Awesomest Pony Battles of Equestrian History

[Glike 487]

I've been writing pony rap battles based on the YouTube series "Epic Rap Battles of History" for a while now. I've written five so far and I'll post over the next few days. It's not really the most impressive work, but it's something fun for me to do to pass the time. Here's my first one!
 

AWESOMEST PONY BATTLES OF EQUESTRIAN HISTORY!!!!
DARING DO!
VS!!
SPIIITFIIIREEE!!!
BEGIN!!

Daring Do:
You just broke rule #1: Daring Don't challenge the pros!
Cuz when I don this fedora I crush all the blunder-Bolts.
Dash swoons over me; She's just a pawn in your eyes.
Hay, I don't even need a boot camp to prove I'm top Pegasi!
I've got bucking Ahuizotl crushed beneath my hooves;
It'll be more than an academy record when all see the "great" Spitfire lose!

Spitfire:
I was aptly named to spit flames in this game,
I may not be Spike but I'll be sure to give you a message in pain!
I've got a gang to back me up, but that's right, you work alone.
Even my birth's a bigger story than your Sapphire Stone!
And quit your bullshit, we all know Dash aspires to be like me.
Nopony'll ever recognize you, Daring or Yearling!

Daring Do:
So you know who I am? At least I wasn't knocked out by a marshmallow.
How can you even be team captain when you can't outfly your best ho?
Call this a Rainbow Falls sequel; You're getting told by a hero.
I'm a top-notch explorer. You're just a cadet with an ego!

Spitfire:
Read and it Weep; when I'm through your story'll be more than delayed.
I've got my own school, you have a shack and "fame" both equally decayed!
Your wings are good for one thing so take Dash's advice and go;
I know you're full of hot air but "You can flap too y'know"!!!

WHO WON!?
WHO'S NEXT!?
YOU DECIDE!!!
AWESOMEST PONY BATTLES OF EQUESTRIAN HISTORY!!!!

 
Feedback is not required but is appreciated.

Edited May 19, 2014 by Glike

[Adorkable 2,737]

I actually don't know who would win, but I would root for Daring Do. ^^

 

Something tells me that @~Chaotic Discord~ would be pulling for Spitfire, just a hunch. ^^

Edited May 16, 2014 by Adorkable

[Glike 487]

I actually don't know who would win, but I would root for Daring Do. ^^

 

Something tells me that @~Chaotic Discord~ would be pulling for Spitfire, just a hunch. ^^

Thanks for the feedback Alright, I think it's a good time to post another one:

 

 

AWESOMEST PONY BATTLES OF EQUESTRIAN HISTORY!!!

OCTAVIA!

VS!!

LYRA HEEEEARTSTRIIINGS!!!!

BEGIN!!

 

Octavia: *while playing her cello*

I've heard your bass-less ramblings, do you feast on bon-bons with that mouth?

You're Flat, collecting two-bit bits on the street yet you're still heading South.

You're without a doubt the most maniac mare to ever grace this land,

while the only "special" quality about you is your fetish with "hands"!

In layman's term: My music is an element of harmony itself, yours is Discord.

This battle was easy as that pie; I hope that struck a few chords.

 

Lyra Heartstrings:

You've dropped your last crescendo, Melody, and that's final.

You're a totally classic disaster wubbing it up with Vinyl!

But I've gotta hand it to ya, for an Earth Pony you're only mediocre.

I've seen humans with more class and pizazz than you a million times over!

I know I'm not AJ but you can't call me a lyre,

Your sanity's more outta tune than your cello, consider the shots fired!

 

Octavia:

I've orchestrated success Miss not so Sharp... without a horn,

You're hitched to a bitch obsessed with candy corn! 

I've got you beat within a Minuette, you're better off as a Changeling's slave.

It sure won't be the first insect who cranked the waterworks up to the highest octave!

 

Lyra Heartstrings: *playing her lyre*

We're going back to University Days because I'm about to Psych you out.

Looks like the tables have turned just like that DJ P0N-3 lout!

These are the instruments of your torture, the final ballad for this mane-brain.

When it comes to performing at Celestia's finest you're just a Puppet to her Fame!

 

WHO WON!?

WHO'S NEXT!?

YOU DECIDE!!!

AWESOMEST *lyre and cello begin to play simultaneously* PONY BATTLES OF EQUESTRIAN HISTORY!!!

 

[ReverseFaller 2,483]

Thanks for the feedback Alright, I think it's a good time to post another one:

 

 

AWESOMEST PONY BATTLES OF EQUESTRIAN HISTORY!!!

OCTAVIA!

VS!!

LYRA HEEEEARTSTRIIINGS!!!!

BEGIN!!

 

Octavia: *while playing her cello*

I've heard your bass-less ramblings, do you feast on bon-bons with that mouth?

You're Flat, collecting two-bit bits on the street yet you're still heading South.

You're without a doubt the most maniac mare to ever grace this land,

while the only "special" quality about you is your fetish with "hands"!

In layman's term: My music is an element of harmony itself, yours is Discord.

This battle was easy as that pie; I hope that struck a few chords.

 

Lyra Heartstrings:

You've dropped your last crescendo, Melody, and that's final.

You're a totally classic disaster wubbing it up with Vinyl!

But I've gotta hand it to ya, for an Earth Pony you're only mediocre.

