general The Self Improvement Thread

[Jaxsie (Inactive) 1,343]

I wanted to make this thread to not only talk about our flaws, but to find ways to fix them. ^^ I’m really big into self growth and I believe in being an active participant in life's journey than to passively float by and leave it up to chance. That being said, what are your flaws and in what way(s) can you work on improving yourself in this area?

I’ll go first. I struggle with self confidence. Walking up and talking to new people makes me pretty nervous and this is something that I want to fix. What I can do is practice counterphobia -- doing what I fear. I doubt there is a way to get around it Challenging myself to strike up a conversation will not only increase my confidence but desensitize myself to this fear over time.

Enough about me -- what are your flaws and what can you do to improve?

Edited March 14, 2016 by Jaxsie

[Roughshod 719]

My biggest flaw is being lazy. I guess I could fix that by doing something. But I'm too lazy to think of anything. It's a conundrum.

[TheMaskMaker 65]

I tend to go into every encounter assuming that the other person has ulterior motives. I ought to work on my lack of faith in other people.

[Jaxsie (Inactive) 1,343]

My biggest flaw is being lazy. I guess I could fix that by doing something. But I'm too lazy to think of anything. It's a conundrum.

 

Haha Maybe you can take up an old hobby that you love or go for a walk. Start with something small and make your way from there. ^^

Edited March 14, 2016 by Jaxsie

[Ziggy + Angel + Rain 11,303]

I can be a butthead.  Sometimes, I am a butthead who's a force for good; a butthead who takes on other, comparatively more obnoxious buttheads.  Other times, I'm just the one being a butthead, and I don't always realize this until it's too late.

 

Nowadays, I have difficulty deciding whether to give someone the benefit of the doubt or to enable full-on cynicism mode.  Used to be easy: I just stayed in cynicism mode all the time. xD

[Chaton 3,765]

I try to help people too much, to a point where I can get pushy.

 

Solution: I could either just ignore them, or put all my suggestions into a pastebin or something and throw it at them in one go?

[Jaxsie (Inactive) 1,343]

My perfectionism is getting in the way of my academic studies in a major way. It's causing me more stress than is reasonable and when I feel overly stressed, I tend to shut down and revert to procrastination -- which only makes the situation worse.

 

I need to truly understand and apply the truth that my worth is not attached to a grade. I should work hard not for the validation I receive from others, but for myself. My feelings of inadequacy are false, because I made it this far already. ^^ This is definitely something that I need to work on.

[SilyGeny 369]

My biggest flaw would definitely be my self-hatred, I always always lower myself whenever I have to compare myself to others. It's really hard for me now to even work on my music because whenever I'm done working on something I always think that it sounds horrible. Whenever I try to draw I'm more than convinced that it sucks, and I won't even talk about how I consider myself in real life, I find myself unattractive and uninteresting. It ends up in me being awkward with people because I'm scared that they might think the same thing I think about myself. It's even harder to deal with this since I'm going through that puberty and adolescence bullshit because everyone tears everyone else down around me, and I'm usually the one to get torn apart first. I don't actually care about what they say because I already think of what they say myself, it just gets me even more certain that I actually am a mess, so yeah.

 

I really hope that one day I'll be able to stop decimating myself like that, because I lose myself so much inside my thoughts I'm frightened that I might not be able to get rid of these thoughts.

[Lil Pip 775]

I'm lazy and self hating at times, hopefully not for much longer.

 

Ways I have tried to improve myself are usually like not personality wise but skill wise. I play Osu TF2 and StarCraft2, but even for those I'm not consistently motivated. I also exercise now and then, which is healthy.

Edited March 15, 2016 by Lil Pip

[aoEAF2FBvC0MIo2Q 3,673]

My perfectionism is getting in the way of my academic studies in a major way. It's causing me more stress than is reasonable and when I feel overly stressed, I tend to shut down and revert to procrastination -- which only makes the situation worse.

 

I need to truly understand and apply the truth that my worth is not attached to a grade. I should work hard not for the validation I receive from others, but for myself. My feelings of inadequacy are false, because I made it this far already. ^^ This is definitely something that I need to work on.

