Lines you'll never catch FIM characters saying.

[OmegaBeamOfficial 622]

*While moving backwards Rarity accidentally bumps into Spike.*

Rarity: Sorry, about that Spike I didn't know you were there.

Spike: Best three seconds of my life.

 

Rarity: So how does it look?

Applejack: It looks skimpy.

Rainbow Dash: And trashy.

Rarity: Good.

 

Celestia: Dear Twilight Sparkle. I am sending back the many letters you sent me because they all have misspellings and grammar errors. Your advancement in my school has caused you to miss basic fundamentals of writing, so I will require you to retake several courses. Sincerely Celestia. 

I could actually see the first one happening, I don't really see what's so bad about an accidental bump.

[Darthy Hooves 106]

• This from any pony:"Frak" off!!!!!!!!

• Rarity:"Is that a carrot Spike, or are you happy to see me?"

Edited November 16, 2016 by Darthy Hooves

[Luminance 2,186]

Maud Pie- "I have stone cold killer looks".

[Singe 2,111]

*Tirek walks out from the back of the alley.*
Tirek: Hey, buddy. Could you spare a bit of your magic?

Male Pony: I...don't know. I have a wife and kids.

Tirek: Don't worry, it'll take just a few minutes and they'll never know.

Discord: Well what a surprise.

Tirek: Discord.

Discord: I see that it didn't take vacuum mouth that long to get into action and being chained for so long in Tartarus made you very predatory.

[Overdrive 5,366]

Flim & Flam: Keep the change, ya filthy animal!

[Princess Lulu 1]

Twilight: I hate books! I hate magic! I don't get why I had a horn in the first place. I can't do anything with it! I couldn't even defeat Trixie! Oh wait, she had an alicorn amulet that time. Never mind!

[Kaneki 1,073]

Because I'm too lazy to come up with something original...

 

Twilight Sparkle: Applejack, what are you doing? You can't eat all those f**king apples!

Applejack: F**k you, I can eat all these apples!

Edited November 21, 2016 by Cloggedone

[Princess Lulu 1]

I could actually see the first one happening, I don't really see what's so bad about an accidental bump.

I like the end when Celestia required Twilight to take grammar and spelling courses. Except, Spike is the one writing the letters. So, Spike should be the one taking lessons. Unless Twilight decided to write them herself for a change.

Applejack: I like pears. They are easier to pick. Hmm. I think I should change my name to Pearjeek.

[Singe 2,111]

Police Chief: That crazy dragon has got to be stopped. Open fire!

*Shots fired. Spike falls.*

Twilight Sparkle/Rarity: SPIKE!!

 

Spike: Rarity, I love you. *Kisses Rarity on the mouth.*

Rarity: *Pushes Spike off and hoof slaps him in the face.* What has gotten into you?!

 

Princess Luna: There can only be one princess that rules the moon. Bring it on Serenity, Usagi, Moon, or whatever you call yourself.

 

Pinkie Pie: Why is Spike mad?

Twilight Sparkle: He got his head stuck in the toilet and suffered several swirlies for an hour.

[Derpy Derper 87]

Twilight- Rarity what are you doing we haven't seen you in 3 years.

Rarity- I am the princess now (shows badly made wings) NOW GO GET ME A FLIPPING BURGER!

Spike- Don't mind if I do.

 

Celestia- I am the Princess of McDonalds. Buy our toys.

 

Pinkie- I love memes!

All the ponies- O.O

 

Derpy- The fitness gram pacer test is a multistage aerobic compassity test...

 

Applejack- pass the tea daring?

Rarity- why certainly sugar cube.

[Singe 2,111]

Twilight Sparkle: It's going to be hard to convince them to be our friends. Any ideas?

Applejack: I brought a kegger.

Rainbow Dash: Hay yeah! We can be friends by getting plastered.

Twilight Sparkle: No, kegger.

Applejack: *Snorts.*

Rainbow Dash: Ah.....we're going to do it the hard way again. We always do it the hard way.

 

*Random kidnapped pony tied up in Fluttershy's basement.*

Fluttershy: You're going to LOVE ME!!

 

Garble: Little Spikey lives with the ponies. Married to one, can't have kids, and doesn't know his pony wife is cheating on him with that handsome colt.

 

Discord: When the Smooze gets done with this party, you'll feel like you've been to several frat parties.

 

Queen Chrysalis: Mark my words Starlight Glimmer, I will have my revenge. AHHHHHHHH! *Gets flatten by a big rock.*

Pinkie Pie: Maud?

Maud Pie: That's for kidnapping my sister.

[Ganondorf8 11,288]

Gloriosa Daisy: Hi I'm Daisy!

 

:-P  :-P  :-P  :-P 

[Singe 2,111]

Twilight Sparkle: I'm tired of greens. Somebody get me a piece of meat.

 

Spike: Twilight, Shining Armor beat me up.

Twilight Sparkle: Next time, think twice before you burn one of his comics.

 

Prince Blueblood: Rarity, how about we go back to my private quarters and you show me your cutie mark.

 

Pinkie Pie: I'll show these ponies how to really party.

*One minute later.*

Rainbow Dash: And Pinkie Pie OD on snorting sugar.