I've seen humans with more class and pizazz than you a million times over!

I know I'm not AJ but you can't call me a lyre,

Your sanity's more outta tune than your cello, consider the shots fired!

 

Octavia:

I've orchestrated success Miss not so Sharp... without a horn,

You're hitched to a bitch obsessed with candy corn! 

I've got you beat within a Minuette, you're better off as a Changeling's slave.

It sure won't be the first insect who cranked the waterworks up to the highest octave!

 

Lyra Heartstrings: *playing her lyre*

We're going back to University Days because I'm about to Psych you out.

Looks like the tables have turned just like that DJ P0N-3 lout!

These are the instruments of your torture, the final ballad for this mane-brain.

When it comes to performing at Celestia's finest you're just a Puppet to her Fame!

 

WHO WON!?

WHO'S NEXT!?

YOU DECIDE!!!

AWESOMEST *lyre and cello begin to play simultaneously* PONY BATTLES OF EQUESTRIAN HISTORY!!!

 

 

That was awesome! You're pretty good at writing these. I think Octavia won that one.

[Adorkable 2,737]

These are pretty fantastic! ^^

 

You should make YouTube videos of these! ^^ (\

[Shady Bubbles 429]

These are excellent! You should make this a Youtube series, all you need is a few voice actors 

[Glike 487]

I've considered making a YouTube series, but I have no experience or connections in that field whatsoever. If anybody knows anybody, or has the ability themself, then I'd love to work with them though. Alright, here's my next:

 

 

AWESOMEST PONY BATTLES OF EQUESTRIAN HISTORY!!!!

CHEERILEE!

VS!!

PINKIE PIE!!!

BEGIN!!

 

Pinkie Pie:

Howdy, Ms. Cheer, I'm about to bring the cheer!

I'm ringing the schoolbells and dismissal isn't even near!

I Pinkie Promise ya; I'm sure to make ya Smile, Smile,Smile,

Because you won't have to worry about misbehaving fillies for a while!

I'm a super-duper pony; Pound and Pumkin are rattling for an encore!

You should get out and party; Quit spending Hearts and Hooves day washing a chalkboard!

 

Cheerilee:

Alright, Ms Pie. It's time for a very special lesson for a very special pony.

May I get you a stack of rocks or some flour, because you're looking awfully lonely.

This isn't some watch-paint-dry test, it's so you can get a grip on reality.

If you think Equestria came from a quarry then I'm sorry, but I must say that's blasphemy!

Even the CMC's and Snails have higher test grade scores than yours;

not to mention your sister would rather rock a pebble than a chiseled, young horse!

 

Pinkie Pie:

Why so mean? You're a baked bad; a treat gone sour.

Your great supervision's the reason we were flung to a desperate hour!

If your love's a lout who's poisoned than do the Pony Pokey!

Now, uh, I have to leave because my tail's-a-twitchin', okie dokie loki?

 

Cheerilee:

Please sit down, Diane, the lesson is not over yet!

You say you're related to the Apples? Well I see a greater resemblance to their mutt!

Please excuse my temper, I'm Making a Wish Trixie recycles your mouth again.

I mean this class room is more unbearable when it's filled with you instead of children!

 

Pinkie Pie:

I just wanted to make you whipped, creamed.

 

Cheerilee:

The chances of your college degree's less probable than your GGG dream!

 

Pinkie Pie:

But I'm the reason ponies even come to Ponyville at all...

 

Cheerilee:

I'll be glad to give you an education; I have a slot open for class next Fall.

 

Pinkie Pie:

I guess it's time to do what Pinkie does best... AND BREAK THE FOURTH WALL!

 

*The screen shatters and there is only darkness.*

 

AWESOMEST PONY BATTLES OF EQUESTRIAN HISTORY!!!!

CHEERILEE!

VS!!

PINKAMENA DIANE PIE!!!

BEGIN!!

 

*The former Pinkie Pie reveals herself in a grotesque suit, wielding a knife*

Pinkamena Diane Pie:

I'm about to cut so deep they'll call it Cupcakes, TWO!

It'll look worse than the Sweet Apple Massacre when I'm through with you!

You're bucked now, like Big Mac's hobby with that Smarty Pants doll.

You're brave to step up to me but you're literally about to lose that gall!

I'm more brutal than Discord could ever be, all will see when I'm done,

because your number's come up. Life's A Party, so lay back and enjoy your last one!

 

*Cherilee breaks through the straps and sports a murderous grin.*

Cheerilee:

Another Scarlet Harvest so soon? Well let's get rid of this weed!

Call me Cheerilee the Sly because you don't stand a chance, it's elementary.

You had to restrain your best friend just to kill her? Your method's aren't worth a bit.

With this knife in hoof you've got two choices: Fight... Or SPLIT!

You remind me of my first eight kills, you're just a puny foal.

I'll let you have a last party... If you love fun so much than welcome to your funeral!

 

*The two lunge at each other and the screen shatters, but not before one last thing is said*

 

???:

Now now, darlings. Allow me to show you a killer with true poise.

 

WHO WON!?

WHO'S NEXT!?

YOU DECIDE!!!!

AWESOMEST PONY BATTLES OF EQUESTRIAN HISTORY!!!

 

To Be Continued?

 

Edited May 19, 2014 by Glike