It's a struggle that I share as well. The answer I have for myself is different, however: "let things happen in iterations."

That is to say, instead of trying to get everything right on the first try, allow your first try to be imperfect (if not down-right wonky) but always improve on the next try. Keep repeating this until it is good enough.

 

As for studying, there's a different way of looking at it: it's about making as many mistakes as you can before doing the exam or presentation. Instead of being afraid to get things wrong, it might be better to look forward to getting things wrong so you could learn from it.

[Invincible 2,091]

I'm not particularly smart, charming or strong physically. I think the only good qualities i have is my spirit and ego. My desire to grow and outlast, overcome difficult scenarios. Truth be told, without my willpower, i wouldn't have gotten where i am today.

[LostButterflyUtau 780]

My biggest flaw would definitely be my self-hatred, I always always lower myself whenever I have to compare myself to others. It's really hard for me now to even work on my music because whenever I'm done working on something I always think that it sounds horrible. Whenever I try to draw I'm more than convinced that it sucks, and I won't even talk about how I consider myself in real life, I find myself unattractive and uninteresting. It ends up in me being awkward with people because I'm scared that they might think the same thing I think about myself. It's even harder to deal with this since I'm going through that puberty and adolescence bullshit because everyone tears everyone else down around me, and I'm usually the one to get torn apart first. I don't actually care about what they say because I already think of what they say myself, it just gets me even more certain that I actually am a mess, so yeah.

 

I really hope that one day I'll be able to stop decimating myself like that, because I lose myself so much inside my thoughts I'm frightened that I might not be able to get rid of these thoughts.

 

First of all, puberty sucks. I struggled the entire time I was in school and was treated like anything but a human being for thirteen years, but I can honestly say the junior high/puberty years were the absolute worst out of my entire school experience. I can't speak for the guys, because I'm biologically and identify as a female. I went through crap through those years. First of all, all you're trying to do is just get through school, but meanwhile, your body is doing things and going through changes you barely understand, all your emotions are crazy and people at that age are just downright mean because of it. I found that, with girls, the teasing and tearing down is very sneaky and psychologically taxing (again, I can not speak for the males). I got made fun of for nearly EVERYTHING I did. I was the smallest in class, and wearing clothes made for eight-year-olds at eleven because of my size. I wore size ONE kids' shoes for goodness' sakes. So I was frequently tripped in the hall, and told "Go back to third grade!" People would kick my books down the hall, take and hide my belongings at the lunch table, poke fun at me because I liked to mind my own business and read books. Both boys and girls made fun of me for being "flat-chested" all through middle school. (My breasts didn't "pop" until I was fourteen) and just labelled an all-around freak. Plus I was a late bloomer. I was really naive and barely had an understanding of what was going on around me and all these new things and dirty words everyone else was discovering. I just wanted to go to school, learn and move on with my life. But, no. They wouldn't let me do that. And the teachers, counsellors and my parents didn't care either. They were all, "Oh. Just don't do things that will get you picked on." Um...Excuse me? The only thing I did was show up to school every day. I meant NO HARM to anyone. The object soon became to be as invisible as possible so that people wouldn't know I was around. Because if they did, they had rude things to say.

 

Point is, I totally see where you're coming from. It is an awful, awful time in one's life, especially if they're in any way different from the masses. All of that seriously screwed with me too, and I have really low-self confidence because of it, even being five years out of public school. I fear everyone judging me, and as a result, I'm a huge Fluttershy. I'm extremely quiet and submissive and have trouble speaking up, even when I need to. I say "sorry" for things I didn't even do and feel like a huge inconvenience to everyone sometimes. I'm also an artist and sometimes I second-guess myself as well. In my case, it's with writing. I'm barely getting ANY feedback on my current story and it actually makes me cry. Because I feel like I'm pouring my heart into this project for absolutely nothing. And it makes me start to think I need to quit the story and that I'm a bad writer who doesn't deserve a place in the Fruits Basket fandom. I also find myself to be unattractive and think that there's something wrong with me as a human because I want a boyfriend, but can't get men to notice me at all. I dress classy, I hide my fandom stuff...And they still don't notice me even though my friends say I'm really pretty. I have spent way too much time crying over the fact  that I have no guarantee anyone will love me and that I need to fix myself or be forever alone, but...I don't know what to fix. I'm not a bad person. I have a very kind heart and a lot to offer. I take good care of the people around me and would give the shirt off my back if someone really needed it.