 

Twilight Sparkle: What is wrong with you all? I thought I could trust you to come with me to the gala and not cause trouble. Yet you all did. Pinkie Pie causes a ruckus. Rainbow Dash destroys the palace. Fluttershy tries to steal the royal animals. Rarity assaults Prince Blueblood and Applejack makes a mess with her cake. Princess Celestia told us to run. Was she trying to give us a head start before she sends the palace guards to hunt us down. *Gulp.* I don't want to lose my head! *Cries.* 

 

Rainbow Dash: *Deep voice as a result of testosterone injections.* Oh yeah. I've been hitting the gym and guzzling protein shakes.

 

Rarity: *Agitated.* I swear the next pony that mentions me and the word sagging. 

Edited November 26, 2016 by Singe

[Derpy Derper 87]

Twilight: Goodbye friends I'm going back to Canterlot to study and forget about you guys!

Celestia: Well I guess you won't be needing your wings then (gives Twilight's wings to Starlight)

Starlight: YES! I'm the Princess of Princesses!(Starts to make everyone an alicorn but twilight)

Celestia: Congratulations Twilight. You just made the internet.

 

Fluttershy- OK animals today your all gonna go back to animal shelter. Goodbye and good riddance.

 

Pinkie: Twilight I think we have a problem(Shows blood on her hooves)

Twilight: :-O

Pinkie: Oh it's not so bad

 

Applebloom: Look Aj i'm a cat . Now will you love me?

Applejack- GET OUT OF MY HOUSE! NOW!

Edited November 27, 2016 by Dragonite Mlp Lover

[Bit Boss 213]

Shining Armour: War has....changed.

[Castle Bleck 19,333]

Chrysalis: "How'd you get in here?"

 

Starlight: "Your front gate was open."

 

Chrysalis: "What? How many times have I told those idiots?! If you're the last in, LOCK THE GATE!"

[Derpy Derper 87]

Celestia: Congratulations Twilight. You unlocked the key, to my heart.

Twilight; :-O

Celestia: Not you Twilight! I mean to this cake you brought me. It's very tasty if I say so myself.

Twilight: Oh................

[Singe 2,111]

Granny Smith: The Apple Family has a  tradition to bring caramel sauce with us and we would call ourselves candy apple. 

Applejack: I'm not doing it.

Granny Smith: Well I guess you could try something else like milk.

Applejack: I'm not cereal granny.

 

Pinkie Pie: By the way, when I was in that outhouse I saw a hole in the wall I could see through.

Twilight Sparkle: We're leaving!

 

Doctor: Rainbow Dash has suffered multiple concussions over the course of a year. I'm afraid she won't be able to live long.

 

Zecora: What are you suppose to be?

ChildPony: I'm a zebra. 

Zecora: *Offended.* I'm not amused.

 

Twilight Sparkle: Just bare with us for a bit and if Pinkie Pie gets out of hand just smack her with a newspaper.

Pinkie Pie: Hello, I'm right here. A couple of mistakes and my friends treat me like some dog who made a mess.

Edited November 27, 2016 by Singe

[\/ 651]

Vinyl: [words]

 

Yes, I know this joke has been used already.

[PonyHag1 591]

Ms. Harshwhinny: Forget the rules, just do what you want.

 

Starlight Glimmer: Now, Trixie, to prove you're not a Changeling, I need to see your driver's license.

 

Chrysalis: I like this new throne from Wal-Mare better.

Edited November 27, 2016 by PonyHag1

[cmarston1 5,959]

Pinkie Pie: Rarity, it really would do you a whole lot of good to lose a few pounds.

Rarity: Why I never!  At least I don't make Jabba the Hutt look anorexic, unlike some ponies I can think of.

Rainbow Dash: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ihzp55Cuo7M

Edited November 27, 2016 by cmarston1

[backpon 320]

Rarity: I'M UGLY AND I'M PROUD

[cuteycindyhoney 13,306]

"I'm joining the navy!"

- Rainbow Dash

 

"Shut uppa ya face Discord!"

- Fluttershy

 

"I just can't seem to get organized!"

- Discord

 

"Celestia can just wait. I'm too busy for her ego right now!"

- Twilight

 

"These baggy denim overalls are so chic!"

- Rarity

 

"He ya'll! The Apple family is hosting a good ol' fashion pig roast this Hearth's Warming eve."

- Applejack

 

"Oh goodie! Save me the head!"

- Pinkie Pie

 

"Bacon, eeyup!"

- Big Mac

 

"It was all propaganda. I spent that thousand years locked in the bathroom!"

- Nightmare Moon

Edited November 27, 2016 by cuteycindyhoney

[Singe 2,111]

Twilight Sparkle: The Elements of Harmony have evolved to become morphers that will allow us to morph into Harmony Rangers.

 

Twilight Sparkle: Let our powers combine. *Summons Captain Equestrian*

 

Discord: This power. I'm not turning to stone....I'm exploding! AHHHHH! *BOOM*

 

Tirek: Wait...where did that giant mech come from?

 

Tirek: Hit me with your best shot. I'll just eat it. *Starts devouring finishing energy blast.* This power is too much.........I'm exploding! AHHHHH! *BOOM*

[AaronMk 280]

"I want to come inside, Twilight Sparkle."

-Rainbow Dash