That's cool to hear, how guys flip out to both those things. I never knew since I cannot see from a perspective of a girl asking or rejecting a guy.

[Emerald Heart 24,942]

On 2/13/2020 at 11:24 AM, Splashee said:

It's okay to ask, but does it ever happen? I haven't seen much of it.

Of course it happens, but the fact that you haven't seen much of it doesn't surprise me.

In the view of society, guys are the ones who are expected the first move. If a girl dare do something like that, they would most likely be viewed as a slut or arrogant.

Girls are probably just afraid to make the first move because doing so is very risky. He could either give a simple yes or no, or just get disgusted and walk away, or even make a scene. 

4 minutes ago, Splashee said:

That's cool to hear, how guys flip out to both those things. I never knew since I cannot see from a perspective of a girl asking or rejecting a guy.

Cool?

No, no, no... I think you are mistaken.

"Flip out" in this sense means that they are either angry, confused, or disgusted. Sometimes all three. 

Edited February 20, 2020 by Emerald Heart

[Twiggy 2,966]

7 minutes ago, Emerald Heart said:

I'm a girl, and I rejected a guy and his follow up question was, "Are you a lesbian?"

Like, some guys just can't accept the fact that a girl has no feelings for them. 

Wow. I had that exact same situation myself a couple years ago. Turned down a girl and she immediately assumed I was gay lol.