 

What's helping me is cosplay and therapy. For me, talking everything out and having someone there to help me and validate that I am a decent person and can push through this really, really helps. My therapist is a really good listener and her advice has been helping me slowly come to terms with myself in pieces at a time. And doing cosplay helps me because I get to be someone else for awhile. Sure, it may sound unhealthy, but it's not. I love putting myself together and dressing up and making people smile with my photos. Plus, it helped me find my niche and set me on a career path finally. Because of it, I was able to discover that I love working with kids (I'm a party entertainer on the side and have done Elsa meet-and-greets to help raise money for Children's hospitals through work) and have gone back to school to take some teacher training classes to be an instructional assistant. The classes are great and I love doing my observations and watching kids learn and having a hand in that. It makes me feel useful and worth something. I'm now working on a Rarity EQG cosplay so I can experiment with another character and be able to do some more parties as someone else. It's a slow process since I'm actually making this one with the help of my friends, but I'm enjoying every step and my friends are super supportive and helpful. And sure, sometimes I see awesome cosplayers and get discouraged, but I also remember that everyone starts somewhere and, in my case, as long as I'm making kids smile it's okay that I'm not taller, sexier or have the "perfect" costume. Though I do try and be as accurate as possible while making the costumes functional and safe. For example, my Rarity boots (on order) have a low, wedge heel as opposed to a large chunky one, and my Elsa shoes are flats, despite her wearing pumps, because of safety reasons. I can't do heels. I don't have that kind of balance and you need functionality when working with children. And if they ask why I'm not wearing them, because they DO pay attention, I simply say that my feet get tired and that I don't wear heels all the time. And after all, they don't want a tired Elsa at their party, do they? No they love that I will play games and walk around/run with them occasionally.

 

Finally, to address your last sentence, If you honestly feel in your heart that something is wrong and that you can't control those awful thoughts and emotions, I highly suggest at least considering a therapist. I know it might be harder for you, because you're a teenager, but you could try talking to your parents about it and see if they might help with it. My dad was very helpful and encouraging when I told him I wanted to get therapy and helped me figure out the health insurance's policies regarding mental health and offered to help pay if I couldn't afford it. And remember that there is NO shame in needing/asking for help. Only strength. Because it takes a lot of it to stand up and admit you can't do things alone. Also, time does help. Despite my insecurities, I can honestly say I became a much better/stronger person after I moved on and went to college. People in the real world are judge-y, but also have more important things to worry about, (jobs, money, kids, etc.) so they'll usually leave you alone and judge silently.

[Lunatic Cake 1,618]

I've got some very low self-esteem. Whenever I'm with somebody I feel inferior to them, no matter who it is and when I talk to people I tend to feel like I waste their time and end up bothering them so I normally don't even go out of my way to talk to people.

 

The way to fix this is probably to tell myself about my talents and positive things about my character and generally trying to learn to appreciate myself.

 

I also tend to value the issues of others and completely disregard my own issues.

 

Fixing this is definitely self-explanatory but I find myself caring too much about issues of others whenever I can relate and don't really care about what happens to myself in the process.

 

I am afraid of meeting with people IRL, (less so online but still partly) 1 on 1 conversations are fine but talking to groups of people is simply unbearable.

 

I probably have to get out of my comfort zone to fix this problem. I'm very self-aware and know that people don't mean to harm me but I still struggle because I feel like I'm not interesting enough and get left out in groups.

[Jaxsie (Inactive) 1,343]

I've got some very low self-esteem. Whenever I'm with somebody I feel inferior to them, no matter who it is and when I talk to people I tend to feel like I waste their time and end up bothering them so I normally don't even go out of my way to talk to people.

 

The way to fix this is probably to tell myself about my talents and positive things about my character and generally trying to learn to appreciate myself.

 

I also tend to value the issues of others and completely disregard my own issues.

 

Fixing this is definitely self-explanatory but I find myself caring too much about issues of others whenever I can relate and don't really care about what happens to myself in the process.

 

I am afraid of meeting with people IRL, (less so online but still partly) 1 on 1 conversations are fine but talking to groups of people is simply unbearable.

 

I probably have to get out of my comfort zone to fix this problem. I'm very self-aware and know that people don't mean to harm me but I still struggle because I feel like I'm not interesting enough and get left out in groups.

 

Speaking positivity to yourself is really powerful, yet so simple that it's easy to overlook. ^^ Thoughts carry either positive and negative energy and this effects you on an emotional, spiritual (depending on your beliefs), and even physical level. There's a quote from a lady named Lisa Hayes that says, "Be careful how you talk to yourself, because you are listening." If the words of others have a profound effect on us for either good or bad, even more so the words we speak onto ourselves.

 

Loving and accepting ourselves is the most freeing thing one can do ^^ One that many people, like myself, struggle with and it manifests in many different ways for different people. Taking care of your emotional needs is just as important as anyone else's. And we should be able to give love to others, but also love ourselves. This post to you is also a reminder to myself

[Spanish In Physician 295]

I think my biggest flaw is being unable to act in the moment. I remember when I was a child and I was fearless, yet it feels like I've lost that bravery. Over the years the trials of my life have left me cynical and fearful. I noticed this trait more today, when I was absolutely terrified to jump into the group chat on Elder Scrolls Online on my Xbox One. Even seven years ago I was unafraid to jump into conversations and actually talk with people. As time has progressed I think the part of me that actually wants to communicate with other people has simply become dormant. Even now I feel the anxiety of actually posting this, and it bothers me so much. This is the reason I am going to post it though. I need to become more outgoing, and relate to the people around me. I just gotta bury that feeling of anxiety deep in my gut and press forward no matter what.

[20% Cooler Than Cake 161]

Perhaps the largest problem that I'm facing is that I still don't know where I want to go with my life.  It's like I can't find a purpose for myself, or anything yet, and this is causing more problems, since I don't have any motivation for anything anymore.  I go about my life like I'm in a dream, just going through the motions without any energy.  This itself is a huge problem, but it has some other consequences.  For example, it has resulted in me developing the absolute worst case of over-procrastination that I could imagine.  I'll sit for hours, staring at homework, and then rush to get it done at the last minute.  This in turn makes me more stressed, which only makes things worse.  And finally, I am extremely shy.  I still remember when I was in kindergarten, and only when I absolutely had to talk to another student would I manage to whisper to them.  Obviously, this issue has improved, but I still don't have any friends that are more than acquaintances.

 

To sum it up, I would say that who I am at the moment doesn't reflect who I want to be.

 

To solve these problems, I think that I should try to work things out in small steps.  Sometimes you have to hold on when things get tough, and that is my best strategy for now.  Hopefully soon I will find something that I value enough to keep me going and add meaning to my life.  (Just wanted to add that I reread this post over five times, and probably still won't be satisfied with it after I post it.    )

[KatonRyu 1,033]

I procrastinate all the time and it has a habit of getting me into serious trouble. I could fix that by actually doing something, but there's always something more fun to do that grabs my attention. I've noticed it's worst with school-related tasks, though, like writing my graduation thesis.

[powerpuff-tsubasa 448]

i gotta stop being at the forums for a LONG period of time. i almost got myself into big trouble. especially at school

[Thuja 3,659]

Sometimes I have issues with saying what I want.  So, I'm pretty new to actually working towards transitioning and sometimes saying that I prefer my preferred name gets stuck in my throat.  I really don't like correcting people but I really feel like this is something that I need to work on.  Or if it were just some opinion, I feel as though I'm bothering people with what I want so I don't bother saying anything.

 

I could work on this by taking advantage of the network around me and slowly get more comfortable with what I want to say, I'm a work in progress...

[EpicEnergy 23,224]

I'm very perfectionistic, but I can work on that by lowering my excessively high standards and accepting my flaws.

[Fluttershyfan94 5,742]

@EpicEnergy Thread resurrection! I'd say procrastination haha, I mean I don't know what could I do about that try to get things done when needed right away yes.